Is keeping secrets ever justifiable in a relationship?

Question

RebelinSteel · Accepted Answer

For things that impact your relationship, then both should be open. For things that do not, such as say one of you is a lawyer, then obviously you keep stuff secret as you do not tell your partner. Same if it is something prior to your relationship, your partner does not need to know everything, caveat being it has an impact on the relationship, the caveat to that being if it’s say they had 6 previous partners not the 3 they said and you find out 20 years later. Everyone is allowed secrecy over their life prior to a relationship.

JacobJordan · Accepted Answer

If you don't trust them sure. Course with trust being a requirement for a good relationship you will never have one if you don't trust your girlfriend/boyfriend

Summeroflove · Answer

It depends on what it is and how far into the relationship. You don’t need to tel someone your whole life’s story on the first date.

There are things. Maybe embarrassing moments you don’t want to talk about. As long as it isn’t major stuff.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

If you have secrets that don’t involve treachery or abuse, and revealing it would cause you pain, you should be allowed to hide it. I have no secrets.

RavenDarkheart · Answer

I’d need a little more context. If we are talking secrets like, “I bought him x y z for his birthday / Christmas,” that is ok. If you’re talking something like “I just slept with his friend in our bed,” that is bad and should be allowed at all, much less as a secret that is being hidden.

No matter how much you try everything eventually will come out. Just think about what it is, if it will hurt them now, it will hurt even more if they find out about it another way and that you were hiding it from them the whole time.

imtiaz45 · Answer

In certain circumstances, keeping secrets in a relationship may be justifiable if it protects the well-being of the partner or the relationship itself. For example, withholding a surprise or delaying disclosure to find an appropriate time may enhance positive experiences. However, honesty and communication are crucial for trust and intimacy. Justification may be context-dependent, such as sparing unnecessary hurt or allowing individuals to process personal issues independently before sharing. Ultimately, open communication is vital, and partners should strive to create an environment where honesty prevails, fostering a deeper understanding and connection within the relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

Depends what kind of harm your partner can encounter if they found out about the secret vs. hearing about it from you first.

I usually ask myself “what’s the benefit of her knowing this?” A perfect example would be one girl I dated years ago who tried to press me hard about “my number”. All that should matter to her is:

I’m loyal (and I was to her)
I don’t have any kids (and I don’t)
I didn’t have any STDs (and I don’t).

So exactly what benefit would it be to her otherwise if she knew my “number” (it is very high) other than getting paranoid? What value is there for her to know that?

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

I have tons of secrets. Some I keep because my job requires me to, some I keep for her safety, some have just never come up before. I don't seek to CREATE more secrets, but even if I could and even if she wanted me to, there's no matrix style download of my life to give her where she'd suddenly know everything.

RammyM · Answer

I think some secrets are a normal a part of every relationship, whether that be a life partner or friendship. I think it's okay to have some level of it, in the same sense that I think having and giving some privacy is healthy as well. But both parties gotta give and take here, and work towards cohesion in my opinion.

It also super-depends on what is going on, though.
There's a huge range of variability using just the word secret.

Big difference between "don't tell my wife but I don't love her cooking" and "don't tell my wife but I have a mistress"

sawno · Answer

if its someone elses secret and you promised to keep it a secret while its not at the expense of your partner its totally justifiable. I expect my partner to be trustworthy which means she also needs to keep secrets on behalf of her friends. However, if it is a secret at my expense she should refuse to keep it a secret and tell me.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Calling it secrets makes it sound bad, but the reality is even your partner doesn't need to know every little minor detail of your past. Live for today, not what happened 10 years ago.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

Of course. We are people, and we are not always ready to share everything. As long as those secrets don't damage the relationship, having your own space is fine.

dreamstar72 · Answer

Basically there are two types of secrets the good and bad. The good is like a special surprise secret of course you keep that from them, then yes. The bad is a hurtful or disrespectful or disappointment secret that that you keep for them, then no.

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

I think that depends if it effects their partner in any way or Not, for example, if I'm scared of watermelons, I'm not really doing anything wrong in a relationship by hiding a fear of watermelons cause it only effects me lol.

MemeSupreme · Answer

yeah bc some secrets are selfish to share if it's like just to make yourself feel better. some things you better off not knowin about lol

bobalife · Answer

I don’t think so. I tell them everything because I value honesty and transparency. exceptions are surprises.

NormalBoringGuy · Answer

Sure, if you're planning a surprise birthday party or work for the CIA, then, it's probably best not to tell them about it.

DontAskMePeople · Answer

Sure is.  I'll give you a very common example  Babe do I look fat in this? You look stunning (add pet name here)

Jessikaah91 · Answer

Definitely don't believe in secrets from your partner.. I usually tell mine everything.

Kelley1 · Answer

Of course because we all keep secrets including you.

HighValue · Answer

Only when necessary to surprise them with a gift or something positive like that.

LaurenM1997 · Answer

I would never ever keep a secret in a relationship that’s how you lose trust

billmunch · Answer

If my SO just something mundane like a ONS, just go ahead and keep the secret.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Whenever there's a reason to keep a secret, there's usually an equally valid reason to be transparent and honest with your partner.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

If before the relationship then fine. Sometimes there's no need to reveal every little detail of your life and it's past.

Anonymous · Answer

Everyone goes down the aisle with the story half-told.

jahaims · Answer

Only for something like a surprise. Otherwise definitely not.

Stella98_ · Answer

No if you gotta keep secret from your partner then telling me you don’t trust them. And we don’t need to be together.

noohair · Answer

Every person lives 3 lives, a poblic life, a private life and a secret life.

Scottly · Answer

Yes don't dig up the past, some people dwell on things, all bad for a relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

A relationship is a gradual process of revealing secrets to one another.

Curiositykilledcat7 · Answer

I like the way you talk to your side women 🥵

jaskin777 · Answer

Nope u should never keep secrets

Zestyassmf1997 · Answer

Not that I can think of, no.

Cheerfull009 · Answer

Yes, never tell your secrets

In_Trance · Answer

Yeah

Djaay · Answer

No...

SpaceGalaxy · Answer

no, never

Is keeping secrets ever justifiable in a relationship?

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Should you keep some secrets from one another in a relationship?

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Should you keep some secrets from one another in a relationship?

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