Does being single ever make you depressed?

[Allie_Oops]

I'll be 29 at the end of February, and I've been single for a year and a half. I don't get dates very easily. Normally I have to pursue the guy and then it doesn't lead anywhere, not even a first date. I haven't had a second date with the same guy since I left my last boyfriend (who was abusive and a cheater).

The idea of being 29 with no relationship and no kids is really depressing. Dating in general has always been hard for me. I didn't get the full dating experience in high school or college and I'm definitely not getting it now because I seem completely invisible to the opposite gender whereas everyone on my timeline is getting engaged, married, or having kids.

I have all the basics to take care of myself like an education and career and stuff, but I do wish I had a partner. I don't think I've been physically touched in any way (like, not even a hand on the shoulder) at least since the end of May. Not by anyone. Well, except my dog. I've gone several days without physically speaking just because I don't have anyone around and no one calls or texts me.

I tried dating apps and sites and MeetUp and stuff but that stuff truly doesn't work, and I see now why everyone advises against it. Guys don't respond when you message them.

Well, my rant is over. Does being single depress anyone else at all, even a little bit, or am I really just that weird?

[Daniel9963]

I can totally feel you on that aspect, I've never had a relationship or a date xD I always find dating hard in many aspects and for various reasons like my shyness and other personal things that don't help. Through high school or right now that I'm at college I haven't met anyone that I was really curious and attracted to but once and never even told anyone because of fear and shyness.

I have talked with a lot of people in my life and love knowing more about things and I know for a lot of people it's not easy and usually, online meeting helps even if it's really hard to then move to in real life and all of this doesn't mean it's impossible just hard.

The main reason for why it is like this, from my point of view, is related to relations and friendships and all. When we are young we are more surrounded by people that are new and especially in college, share some of our likes which helps meeting people and to establish relations, friendships mainly.

As for the main part of the question, sometimes it does feel depressing, knowing that for 21 years I haven't dated anyone, either cause of my own fault or for not finding the right person to meet and talk with. I do have a lot of "alone" and think time through the day, when not preparing for exams or college, and really think about a lot of things that are more "philosophical" and that's one of them, it's sad to never have experience but dream and think about having someone to relate to and care and share a life with but also at the same time I like to think that I'm who I am because of that too, like, I wouldn't have expended that much time studying, reading, learning, playing... With someone by my side. Maybe it would have been a better time in a less timelapse or I don't know but I would have change if I had a relationship or have had one.

Overall, it can be depressing but everyone's time comes. As a little silly advice, since they are just words because I haven't done it as I said, try to surround yourself with people with similar hobbies, like college groups, city events and all of that. It's the better place to meet people that may have similar interests than you and remember to not be shy to take the first step yourself!

[akihon]

So I'm going to be blunt and honest with you here, I'm not going to make suggestions just post what I see.
You say you have everything to take care of yourself like education etc. Well here's some news for you most men don't care how educated you are, for most men that's just a tool in a box we don't measure dicks that way. So if your making your education as a selling point nobody's buying.
You say you haven't been touched not even on the shoulder, ever heard of a small thing called metoo you know that thing where women called out men for everything including saying hello and you wonder why nobody wants to go near you.
Dating apps etc are utter bs, only cretins use them for a few hours entertainment and really nothing more, tinder is an example but other feminine empowerment garbage like bumble is another, imagine your a guy see an attractive woman she matches but doesn't say anything nothing happens as she has to message first, or she matches you the guy, first sight you think ok, she messages you, after second looks you say not really and then a few days later the app badgers you into sending a message, you delete the app.
You haven't said what you find interesting or what makes you passionate about life, if you have nothing then why would any man be passionate about you.
You say about marriage and kids, well sorry again but marriage is a death sentence for men, man gets married and nearly kills himself to provide and wife fucks off with everything including at least half his pension and he gets to go to jail if he does something like loose a job and not pay child support. Women wanted these laws. So lots of men are actively avoiding marriage now.
Unfortunately you seem to want the traditional life that's not the society that women have created though and you are stuck with it.
Ultimately though what are you doing to attract the opposite sex. Sounds to me like your attempting but in a half arsed way again if that's the case then why should men give 100% and you only give 50.

[Cynicaldreamer]

Meh, I've been single for so long, it really doesn't faze me as much as it did when I was in my 20s.
Back then, I was surrounded by friends and people my age getting married, engaged, or just in a relationship... while I was lucky if a guy spoke to me unless it was work related.

But eventually I just stopped looking. I now engross myself in my hobbies, work, and my friends to keep me from feeling lonely.

Plus with all the drama you hear about with dating and marriages: infidelity, financial tension, jealousy, people settling with the wrong person just to avoid being alone?

Yeah, being single doesn't look so bad then, lol.
Anytime I feel that way, I just remind myself that things could be worse

[apple24]

I been single all my life. I think when I finally started getting attention from others guys when I said fuck it... this is my body, my face, and my personality and I can't change it... So I started dressing and putting my favorite lipstick... I started smiling and laugh with others. I guess around the time guys started to pay attention and I even made friends. (: Point is the more you become your true self your happy self the more you attract. Now, I am going through a rough patch and I don't leave my house... but I am not worried about finding a husband or boyfriend... because even no-one loves me like that I know I have my family and myself... I love the girl I am inside and i learn from her everyday...

[coachTanthony]

Let me think.. I can do whatever I want... when I want... where I want... and most importantly whenever I want. The answer is NO but it's a good question. Online dating takes a lot of patience.. much like the patience it takes to kick all the drunks at the bar in the groin for slobbering on you. Their is no difference except you don't have to smell their nasty beer breath when they say HI.

[TarrAva]

I am single by choice because I have a certain order of priorities that I have set in my life that I want to adhere to.

Obviously I don't have your life experience and the number of years living alone as you do. I am perfectly fine and happy being alone. This is my choice and I have sacrificed many opportunities and possible relations to achieve what I have set as goals.

Since it solely my choice to be single, I am not depressed or have griefs against anyone and actually, I like the feeling of it.

Since I do not place much emphasis on physical intimacy and sexuality, I am not disturbed the least by a lack of it. Sure, it is nice to have but it is not everything in life.

You seem to slowly head into a depression over your lack of social contacts. Do not let that happen and don't think too much about it. Your only way out is to react and start thinking positively.

I would suggest you join a club or association of some kind where you can socialize with people sharing the same interests. You have a dog. Why not join a canine club where you meet with other people that like dogs too?

Do some charity work, go to a classic dance class where you are in close contact with other people. The waltz is ideal to get to know someone up close. You can also try rock-and-roll. You are young, beautiful, healthy, so make the best use of those qualities and do not let anyone tell you that your are not attractive or desirable.

The ball is in your camp and you must get out of your shell and not wait for love to fall into your arms. You must go out and kick some ass.

Girls seem to dislike Mr. Nice Guy boys but likewise, guys want to have a girl that is not just nodding at whatever they say. You are educated, so look for someone that has at least your intellectual level.

You are lonely and depressed but only you can do something concrete to correct that situation.

And at age 29, you still have a few years ahead of you to have children. We are not in Asia where it is frowned upon a girl that is not married by age 30.

I have faith in you and your ability to react. You already did the first step by asking for advice on G@G

[BluesheepOwl]

I got my first boyfriend at 22 and before I was 22 I was super depressed and always wonder what it's like. When I met someone I just jumped at the opportunity to date him. I didn't take into consideration of attraction or common interests or a connection. I just wanted to get it over with and see what it was like. Well I learned you can't get freaky with someone if they don't turn you on. I didn't take my time getting to know him and keeping an eye out on those red flags. When I dated him he did a lot of things I didn't like and found super annoying. Like one was how he poked me all the time and tried to tickle me all the time. I found it cute in the beginning but then he did it all the fucking time and it got so annoying! I told him to stop multiple times firmly but he wouldn't stop. He said something like, "I like seeing you smile." But in my mind I wanted to punch him in his face as hard as I could. and that actually made me not want to hangout with him lol and one red flag that I didn't like that I found out later on was that he played video games more than hanging out with me. We would hangout once a week. And he was always playing on his ps4 all day after he got off work. And he would ignore my texts when he was at work and when he played games. So basically we never texted and it really bothered me and made me feel bad. He was also super distant and too quick to say I love you. He told me he loved me like a month into the relationship and that was a red flag for me.
I've been on dates since I broke up with my first boyfriend. I dated other guys. But I learned a lot from that first relationship. I take my time now and I'm not eager to get into a relationship now. I want to find someone I have a connection with and so far I haven't found that person yet. I don't feel depressed anymore like I did in the beginning from not dating ever. I am secure with myself and content. I know a relationship won't bring you happiness. It adds to your life. It also depends on the person. You choose how to let your last relationships make you who you are. I chose to learn from them and allow it to make me into a better person.

[xxcandyxxcanes]

If you haven’t even been touched by another person in x long maybe good old fashioned friendship would do you some good. I can appreciate it in this cold with friends. I actually asked myself recently if I’m sad that I’m single and my answer: not really, no. I think you could be in a relationship and still lonely tbh.

Have you considered behavioral therapy for friend making or even guided dating? Just reading your passage it felt very negative and down. I think some of your issue stems in how you see yourself as well. You never know, I’m only reading this and feel drained, what kind of energy do you give off outwardly? Perhaps you have trouble reading others or raise your expectations too soon. Perhaps you need to unlearn unhealthy relationship seeking strategies if you keep finding abusive or uncaring types. That is possible.

First ask yourself why you want to be in a relationship. What things do you want to do with another person? Usually these are things you can do with family or friends, a boyfriend is just more exclusive. So what hobbies and things can you do on your own? I believe that being happy with yourself is a good first step. Yes, a relationship has its benefits, but so does being single. What are the positives that come with where you are right now? And what assets can you bring to another person outside of tangible?

As for men, in dating the avg man looks less at the “impress” works that women like and more at what is in front of them. This varies a bit but I’ve never met a guy impressed by my well known uni. Girls yes but guys usually no unless it connects to them in some specific way. Passion and content with self, happy disposition, someone that feels good to be around — these speak more than a degree. Even a subject someone isn’t usually into commands attention if they’re passionate about it.

So these are some things to think about. Start from the inside out.

[xxcandyxxcanes]

Also don’t be afraid to reach out to your friends. I noticed you said “no one calls or texts me” and I used to feel that way a lot before realizing I also was not reaching out to them. Remember to be the kind of friend you seek. And don’t fucking compare yourself to your facebook timeline. People are living at their own paces and usually have different tradeoffs for the decisions they make. I read some statistic that only like half of women in their 20s are even having kids? Maybe you should make friends with more women who are single with a career like you. I really think a lot of your results stems from how you feel about yourself and present yourself. Therapy could really help you talk it out with someone and explore.

[JudgmentDay]

Way back then, probably when I was in my early 20s possibly. I'm actually older than the current age or "21" or whatever is displayed here. Over time I gotten used to it, and learned and realized the truth that ultimately nothing exactly lasts forever and that even relationships, having a significant other or partner does not absolutely guarantee any sort of everlasting "happiness", "fulfillment", or "completeness" or "wholesomeness" as many other people may have claimed that they would or should. I don't want kids myself so maybe remaining single for this long as less of an effect. If you crave having a family and raising a family some day, then I can see why that makes it hurt, because those cravings aren't met, those DESIRES aren't met nor "fulfilled", but even then, things don't always turn out be favorable or desirable.

The trick is to always consider the possibility that one may end up single for the rest of their life and take any and all necessary measures on how one is going to survive and protect oneself, that way it would reduce the impact should and if that is the final outcome, than being completely unprepared and not know what to do. In the end, relationships, etc. either happens or it does not happen at all, and in your case, it happened once, and didn't work out, take it as a learning experience and try again, but always keep in the back of your mind to be prepared for the worst case scenario and how you're going to face it should it happens.

[Freddie333]

You are right and you are not weird. There are more than 1 answer to this question depending on the situation. But yes I can feel you. I am still friends with my ex that I still love and she still have feelings for me but doesn't want In a relationship with me. I am depressed and stuck and it sucks. I am not in a position to give you advice as I am suffering like you. For the first time in my life I feel I am not happy and I don't have happiness anymore in my life. I don't enjoy things that I used to do and enjoy before I met her. I don't have any passion or goal to achieve. I feel I am incomplete without her. I know this is all fake and just in my mind. But to limit the effect you have to have friends you have to engage in something you like distract yourself from thinking about the person you love or your depression. Be positive and Do not look for love. Whenever it is the right time and person.. love will come to you. Work on improve yourself it is so hard I know but you have to do it. You have to have things going on in your life. Try reading books watching YouTube go for a walk go have a coffee and watch people maybe talk to your family just do not overthink. I hope you will get over it soon and become the person you were before. Peace

[princessfromjupiter]

Okay I know I’m only 21 but I can relate to this so much omg I’ve actually never had a proper relationship, every guy I meet just wants to fuck me and I’m so tired of it. I’ve gone on so many dates they always only ever wanna stay in contact cause they’re hoping to get laid, I can barely remember the last time I’ve even had sex with another person at this point. I’m starting to think there must be something deeply wrong with me that repels people romantically because I seem incapable of forming any sort of romantic relationship with anyone.

[Harlana]

I used to feel like you. I’m 29 now but 28 was so hard for me. I was isolated. I didn’t know how to put myself out there and I was so lonely. I started saying yes to every outting I was invited to. I went with the flow more. It really help. I put myself out there as much as possible. A few men became interested but I found my true love. there’s hope girl! I promise. I left an abuse ex before all this too. Life will get better as long as u constantly put yourself out there and try and make positive changes.

[Allie_Oops]

That would be great except I'm never invited anywhere lol

[Harlana]

So go out u should start inviting people. Or just go anyway

[Rangers]

Being single itself? No. Having it rubbed in my face definitely gets me down about myself though. Which is why I hate Valentine's day. I'm conflicted as dudes have tried to convince me that there will be more single women around that feel the same, and it could be a huge missed opportunity. On the other hand, I don't want to go out because people will for sure rub their relationships in my face a ton. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I know there isn't a middle ground, if I do that, I get the worst of both worlds, I get relationships rubbed in my face, and I won't be taking any girls out to silence their bragging either. So it's one or the other for me

[SimplyPosy]

I normally get depressed right after the breakup happens, I do my best to avoid things that remind me of that past lover and focus on games and other things to distract, eventually I feel ready to get back into it. Takes about a week or two, I also tell myself mentally to think positive, which I think helps a LOT, also I recommend not trying to go for anyone who won't go for you back or show any time of strong bond with you. Create friends, that leads to BOYfriends. My current lady was my friend and I tried hard to friendzone her because I didn't want to ruin what is and she confessed how she felt so here we are in my profile photo.

[JSmuve]

Shit girl, I've been practically invisible to the opposite sex all my life. Only one girl was visibly interested in me in high school, maybe a handful afterwards but all of them did a really shitty job of showing interest. It's like they expected me to make all the moves but didn't really give me any good opportunities to do so. And then there's those that flirt just for the attention, which makes me feel used. Then after university, meeting people is really difficult because they're either already taken or closed-off to others. Look at how many girls just throw their earbuds in or engross themselves in their phones. That's like a big "stay the fuck away from me", which when you see it all the time, everyday, you can't help but feel like everyone's closing themselves off to you, which makes you feel ugly and unwanted.

[Alice2398]

Yes Im 20 and never a boyfriend, lots of men have treated me badly and let me down which over time has made me lose all trust and faith in them. All my friends are to busy going on double dates together with all their boyfriends and girlfriend to hang out with me so I always feel as I'm missing out and extremely lonely.

All my friends pity me and ask why I'm still single, I don't really want to talk about something like that with them and why does it matter to them anyway, I don't need them to fix me up with anyone nor do I need their pity party

[IlyaTheImpaler]

I hope you will find someone good enough soon, but I think 20 is still very young!

[Guanfei]

Shame. Because you seem to be a great girl.

[TarrAva]

You are one of those ladies where the beauty lies within and those guys are too shallow to have a close look and see it. They just see the shell but don't take time to look what is beyond.

Anyone that does not take the time to see your hidden part is not worth of you!

[Alice2398]

@TarrAva awww thank you that very sweet of you to say 😊

[TarrAva]

I see you're from Zambia. This is the kind of place I always wanted to visit as I associate this country with so many childhood memories from picture books with the mighty Victoria Falls and wild life. I just love nature and its beauties. If only humans would be more protective of it.

I get goosebumps just to think of it...

[Alice2398]

@TarrAva I'm not actually from Zambia I'm from Britain

[TarrAva]

but do you live in Zambia then?

[Alice2398]

@TarrAva no I'm live in England I just put that as a inside joke with another member, I'm also not a widow

[TarrAva]

My heart was already bleeding for you to be a widow at such a young age.

Still you have your issue about boyfriend right? and what I said in the beginning still stands

[Alice2398]

@TarrAva oh Im sorry I confused you. Yeah I have problems in relationships

[TarrAva]

Well, if that is you in the picture, then I fail to understand why serious guys are not queuing to take you out on a serious and honest date.

You have a nice smile, a beautiful face and this mysterious expression that says there is more to me than just my facial expression. But above all, you have this beautiful blonde hair that would have made Marilyn Monroe so jealous of you.

[Alice2398]

@TarrAva thanks put I'm definitely not prefect I've gained a lot of weight recently, I'm kinda a little chubby, immature, crazy and rude at time etc I still have a lot to work on until I'm my best self for someone so honestly I can understand why someone wouldn't want to date me

[Guanfei]

"I'm kinda a little chubby, immature, crazy and rude at time"

Isn't that the best kind of girl?

[TarrAva]

If you were any different, you would not be as close to perfection as you are now.

It is the little differences that makes us so special compared to those photoshopped models in glossy magazines.

You have to please yourself before anyone else and a few ounces too much on the scale or a pimple or two on the cheeks is not the end of the world.

Remember, you can always get better while those girls in glossy magazines can only get worse.

[nonratracereality]

First you have to evaluate yourself. You have the basic aptitude and integrity it's just that the men you are meeting are not up to your standards of excellence. You know the score they think they know the score. You know what you're capable the average person when put to the test does not. It's about quality not quantity. Take care of you. Your responsibilities hour views and family and be the best you can be for yourself. There is the way of thinking and the real way of living. You do not settle. Take what you can get you be you and if they like you then it will blossom. If not they won't but remember it's not necessarily what's wrong with you but what's right with you. Not always the majority rules but the end result is what people focus on. Like yourself and that will generate like people to actually come forward and want to like you.

[nonratracereality]

When you understand reality you accept the ways and principles of life. Good will always be good and bad will always be bad. When you're doing good no one wants to be around when you're doing bad you have everyone around. Doesn't mean it's a good thing just the average norm which is not your cup of tea nor mine.

[Legendary_Shark]

Only if one takes being single as being 'Lonely' & is also, at the same time, missing awesome things in life like A LOT OF MONEY 😍 & Things it can buy! (That's just an example of a few awesome things I can think of) because having 'awesome things' can minimise the effect of other 'missing' things in life. I'm single and I prefer being this way & so I'm happy but I'm depressed at the same time coz I lack what I wish for the most, that is, A LOT OF MONEY & I'm working my way to get a good job so I can earn but I do get anxious, restless, impatient & all! So, if being in a relationship is what you wish for the most, then not having it might depress you like lack of my dream life is depressing me although you can have other 'substitutes' to minimise the negative effects. Hope this helps!

[Omar5881]

Those materialistic things won't ask about you when you're tired or hug you when you feel like dying

[Allie_Oops]

I grew up pretty well off and I can tell you that money literally does not help

[Legendary_Shark]

@Omar5881 nobody *REALLY* cares, there'll always be many people to ask if you're okay, out of them, some belong to the category that don't care & you know they don't care, others who you think care for you but actually they don't & remaining ones, who do care but nothing in this world is unconditional & so isn't their concern for you, (except parent's love) so, yeah, to me that conditional care is as good as nothing and I prefer what makes me happy (which happens to be materialistic pleasures) over that confidential care.

[Legendary_Shark]

@Allie_Oops Growing 'well off' wasn't what I meant that isn't enough either to eradicate that negativity caused by factors like this, what I meant was having a lot of money and hence having a lot of other activities to do other than letting the anxiety and thoughts of these petty things bothering you to the level of depressing you.

[Legendary_Shark]

*conditional care lol not confidential 😆

[Allie_Oops]

Materials and money do not help. I was depressed as a kid even though I was immersed in several activities and hobbies and I was driving a BMW to school everyday.

Trust me, that does not help.

[Legendary_Shark]

That means whatever you had was still not enough to take away the pain you were going through but who knows, higher amount of it or something even better could've made it possible, anyways one thing I'd not neglect is, that it's all about personal preferences, like whether one wants to be content with their wishes and initial possessions or keep on sulking for things they don't have, it's human nature to sulk for what one wishes and lack like I wish for power & money and you wish for whatever you like

[Omar5881]

I totally disagree with you tbh

[HOAAH]

I feel your pain, i am sorry you are having a hard time finding a boyfriend and finding friends. I can only encourage you to try reaching out to whatever you are interested in... clubs, religion, friends from years ago or cousins, aunts etc... just reach out and let them know how you are feeling. You are really sad. Going through a hard time. You need encouragment, and moral support. Someone to tell you that you are a nice, beautiful loving person. Someone who is close to you that you can trust. I hope you find the love you need. Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to.

[Salsacumbia]

You aren't weird by all means. I know you work, but can you volunteer or take a fun course that you like, and may be you will meet new people... but sometimes its good to get yourself involve in the community. I do, and i volunteer at the school, at the senior home and at the hospital. I met quite a lot of people... but thats my thing to do when i used to feel lonely and without a boyfriend. Be patient itll happen for you one day. Dont rush, its not easy to find someone who would be comfortable to you. So sit tight and go with the flow. Thats what i think, you dont need to agree with me. 😊 good luck.

[smg99]

Gosh everyone is sad 😞 I never realized that. Diversion to keep the thoughts or dreams away.

It’s ok to dream but you never know what unexpectedly may happen to you.
Also you have to attract the thought yourself. Of all your desires it might manifest actually.

I’m in your place but take a risk in complimenting, stating your thoughts even if you look like you are chasing them, asking them out, smiling and just owning a slightly bad girl over confidence.

You’ll have fun, actually embolden ourselves and if it doesn’t work laugh it off with your dog or some friends.

I always maintain that you should pamper yourself regardless of who looks and whenever possible. It sounds like fishing but hey if you get your dream guy, both of you benefit.

Plus you’ll always feel on top of your restrictive thoughts.

[CheshireFox]

I regularly get depressed about being single. But I know that I could be with a /someone/ just not the right one. I know very clearly what I want in a relationship and that it's idealism to want someone who is literally just a best friend i don't need to impress with fancy gifts, dinners, or dress. Though with my experience the hardest part of keeping someone is them not cheating for one reason or another, usually because Im not trying to impress them. I guess my desire for long term compatibility is weird

[Burgerboy21]

I know how you feel. I've only been in one true relationship my entire life (which was in my last year of college) and I have been single for two years since that ended.
All my close friends are far away and I'm really struggling to find full-time work in my field. I too have tried dating apps with no luck.
I try to focus on enjoying my hobbies but I always feel something's missing while I'm single.
But that doesn't mean I'll go out with just anybody either because I've done my small share of rejecting. I've learned to trust my gut after once dating someone I didn't really like (before my long-term relationship). So I'd like to think I know who to stay away from.
But anywho I still want so badly to find that special someone for me. I'm 25 years old, out of college for almost three years and possobly depressed.

[Rashad]

I’m not going to answer your question because it seems like you want to validate your mental problem from this community. Because it obvious, if you have not found someone to fulfill your biological needs, physical and emotion needs. You will have mental problems. But I can tell you and many other single people Here how to resolve the issue, and the only way to do that is to not masturbate, and do some research, in what lowers your sex drive and do everything to increase it. If your hormonal balance is fine, you’ll be fine! You will be happy and you will be able to find a soulmate.