Do women think it's problematic if their boyfriend never cries?

Question

I feel like it's a conflict here.
Suppose the boyfriend has endured in life much, has seen life's ugliest sides and is barely surprised in life anymore.
We are doomed if we never cry at all.
But we are damned if we do cry.
What gives?
What shall it be?
To cry or to not cry?

Some said it's an "emotional lottery" whatever that means and some are repulsed by it like 2 opposing magnets.

My ultimate question is: is there any way to keep a woman (happy) without having to cry ever?

curiousnorway · Accepted Answer

I think many would think so. I think both honesty, humanity and openness in a relationship are very important. Showing feelings are both natural and necessary to have a healthy functionally life both inside and outside of a relationship.

If I had a partner who never showed their emotions and never cried, I would start worrying. I would worry about if they didn't know enough about their own feelings or themselves, if they bottled them up, had a mental disorder or simply had lack of empathy - and therefor didn't show them.

It's okay to cry sometimes regardless if you're a man or a woman since feelings are something all human beings have. It's not like crying a couple of the times in a year is the same as crying all the time or the same as being an annoying brat - something some men seems to believe. Showing emotions don't need to be too feminine or negative either.

I've never seen my father, brothers, male cousins or uncles cry, but I've seen my mother, sister, female cousins and aunts cry. Maybe it has something to do with society's norms. Men refusing to show and talk about their own emotions have definitively been an issue in my family. Many choose to be remote/distant mentally like they're not there, but their bodies are still standing in the room in front of us. Some can't keep up with an conversation either because it would get too emotionally for them.

Something that's considered peace of cake and a minor thing for most women in my family are things men never talks about. Men in my family don't like to talk about growing up, puberty, being different, mental problems or facing difficulties in life. Many don't like to tell people around them they're hungry, needs to relax or anything like that either because it would be too emotional.

That's the reason on why I prefer talking to a female psychologist, family member or friend if I needs an advice. They're more likely to open up. In that way I can see the advantage of dating a female instead of a male too.

SuperTroll · Accepted Answer

My wife almost never cries. I've only seen her cry a few times over the course of a decade of being together, and all those times were in response to very traumatic news. I see it as a plus, not because of the lack of crying, but the positive thinking behind it.

It's not because she's some unemotional robot; to the contrary she's a very emotional and empathetic person with a big heart who smiles all the time and finds humor in everything. The reason she doesn't get upset or angry very often has very little to do with emotions and far more to do with how she thinks; she's overall one of the most positive and productive thinkers I've ever dated, and very thick-skinned and very difficult to offend.

That positivity behind her thinking is one of her most attractive character traits to me. The lack of crying is a symptom of it, but I'm really drawn to that positive mindset.

emmily2396 · Accepted Answer

Well, if someone close to him died and he didn't show any signs he is upset I would start to question his ability to feel and love in general. My father is a tough man, but when my grandfather died everyone started crying at the funeral and I could see he was about to cry too, he had tears in his eyes. Every human being that isn't a psychopath should have the ability to cry in an emotionally distressing situation.

However, I wouldn't want a guy that cries in more circustance than I do.

DizzyDesii · Accepted Answer

I prefer a guy who can cry every now and again. I hate being sensitive alone. Somehow i keep ending up with guys who dont cry 😅 Theyre like, i haven't cried in years. So when they actually do cry for me i feel special. They all cried when we broke up so ig that counts. I just want them to shed a tear at least once so that i know im not dating a robot

StingRayxoxo · Answer

It's alright/acceptable if that's the way he is and chooses to be. I would never be opposed to a human being showing their emotions. That's up to the individual.

pervertedjester · Answer

In my experience they just want men to cry at happy moments like weddings, births and romantic moments. But aside from those and funerals, crying doesn't go over well.

rjroy3 · Answer

I've yet to meet the girl who doesn't lose some level of attraction/respect for her guy (as a man) who was crying for anything less than a death in the family, or like intense joy such as a father crying out of pride for his daughter accomplishing something. Sure, girls want a guy to be open with what he's feeling. But that doesn't mean she wants him welling up with tears over and over.

It's all about the reason behind it vs who he is as an individual. You can be vulnerable to that extent without repercussion if it makes sense that you would cry, even if you're a strong willed individual. But if you're just crying out of stress or what not, then generally that won't go well for your relationships.

I think most girls if they're honest with themselves would rather date a guy who is more closed off with his emotions as far as sadness, than a guy who is always crying into her shoulder. Unless she seriously has an urge to nurse a guy back to emotional health. Which some girls do. That lost puppy situation is a thing for some girls.

furiousrat · Answer

I might get some shit for this but I think there is something very admirable about a man that doesn't cry. My grandfather died four years ago, and my dad went on with his day to day life and didn't show any signs of sadness. He kept a straight face as he carried his fathers casket, and I intend to do the same when he passes. A man should keep his emotions in check, women find it very attractive when they have a man that can take stay collected even in the worst situations. Men that cry as often as women tend to do are not men, In my opinion

lightbulb27 · Answer

some good answers below. I think it's a subtle and slippery slope. If you are in a stable relationship...
It's ok to cry in regards to her or something genuinly sad (loss). that means you have feeling and that's something for her and she can relate to.

I'd be curious if you cried early on getting to know her, if that is good or bad. It might be good in the sense it gives her something to relate to. Probably works if she has empathy, if she doesn't, she'll feel you aren't man enough and lose interest.

Cry about things that make her feel insecure and that stirs up trouble, she'll feel insecure and that's bad. Express self doubts, etc.. trouble. this is where it is challenging, what to express... I often feel like we cannot express our real feelings, if we can even find and relate to them.

ImagineSketchy · Answer

A woman you are with wants you to be able to feel vulnerable and as though she cares, so if you do cry in front of her because your family member, animal/human companion passes away, she will not mind and can most likely relate unless she's a cold hearted monster.
The vast majority of women have no issue with their mate crying over serious matters.

BlackRoseFairy · Answer

If he feels the need to cry, and actually does it in front of me, I wouldn't take it as a bad thing.
The fact that he can freely express himself in front of me would actually be a good thing.
Now if he cries for no reason at all, like a 3yo, then yeah, there's a problem...

StarsInTheEyes · Answer

I have never thought about this subject matter, whether it is a problem for a man to cry, or not to. I also don't see the big deal in this.

However, if I was to talk to my boyfriend about our relationship, on a topic which is emotional, and if he cried, I would know that he was feeling what I was feeling, but if he didn't, I wouldn't think that he wasn't feeling it, as long as his verbal and body language, and facial expression say it all.

hahahmm · Answer

Nobody on earth really cares what a guy feels. So don’t fall into the trap of telling your feelings/showing all the time. They will be used against you.

Females have the luxury of being emotional yo-yos and needing support a lot. They ain’t going to do that for you. And if they do there’s a price.

yoursexyneighbor · Answer

Its difficult, most men are raised not to show that kind of emotion. We must deal with it in secret, or we're show. As weak, its now that it okay for us to show some kind of emotion. Like Sadness when a guy crys its mostly cause we can't hold the pain in any longer. It explodes. Women. Should learn to understand to give us time to open up, that part of us.

Hurlyburly · Answer

It's obviously fine not to cry as long as you do not have a reason for it. But it would highly concern me if my partner would willingly try to surpress his feelings around me.
I've seen my boyfriend crying once during the 4,5 years of or relationship and once beforehand.

AuroraRoseat · Answer

Unsure for various reasons. Current society considers it weak for a man to cry. So the fact that he might not show any emotion can mean that he's bottling them up (which is unhealthy and will explode in an unflattering fashion) or that he has them but to a diminished degree.

Or, he could be the type of man who cries alone. There is nothing wrong with that (unless if he thinks that he must cry alone or he is weak).

menina · Answer

I understand your question, but I would say it's a very bad sign. Crying is natural and it's part of being an human being.
It would make me think that either he has no feelings or that he believes in that stupid idea that men don't cry.
Of course, I don't want him to cry every time something bad happens to him, but it's ok to cry when he's suffering.
There's nothing wrong with showing emotions every once in a while.

Ace-Of-Spades · Answer

Crying makes me uncomfortable so it’s not a downside, but I think it’s unhealthy to never cry. As long as you’re still healthily dealing with your emotions I see no problem. Though this is coming from someone whose go to negative emotion is anger not sadness, so I don’t really cry either.

datgirl · Answer

It wouldn't really bother me. It would bother me if he just seemed unaffected by everything or didn't get sad by the passing of someone close or something. I'm the type that doesn't cry a lot and if i do i NEVER let anyone see me cry. Haven't cried publicly since i was like 14. So if that was the same case for him i guess I'd let it slide.

Naydyonov · Answer

It has been a year since I last cried.
I used to be a crier, as a child. I outgrew that phase and cry very rarely.

If a girl has a problem with the fact that I don't cry: she's an idiot. That would be wishing me grief for the sake of some idea that men must show their emotions. I do show them — absolutely. If I have no emotions to show then nothing will be shown; there is nothing more to it.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

We've been conditioned not to cry. It's not manly. Also, for me, personally, I cried after Columbine, and 9/11, and the London bombings, the Boston Marathon bombings, and the Orlando massacre, and Las Vegas,... And when ISIS murdered those little kids. And when Robin Williams committed suicide. But after a while it just gets to be too much. I mean, I don't want to cry every day of my life. It's too emotionally draining. So I have kind of put up a wall, as a defense mechanism.

_Tou24che_l · Answer

Definitely, a plus if a guy cries but if he doesn't, it's ok. As long as my boyfriend shows his feelings through his actions since those speak MUCH louder than words. An emotionless guy is what's the dealbreaker.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

y'all say you want a man who cries but in my experience if guys cry their girlfriends soon leave them or cheat on them. Personally i dont cry. Im hard asf. Chop my arm off and ill cry. The only thing i know ill cry about is when i propose and she says yes. That will make me cry probably.

luvstoned4him · Answer

Its ok if he doesn't. I want a someone who can be my rock and support in tough times but I respect that he is human so if he cries so probs. No crying... still no prob. I will love him regardless.

Anonymous · Answer

You can show that you're upset, but never cry in front of your woman. She'll lose respect for you in an instant.

You're allowed to be angry, jealous, spiteful, etc... but if she ever has to comfort you when you're sad or grieving, you're no longer a man to her

Anonymous · Answer

I would probably feel concerned if my boyfriend didn't at all. I want to be with someone who is comfortable with opening up to me and talking about their feelings. I want my partner to be there for support when I need it so I would do the same for them in return

GuidoThePizzaMaker · Answer

Men are not supposed to get emotional. Women really hate that. They need a Rock. lol

MackToday · Answer

You are what you are, lots of men don't cry it's not in our nature to go around blubbering like cucks. If a woman can't appreciate a mans nature maybe she should stay away from men all together. She might not be up to being with a man.

EmbraceThePain · Answer

Well, it depends on why the man can’t or won’t cry. I don’t think it’s problematic necessarily, but it can be depending on the reasoning why the man can’t or won’t cry.

Anonymous · Answer

There was someone I knew that did not feel emotions. He never cried. He said that he did not feel empathy or pity for others. I would feel saddened if I see a child with cancer or someone who lost a loved one. He did not feel anything. His close relative was diagnosed with cancer and he did not shed a tear.

AlexanderBrunnrgaard · Answer

I haven't cried genuinely for years. Some men are just far less susceptible to sorrow. It doesn't have to mean that they're suppressing anything. It just takes a lot to get to them.

LonewolfMeme · Answer

My boyfriend is like this. He doesn't show pain or much emotion around me or anyone bc he don't feel like he can. I've accepted it but him opening up would help him be able to talk about the unavoidable problems.

madgoat · Answer

Some are publicly tearful, Some people cry in private and have a public face. Others sale through life problems without a tear. Who says they should do otherwise?

No_Archons · Answer

Never listen to what a girl says. From a pure biological standpoint, if you cry, you are. lesser in their eyes. 99% of the time this is true so dont let em fool ya, maybe someday u can cry infront of your wife, but itd better be extremely rare

Jesslin412 · Answer

I almost made him cry one night and it about tore me apart. I felt so bad! I cry a lot. I’d rather him not cry

Saarr · Answer

I'm not sure about this as I'm nkt much of a cryer either... But if the person does speak about his emotions / problems it's fine with me I guess 😊

ZoeyMercer · Answer

I think it’s a red flag and will think there’s a problem with him mentally if I’ve never seen him cry and he has said he’s never cried when I’m not there that’s fine.

sasukeuchiha7 · Answer

I'm the guy who won't cry if I lose a job or something but I will cry if I lose someone or if I watch a sad anime scene or MCU movie. My girl's gotta be okay with that.

Browneye57 · Answer

The last thing any woman wants is her man breaking down into tears every time she does. Trust me on this.

blondfrog · Answer

Women will say they want a sensitive guy, but then when most see them cry they will go stop being a cry baby or it will be off putting to him.

Anonymous · Answer

I appreciate the honesty of @SexyAshh. Most women are put off by a man who cries but they are not honest about it because they say what they think they are supposed to say. That really doesn't help matters. Just be fucking honest.

topumasum · Answer

I would prefer him to cry to me because it brings more closure for the both of us.

BluesheepOwl · Answer

I don't want a guy that bottles it up, that seems scary.

LuWe22 · Answer

It's alright but if your parents die It's healthy and good to cry and don’t bottle up your feelings and grief.

Anonymous · Answer

I don’t think it’s a problem unless I fee like he might have a mental illness such as being a psychopath.

SexyAshh · Answer

Show emotion occassionally, yes Cry. No. Id break up with him and never look back.

JustJen · Answer

Who would want a wussy? I myself haven´t cried ever since I was a little kid.

jae_jae · Answer

Everyone cries. Its who we choose to cry in front of we control.

Anonymous · Answer

She would have to adjust to I’m As hard d a rock I seriously never cry it’s what happens when you been exposed to so many traumatic events and become desensitized

stuntbrain · Answer

Crying is a sign of weakness. You can thank male privilege for that

KaDooKan · Answer

men are not women... stop putting us in your box of chocolates

Pamina · Answer

Yeah, that would most likely be a bad sign.

wittymilf · Answer

I preferred my husband when he never cried.

princessfromjupiter · Answer

I never cry myself so it's certainly preferred!

RalphMcDonald40 · Answer

It can't be predictable now

WhoDatGuy · Answer

Depends. Crying anytime over nothing is pethetic.

LoU_Hades · Answer

Men who cry are probably the worst one.

esotericstory · Answer

No its not a big deal.

Hurdleez-Swampede · Answer

They see it as a problem because it seems callous.

scooogy · Answer

Yeah, leaking water might cause rash action :P

Secret6620 · Answer

Vote E💜🧚

lexiflexs · Answer

Not at all

Sha84 · Answer

drop crybaby and emotional ones like a hot potato

RedThread · Answer

I cry a lot.

Do women think it's problematic if their boyfriend never cries?

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Why do (some) women start crying too when their boyfriend cries?

Do women think it's problematic if their boyfriend never cries?

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Why do (some) women start crying too when their boyfriend cries?

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