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My boyfriend doesn't want to marry me because of my past? What should I do? (Page 3)
Anonymous
(25-29) 
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He seems like a hypocrite. If that mattered so much, why would he still want a relationship as just boyfriend and gf? He seems to care more about his image and status than your actual past. He really doesn't sound like a good man. You might be better off leaving him for someone more genuine. I'm not inclined towards promiscuous women either, but if a woman I dated had been in the past but now had changed and lived more respectfully, I wouldn't care. I certainly wouldn't refuse marriage and defer to a simple boyfriend relationship because of, "reputation". That's shallow!
I think I'd be for the best that you break the relationship and find someone else who will accept that. Perhaps a guy with a similar number of sex partners?
You remind of many women who will get their holes stuffed with bad boy dick during their prime years when they're young and beautiful, but then settle down during their mid-30s with some blind nice guy with a high paying job to support their asses and occasionally provide him with sex just to keep him happy and feeling loved, all the while reminiscing the good years of fucking the hot bad boys.
It simply doesn't work like that; ask any guy how they would feel about being in this situation, and they'd tell you the same thing.
Unfortunately, it seems like you're going to end up being in a similar fate like user EmoKate98 most likely will: complete rejection from any quality guys out there.
You've had sex with 40+ men and your age is somewhere between 18-24 !
That's a lot of dicks you've had inside you at that comparatively young age !!
It's not surprising he's not happy about it, imho - but at the same time he's not being fair at all in saying, basically, that you can stay together but he might dump you at any time he sees fit to do so
Sounds a bad deal for you, it's probably better to go your own way now and get through the short term pain and ultimately meet someone else who maybe won't care about your high body count
If splitting up is not an option for 'you' - granted it is for him... still prepare to be 'left' by him.
Frankly, unless he is quite fragile, this respectible thing along with ultimatums (which are not respectable) and never wishing to marry you because of your past... that seems suspicious to me. Either he's full of shit about his own promiscuity or you gave him a marriage out because he actually never wished to marry you even prior to learning of your past - or maybe even both.
If you want marriage and love and all that jazz, you aren't going to find it with him regardless of him helping through the dark period you speak of. You just may have to go with that option you say is not an option if you ever wish for love and marriage, and more importantly, 'peace'.
Living out your days waking on eggshells/waiting for the other shoe to drop... it is no way to live.
he's full of shit-he's with her now!
Poor choices indeed. You had to be open about it since the beginning. This relationship isn't gonna work out. Stop milking the dead cow. Move on. Next time, try opening up to someone who is okay with it since the beginning.
Nobody will be ok with it i bet my arm on this
@Pejtu obviously.
True
It seems fair that this guy doesn't want the mother of his kids to be someone who's seen more dicks than a truck stop urinal. Why is this guys opinion not important here? Sorry you made poor choices but he has every right to not marry you because of those choices.
Your relationship is over. If you'd just told him early on and he stayed then it would be different but now he's only with you despite it because you've grown feelings. He's actually totally correct in what he says, promiscuous women aren't good at long term relationships. Girls hate this fact but it's proven.
Why the thumbs down? If you disagree with something then tell me what
Why do you want to be married? You can have a relationship without marriage, it literally doesn’t change a thing. But overall sounds like you 2 are incompatible, he has morals and you not as much and he can’t get over that. How long have you been together?
4 years
And he only know found out you slept around like that? There was never a chat before about that or at least how you both felt about sleeping around etc?
We've talked about exes but when he said that he only has sex with women he loves and so has only been with 2 women before me, I knew he wouldn't like it so I didn't tell him.
That’s dumb. What else haven’t you told him?
I told him I hadn't had an abortion before. I don't think that'll come up in conversation though
Sounds like your relationship was doomed to fail from the start, not only are you lying to him about who you were/are you continue making the same mistakes by withholding what I assume is important information from him. You are not honest with one another which in turn causes distrust and some you don’t agree on a couple of important topics. Let him go, he deserves to find happiness with someone that is more compatible he will resent you for lying to him like that. If you truly love someone you won’t selfishly hold on to them.
She's putting her own feelings over his ability to understand the reality of their relationship.
Honestly I do not get it. What does respectful even mean. He is sleeping with people without marriage so he is not respectful himself.
The thing is this whole thing is based on lies and big egos and will crash down before you know it. He does not want you. Understand that and underline it too.
Just because someone helped you in the darkest time does not mean this have to end in marriage. Thats life people come and go. Angels send these people to us to help us because the world is a crazy place now.
Just move on and next time you meet someone make sure that you both on the same page about sex before even thinking about marriage.
I agree with this. And if you stay with him, then what? I am guessing he wants marriage and children too someday. So what is his plan? To f@#k around with you until he meets someone respectable? You need to go back and talk it through. Good luck!
Honestly people aren't gonna like what Im bout to say. I completely understand what he means. Especially where the numbers are in the low 40s that absolutely insane. I wouldn't want to marry a girl like that either. But thats my opinion. Best advice I can give you is stay how you are currently. My grandpa had a great saying. "Nothing good or bad lasts forever" maybe over time shit will change. You might regain his trust and he might even be open to being married again. Then again maybe he won't. If you really do like him Id take the gamble.
I don't know what his "ultimatum" thing is all about... that seems dumb and just drawing out the inevitable.
You two aren't compatible, most people aren't. Call it a day and walk away from each other and wish each other luck.
If you have had full blown intercourse with 40 people by your early 20's it doesn't seem like you are going to be that heart broken and that you are so bonded to this one person.
You two just aren't meant to be. You just have to accept it
If leaving is not an option for you and marriage is not an option for him., it doesn't appear that you needed a question answered. The way I see it you could leave him, there is nothing forcing you to stay with him. He has already said that staying we ith him will not result in marriage. You are essentially wanting us to offer suggestions on how to make someone abandon their morals. That's not something you should want, seeing as part of why you love him is how his morality shapes his worldview and actions.
You should never lie about your past to your partner who you love. All my life I’ve been cheated on with every partner I’ve had because of previous ex boyfriends won't leave them alone after they break up. I’ve lost interest in woman with a bad past.. you maybe kind and caring but having sex with that many guys sorry I draw the line. You are the only person that can prove to him that you have completely changed and put the past behind each other and move forward together.
Why don’t you propose to him with a ring and see what he does. This way you are showing him your real and want this to work. I love my ex girlfriend very much and we are getting back together again.. I gave her a second chance to prove it to me. But she can’t get rid of the ex, boyfriend and as I told her untill he’s gone out of her life for good don’t return to me untill he’s gone. I told her.
Yes I to want to marry her too. Try and talk with him..
You lied to him first, and not about something small.
Also, if he considers that as a problem, then you can't force him to accept. He's basically the last of almost 50 people who fucked you.
At this point, leaving IS an option. It's always an option. And it's the option you should choose, because the truth is that, if he refuses to marry you, it probably means he plans to leave you at some point. Your relationship is bound to end.
So, do what you have to do. You can't change your past, and you can't force him to swallow something like that if it's against his values.
Wow! Your boyfriend is an asshole and if I was you I'd dump him immediately. It doesn't matter how you start what matters it how you finish. He can penalize you for shit that happened before he even met you. If you let him do this to you he'll always treat you like shit. Your not the same person you was then. Your better than that but you have to believe you are. Why stay in a relationship the you'll never be happy in with a guy who telling you that you'll neve get what you want. Basically he telling you that your not worthy of being his wife but y'all can be together and you can assume all the responsibilities the a wife has but you'll never be a wife. Tell him go fuck himself and find a guy that will appreciate you for you... Everybody has made mistakes in life nobody is perfect.
You should keep your dignity and end things before he does.
What he’s basically saying to you is that he’ll happily have you there as a side piece as he now searches for “wife” material.
Don’t ever drop so low that you let yourself be an option for somebody.
Also he obviously doesn’t love you or respect you even for even saying what he did.
There's no problem with fucking a bunch of dudes, in my honest opinion. We people love sex. Let's be real. From the moment you pass puberty... oh lawd... and guys sometimes think women don't like sex as much. Well, that simply ain't true.
I understand you didn't mention it, because obviously, it's not particularly a fun statement to make. I don't know if you've ever lied about it, that'd be bad though. However, I don't see what the problem is with him not wanting to marry you. I've spent some time finding serious reasons to marry in life, but there's nothing but moral reasons; ''oneness'', ''love'' whatever. Of course, I'm just some kiddo, you take it however you like, but that's my opinion. You can easily love each other long enough without that marriage stuff.
It’s total bullshit. So he doesn’t want to marry you because he has a reputation to protect, but he can waste your time and never marry you. He is playing you if you don’t run now, prepare yourself for a heartbreak. As soon as if he find and an « respectable » girl, he will dump you.
He should be willing to accept you for all you are (including your past). You didn’t even know him back then, so this is stupid. Don’t let men tell you dumb shit like this. Your past has nothing to do with him. That’s not who you are now. Any logical grown man would understand this. Leave now. He’s not going to give you what you want and you’re going to end us wasting your time and resenting him in the future.
Leaving him is very much an option, and you'd be making a horrendous blunder by staying with him. Take it from me, he'll never ever marry you or even continue being with you. And it's best you dump him for the creep he's revealed himself to be by the options he's given you, before he dumps you.