My boyfriend always says that he'd hit me if I cheat on him (which I never did/wouldn't do it) My Q is:

[Anonymous]

Should I be concerned that he says he'd hit me?

I even said that was something horrible to say and he said, he'd hit the guy and hit me too, and then no one would find him!

I just don't thinks his behaviour/''speech'' is normal!

Should I be concerned? I'm considering to brake up with him!

[bonobo26]

I said this to a girlfriend once when we were talking about cheating. I said it in a matter of fact way and I wasn't joking. I think it was one of those situations where you say something out loud which should never be said out loud, and yes it was horrible and I would never say something like that again. And hitting people, especially women, is obviously wrong. But if my girlfriend told me she cheated on me I would feel such an immediate and passionate hatred for her there's a chance that I might hit her. I would probably then be hit by an incredible grief and guilt about what I'd done.

My advice is that if he 'always' says this, there's something a bit wrong with him, and that he shouldn't be regularly contemplating violence towards someone he loves. Also, its weird that he doesn't realize its inappropriate. Have a serious talk with him about it and tell him you find it menacing, threatening, and innappropriate. If he keeps doing it, break up with him.

If he just said it once, he may have just made a mistake like I did, but you should still tell him that its a completely inappropriate thing to say to your girlfriend. Ask him to put himself in your position.

[KarKingJack]

Excellent answer. Shrill honesty =]

[awaken03]

Even if he has the grounds or right to hit you it will still not be right, if the guy still has composure and respect for your even if you did or didn't wrong him..best thing he can do is to be blunt and rough on his words just to blow off his steam or walk away from you and if he does.this shows that even if it hurts him inside he still can control his temper and take control of the situation..but as for your guy gauge him if he does this often you don't want to be tied to an abusive partner

[R0ul3tte]

Yes. He's threatening to assault you. He's being controlling. He's doing these things all under the guise of justification because he's using extreme circumstances that you haven't even committed ("I'm right because it would be wrong for you to cheat") as his basis, which is very manipulative.

Now it's your call as to the context of how he said it. Maybe he has a very dark/black sense of humor, I don't know. If you feel that he was even remotely genuine (because he could very well just say that he was joking too), then yes you have a right to be concerned, and frankly, it's better to cut those ones off sooner or later.

Lastly and perhaps most importantly, TELL SOMEONE. Best friend, mother, what have you.

[basilleaf]

I think that's kind of messed up. I know a lot of nice guys who would never dream of saying that to a girl. I think if he said it that exponentially increases his chances of actually doing it. I'd dump him. Major red flag!

Also him mentioning this means that he doesn't really trust you and trust issues will probably arise in the future with this.

[Asker]

That's so true, thanks!

[feelthisway]

if he said it in a joking matter it might not be that big of a deal... but honestly it kinda is. that's not funny. I would dump his ass just because f***, no one should lay a hand on you. especially someone who supposedly cares about you.

its definitely not normal for a boyfriend to say...

hes a douche.

sorry girl, best of luck

[Triiti]

Try to take it in context - if he was joking around at the time, then I wouldn't worry yourself, but at the same time, if he was being serious, or the mood wasn't very light, then I would suggest you leave him. If he is an angry or violent man, I would also suggest speaking to a close personal friend about it and asking for advice.

Remember though, that if this was said when he was in a bad mood, it may have been a spur of the moment thing, and you might be dwelling on it enough to notice things that aren't there. Again, a good friend who knows you would be the best person to ask about it

[Phoenix1991]

i concur with this guy

[sigsauer45]

You tell him if he ever hit you that your going to put his ass in jail, he can go to jail just for saying that he would hit you if you cheat on him. If I wear you you need to tell him just what I said and put him on notes that you are mean what you said

[honestyispainful]

This will be the training phase of the future emotional and physical torture he will expose you to. Go now before it reaches the next level because it is coming. As you stay and put up with it, you will keep telling yourself that it is really not that bad, when he slaps you because he thinks you are looking at a guy, you will keep doing what you are doing now and that is making it your fault. His behavior is not normal. Run, he is an abuser.

[DaveMicharl69]

If he even THREATENED to hit you & it's even a POSSIBILITY I'd be VERY concerned! A decent guy won't even THINK of putting his on a girl, wether she cheats or whatever she does. A guy who's already giving conditions where he WILL hit you will find an excuse to get physical soon enough. I';d get out now before you get hurt, physically & emotionally...

[darkhorn]

is he a bad boy? if not then he won't hit you. but why you think to break up? because you are going to cheat? and why he is telling this? because he is investing time and effort on you and he doesn't want it waste those efforts for nothing (in case you cheat).

[martyfellow]

I'd not bother considering, I'd just be gone in that situation.

There may be reasons to hit someone, but THAT is definitely not one! No one has the right to control another person's life!

[paakaa123]

don't take that if he's being serious, leave him !

a boyfriend should cuddle you or protect you, not hit you (: