Ok, so you say he is a good provider. You can just get another roommate to provide what he does because you're right, he is emotionally devoid.
He is not providing you with the love, care, and affection of a healthy relationship.
You also say you knew he was like this before so, at least you take responsibility for that.
Alot of us, mostly women, think we can change the other person.
Just because we can't, doesn't mean we're worthless. There are some things that are out of your control.
I don't see anything wrong with the idea that if you love someone enough and/or feel that you have something special to offer the other person, then that person will want to change for the better.
We see it all the time with people who have partners who were once drug addicts, philanderers, etc. .
Then, they meet person A and they undergo a complete 180 degree change.
Obviously, that would make anyone feel powerful.
So, for you, you have some hard facts to face. You have tried talking to him about it and he does not respond in a mature and healthy way. Well, forget a/b even suggesting couples' counseling.
He ignores you when you cry, do you really want to be with a man like that?
I know you love him and you probably always will on some level but that *doesn't* mean you have to put up with his behavior. If you do, at least admit that, at this point, it is your choice to stay.
You may break up with him, he may meet someone else, and that's when he changes.
Well, if you really love him, it won't be about your ego and you will be happy that he is happy and changed for the better.
In my opinion, I think we come into each others' lives to learn lessons and teach lessons.
And, sometimes breaking up is the catalyst for someone to learn that lesson.
Sometimes it's not, that's where you find a life partner who grows with you; but that depends on the self-awareness level of each individual.
As far as his sexual activity. It makes sense that he is only jerking off and not wanting to have sex with you, make love. He comes off as having some deep issues with love and sex.
I'm not saying it's untreatable but it sounds like he doesn't care to address this issue.
Like some of the answers, doing what he does, there's no "work" involved. There's also no love or deep emotion. It's literally scratching an itch. Guys/Girls can self-pleasure in a relationship, but there has to be balance.
Picture this scenario: A person goes through life engaging in casual and meaningless sex. They hardly know the other person they're having sex with and the most they feel is pure, unadulterated lust. When the sex act is done, the endorphins have subsided,the person feels completely empty.
In time, this person realizes what they want is the deep love and connection you feel when you make love to someone you care about.
Your boyfriend? He is the exact opposite. He seems to just want the empty, shallow pleasure of lust and getting off. That's his prerogative but where does *that* leave you?
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You're still there because?
Seriously, I would pick up and move on to someone who can actually be affectionate and meet your needs.
Versus Little Mr. Prissy-emo-waaah-woe-is-me-I'll-please-myself-and-not-you.
I dunno, I wouldn't put up with it.
And it's not love your feeling, that's just heartburn,
Ummm... Why do you love this guy? Girl go have sex with someone else. It seems that he has serious intimacy issues that can only be cured by a therapist. The fact that you have endured this emotional abuse for so long, makes it clear that you also need help.
First off, I have a pretty good idea what you're feeling. It can make you both hurt and angry. I know its so elementary but have you talked to him about how you feel? There are a couple of things that come to mind. With that said know that I'm NOT pointing fingers at anyone. Sometimes in my own experience there are women who need more "prep" to get into the mood. For some guys this whole process of prepping or getting ready is exhausting. The stages of romance and what needs to be said, how he needs to touch you, how you need to feel wanted etc. This process of you needing to feel needed could in some ways be causing him to have a lack of interest in sex with you. This could be clear if he's jerking off while you're not there. He has the urge to have sex but the process in having sex with you wears him down and if he doesn't meet your expectations or your process of getting you in the mood he'd just rather bypass it with you and jerk off. It's more simple and less emotional. It's one of the reasons guys view p*rn. It's a quick turn on and it cuts to the chase. Add some romance into your sex life. Try something that's dirty and spontaneous with no expections of "getting in the mood" just do it. Now with that said, if you try all this and he doesn't man up even after you talk to him then you have two choices. Stay and deal with things the way they are or...move on and send him packing. It's a hard choice however you have needs, we all do, and if they aren't being met you have to be true to you.
I think some adult apartments will hook up female roommates to you. Find one that's very comfortable with plenty of amenities so you don't have to do the bar scene as much. Dance lessons for you, many do not require a partner, then practice twice/week.
I'm not telling you how to work on your relationship because I think all this will soon fall into place - once you get another place. Word to the wise ... don't get back together too soon. At least stay away long enough until the fun becomes a bit stale.
Good luck on getting back in love with him ... or with someone that dances.
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hes far to comfortable with having you. dump him and find a new guy.
He doesn't love you now matter what he says, it may be hard, but your worth so much more than what your being treated like now...
I'm in a similar situation if you want to talk email me at shortylisa4@gmail.com
Yea
Sounds like it.
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