My boyfriend hugged my little sister what do I do?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend (we have a daughter) hugged my sister yesterday when they were in the laundry room. He didn't tell me. I found out because my little sister told my parents. My sister is 11. My boyfriend is 23. He says that he hugged her from behind but with no wrong intentions. And that he's not sure why he did it. I tried asking my sister what happened and she just said that he hugged her and touched her leg. He says that he didn't purposely touch her leg. It like more so brushed her leg when he let her go. This makes me uncomfortable but i love my boyfriend and i love my sister and im not sure how to handle this. What would you do in my situation?

Updates

+1 y

My mom says that its sexual harassment and wants to put him in jail. He could also be deported. Can he go to jail if my mom tries to report it?

[Dongtai]

Please don’t be one of those women who overlook odd male behavior for the sake of “love”. It’s extremely weird that he hugged her from behind AND doesn’t know why he did it. Your little sister told her parents and not YOU because she was more comfortable going to them about an uncomfortable situation.

If it’s the first time I’d just tell him he’s not allowed to be alone with her anymore. If he fights it, something is up. If he agrees and goes with it, he’s level headed. If your child is a girl, I’d keep a close eye on how he interacts with her. Especially when he thinks he’s alone.

Absolutely don’t “sweep it under the rug” and ignore it. That’s how sexual abuse starts. The kids come first. Keep an eye on him.


This is what I would do ☝️

Remember. He could have said “I hugged her because I care about her. I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry.” But he said “I don’t know.”

That’s the worst answer possible. It’s either a lie or stupidity.

[Asker]

He doesn't live with us anymore. He said that he doesn't know why he did it and that he wasn't thinking. My mom says its sexual harassment and wants to put him in jail for it

[spartan55]

Yikes, at the very least your boyfriend showed extremely poor judgement. It would be one thing if he was consoling if she was crying or something like that. This just sounds like an unsolicited hug that is completely out of bounds. I wouldn't accept his 'I don't know why I did it' crap. (wtf kind of answer is that?)

[jeemm]

I find him doing that disturbing regardless of his intentions. Or even if he had none it's not acceptable to touch someone yet alone hug someone without their consent / situation be fitting for it. ESPECIALLY if that person is a young child. If possible don't let him be near your sister, some people can't help themselves to give into their impulses and in some cases temptations.

[Lurdie]

I'd be on high alert babe, this seems very sketchy. Make sure your little sister feels comfortable speaking to you or your parents about this don't unconsciously dismiss what she says. This seems like a shit situation to be in for you and her and even him💛💛

[SilverWolfy]

First off, that's not sexual harassment. Sexual harassment would be touching her breast or vulva. It's sounds like just a hug, might've been awkward, but it's just a hug. Teach your sister that it's sexual harassment, she'll feel weird whenever any guy touches her. Touching is normal and is healthy for human beings. Your boyfriend probably just wanted to show his affection towards her and now probably feels weird and wrong about it because of what people might be saying or thinking. Don't overthink. Educate and communicate.

[Asker]

I dont think its sexual harassment part either. But its the leg part that they're uncomfortable with. I wouldn't want him to be touching her thighs but thata were im confused. I asked him how he touched her leg and he showed me but he said that it was more so like a accident. Not intentional. I tried asking my sister how he touched her but my parents told her to not say anything.

[SilverWolfy]

I'd say don't try interrogating your sister, instead inform her what's inappropriate and what's ok. Use it as a lesson about what sexual harassment is and isn't. She's developing sexual feelings due to her age, it's normal and during puberty, she might be confused. Then as far as your boyfriend is concerned, talk to him about it and let him know what the boundaries are. Remember it's better to communicate than speculate.

[Asker]

Yeah I told him that maybe in his country its not seen as a bad thing but here it can be seen as weird. And that he should've asked to hug her not just hug her. Especially because she's so young. He said that he knew he should've have done it but he's not sure why he did it. He apologized and cried. Im just not sure what to do. I feel like everyone wants me to leave him but i dont want to and i don't see why i should but i want to do the right thing

[Ceasar97]

I am sure it is nothing, but make it very clear that it will not happen again and keep a close eye on him. Make sure that your sister tells you if anything does happen. What was she wearing when he did that? Was it something that showed more skin or shape?

[Asker]

She was wearing a short night dress. My parents kicked him out so we're no longer going to live with them. But i tried talking to my sister and my mom wouldn't let me. She was crying and started yelling at me

[Ceasar97]

It is good that he was kicked out of the house. Don't worry about your mom, it is only logical that she would be emotional at this point in time. Her boyfriend did a weird thing with her baby girl and she has to do everything and anything to protect her. It is interesting that she was wearing a short night dress, assuming the night dress showed a good portion of her leg. That could have been what enticed him to touch her leg and the fact that she was in a night dress could have "interested" him, if he was sexually attracted to minors. I would say, watch how he reacts to other kids around her age. Watch his eyes and his body structure to see how it changes near parks or walking down the side walk. You do have to consider the very real possibility that you are with somebody who is attracted to minors and might act on such feelings if given the chance, like with your sister. Let me know if you have more questions or want more advice.

[Asker]

He said that he wouldn't want anything to do with her in that way because she's a kid. What are some signs that he is into minors

[Ceasar97]

It depends on how deep you want to dig. You could dig into his online search history and learn what porn he likes. You could ask around his former friends and his family to see if you can learn anything. I am not a huge fan of these methods since they are rather invasive.
Try to pay attention when you two are around any kids, does his back stiffen? Do you notice a turn of the head? How about his eyes? Do they look at the kids, up and down the way he would with an attractive woman?
How do you look? Are you young and innocent? Is there any way you could pass to be younger than you are?
by the way I am fine talking here or you can pm if you feel more comfortable doing that.

[Asker]

He doesn't look at kids up and down. He just acts normal. I am a couple years younger than him but most people say i look older than how i look

[Ceasar97]

He won't be obvious about it, there is a really good chance that you wouldn't notice it if you weren't looking for it; honestly, there is a chance you won't notice it even if you look for it. It is a good sign that you look older than you are. Try planning a game where you two tell each other your deepest fetishes and see what he says; although, I doubt he will say that he is into young girls, but it is worth a try.

[Asker]

I've tried doing that before but he said that he's not into anything. He doesn't like watching porn or stuff like that

[Ceasar97]

Hmm? I don't really have anything else to ask. I guess just try to observe and watch him.

[Ceasar97]

It gets very co. plicated when copa get involved tbh. They would do an investigation and he has nothing in his past and you know the full story then he will probably be fine. But if it was sexual assault of a minor then he could be in very deep water.

[Asker]

Would him hugging her and accidentally touching her thigh be considered sexual assault? Im not really sure

[Ceasar97]

Not if he accidentally touched her thigh, but if your parents know more or your sister says more it could become tricky to know.

[Lemia]

Why are you even made him, for showing your little sister some affection. It sounds like Jelious to me

[Asker]

Im not mad at him actually. I told my parents that there's nothing wrong with him hugging her but they actually got mad at me for saying that. Thats why i asked the question to see if there is something wrong with it or if they're over reacting. My mom said she wouldve called the cops on him. They said it could be considered sexual harassment but i dont see it that way

[Lemia]

If he just hugged her then its fine but he was rubbing her chest or her genital area then I would agree with your parents

[Asker]

No he didn't touch her in any way. I guess she got weirded out because he accidentally touched her thigh when he let her go but she thinks he did it on purpose

[Lemia]

If he just hugged her its fine. Parents always feel different to the kids on stuff like this

[Durrelle]

Let's be clear here, hugging is not sexual harassment. But a 23 yr old man should not be hugging an 11 yr old girl from behind, that's what the problem is here.

Since your parents are now hostile against him, just keep him away from your sister and family. As you learn more about him, you'll be able to better judge his character and whether or not you can trust him.

But if you choose to stay with him, you'll need time for it to blow over and see him for who he really is.

[adidas0169]

Its a hug. get over it. did he whisper in her eye or brush her hair out of her face touched her chest or try to kiss her? if not let it go. did your parents say anything? your just going to make him pissed off for blowing it up more then it is or scared that if he talks or hugs someone that your thinking he wants them. if your that type of person then he needs to suck it up and leave you then.

[Asker]

I know its just a hug thats why im not making a big deal out of it. My dad said its not a big deal too. Yeah he made a mistake but i can be fixed. My mom however is a different story. She wants to make it seem like he touched her inappropriately. And she threatened to call the cops. My little sister even said that all he did is hug her and accidentally touched her thigh

[adidas0169]

If your sister feels its nothing and your dad thinks its nothing and if you truly feel its nothing then your mom probably doesn't really care for him from the start. if i was him i would tell your mom go ahead your not not going to like what will happen if you do. no offense but your mom sounds like a over barring bitch that blows things everything out of proportion

[Asker]

Yeah she does blow it out of proportion. Can he go to jail if my mom tries to report it

[adidas0169]

They would question your sister and everything
She has a serious problem.

[Jamie05rhs]

I would be concerned that it was in a small room like that behind closed doors. What were they both doing in there anyway? I'm sorry, but that raises my suspicions. And especially the fact that it was from behind.

[Asker]

He was taking his clothes out the dryer she was putting hers to wash

[Jamie05rhs]

Hmm. So just a coincidence, huh?

[Jamie05rhs]

Re: Update: IF it was only a hug, then I don't think your mom should take him to court for that. Just ban him from the house. She's probably overreacting a little bit (jmo). BUT if it was more than a hug and he tried to touch her in any other way, then yeah, take his ass to court.

[Asker]

He accidentally touched her thigh

[Jamie05rhs]

Well... I don't know what to say there.

[Daniel3035]

Wtf are you on about? He hugged your little sister because he cares about her too. There’s nothing wrongvwith hugging a little girl? Or is your dad hugging her 11 year old daughter inappropriate too.

[Asker]

Yeah i dont think there's anything wrong but my mom says that im not understanding the problem. She says its sexual harassment. When he let her go his hand accidentally touched her thigh. Even my little sister said it was an accident but my mom doesn't understand. she's threatening to call the cops on him

[Daniel3035]

I don’t see the problem. She calls the cops (im a lawyer) and nothing will happen it’s a claim. If anything your mother would land jail for slander. There is no evidence that this happened and no evidence of an intention to sexually harass an 11 year old especially when your boyfriend has no history of pedophilia and he's your boyfriend so he sought out an 18+ year old so why would he go after a little girl? There’s a 10% chance something happens 90% chance nothing can happen.

[Asker]

Im 17. He's 23. But im turning 18 in a month. Cps did make a case because they just wanted to make sure everything was ok. They didn't find anything wrong with him or our relationship so they closed the case. But yeah my mom just really wants to see him in jail and she threatens to call the cops on him all the time

[Daniel3035]

CPS job is to analyse the case primarily the evidence and verify if it is valid evidence that being a clear wrongdoing and the attachment of wrongdoing to the suspect ie the defendant. And like I said 1 no evidence of this action just a claim and 2 even if there was evidence was it a wrongdoing? And remember if this is passed as a law (case law) it means an older brother father or grandfather could be charged for giving unconditional love to their sister daughter or grandaughter if the mother did not like it who's to say that mother is not biased and lied to get him in prison we can't allow that abuse of law into the system so I'd be very very shocked if it was pursued.

[jlsmoove]

I dont put nothing past anybody. I say keep an eye on that. It's the things we least worry about that be going on right under your nose. And let's not sit here and act like this is not common. Check that shit now before you regret it later.

[Asker]

My dad already kicked him out of the house. I asked him why he did it and he said he wasn't thinking. And that he hugged her like family not in a creepy way

[jlsmoove]

Ok. Maybe so. But he is not family and it's some stuff you dont do. Like family is not family. A line was crossed and your parents is not having that. I dont blame them. I would take no chances with my daughter either

[evilshippersship]

does your boyfriend have a little sibling like you... maybe he got reminded of his own brother abd sister or he felt your sister cute in a way like how we all find chubby little babies cute...
i wouldn't care if i were you

[Asker]

That how i feel. I feel like i shouldn't see it as a big deal but my parents see it otherwise. They said that its sexual harassment and that im not understanding the problem. My mom even said she would call the cops

[evilshippersship]

do you have a healthy sexual life with your boyfriend... if yes... then probably he isn't a pedofile and thus wasn't harassing your sister...

[jss123]

Sounds very innocent to me.
I don't hug girls ever because people get the wrong idea no matter how innocent it would be. . If they hug me its fine but only side on. Your parents overreacted.

[LimOnn]

While you're making love to your girlfriend, bring up the subject, she'll tell you your true feelings...

[ImagineSketchy]

Maybe he just feels that she's like family?

[Asker]

Yeah thats how i feel about it too. We were actually suppose to adopt her if anything were to happen to my parents. So he could see her as family but my parents dont see it that way. They think its sexual harassment. My mom threatened to call the cops

[jeemm]

You hug your family members without a purpose and touch their legs? Preposterous.

[Asker]

@jeemm he said he didn't intentionlly touch her leg. He didn't like grope her thigh. He said his hand touched her leg when he let go

[jeemm]

Of course he would say that. Maybe you should ask her what happened instead of trusting the word of the perpetrator. Regardless if it's true or not no one should hug children that age that they aren't close family with especially if it's not appropriate for the situation.

[ImagineSketchy]

@jeemm I feel as though you're projecting. Has something like this happened to you?

I'm not saying he isn't at fault, I'm just saying that making assumptions about someone we don't know isn't bright. It's foolish. If this has happened to you or someone you know, then my condolences, however acting on emotion has never benefitted anyone in a situation such as this.

[jeemm]

Nope not projecting anything but what do you mean assumptions? Her sister told her that he hugged her from behind and touched her legs. I don't see the assumption. I'm just baffled by the sheer ignorance here.

[Ceasar97]

to both @ImagineSketchy and @jeemm, I think it is important to remember the facts.
1. He hugged her
2. He touched her leg, we don't know where he touched her or how just that he touched her
3. We only have one side that comes from somebody that cares deeply for the person that is telling the one side. We don't know how distorted the story is from reality if at all.
We are supposed to be helping this girl with advice and our experience. It has been stated by the asker that the boyfriend said it was a coincidence and it very well might be, but it also might not be. Is either possibility not possible? I think it could be either of them and I say we don't make an assumption that he is innocent, like ImagineSketchy is doing, or make an assumption of malintent, like jeemm is doing. That means that we must assume both are true and advice the asker likewise. Let me know if you disagree or agree with my conclusion of the scenario.

[jeemm]

@Ceasar97 But he is at fault. He even stated it himself. Telling it's true he hugged her, what is my point.. Not the leg touching or in what matter it happened. It just adds up to the whole situation based on how it happened.

[jeemm]

I mean he stated that he hugged her, not sure if he feels like he is guilty for anything.

[Ceasar97]

@jeemm I agree that it is weird and invasive that he hugged somebody that hug in a "short nightdress," but we don't know if his family is more affectionate or not. I suggested that she keep an eye on him and to be cautious, but I also don't want to assume he was being any more than friendly with the hug without more evidence of it.

[jeemm]

@Ceasar97 Well I hope the sister tells everything clearly to figure out the situation as I think she holds most of the credibility.

[Ceasar97]

I agree she does holds more credibility.

[JimboGB]

The poor guy was only trying to be nice 😆

[Asker]

Thats what im thinking but ny parents say its sexual harassment

[lycanthrope3]

could be a brotherly hug

[Anonymous]

Is there a problem with such a thing?

[Opinion Owner]

He'd go to jail, but, he would likely get a trial because he'd likely fight it, so he avoids PRISON