Should I stop talking to my married crush?

[Anonymous]

The facts are these:
I have a crush on my colleague. I don't think it's love, but I do wonder what might it turn into.

He is happily married to his wife, she sounds lovely, they are such a cute couple and I respect that a lot.

I don't break people up or get between couples. I will never tell him or let it show that I like him. I don't want him for myself and I don't want to cause any sort of trouble to him (or his marriage or wife).

We are seated next to each other in a quite small office. We have lots of shared values and interests and talking to him is so easy and natural. Our conversations have never been and will never be of the flirty type.

Even though I am not breaking a relationship/marriage, I do feel rather guilty because I know how I feel and what I think. I am considering cutting off our conversations, but I don't want to be rude, offend or trouble him. Being seated so close and not talking would make it kinda obvious that something is up.

Am I overreacting? It's not like I am in love atm, or it's not like he would ever make a move on me.

Updates

+1 y

Just to clarify, I enjoy talking to him on a friendly fashion. He is a very interesting and inspiring person. I would still want to talk to him without the crush part.

[TonyBologna25]

Keep a respectable distance. One thing will lead to another, and soon you'll be a homewrecker. Attraction for other people is bound to happen when you're going to be with someone for the rest of your life. My girl and I have talked about this and both have the same views on what a respectable response should be. Leave the situation. If my girl ever catches lustful feeling for another man, then I want her to respectfully walk away and get away from that person, and to let me know so that we can work on things. If she's thinking about cheating, or leaving me for that other person, then I want her to respectfully leave me. I will never fight for my worth against someone else in a relationship. She feels the same. It all comes down to a mutual respect for one another, and I know it can be hard at times, but separate yourself from the ones who are feeble minded and be a better person. I've had a married coworker offer me to come over for the weekend while her husband was gone. I could never do that, because of my respect for the concept of marriage and my own personal values. I've fantasized about it, but could never enact. You're not a bad person for lusting or desiring someone who's taken, or being in a relationship and desiring someone else. How you react to those desires is what separates a good person from a bad person. Distance yourself. Don't be rude, but distance yourself. Do your own thing, and forget about him.

[Pineapple78]

Just don't try and start a romantic (by romantic I mean don't let it become sexual ha) relationship. If you outline in your head what is too far, a crush is harmless, but if he starts to flirt with you, then make sure it bounces off the boundaries you decided are appropriate.

[Cynicaldreamer]

YES. Just stop now before you get hurt or worse.

I know you said you have no intention to break up their marriage (thank goodness), but the fact remains: you have genuine feelings for him.
And the more you're around him, you're going to fall for him and find it harder to move on. Or you'll start comparing every other man to him... someone you cannot even have!

I think it's best you distance yourself from him as much as possible. Greet him if you see him, otherwise keep your interactions with him as minimal as possible. Allow yourself to get over him and get into the "he's just a friend" mindset. With time, that's very possible.

But now? I'd advise you give yourself some space from him.

[arabgoddess]

If it is meant to be, it would sooner or later.. For now look at the other billions of people in the world

[cavmanier]

You spend more time with him than his wife does. It's really a mess, especially if he feels the same. Cheating is extremely common though and people most often cheat with people from work. This is the unnatural world we live in though. At no other time did we spend more time around members of the opposite sex at work than our mates. It's asking for trouble.

[serious]

Well from the way you are describing this it seems that you are a very mature woman and you know your boundaries very well indeed and seem to be good at maintaining them strictly. You seem to know what is the right thing to do and you are doing it already.

You know your limits and you are doing a good job already and I am sure you will manage this.

[jasonmwhite2786]

Yes it is bad to become involved with someone who is currently in a relationship I reccomend just being friends and if you really can't resist distance your self lastly if you still can't resist tell him how you feel. But not with the intent to persuade him but just to get it out in the open and off your chest

[Browneye57]

Most people spend more time with the people they work than their family or SO. So relationships start, feelings develop - it's inevitable.
Mature adults get to CHOOSE what they act on.

1. Don't date at work - it's a recipe for disaster. Keep it professional.
2. All these feelings and emotions over this is called mental masturbation. Just quit it. Find your own guy.

[MrCommodore]

It's difficult for you because of how you are starting to feel.

Do you think he likes you back?

I think you can remain friends with him, and you will eventually get over him. But it's still not easy

[Asker]

I have a hard time assessing how much of these feelings are attraction and how much are just genuine respect, admiration and some degree of respect for this great person. So I am not sure how much I like him, although I know I do.
I don't think he likes / will ever like me back and I am actually quite happy about it. He also seems so decent and dedicated to his wife which I respect a lot, and that made it easier to talk to him initially. I knew I wasn't getting involved with him, so it felt very safe to just talk about things.

I do want to remain friends with him, and I know I will get over it with time. I just feel bad about it right now.

[MrCommodore]

Do you hang out with him and his wife a lot? I ask, as you refer to them as cute etc.

It's ok to have a slight crush on him, and you've repeatedly made it clear that you aren't looking to poach him from his wife. I know it's difficult but it will be ok.

I've experienced a similar situation, it's not easy.

[Asker]

I have only met his wife once, by chance, and I don't hang out with him outside of work. I find them cute from the things he says. Thanks for your kind words. Hopefully you got over your situation.

[MrCommodore]

Not quite, it takes a long time to get over it and move on.

[Laozi]

Yup. You're overreacting. If you know your limits and not willing to cross it either. Then feel no guilt.

[msss98]

he's unobtainable so yeah probably better for u to move on

[one1wild00]

You are overeacting. Let the situation stay as is and know the limits.

[Iron_Man]

Of course its a big distraction and a waste of time

[Dchrls78104]

He's married. Move on.

[soleil2666]

Do you feel like stopping?

[Gedaria]

Nothing wrong in talking..