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trust is about your own faith in your own ability to assess the behaviors of others. being untrusting is a symptom of depression.
you are in a state of doubt. and you not only can't forgive the liar but can't forgive yourself. then instead of evaluating new encounters you begin punishing yourself by not letting new people into your heart.
that really isn't healthy. i get it it sux.
but instead of judging ypurself and hurting yourself by putting up walls try honing tge skill. and trust is nothing if not a skill.
having lived with liars as family most of my life. having been betrayed by people i admired. i learned a few lessons on trust. please please do not just take tgese lessons and insert them. instead evaluate carefully decide what works for yor situation and build on them
you dont have all the information. you never will. you are going to get it wrong. thats ok. dont make tge mistake of " if i had known x... " you didn't know x and its not your fault. forgive yourself and let it go
human nature is the ultimate dictator of behavior. human nature takes precedence over words or expression of feelings. always trust human nature. if you get this part wrong its probably lack of information.
human nature is driven in my experience and in this observable order.
1. ease. doing what seems easy
2. staying alive.
3. ambitions
4. satisfaction of material comfort
5. satisfaction of emotional comfort
6. satisfaction of percieved expectations of social circles
7. convenience
where you fit in is almost always going to be 6.
for your expectations to hold it must not draw conflict from 1 through 5. for most of us this ends up the case.
a note about 1. i could write paragraphs about each. but remember that humans are kind of silly. we will do some really irational stupid dangerous shit if something is percived to be too hard. most notably loose the ability to apply reason and rational thinking. no where is this more well observed tgan in chikdren that will not sleep with the light off. irrational perceptions remove any concept of disaproval of our parents, the cost from lack of sleep or even the amount of effort to resist. throwing a fit seems to be the easiest choice.
getting trust wrong is ok. its fine. do your best and let go the rest
I think trust has to do with the level of strength you have in comparaison to others as well as your realism to self delusion ratio about it.
Basically no one would trust someone they think is weaker than them, not just physically, but in various fields and domains. But when someone is stronger we tend to put more faith in their success and take a chance on them.
Personally I've been betrayed but not by people I trusted but by people I gambled on knowing full well they could turn on me. That's human nature no one is truly loyal unless he's getting something in return.
Even a king only has his people's loyalty when he provides them with food and security. Starve them or leave them vulnerable to enemy attack and they will turn everytime.
I would say, at least in my experience, true. I'm not sure about others, however.
When I was a dumb, young, naive kid, I trusted others too much and got fucked over several times. It was not uncommon at all for me to get close with my new friends and all of a sudden they would use whatever I would share with them against me or backstab me. Now, I have difficulty keeping friends because people find the fact that I'm reserved and don't like to get too close off putting. It takes YEARS for me to open up and get close to someone. I guess people see the wall I've built up and it makes them uncomfortable.
However, I'm glad I've done it and have no regrets. In my experience, the syrupy-sweet people who want to be buddy-buddy right off the bat without hardly knowing me (and don't understand why I don't open up to them right away and become super close on day 1) are the ones who will be the quickest to turn on me like a pack of pitbulls. They almost ALWAYS have ulterior motives.
I don't trust anyone who seems to desperately want my approval or sucks up to me without knowing me very well, either. That usually means they either want something from me or are trying to use me to get closer to someone I know (grown adults would do this shit to me as a teen to try to weasel their way into getting something they wanted from my parents or family). My first thought when someone starts sucking up to me or trying to win over my approval when I barely know them is "What the hell do you want?"
I'd rather have an extremely small circle full of people I feel I can actually trust than be popular with a bunch of backstabbers who secretly hate me and would do anything to hurt me, or people who just want to use me.
Very true (sadly).
Usually people like us let the wrong person (s) into our life, and they hurt or let us down. And over time, our distrust towards others became worse, because we assume others will do the same thing the others that did disappointed us did.
I'm not going to lie, I have a very hard time trusting others, especially men, because I figure they'll just wind up disappointing me like others that claimed they would, "Never leave me," or "Treat me like the others..." things of that nature. I've heard it all... and guess what-
I was right each time (unfortunately). They didn't stick around, didn't care as much as they claimed they did, or they wound up being a disappointment.
It's a vicious cycle because it's hard letting someone trustworthy in, much less assuming they can be trusted. So if someone isn't patient or willing to give us a chance, we come off as rude, cold, mean, or people just aren't wiling to put the effort into getting to know us better.
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Trust issues come from some trauma, that's for sure
I think that's true in a lot of cases.
It’s absolutely true. I used to have so much trust in people but not anymore. Friends who I thought were friends talking bad about me behind my back. My best friend when I was younger (18) moved in with me and my parents than one day just packed her bags in the middle of the night and left. I haven’t heard from her since. Every boyfriend has lied and cheated. One boyfriend pursued me and dated me from 3 months only to say he never really wanted to be with me in the first place. My last boyfriend made me feel guilty that I was causing him problems every time I asked if he still wanted to be with because he couldn’t make time for me. He lied and said he had ptsd so I wouldn’t break up with him. The truth was he got engaged to another woman. So no I don’t trust people anymore they have to prove it.
No, I would say lack of trust is actually a fear of loosing control.
If you expect someone to be perfect, then I guarantee you that they will break your heart or disappoint you at some point.
Healing and learning to love again is realising that no one should influence your wellbeing based on their actions. Don't give someone that much power because they are only human.
Instead of trust and promises.. See people for who they really are.
Its still possible to experience amazing love.
Absolutely. Trusted everybody, lost a lot of faith in everyvody. Now I screen everybody. Including family I never met.
I agree and disagree. I agree that when we are young and naive or are genuinely nice we will at some point get taken advantage of by someone. But I disagree that everyone has this notion that they trust no one now based on trusting someone too much. People have scorned me, girls have rejected me but I can’t assume everyone can’t be trusted because then I would be some bitter, paranoid guy. Now let me be clear, if a girl or a woman trusted men and guys throughout her young life and someone raped her and she lost respect or trust in men I can understand that a traumatic experience can hurt someone that deeply. I really do feel bad for people who dealt with very bad experiences where it hurts every fibre of their body. I understand that in this world 🌎 people are less approachable, less trusting but their has to be a balance. Trust people but just in case keep your distance and pick up on clues that may deem that person unreliable or not.
It could be, but not necessarily. You just could have been born with a rather introverted, careful and doubtful personality like myself. I have a hard time trusting others, although my trust was never seriously broken by somebody to begin with.
Naivety doesn't lead to distrust. Fear and superstition leads to distrust. Weakness leads someone from naivety to distrust. Weak people have trust issues unless they've naive. Strong people don't regardless of whether or not they're naive.
Guilty until proven innocent is what paranoid and fearful and superstitious people assume. Innocent until proven guilty is what strong, rational, and critical-thinking people assume.
If people think trust is earned rather than risked, they are weaklings through and through. Weak weak weak and scared scared scared.
Just look at my name. I always felt like a romantic person, made to love someone for eternity. That someone chose someone else, lmao. And since then, I've ended a few friendships as they were turning into attachment (more than friendship I'd say) , had to leave behind a few beautiful people, 2 or 3. Even had a relationship again, which is about to fall, not because of this but the thing is, I'm not bothered, as I'm not emotionally invested in this. And knowing what kind of person I am, I should've been deeply into it. But I know I can walkout easily and won't feel any pain or loss. And I hate myself for this, but this is what I've become now. Though I've seen an unexpected change since a few weeks, but not hoping for anything.
And all this coz that one person who promised to stick till the end didn't...
Trust should be earned. You owe it to yourself and to your friends and family to be cautious with everyone at first. When I travel outside the States most people are this way and it not considered rude to not trust someone at first. For instance you wouldn't tell just anyone you were taking a month in Spain and nobody would be home. You would come back to a house with only a few empty cans of beer on the floor. Only in the states it seems that trust should be given to everyone and then taken away later for whatever reason.
Agreed. They got hurt and they are protecting themselves now. But love is all about being vulnerable. If movies and TV shows have taught me anything, having a wall protects yourself from getting hurt but it also protects yourself from anyone getting in too
I can say from experience that this is absolutely correct. You put your trust in the wrong people and it ends up screwing you in the end. Makes you not even wanna bother with anyone after that. That's why I take anything anyone says with a grain of salt.
Once bitten, twice shy.
You got raked over the coals.
Trust, but verify
Act like you trust people, but never do.
Trust is easy to loose, and most difficult to get back.
Trust everyone, and trust no one.
Trust is earned.
These quotes go in and on.
Yes, they could have trusted someone and we're let down and hurt. However, some people are smart enough to not trust people without having to get hurt. And it may not be that they don't trust the person, they just don't trust the devil inside.
False. If they grew up in an abusive environment they may have never learned how to trust
Maybe that's true in many cases. But they could also have been raised that way by their parents. Or they could even have raised themselves to be that way through not trusting their parents to begin with. I've seen all those cases
I'm a bit different. I can trust everyone easily, let them closer to me, but never think they accept me as someone they care about. If they show more interest in me I just start to think they need something from me.
Other than that, I don't limit myself from having friends, so I don't keep a distance. I know what I can expect from them, so I'll take whatever I need until they show their true faces.
Not always
I've never been betrayed but I also never gave my trust 100% to anyone because I grew up being told to never do so.
My parents and brothers have been betrayed in the past though so ever since I was a kid, they told me to not give too much trust naively.
Sometimes they don't trust anyone because they're not to be trusted. Have to be wary of that too. It's a very common reason not to trust people because once you trusted and were betrayed and hurt, though, that's for sure. It's not the only possible reason, but it's a common one
that's true and false there is no true answer, some people understand the nature of humans and have a naturally formed distrust, others have been betrayed and now can't help but distrust everyone.
Some people in this world have their eyes open and see us for what we are and what we do. Those people are the only enlightened people in this world.
You don't have to trust too much to get burned. Trusting at all is risky. But it is cowardly not to trust, it is not virtuous like you convince yourself in the moment.
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