4 months and no commitment?

[Anonymous]

Been seeing this guy for 4 months. We don't have the chance to see each other regularly because of other factors like location and schedules but we talk everyday. We are friends who can talk about most anything but then we have good flirty talks as well. We have slept together and it has been nice every time. I don't call him but let him come to me and he does EVERYDAY even all day sometimes. I have never asked him what we actually were because it was just going nice and slow and building but it kinda went into the talk last night and he says he has been burned and knows it isn't fair to me, that he is trying to work on it but that's the best he can do for now.. What does that mean? Is it the truth or am I a game

Updates

+1 y

well we talked again about it and he says he doesn't know what he wants which to me means he doesn't want me. He hestitated when I asked if he would be mad if I dated someone else but said he wasn't sure if he would be mad but I had the right to date others. I said OK . Then he wrote me askiing for me not to hate him because he wanted to still be able to call me and talk. We talk all day everyday by the way. I think he knows it hurt me a lot and he is right. It does hurt.

Updates

+1 y

I have never pressured him and still havent. I just wanted to know what we were? Friends or is this building towards something. Bc if it isn't then I have been closing off to other potential guys that know what they want. He says there is nobody else but that he doesn't want a major relationship. I politely told him, he answered honestly and thank you. The funny thing is he has had time to fade out from me over months and still calls constantly. Why? I just don't get it. I don't call him

Updates

+1 y

even during the talk he was wishy washy like he wasn't sure if he wanted this or if he didn't . I get answers and then he kinda retracts the answers at the same time and just says he doesn't know what he wants. Clearly, he is pulling the I don't want you but I don't want you to leave either.. Right?

[Jessica1810]

"He is trying to work on it" - that doesn't sound good.

Has he really been hurt or is he just a douchey guy? I've known lots of douchey guys who seem really sweet and loving and like the perfect gentleman - but really geat quality guys tend to know what they want from life and that's a proper girlfriend.

In your heart of hearts, you will know the truth.

If he has been hurt before you will be able to tell... and players are often smooth guys who use this line to take advantage of nice women.

On the other hand, if he does seem like the type of guy who has been burned before, you will see it in his hesitancy - but right now, it seems like he has no hesitancy and has been completely confident around you.

If I were you - I wouldn't buy it. I realize how painful this may be in the short run, but in the long run, BELIEVE ME, you will be so glad that you didn't waste your time and find a real guy who is good for you.

Just tell him in a calm way (no histerics or long talks) that you're suspicious he might be trying to use you and then cut him off. If he is the real deal, he will be so scared of losing you that he may ask for a commitment - if not, he's a player and you've saved a load of your time.

[caliman316]

My friend is in a very similar situation, and I've asked her if they're together or not and she says the topic hasn't even come up, most of the time they hang out and sometimes she'll blow off people just to be with him but they don't always sleep with each other all the time when they hang out. The guy has slept with other women in the past but they knew it was just a booty call, so is my friend another booty call as well? He says he never felt anything with the other women except for my friend

[Asker]

i calmly told him, okay and thank you for being open and honest but I was moving on that friends was where this going to stay. I don't think he was playing me but just enjoying no labels. He was always home at night, not out so I don't think there is anyone else but even still, make up your mind.

i think I was his comfort zone... sadly and that was all

[gemini72]

I doubt you are a game but you are a comfort zone, no doubt.

Fortunately, you haven't been chasing him and that's good.

He says he knows it's not fair but that he's working on it? Ok, what has shifted in the relationship to show that he's working on it? All of the variables are still the same since the beginning so it would seem. You talk, you have sex but that's about it. What if you didn't anwer his every phone call? What if you were out with the girls for a night? What would his reaction be then? Likely, it would be an upset in his comfort zone and that might invoke some real thought in him.

I would try that (and it's good for you BTW to have a life seperate and apart from him) and see what happens. You can't stay in limbo forever.

[Asker]

I won't be answering. He made his choice even though it is still confusing. I just wasted a lot of time investing in that

[Anonymous]

No. he just doesn't want to put a title on anything right now. he kinda still likes to feel free or is not too sure yet if he wanst to take that next step with you yet. So he is pretty much not ready to make it official in other words but wants to still continue to let things flow. Its good to not rush anything but at the same time if your feelings continue to grow more amd more months are going by and he has still not made any commitment to you or he still can't say then its time for yall to seriously have that talk. Let him know if he wants to keep you he is going to have to step it up. We as women have to set requirements for these men or they'll just have it there way when its two ways ok? But if its not somethin he wants and you do then you have to move on or your just building up false hope.

[Asker]

Thank you. I updated. I am so confused and mad too at 4 months lost on this