How to deal with not having a strong male figure in my life?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been single my whole life. I didn’t have any great male figures in my life. I didn’t have any male friends either. I am 22 years old and sometimes I wonder if I will ever have a strong male figure in my life. Is it my normal to desire a strong male figure in my life? Like an older gentleman as a father figure to talk to about life and receive some input about life and to have that strong relationship. Since I am single I feel like I am missing a male figure in my life 😞 and I still desire a father figure in my life. It just kinda feels weird to not have a man to look up to for any kind of help In my life. ( I am very independent & take care of myself well) I would like to have strong relationships in my life especially a father figure. Is this normal? I don’t have many friends either :(

[Bad_Man55]

Being you are strong and independent you have done just fine without needing that male figure or much else. However if you just want the interaction and relationship you can work on meeting someone you feel comfortable with and understands what you are looking for, likely will be difficult but it's possible for sure

[RHK36]

Doesn't sound like you need it more than you would like it. If you want one try finding a mentor I guess. If you ever feel like talking or venting, feel free to message me.

[Asker]

I did have a male mentor at one point however I deeply dislike him now. Over the course of about 3 years of mentor ship my real emotions were invalidated and I began to feel less than.

[codyccc]

Seems like you actively avoid it your hole like and you finally just realized it

[Asker]

Apart of it has to be because I was told that men are dogs and I should stay away from them since I was a young girl so I never felt comfortable around boys/ and then men as I have gotten older

[codyccc]

So obviously some in your family probably your mom was sexual abused or assaulted and that hatred was passed on my advice join the local volunteer fire department there usally run by a stern but fair older male mentor

[Asker]

Yeah my mom is the one who told me that. She also always criticized me and my body even though I’ve never been over like 100 pounds my whole life. :( I don’t know if I would want to do that. I used to have a male mentors but he just became someone I can’t stand because of how much is invalidated my emotions every time I need to talk about something. ( he would encourage vulnerability but would invalidate me constantly :(

[codyccc]

Your actual dealing with this in a surprising professional way a lot of girls in your situation end up stripping but you need some far more qualified then me to deal with your issues

[Asker]

What do you mean? Do you mind rephrasing?

[codyccc]

Your dealing with this in a relatively healthy way but in not a psychologist so I can only offer limited help

[Asker]

I understand. Thank you. But why would someone who is supposed to be a mentor invalidate my feelings? I feel that it has made me dislike him very much to a point where I am uncomfortable around him and fear his unpredictability

[codyccc]

Boys are taught to ignore freeling from a young age and "man up" especially when he would be growing up so he probably didn't realize what works when mentoring young men won't work with a young woman or at least not one a shelter as yourself

[Anonymous]

I didn't have one in my life either. So I adopted the sitcom fathers of the shows I watched growing up.

[Anonymous]

Don't worry. You should get one. Soon.