Why do both men and women do everything they can to justify cheating, including blaming their partner?

Question

The question speaks for its self. Its mind boggling, I could never cheat on my wife, i believe in honor, honesty, and most of all loyalty.. As does my wife. I cannot understand why someone would choose to hurt their partner like that, and then blame it on them..

Browneye57 · Accepted Answer

The stats are in...
About 75% of all LTR's endure some sort of infedelity over the course of the relationship
About 15% of those survive, even grow stronger. The rest implode.
Cheating is pretty well split 50-50 by gender, but women are better liars so the stats are skewed to men.
75% of divorces are initiated by women.

People have all sorts of reasons to justify cheating (you're stupidly naive by the way) but mostly they are missing something from the relationship, and go seek attention elsewhere. Some just like the excitement, some are just bored. So while you can't blame the victim of cheating, there is nearly always culpability for failures in the relationship. And why some can come back from the brink of splitting the sheets.

The bottom like is that happy couples in love don't cheat (where you are). But people go into relationships for the wrong reasons and with unreasonable expectations, so there's a lot of disappointment and frustration. Being in love, marrying, having a family, isn't about what you'll GET out of it, it's being in a place in your life where you're all filled up and have so much to GIVE you are ready to share your life with someone special. Many just never get to this level of maturity, and that's okay too.

Women in particular react to their feelings and emotion. If they become unhappy or bored in the relationship they are highly likely to shut down sexually, cheat bail, or any combination. Men will tend to hang in there just hoping it will improve.

CaptainOverthink · Accepted Answer

I think most people dont know for themselves the reason for them cheating either. Maybe they just go with the flow sometimes. And when they are confronted about it things just come out without thought, they get defensive and start making excuses.
Knowing why you do something can at some times be something that takes a lot of reflecting over ones life to figure out, sometimes some people who lacks insight never does. Then it might repeat, because nothing was solved.

I don't think all cheaters are bad people at heart, some just lacks understanding of themselves or perspective from others. We're all flawed. Oftentimes in different ways from ourselves in ways we have a hard time understanding.
This does not mean we should excuse their behavior, everyone has a responsability to work on ourselves, for ourselves and others. But it does mean we shouldn't judge someones whole persona too harshly just because they work differently from yourself.

But there are many reasons for people to cheat out there, there's never just one awnser to such a question.

BlackTealLazer · Accepted Answer

I can't explain that. My very first boyfriend said all the nicest things to me and promised I'd be his and he'd be mine and only mine. I wasn't able to come online to see him for six months. But then, I'm able to come back, and we spend several weeks together. But ONE DAY out of all those weeks, he cheated on me, and then claimed it was because I wasn't there and he really needed someone.

Um, I wasn't able to come for all that time before because of my parents, and he didn't think I needed him?

Bottom-line is that people who cheat are self-centered, and they only want things from you. If you're not there to satisfy them, they find someone who can. But that doesn't make it right. Whoever does this needs serious help, and they're too afraid or prideful to admit it.

jgirl99 · Accepted Answer

I have no idea. There is absolutely no justification for cheating. U commited to a long term relationship. U commited to another person, To give them ur all. No excuse for it. If ur unhappy, u communicate with them whether its ending the relationship or WORKING on it. Cheating is never NEVER okay

pervertedjester · Answer

Human nature I would guess. "It's okay if I do it, because I'm me and I'm never wrong."

In_Trance · Answer

This is a much larger topic than can be discussed on a forum like this. I have studied this extensively. Short answer; you never know what you're gonna do in a situation until you're actually in it. Nobody ever thinks they'll be the one to cheat, but millions of people are. It can happen to anyone. Why? because they're not getting something from their partner. Usually validation; which can be in many forms. When cheating happens, it's the responsibility of both people involved. A relationship succeeds and fails based on the commitment of both people

jshm2 · Answer

The same reason kids do it.

It'd not "mind boggling" in the least. But a trait in some, and a habit in others.

Kids from abused/abusive households tend to have such habits. Mainly as they have experience of punishment and trauma, but do not have the mental tools to act appropriately due to a traumatic/problematic upbringing.

Be it bullies who pick on their betters, or bitches who try and sleep with their (ex) friends boyfriends. Most of such habits can be traced to childhood issues.

This does not, of course, justify cheating or abusive behaviour in adults. But highlights that you need to have active listening and ask the right questions of potential partners. Instead of being a forlorn dimwit that falls for looks and charm, then ends up divorcing/breaking up later as they were used by a monster.

youcancallmealizah · Answer

Acceptance of a sin or mistake or habit takes a lot. You need to deal with your nafs (ego, attitude, guilt)

You need to have humility in you to accept.

Because acceptance involves infinite direction of result and consequences.

But once you fight within yourself, you don't worry about the future. You accept it and leave the rest.

People often fails for themselves because of nafs like I mention before. Sooo...

Elsa143 · Answer

World needs more men like you. That's the reason I'm gonna stay single for don't know how long. I won't allow him before I see that how worthy and honest he is. I'm really good at picking out the liars and shady people because of my experience with jerks. Some liars sugercoat, manipulate and even lick your ass.

Oigit · Answer

An ugly truth is that as a species we can justify some extremely messed up things. We can even feel justified in doing so, when what we did is completely unjustifiable. In a lot of situation it seems like our emotions have left or mind way behind. Because when you take our emotions off the table, we can't justify what we did. So we wind up with a raging internal conflict and a lot of self hatred.

Anonymous · Answer

if they are withholding sex from me as punishment, she's on her own. I EXPECT sex when I want it. that's why I signed the damn contract. Sex, when I wanted it lol. Like, wtf c'mon now! There are times where I can understand but you ain't making me go a week or more without letting me do my bidness. The only difference is I wouldn't keep it secret. I'd tell her ass, "if you ain't gonna give me sex I'll look elsewhere for it." She can either do her duty as my wife or I'll find another outlet. I'm not going to be chained down like a slave. And if the reverse was true, she'd be justified too. You have obligations in a marriage, satisfying your partner is one of them.

Anonymous · Answer

I agree. But sadly there are many cowards around. Strength of character is something I wait for and watch closely for now. I really liked this guy but when once I found out he’d lied to me and had a long distance partner it completely threw me off.

Anonymous · Answer

Because they're weak & inferior individuals. They can't "own up" to their mistakes so they blame everyone else for the fact they have the self-control of a rodent.

People cheat. But those that go other of their way to justify it are usually at the bottom of the social totem pole. They are generally undesirable with a reputation of cheating or being unfaithful. It's become so habitual that they can't stop & like any addict in a way blame the world for their own flawed behaviors.

Voodoo_Rose · Answer

Because if they can justify it even a little bit that means the other person was pushing them away and they had to find those feelings somewhere else. And cover the fact that they didn't try to fix the problem when they first felt it.

mattmanyah2 · Answer

Because when you discuss a group it's inevitable that the worst characteristics come out of that group... Not all men are bad not all women are bad you definitely have to weed out losers though

SexyAshh · Answer

I don't know seems dumb to me. Just breakup if you want to cheat. If you want to do it and keep your parnter, get into an open relationship, that way no suprises. Simple.

Jack9949 · Answer

Most people cheat because they believe their relationship to be incomplete from what they want. But if that’s the case, can’t you find another? Or communicate those needs with your partner? People are just immature and want instant gratification.

Dchrls78104 · Answer

Because they are immature little children who have meddled in adult things before their time, and as such cannot handle the responsibilities that being in an adult situation (a romantic relationship) brings.

ronaldo75 · Answer

Men dont justify cheating or blame their partner, they downplay it and minimize the importance of the other woman.

Woman play the victim and blame their partner for not being enough for them or hurting them somehow.

FrustratedPikachu · Answer

Selfishness. They’re just shitty people and there’s little more to it.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

If im dating a girl who is a ho, hell no is she entitled to me being faithful to her. I mean i tell her i believe that so she knows whats up but im not going to sit home and wank it if my girlfriend isn't around when she used to be out fucking randos before she met me. Thats some bullshit.

Unit1 · Answer

We call them assholes/sluts (and unfaithful) and they exist as do mosquitos and cockroaches.

Mollynotgemma · Answer

Why ask the question? Perhaps I’m wrong... but perhaps you are in denial?

Jakeofalltrades93 · Answer

because its easier to blame someone else than take responsibility for their own actions

Anonymous · Answer

Do you see guys blaming their parents often for cheating? It does happen. But how often?

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah--blaming it on the other person is just weak. You've got to own that shit.

Anonymous · Answer

Two way street... or that person is a hoe sex addict

JosyJosy · Answer

They don't want to be told they're in the wrong

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

Because everyone can be greedy and want personal gain

8lutty · Answer

when u dont love ur partner anymore, then with u ur partner is just a stranger, nothing between u 2 have meaning anymore

Dargil · Answer

To avoid accountability

Gedaria · Answer

Sadly it takes two to make a problem...

Liam_Hayden · Answer

Cheating is based in selfishness

WowwGirl · Answer

Can't own there actions or admit fault

Vegeta00 · Answer

BECAUSE WE ARE ALL PIECES OF SHITS!!!

truthlove34 · Answer

i m alone i want anyone i ll never cheate

KingJared24 · Answer

I don’t get it

Why do both men and women do everything they can to justify cheating, including blaming their partner?

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