What's The Biggest Thing You Think "People" Don't Understand About Relationships?

Question

People is in quotations because  this is not an invitation  to gender bash men or women, because  both  are making mistakes in relationships,  not just one gender or the other  Found this article that goes over the 5 stages of relationships. Here's an insert and the link to said article: June 21, 2020 The five stages of a relationship are the Merge, Doubt and Denial, Disillusionment, the Decision, and Wholehearted Love. Every single relationship moves through these five stages—though not only once. Think of these stages not as steppingstones to a final outcome but rather as a series of seasons that we move through in an eternal cycle.

Lliam · Accepted Answer

It's true that relationships follow a trajectory, beginning with infatuation.
I hadn't heard of the stages - "Merge, Doubt and Denial, Disillusionment, the Decision, and Wholehearted Love", but sounds right.

I think people often have a tendency to take relationships too seriously just because sex is involved.

Reasons why people take relationships so seriously include:
1. Neediness. They want someone of their very own and get into a relationship with that goal in mind.
2. They think sex is something sacred to be granted only to the perfect, life-long partner. They think sex, itself, is a commitment.
3. They are influenced by romantic books and movies about "true love" that leads to "and they lived happily ever after". In other words, they have unrealistic fantasies about romance.
4. They are compelled to start a family as soon as possible. Some people imagine starting a family as a "and they lived happily ever after" scenario, as well as a way to have someone (a child) for their very, very own.
I don't think any of these things are particularly healthy, although I do understand a desire to find a romantic partner who is also your best friend and companion for life. I even understand the desire to start a family.

The problem is, putting too much pressure on a relationship can lead to eventual alienation. Either one's partner doesn't live up to expectations or the partner starts feeling trapped.

Would it make more sense to treat relationships more like developing friendships? You don't put expectations or demands on friends, so why would it be okay to do it to a best friend just because you engage with them in sex? It might be healthier to cultivate deeper and deeper friendship and understanding. Let the relationship grow organically all while enjoying the sexual aspect.

The purpose of a relationship doesn't have to be lifelong commitment. They can be entered into just for fun. When I was young, the last thing I wanted was marriage or kids. But I engaged romantic relationships because wanted to have sex with soft, cuddly females and I found steady relationships much more fulfilling than hook ups.

I really, really liked my girlfriends. Aside from sex, we hung out together, went places, and did lots of fun things together. You know, like really good friends. I suppose in the back of my mind, I might have entered into each relationship thinking that it might turn out to be "the one". But realistically, I wasn't ready. That being said, I wasn't going to refrain from relationships until I was ready to settle down forever.

Nawlins34 · Accepted Answer

That the beautiful portions of it ( love, sex, feelings, etc) are quite amazing, but… if you can't answer yes to the following, it won't' last:

1.) Can we solve problems together as a team?
2.) Do we have compatible coping mechanisms?
3.) Do we make our relationship our priority?
4.) Can we tell each other everything?

Yes to the aforementioned questions will get you a lasting relationship.

Majesty101 · Accepted Answer

The fact that a healthy relationship is an elastic, loving bond between two individual people. I think most people smear that meaning with co-dependency, conditional love, sexual desires, and naivety/denial. A relationship will never sustain with those aspects involved. People also get confused with healthy relationships and toxic relationships. In a relationship, both parties have to love their partner AND themselves in order to fulfill each other's needs and, if any, mend/heal each other's wounds... that's the point of a 'bond'. If there's no equal give and take, the relationship can become one-sided or toxic because of the imbalance with the energy vampire involved. You're sharing a loving space together while also being individual beings. You can't give your all to someone because that leads to depletion for yourself. You have to maintain that 50/50 to fulfill that 100%

CriticalDiscourse · Accepted Answer

That you will magically know if a relationship is going to work/that everything has to be so obvious from the start.

Every relationship that I have been in that has been genuinely awesome resulted from meeting people I wasn't fully sure about. It actually took months of getting to know them and actively dating before I discovered that our personalities worked.

I think we're deluded into thinking of things through a lens of "love at first meeting" and such. When, in reality, your ideal partner could have been that cute person that you may have not actually considered before getting to know them.

MrOracle · Answer

The #1 thing is that, in order for a relationship to be successful, you have to treat it like a TEAM, and you have to put the needs of the team ahead of your own needs most of the time. That means you aren't always going to get everything YOU want, and sometimes sacrifices will have to be made - but if you are both reasonable, are highly-compatible to start with, and work together, your team is almost certainly going to experience more success than either of you would have on your own.

And let's talk about compatibility here: the media and even friends and parents often teach or at least strongly imply that "if you love each other, everything will work out." Well, that's just HORSESHIT. Feelings are important, but they're not going to solve substantial incompatibilities between two people. That is why it is CRITICAL for a long-term relationship to succeed that the two people have a high level of long-term compatibility - and that's something you MUST determine very early on, before you have committed to each other, because otherwise, you're just wasting your time, energy, and probably money on something that has no chance of succeeding.

What do I mean about compatibility? I'm talking about issues such as, how each of you feels about:

marriage
children
careers
lifestyle
finances
family obligations
religion
education
life goals
etc.

If you aren't compatible with each other on these things, among others, then your relationship has a ticking time bomb built in it, and sooner or later, it's going to explode, and the relationship may not survive - and perhaps neither will you.

Jaximus-Lion · Answer

The link you share can not be opened.
The 5 stages is correct in this subject, i have been reading similar articles about relationships. From what i see and hear all the time that people suffer from in a relationship is lack of communication, denial and refusing to adjust. My brother got divorced 2 years ago and I saw all the flaws in his relationship before it even started, but our community has brain washed us good when it comes to younger people can not give good advice to those whom are older. Plus! His ex was worse than he is, BY FAR. there is a lot to talk about on now days relationships but at The same time i would bother my self unless it's a family member.

JackSmy · Answer

I don't know what the right word is. It's like being totally trusting, and letting yourself be totally vulnerable, open, and maybe terrified, at your worst moment, EVER, and who would stay for that, be there, at that time? Maybe just that special ONE?
I've said it before, with others, when they are so embarrassed, having thrown up, on me, maybe, and I am holding their hair back, and holding them as they know that they drank too much, and made a fool of themselves, but I am still there, with them, doing what I can, and not judging, as their Demons are not mine to fight, but theirs, and I will help them, in that fight, if they need that. . .

AndrewMG · Answer

I think I'm a great mate but I'm not sure if I'm a great person to be in a relationship with, because I think in a friendship you joke about your insecurities but in a relationship you are faced with your insecurities. I'm a laid back guy who will have a joke with friends, but I'm not sure if anyone needs to live with me 24/7 at the moment.. that sounds more serious than it should, my point is that everynow and then I might need to gather my thoughts on the sofa whilst watching football and having a beer. lol

Tunasub · Answer

That being honest and open with yourself and your partner I one of the main building blogs if they are wanting or trying to build a better stringer bond with the person that they are with.

I can't and won't speak for everyone I would rather be hurt with the truth than fed a lie for what ever reason.

Hosty builds trust, and if you'd partner can trust that no matter what good or bad that what comes from thier partner is the truth and can count on you 90% of the time. (10% wiggle room) only because, shit happens.

If there is no trust. Most likely there was a communication issue from the beginning.

That's all I have.😎

Anonymous · Answer

Commitment has many levels. Yes, don't cheat. But also don't be too quick to give up.
If they were ill, you'd tend to them.
But there are also times when they need you to step away from them so they can grow emotionally. There are times when for various reasons you do not feel loved.
Part of commitment is to try to be what they need you to at different stages of your lives. They won't know this and won't thank you for it.
There are limits of course - noone wants to be a doormat or flog a dead horse, but within those limits there's work to be done.
I guess what I'm saying is play the long game and keep the faith.

DizzyDesii · Answer

People should work towards getting what can make them happy both now and in the future. Yet, people either
#1 go for temporary fun and suffer in the long run
#2 something they dont want but “need” and still suffer of boredom in the long run

Im single because i want what works for me now and later. And thats hard to find

MrsJaximus-Lion · Answer

all of it they think its all sunshine and rainbows never put effort in the right place and never want to understand how the other feels and how to work it out
for the last 5 years i am seeing so many relationships falling apart and people i know asks me all the time what is our secret and i always tell them communication and a lot of hard work but they think its not worth the work i talk about and am exaggerating and thats why i do not care any more about what people tell and ask

BreadNbutter · Answer

I think people lack patience and realistic expectations these days. Quick to feel inadequate because of a post and fail to keep their private relationships private. I think we all take for granted the good people in our lives, act as if they’re going to be there forever. Most importantly I think people fail to put forth good effort. These things make a huge difference when it comes to being with someone

ineedatan · Answer

1. That it's not about falling in love with a "perfect" person. But more so about love an imperfect person perfectly.

2. That a relationship takes effort from both sides of the party to keep the flame burning.

3. That majority of it isn't going to be "the honeymoon phase" where it's all happiness and butterflies, but being able to actually build a future together where you share and push each other to build on your individual and couple goals.

VIVANT · Answer

True Communication is not nagging nor picking a fight.

People often to assume genuine attempt at communication is some dirty under handed or clingy behavior and shut down.

On the other side people have to learn to communicate rationally and calmly so you don’t create an excuse for the other person to shut you out.

No one is taught communication unfortunately. So it’s trial by error with emphasis on error. 🥵

Yads_Is_Back · Answer

In addition to the things you said, it’s a mutual effort. Everything isn’t going to be perfect 100% of the time. And you should do things and even go a little extra % over your 50 because you want to, not because you have to. If you’re all in it for yourself then you don’t need to be in a relationship anyway.

SCRUMPSHUDILLIOCIOUS · Answer

It is absolutely not about them and what they want. Being single is about self but relationships require middle ground and
often doing and trying things outside of
one's comfort zone. I call it compromise.

Relationships take work, hard work to maintain
and you being in a relationship doesn't mean you won't see or find others attractive. This is not a license to cheat or pursue others but a
willing acknowledgement to forsake others for better of the relationship.

broken_heart_at_48 · Answer

Most people in relationships don't seem to understand it's a give and take in all aspects of the relationship and you should put in the work to keep it new and the love exciting. Really now a day's the younger generation seem to miss quite a bit when it comes to relationships

Kurαȷ · Answer

That choosing the right person is infinitely more important than whatever "effort", "commitment" and "hard work" you try to slap onto a relationship with someone who clearly wasn't meant for you.

NamerOfStars · Answer

They think that a relationship is an end in itself; that you get there and then you're done. It's a staging point, from which you go on to make something wonderful. They're the Azores, not Hawaii. While I don't know from experience, I imagine that marriage (or its equivalent) is the next step in the process, which would be... um... Cuba, maybe? Stupid colonial nations, colonizing with no considerations of how it'd affect metaphors four centuries later.

Lionman95 · Answer

That men and women communicate differently. Both partners think they give much and get not enough. The thing is just they give what they would like to get and are stressed out when the other one doesn't give them credit for doing so.

triff · Answer

The biggest problem is a lot of relationships are built on lust and desire What is difficult is to understand each others wants needs likes and dislikes which comes down to mutual respect of each other Learn about each other don't just rush in

Citizenkirk · Answer

The biggest thing a lot of people in failing relationships don't understand, is that a relationship is a team effort, involving all members of that team. If everyone on that team isn't a team player, the game is lost, before it even begins.

TCredo · Answer

I'll read the article later but to the headline question... I think folks often don't understand (or maybe more so underestimate) relationships take work... it's not always easy... it's nice when it is but that's not how life works :)

What's The Biggest Thing You Think "People" Don't Understand About Relationships?

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