I met this guy at work few months ago, and he immediately told me that he’s in a relationship with a girl he’s in love with, and that just like me he just wants a platonic friendship which is a thing I immediately agreed, to even tho I was attracted to him ( I felt attracted before knowing that he wasn’t single).
The problem is that we started to spend so much time together, that he ended up confessing his feelings for me, by telling how I’m so much different from his girlfriend who no longer cares about him, that I’m everything he ever wanted in a woman and how he wish he had met me before. I replied that it would be wrong, and that I feel too bad for his girlfriend to accept his feelings, even tho I was secretly In love with him too, but he then kissed me and I kissed him back like a dumb bitch.
He then broke up with his girlfriend the day after, and asked me out. It’s been a month now and I couldn’t be happier with him, cause he spoil me a lot and treat me like a real princess while we didn’t even have sex yet, cause he’s waiting for me to be ready for it, but I can’t help but feeling bad for his ex, at the point that I sometimes literally wish that karma would hit me and make me loose him the same way I got him, but my boyfriend keeps telling me that his relationship wasn’t that great to begin with and that I did nothing wrong, but I felt like I did. I love him so as much as I hate my self now and I’m confused. Can I truly be happy with him, even tho I acted like a homewrecker?
Does it make me an evil person that I stole another girl’s boyfriend?
It makes you a woman who has a boyfriend, and her a woman who doesn't. Right or wrong, who gives a fuck. You won. We're all evil in one way or another. The Stoics would say that you should live entirely based on virtue, and that pleasure will come as a result of that.
I suppose it just depends on your own personal philosophy. I certainly wouldn't call it virtuous, but is it true that life is best lived virtuously?
Perhaps Machiavelli had the correct idea, and you should simply manipulate your way to satisfaction.
End of the day, relationships are war. If you want a resource, you take it. Someone else called "dibs"? Okay. Too bad. That's life. Some win. Some lose.
Incidentally, sounds like you found a real bitch-man. He'll prolly be wrapped around your finger. The idea of a man being totally dedicated to you, even leaving another woman for you, might sound seductive initially, but in the end, women tend to prefer men who aren't subservient and boot-licking. Weak, for lack of a better word.
*sigh* Don't mind me. I'm in a cynical mood, myself, today, due to girlfriend problems. I'm very confused.
Either way, fundamentally, like I said, it depends on your philosophical position on virtue. I personally don't give much of a fuck. End of the day, he "chose" you. And, end of the day, his girlfriend fucked up. Like mine has been doing. So. She lost him. She lost the war, because she was insufficient. You proved you were more sufficient. The end.
What does feeling bad about it accomplish? Should you also feel bad for the deer that are getting eaten by Tigers in tasmania, too? Because they got a bad wrap. That's life. We all suffer. Maybe compassion is good to develop, but if it damages you, what's the point? That's some heavy philosophy, and I'm in too bad of a mood to contemplate it.
P. S. I wouldn't say you really "stole" him. Unless you were actively seducing him away from his girlfriend. If it was just a natural thing, that happens, and it's more his girlfriend's fault than yours. She fucked up.
Sounds like he lied about him loving her. You don’t just develop feelings for someone else if you love someone. But in any way, he did technically cheat by kissing you and develop feelings for you while he was still with her, despite him breaking up a day later. It’s a good thing he didn’t continuously cheat on her with you. However, I wouldn’t keep my hopes up with this person. The way he left his girl for you, is a typical behavior of someone who doesn’t stop doing that. Meaning, he will eventually leave you for someone else.
I also was in a loveless relationship with a nitpicker. I broke up with her and after 3 months, I found my current girlfriend. Did I love her immediately? Nope. But the feelings developed over time and are much stronger than when I was with my ex. It could indeed be that he got a better compatibility with you than with her. That’s just how life is. But you’re a rebound. Don’t forget this.
And was it evil from you? Well, it’s morally bad. But at the same time, this is typical female nature to compete with another woman for her man. Some act on it, others don’t. You acted on it. You could have diverted your attention to a single person, but nope, you chose this bloke who was already taken. So you’re also to blame for this. It could indeed be that he got tired of his previous relationship and there was no love. But at the same time, you’re a fool to believe him if he tells you that he “loves” you.
You’re still in the “honeymoon phase”. What will come after that will be interesting. So I guess, go with the flow, just don’t be surprised if he ends up cheating on you with someone else. What goes around comes around.
You can't steal another woman's man unless they want to be taken. He knew very well that he was interested in you from the get go, which is why he planted the whole "let's be platonic" line just to get closer to you eventually. Even though both are you are in the wrong, you knowingly came between a relationship regardless if it was rocky or not and knew this person was already involved with someone else.
As a woman, put yourself in that other woman's shoes: would you want another female to come between you and your relationship knowing fully well has girlfriend/wife aka you? Of course you wouldn't, you would be hurt right? Also I'm letting you know right now, there's nothing good about catching a man who drops current relationships for something new or shiny. Cause he just proved to you that the moment another pretty shiny object catches his attention or give him the time of the day, you're at risked for being dropped for that other pretty shiny object as well.
Not only that, you caught a cheater, there's nothing great about that all. How can you trust him knowing all of what you both did? How do you know you're the only one? As the saying goes, you loose em' how you catch em'. Now I'm not going to say you're an evil person, but you really should of thought more about the situation out of respect for that other girl, you should of put your feelings aside and said no. All I can say is, I hope things work for the both of you and that Karma doesn't come at you full swing.
This is also the reason why a lot of women do not trust leaving their boyfriends/husbands around other women. Instead of going after him, they'll attack the woman most of the time when in the end he wins and the both you got played.
No, I don't think this makes you an "evil person." Emotions, thoughts, and behaviors are all interconnected and are sometimes difficult to understand. People make mistakes all the time. So while I don't agree with what you did, I also will not vilify you. It takes two and if what you have said is true, your boyfriend is the one who initiated things with you and he is the one who chose to end his previous relationship.
While he should have waited to kiss you until after breaking up with her, at least he did end it instead of continuing to see you while remaining in a relationship with her. I can understand why you feel bad for his ex but that's in the past now and you are with him. All you can do is focus on your relationship now. The only thing I would be worried about is your boyfriends behavior. If he was able to cheat once, he could very well do it again. Perhaps that is a conversation you should have with him.
Ah, xHoneyxBeex! This I think is an example of a question where I think the responses would be different if it were a different sex person asking it. In other words, if the asker were a blue, the pinks would respond differently and so would the blues. Then again, I believe this is true of a *lot* of questions on GAG, and has been demonstrated by a few GAGers confessing multiple accounts of different genders, both asking the same questions with different results.
-HOWEVER-
I believe *your* answer would be the same if it were a blue asking the same thing. And that, dearest xHoneyxBeex, is a testimony of how highly I think of you. Your compassion knows no gender. Kudos.
I more or less agree with you, with one exception.
She's not *totally* innocent of wrong doing. I too wouldn't call her evil (generally a label I reserve for murderers). However, I don't think it's a good idea for her to do that, as I think it will increase the pain felt by the jilted party. But allow me to be the first to admit I might be wrong. If a friend came to me with this dilemma (and I'd like to think I would answer it the same regardless of gender), I would advise she never return that kiss. Ever. I would advise she tell him, if you decide to break up with her, come to me in a few months. Then we'll talk. Otherwise, it's a no go. And she should limit her time with him.
The question isn't even about if you did the right or wrong thing... The question is, did he? And will he do the same to you? Will you become the girlfriend he tells some other girl that she's"so much different from his girlfriend who no longer cares about him, that I’m everything he ever wanted in a woman and how he wish he had met me before."... 🤔🤔
People read too much into these scenarios. You didn't steal him. The rule everyone follows is that you can't be in love with two people at the same time. You love them but can't be truly in love with them. If he was really truly in love with his girlfriend then you wouldn't have swayed him in the least. If he fell in love with you then he wasn't in love with his girlfriend.
This is not concrete as people can be tempted all the time, where their loyalties lie are a different story. You are guilty of temptation but not theft. You hide behind the facade that you were putting up a front that you didn't want to wreck his relationship when in fact you didn't do everything you could have to stop it. You did state it that this couldn't happen but did you really put 110% into trying to prevent it from happening?
Now the thought will be what will stop another woman from tempting him once the newness has worn off? That is what hook, line, and sinkered this guy for you. But, this is only partly your fault as he is to blame as well. He stated he was in a relationship with a girl that he loved but yet he fell head over heels for you. You had everything his girlfriend didn't. Kinda like buying a new car, you think you are happy with old faithful until you take a new model for a spin and see all the things your old car didn't have. Then old faithful looks like a P. O. S.
I say stop beating yourself up and enjoy the spoils. You didn't wreck anything that wasn't already broken. Like I said if his love had been concrete then he wouldn't have been tempted so easy. You didn't make him do anything that he wasn't already thinking about doing. If it wasn't you it would have been someone else, better it was you.
I think that there were problems way before he met you. If they were truly in love you nor any one could have broken them up. Do I think that you are a home wrecker? No Are you evil? No. The reason why I think this is because evil people have no conscience. They wouldn't have even considered the other girls feelings. I have been in rough relationships and I have seen evil women. My late wife was not evil. Even though she had cheated on me. Her reason behind this was she thought I was cheating on her. I was not truthful with her but never unfaithful. I have struggled with depression my entire life. I had seen a doctor and was put on antidepressants. This one was one of the worst at causing my sex drive to take a dirt nap. She never seen my med bottle until I had found out that she had cheated on me. She asked why I didn't want to have sex if I was not getting it from some where else. I handed her the bottle and told her to research it. The look in her eyes was... I don't know how to say it.. best word would be devastated but it was not your normal devastation. Like wrecking you car. Like a part of her soul died. The same devastated look that is in my eyes even 14 years after her death. An evil person will never have that type of look. I have always been an eye reader and it's TRUE that you can see the truth in some ones eyes. I have seen sadness in a few of my managers eyes when they had to let me go. I have seen fear and the whole gamut of feelings in others eyes. An evil person will have the cold eyes of a life like porcelain doll. No soul is behind them.
I wouldn't say you're an evil person: I'd say you're inexperienced and naive. They always say that you're the one they were looking for, and that they aren't having a great relationship with their current partner. Then they cheat on you, or "upgrade" to the next one. People like that can't keep a relationship going for long. They treat relationships like a game: It's either fun, or they're getting bored and they have to go have fun with someone else. They're incapable of true commitment, and lack an understanding of what relationships actually are
You didn't steal him. You're not evil. You're not a homewrecker.
He said himself that his ex was no longer interested in him. That's not something you did. That's something that had been going on between them for a while.
Neither of you cheated. You both tried staying platonic as long as you could and neither really did much (save the kiss) before he broke up with his ex. That's hardly homewrecker behaviour.
You're okay. Don't worry about it. Karma was already at work when you two met, you've not done anything wrong.
When someone has a girlfriend/boyfriend it is always best to bow out so your example doesn't happen. But I guess he didn't love her as much as he thought. They say that all is fair in love and war but in the case of stealing a boyfriend/girlfriend it is not. Don't be surprised if Karma gets you back and someone steals him from you.
@Juxtapose That doesn't matter as she shouldn't have been hanging with him in the first place. What makes you think he would treat her any better? If you can't treat someone you supposedly love then you won't treat anyone right. But it wasn't the guy that said he was treating his girl badly, it was the stealer. Well, maybe she will get some of the same and maybe the other girl missed the bullet and was really the lucky one. Cheaters never prosper. www.bing.com/.../search
In modern relationships people are often nothing more than objects for self-satisfaction. Go on an online dating site, notice "filters" like height, income; the process is much like buying any other product online. If you think he won't do the same to you, his newest "product", when something more appealing comes, just be prepared for a reality you created. His love is conditional on you being what satisfies him, not loyalty, effort, etc. needed to make a true functional relationship work. Your choices are yours, just be prepared when the temporary pampering (conditionally) wears off & you're in that other girl's shoes.
Yes 100%. If he can leave someone else for you, he can also leave you for someone else. Don't worry. Karma will hit you up in the form of another bitch just like you. I will pray for that. Who knows? He might be having a platonic friendship rn with another bitch and saying "I love my girlfriend"
It doesn't make you or him evil. You don't owe his ex any loyalty, he did, because he was the one in a relationship with her. He was the one who cheated on her with you. He was the one in the wrong. He chose to betray his girlfriend and then ultimately end the relationship.
He wasn't happy with her, so he should have ended it rather than cheat , but that's just my opinion. It Is what it is. He was wrong to cheat by my standards, but no one should feel obligated to stay in a relationship with someone they're not happy with. At least he ended it with her, so it'll give her a chance to find someone who does love her and want to be with her. However, the situation says more about him than it does about you though.
More stupid than evil. What do you think's going to happen to you now?
What goes around comes around. Whatever evil thing you did to that other girl, you'll pay it all back plus interest. She's now free and you're stuck with a faithless flake. I like her trajectory a lot more.
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Anonymous
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I don't think you are a man taker or a house mate taker. he looked at you because he was lacking something in his own relationship. It happens a lot in married couples even. However, just a warning, speaking of your karma you ask about. He could still go back t talking to her and either be good friends again or even be confused with you.
You're not evil You just had to set some boundaries once you found out he had a girlfriend. But it's not your fault it's his. Because he too had to set some standards since he was in a relationship. Just don't think everything will be flowers ans roses between the both of you, because the same thing he did to his ex girlfriend with you it's same thing he can do to YOU with someone else.
Your a selfish bitch 😭and a home wrecker can’t believe your proud of that✋ if he didn’t hesitate to leave u for his girlfriend what makes u think that he won’t leave u for someone else? My god both u and him are stupid asf and I wouldn’t wanna hang around y’all at all😐
Eh, if it was day followed immediately by a breakup.
I personally wouldn't consider it cheating if my girlfriend did that to me. Otherwise people emotionally cheat alllll the time before a breakup. I know women keep backup dudes in a line.
@Juxtapose if that's case, then why stay? Why break up with her as soon as he got involved with someone else... if you ask me, it you as me that sounds like he waiting for "the grass is greener on the other side" moment/opportunity. If she was treating him so badly, then he should broke up with her long time ago before getting involved with someone else.
Oh don't spend too much time wishing for that karma as an Anonymous TROLL I am quite sure it will happen when he realizes you are not that sweet girl you professed to be but have a tiny useless penis and live under a filthy bridge with the other TROLLS on this site.
If any woman can entice a man to leave the person he is with, that relationship was done. The problem you have is that you are with a cheater. So the next woman he decides to be "platonic" with, then kiss, you will be the one cheated on instead of being the scum that helped him cheat on another woman. Don't kid yourself, a kiss is cheating. Relying on another person emotionally, is cheating.
I'm not going to judge whether you did anything wrong or not. I will however warn you, if he left his girlfriend to be with you, what makes you think that he won't leave you for the next girl that catches his eye? He definitely was wrong, instead of letting her go it wasn't working out, he had to make sure he had you before letting the ex girlfriend go.
I say it would make you look bad. But heck, no one is perfect!! He broke up with her and then is with you !! So no problem he is yours only... just keep an eye on him... to always work with you and if he does change jobs then keep an eye and hear 👂 open lol...
