Should I confront this girl who has been stringing me along?

Question

I started talking to this girl over a month ago, she wanted to take things slow, which I was fine with. We had set up multiple dates, but she backed out of all of them because she didn’t feel ready yet. The last two were ones she asked me on. Then she proceeded to ghost me for 2 weeks, but she said that she wanted to stay in contact but needed to take some time.

I would respond to her and ask how she’s doing. She wouldn’t respond for a week and then check in, and proceed to not respond again after that. I had assumed she lost interested and didn’t send her any more messages. But I was surprised to see she texted me today, but with no reaction to any of the previous messages I sent. I responded and asked how’s she’s been because it’s been a while. If I don’t hear back from her, I kind of want to send her another message to put it out there that this sucks, and that I don’t appreciate how I’ve been treated. I don’t know exactly how to word it without coming across as a jerk, but I have a tendency to let people walk over me because I don’t want to hurt their feelings, but at the expense of my own. If she didn’t send me another message today, I would have just let it go, but I feel like I need to say something at this point.

Dongtai · Accepted Answer

Confront her? No. It’s not going to magically make her go out with you. It sounds like she’s using you for an emotional fix through social stimulation whenever she needs it but doesn’t want anything romantic. She’ll come and go as she pleases because she knows you’ll reply. How do I know this?

I’ve done it. I have met girls who wanted something romantic when I clearly expressed that I didn’t want anything beyond friendship. But they stuck around and kept throwing hints. Id reply whenever I felt like it. Minutes. Hours. Maybe days. These girls would send multiple texts in a row if I didn’t reply and reply fast when I finally responded.

I can say that I enjoyed the company and conversation but I took my time replying because
1.) I have a life. I work. I have family. I have friends. It’s not my responsibility to make a person feel secure and wanted via text.
2.) I didn’t want to hurt their feelings by telling them to stop texting. Their neediness made me feel like they couldn’t handle it. I also made it clear I only wanted friendship and I enjoyed the friendship.

Don’t confront her. Just stop playing the game with her. Don’t reply to her texts anymore. You have her pattern. Break it. If she asks you why you aren’t talking to her, that’s when you explain it.

“Hey. I really like you. But you blow me off all the time. I want a woman who can offer me more than you are. If you can give me more let’s keep talking. If not, let me move on. I enjoyed knowing you but where we’re at isn’t what I’m looking for.”

If she goes out with you, great. If she doesn’t. MOVE ON.

zeitgeist057 · Accepted Answer

Dude, I have a chick almost exactly like this. My advice: Don't sweat it.

Also, don't confront her or make a big deal out of it. Just let it be what it is. If you want more from her, you're going to have to push a little harder, but just a little. I haven't with my situation because I don't actually have time to spend with her atm, so I don't want to push for something then say "oh I don't have time" if/when she wants to hang out.

For now, she keeps suggesting we hang out, then I say ok, sure. Then nothing happens. Same bs with taking from a few days to over a week to respond.

The other thing I would say is don't put all your hopes on this girl, either. Just let her be in the background where she has put herself. If she wants to put in a little effort in the future, play it by ear.

estoydorado1 · Accepted Answer

This is gonna be blunt:

She's playing you and wasting your time. I can't respect that from anyone. Even if you gave her a piece of your mind, you would likely be wasting your breath. If she is too busy to meet and it has been numerous months, she shouldn't be planning all these dates. And if she claims she's "not ready to date" then why is she asking you to clear time in your schedule to meet her on dates? Going on a date is not the same as committing. If she's unwilling to meet then she's basically telling you "I don't want to know you". Dating is the "getting to know you stage"

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Yes do say something. You will know if a girl is interested in you. She is the jerk. I would say something now, or just leave it. In the past I have strung guys along, barely. There was one guy I was taking to for a few weeks and he asked me out but I didn’t feel quite ready to meet him. I just simply wasn’t interested so I told him that, and it hurt him. I still feel bad. In your case, the girl is putting in just enough effort to make you think that she is interested in you. You are smart to realize that she is stringing you along. Never let anyone walk over you.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

This is a woman who clearly does not deserve any investment of your time and attention. If you bother with "sending her a message," you are investing more of your time and attention in her. If you message her, she is not going to "wake up" and start acting better. Just block her and move forward.

coachTanthony · Answer

I would confront yourself not having standards in place!

pajamasam · Answer

I would directly ask, "are you really interested in me? Or are you just trying to keep me as a plan B?" Because it seems like she may bee holding you as a backup. It sucks but guys and girls both do this. Court two suitors at once and leave one kind of out to dry just in case the first choice fails. Its lame but people do it.

Ask her if she is really interested or not, and the constant guessing game of wether the relationship will progress or not is killing you. Let her know that you need to know if its time to move on, or to finally take it seriously.

Texaskid1 · Answer

Nope.

Walk away from this woman. She is playing with you.

WALK AWAY... and spare yourself the humiliation of getting kicked around by this girl.

While you are pining over this woman she is out messing around with other guys. She owes you nothing and you owe her nothing.

Don't waste your time with some women who is not interested in you. Never let women string you along.

I would recommend you start learning about redpill ideas. Some people will make fun of it but I can tell you you will see things differently.

MecheD · Answer

You know what , it’s moment like these where we let it go as a “tomorrow guy” and we have a tendency to harbor those neglecting feelings until it tears us down and we sometimes take it out on the wrong ones. so I’d say , all pain is left where it came from so tell her about herself and then move on. Blessings to you my guy

Knighted2170 · Answer

You could word it that you are trying to be understanding, but you don't understand the multitude long breaks.
Then just state that if she is no longer interested in talking to please let you know.

It's a way wording to put everything on her and her actions, not that you get butt hurt. It's rather effective and points out their flaws.

Hope that helps.

PessicaJeter · Answer

Personally I would call someone out on their BS like this if it were me. But yea if you do and after you hear whatever is this girl might tell you, just cut contact with her. You can definitely find a different girl who won’t waste your time with childish games.

Puppystarfish23 · Answer

Sounds like she's being selfish and playing you like a fiddle. If she's not ready for a relationship she shouldn't be messing with you. Your feelings matter just as much as hers and right now it sounds like she's wasting your time and only thinking of herself. Your not a toy she can pick up and put back down again when things get hard that's not how relationships work. You support each other and open up more not ghost and close off from each other.

slatyb · Answer

How would that help you? Mostly it would just tell her that you are clueless about dating and angry. Just accept that she's not really interested and move on. You have no relatiónship with her and she doesn't owe you anything.

Truthatanycost · Answer

No you don't need to confront anyone, you just need to stop giving women attention that disrespect you. She should have been blocked and deleted ages ago.

Anonymous · Answer

Say: I don’t know whether you’re aware of how you’re handling this and whether it’s your intention or not, but I don’t like it and it really seems like you’re playing games and I’m not interested in any further contact then.

JackSmy · Answer

Dude, shew doesn't want you!! Date her roommate, or best friend, just to piss her off!!

likelyOK · Answer

I would just get rid of her and move on she is stringing you along though

FakeNIK · Answer

I had a experience like that bro.. well it's good to give your 100% but sometimes things just don't work and it's better to find someone else..

dudeinohio · Answer

Yesh.. I'd be sick of her games by now and move on to someone else. Go ahead and confront her.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

She is jacking you off for an ego boost and using you to warm her friend zone bench.  Ghost this bitch.

Anonymous · Answer

it would nice if I meet someone like you. most guys walk over me

The_Outlaw · Answer

She won't care, so just leave her be. She's in it for the attention.

DWornock · Answer

She will keep you on the string but you are good enough for her.

just_legit1998 · Answer

Don't confront her, get over her. I know that feeling and believe me, it's not worth it.

Should I confront this girl who has been stringing me along?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said