My boyfriend is friends with his brothers girlfriend who has always been disrespectful of me, is this a red flag?

[Anonymous]

we’ve been together for over a year. She has never approved of our relationship even though she's never taken the chance to get to know me. I've tried several times to be civil and even friendly with her but it never works. She tried convincing him to not talk to me when we first started dating and tried hooking him up with one of her friends. Long story short, we couldnt let go of eachother and we’ve been together ever since. Through out our whole relationship, she's always talked bad about me, made fun of me and forces my bfs brother - the one dating her - to block me on social (we were once friends on social) and treat me like trash or like i dont exist in person too. I can tell this isn't his typical behavior and its her making him for the “sake” of saving their relationship. My boyfriend and his brother are best friends and I won't come in between them but the fact that he's still friends with his girlfriend who continuously disrespects me really bothers me. He claims he doesn’t like her but doesn't say anything to stick up for me or remove her from his friend list off anything (not that i asked him to remove her) Is this a huge red flag? Im stuck on what to do. Im tired of being nice all the time and just brushing it off.

[Ozanne]

I know he should take your side, and everything in me says he should - BUT I think a lot of guys try to keep the peace so they just remain friendly with everyone, especially if the girlfriend has been in the picture longer than you.

Try taking it from a different angle and instead of trying to change her (because she won't change), just be the better person and ignore her completely. You can remark to him that you've tried, but in the end, it's not working so it's best you say on your end of the family, and she on hers. Also, you don't know what goes on behind a closed door - your boyfriend may very well be saying something to his brother, hoping that she'd ease up. You should do your best with ignoring, because the second you say something or react, you're giving her exactly what she wants. Act like the reason why she's wrong.

Inter-relationships within families are not always perfect. I, for example, can't stand my brother in law because he's a shit-disturber in my marriage, always trying to create a riff between me and my husband (and it always backfires, yet he keeps trying). I had an aunt who hated my mom. I currently have an uncle who hates my dad (and the feeling is mutual). All you can really do is what's best for you, and control what you can. You can't control your boyfriend's relationship with his brother, so don't even try. You can express to him that it hurts that he seemingly takes her side, but that may be as far as it goes. He won't kick her off his social media, but he could try to speak on your behalf that all you want is to get along.

If nothing works, ask yourself if you can see yourself putting up with this long term. If the answer is yes, and you feel that your boyfriend is worth it, then try to focus on that and know that almost all of us go through in-law trouble, some people worse than others. Vent here if you must, but whenever possible, learn that she makes herself look worse whenever she behaves this way, so let her sink her own ship.

[Vickymoore9]

I think it time you do a relationship inventory before investing more time into it. Also you need to talk to your boyfriend like sit down and make it the point and subject. When my dad first started seeing my step mom I was the little jealous bitch making smart ass comments. I could tell she was sick of me and she wasn’t leaving like the others I ran off. I kept it up one day she sat me down and asked me why I hate her. I was a little bitch she had a smile the whole time it pissed me off more I was so jealous of her. She must had talked to my dad, he sat me down and said she told him she tried to make friends with me. I flipped out my dad said I like her and I’m falling in love with her and I’ll always love you. We had a huge conversation every day for about two weeks till I started treating her nice. I was just jealous I didn’t want to give her a chance when I did it was awesome I consider her my mom now we are best friends. I think you need to make your boyfriend confront her and his brother to make the respect you. I think he should ignore and avoid them till they stop their actions that’s ridiculous and you don’t deserve to be treated like that. I always apologized to my step mom about how I treated he she always laughs and saying it’s ok it was cute. I know it wasn’t cute I wasn’t making it cute I was a little bitch and I’m sure that’s what your dealing with a little jealous bitch!

[CakesNCream]

Yeah, I would take it as a red flag. He doesn't seem to care much about what she's doing to you if he continues to be friends with her without saying anything at all. It just shows he doesn't give a damn.

It also sounds like this girl is jealous of you.

[Avicenna]

She’s a bitch. The problem lies with her

[Iron_Man]

That is a red flag

[Anonymous]

yes, red flag