I'm 24 and in love with a 16-year-old. What should I do?

Question

First of all, sorry for any English errors, I'm Italian. So, I'm 24 and I live in this building and my neighbours next door have a son who's 16 years old boy. A few days ago we were alone in the elevator and he looked a little strange. I asked him how he was doing and then he looked at me and said he was in love with me, that he would watch me from distance, that he couldn't stop thinking about me etc. then he started crying. As we got to our floor I invited him in so he would calm down. I told him nothing could happen because that would mean trouble for both of us etc. After that I couldn't stop thinking about him. He's 16 but he really looks like 18 or 19, he's pretty hunky. Seriously, he looks much older than he really is, he's about 6 feet tall, and he even has chest hair, I noticed when watching him playing soccer near the building. Yesterday, it was late at night I was coming home and he appeared out of nowhere looking sad, saying how he loves me. We sit in a bench and he cries again, but this time I was not freaked out, I thought that was sexy and romantic, then I kissed him and "touched" him.. .I couldn't control myself, the whole situation was really sexy... then he begged me if he could see me again. I said no, but I can't stop thinking about him, he's really sweet, handsome and masculine, and I've been pretty lonely since my last relashionship. I know this is dangerous and kind of innapropriate, but I'm considering giving it a shot, after all he's almost 17 and whithin a year he'll be 18 so we can have a relashionship without having to worry about this. In addition, the fact that it's forbidden makes it even more appealing to me. What do you guys think I should do?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

The Anonymous Female User (The first and currently only female to post) brings up valid points.

The issue here isn't so much the age difference but the factor of A) maturity, B) emotional levels, C) feelings of lust versus love, D) commonality, and E) feelings of loneliness.

Age isn't really anything but a number. What really plays into things is the maturity level of the person. You can have a 12 year old who's more mature than a 40 year old. To a degree a mismatch in maturity can work, but when the degree of separation is big enough the immature person's novelty wears thin and the differences in behavior between the two people begin to clash and sometimes quite drastically.

Emotional levels of a younger person can be such that they believe they are in such great love in a relationship that only lasts a week that when it ends they lose it and think the whole world is ended. The younger person is likely to have a degree of attachment that is much stronger than the older partner and this can cause problems if the younger person becomes needy or dependent on the older person. This is why emotional development is very important.

It sounds like the both of you are in more of lust than love. You've listed nothing about his personality or interests, only about his looks. (Beyond that you found his crying romantic.) Relationships have to be built on more than simple lust and desire. You both claim you're in love with one another but neither seem to know the other well enough at all. However, that being said the whole point of a relationship is to get to know the other person (not to just have sex as seems to be a misconception now-a-days). If there's something promising there and there's desire to get to know the other person to determine if there's really something there, than that's great. But you shouldn't jump all in without knowing more about him.

I covered commonality in the above paragraph, so I won't repeat myself.

Lastly, you say you're feeling lonely since you're last break up. This general feeling leaves people vulnerable to feeling attracted to someone who shows even the slightest sign interest because you're trying to fill the emotional void caused by the loneliness. This is not a good way to make decisions about being with someone. It shouldn't be a basis for being with someone. It might be good to back off from things and try to get to a point where you know you're single and may not like it, but you aren't feeling so down about it either. This is a much better place to be making decisions about being with someone.

Again, I'll emphasize that the 8 year difference between you and he is not really a big deal. I've known couples with much greater age gaps between them. But the above points are really what should be considered. And yes, of course there's a legality issue between minors and non-minors as well.

christian2724 · Accepted Answer

That sounds romantic.  Like out of a movie or something.  I'm picturing it (with subtitles) because you're speaking italian.  I honestly don't think it'll get you in a whole lot of trouble since you're a girl.  It is a big age difference...   I don't think anyone will think of him as a victim or you as a predator like if the genders were swapped.  If you think you can keep it discreet I think you should see him and thoroughly enjoy it while it lasts, just as a fling even.  You should stay in control and realize it likely won't last.  But yeah, sounds romantic, these things don't happen often.  Just be careful and make sure he know's the situation.  Keep it quiet, you don't want gossip, and build a friendship first.  Incase it doesn't work out and he's still your neighbor, you won't mind.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I think you shouldn't be with him. He's a kid still and I don't believe you guys are at the same place emotionally and maturity wise so I think it makes no sense to get involved.

Apart from finding him attractive what do you have in common?

Seriously, I understand there are exceptions and what not but being 16 really is so young. Why does he like you so much? That's not meant to be rude at all but from your question it doesn't seem like you guys even talk much...

BeachTiffany · Accepted Answer

if you really love him, wait until he's 18. in california, the legal age is 18 but I'm not sure what it is in another country. the age difference isn't the problem but if you can go to jail for it, don't do it.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Move to a country where this retarded law doesn't exist. 16 is old enough.

ObscuredBeyond · Answer

Talk to his parents about your concerns. Let them have the final say, and respect their wishes.

When I was 19, I was interested in a girl that was 15. I insisted everything be chaste and proper; and had no problem with chaperones being present. I didn't hesitate to tell her mother what my intentions were and to get her input.

In the end, she decided she didn't want her daughter seeing me. The age gap between 20 and 16 by then was simply too much. That, and her mother felt the girl would only get me in trouble since she liked to hang out with thugs.

Whatever you do, don't try to do this on "the down-low." You'll only get burned.

TyroneJayJackson · Answer

Well many people would frown on the age difference, But how many couples who are grown up have an age difference? I don't think there's anything really wrong with it, If you want to take the risk, I say go for it, Otherwise wait until he's 18 and be on the safe side.

standUP · Answer

I think the crying all the time he see's you is a predy good clue , that the boy is STILL a boy..

there is a chance that Dominique Strauss Kahn will pardon you if they convict you, there is hope for that...

needlessthing · Answer

well here in New Jersey...in the US...the age of consent is 16. With no age limit. So a 16 yo could sleep with a 90 year old if they wanted. I say check your laws very carefully...or just wait the 2 years.

BigDog1989 · Answer

I mean, it's ok to be, since 24 and 16 is legal, here in my state, I don't know about yours, but, at the same time, you have to ask yourself, why? Why do you like someone SO MUCH younger than you, that can't even drink yet, or vote, barely drive

Anonymous · Answer

You should break this boy in right. You can show him so much he'll never forget you. Of course it can never last, but he'll think of you fondly and often.

MikeK · Answer

What you said really touched my heart. This is why I love European women more than American women =)

JackCarter · Answer

You're free to have a relationship with him after he is 18!

Anonymous · Answer

Italians are weird, American women would find it a turn off if a guy cried for the reasons he did...

Jazzy54 · Answer

È troppo giovane per te. Per favore trova qualcuno della tua età.

Jackblue · Answer

What will his mother think, will she want to beat the stuffing out of you?

barn_stormer · Answer

the age of consent in Italy is 14. you have no legal issues

Kacka · Answer

wait till she is 18 and go ahead, untill then same as till now it was, whaterver how it going.

anonymousgirl123987 · Answer

OMG! what are you waiting for? how many of us are just waiting for something this romantic to happen and you're doubtful? go get him, girl!

Armada · Answer

What a lucky guy lol.

luiyuichifi2 · Answer

i have fantasies about older women

In_Trance · Answer

Your profile says you're 36

azn101 · Answer

What a lucky guy.

I'm 24 and in love with a 16-year-old. What should I do?

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