Why do some women love possessive men?

Question

Apope16 · Accepted Answer

One of my best friends is a woman. She had a boyfriend that would tell her "You are mine!" or "I own you!". She is not really a very submissive person. She has a strong independent career. But she told me that at the time hearing that turned her on. It made her wet.

She has since dumped this boyfriend because he was a pathetic guy. But I think I understand a bit why it was so appealing.

There was this desperation about him for her. I don't think a lot of women are used to being truly lusted after. To have a big burly strong man desperate to be inside you. To have a man with his massive body wrapped around you in a possessive or protective manner, guarding you, holding your waist from behind... whisper in a sweet low tone "You're mine baby... I own you..." Then there is the sex part of dominance where he overtakes you in the bedroom. A strong masculine presence driving into you.

So I think that is the appeal from the standpoint of a man trying to understand a woman. It makes a woman wet as fuck. What makes it a turn off is when possessiveness becomes finicky where a guy wants to know everything about where a woman is or in any way limits her freedom.

SilverRain92 · Accepted Answer

We have a saying in my language "Love is evil, you may fall in love even with a goat". I don't think that people can really choose whom they fall in love with

Luv2BRealExotic13 · Accepted Answer

Possessiveness is unhealthy and toxic. If you’ve grown up in a household where all you know is abuse and invalidation a “possessive” partner gets misconstrued into making a person feel safe, loved, and validated. The other person is mainly excited that someone finally sees them. When really the possessive person is just in love with the idea of you being a disposable play thing. The minute the non-possessive person start vocalizing that they have their own thoughts and ideas and it’s going against the grain of what the possessors ideas are the danger escalates. They prey on insecure people that they feel won’t recognize this type of abuse. Possessiveness also leads to isolation and controlling a person that they can’t reach out for any type of assistance if they do want to leave, losing sense of independence making a person reliant on the possessor because it’s been insidiously drilled into the victims head that no one will love them as much as they do. Which is not true but they’re so blindly distracted by the now they have a hard time thinking and knowing they deserve better.

Eliiiiii · Accepted Answer

I asked someone "Why are you guys so possessive in a relationship?"
He replied - "Cus whenever you are talking to some other guy, we know what's he upto and what's going on inside his head, we know his intentions cus we have been there, done that"
I personally find them protective and i love that.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

I would assume they had a controlling parent or a caregiver who told them their opinions didn’t matter or are not worth listening to - in adult hood unless intervention takes place - children will sometimes remodel the connection they had with their parents so a woman who was loved will look for a loving partner and a woman who was abused will look for an abusive partner etc...

guesswhoseback · Answer

Because they mistake his possessiveness as strong masculine energy when it’s actually the height of male insecurity. Possessive guys are deep down MUCH more insecure than a simp, “fake” nice guy (different than a genuine nice guy), etc.

Possessive guys are very dangerous. They are the most likely to get violent, engage in real aggressive stalking, possibly rape you out of a need for control, etc. That’s NOT love. That’s deep insecurity or worse.

These guys can be avoided if some women didn’t feel the need to shit test guys with jealousy games. Some women will purposely hit on or flirt with other guys to see how the guy they are dating reacts. If he acts like he doesn’t care he can be labeled a “simp/cuck”. But if he gets over the top jealous he is possessive (which is passing the test) but it’s asinine.

Don’t shit test guys. No one wins with that bs.

Also be aware of the dangers of possessiveness. Yes it makes you feel good to be that wanted but it’s not about you, it’s about him

Makeushiver · Answer

There must be some mis-guided thrill of feeling overwhelmingly desires, Unless he drastically changes, he will continue with increasing control, Probably escalate to physical violence.
I'm really sorry if I;m raining on your parade but if I'm right, the sooner % cleaner you break it off the less pyscho nightmare stuff that you may be if for.

Does he ever het insistent about what you wear in xocial situation?
Does he ever get upset or angry thinking about you flirting with other guys when he's not even close?
Does he want to know where you are at most times?
Does he try to keep you from meeting or having friends you had before meeting him?

Please ask yourself long, hard and as honestly as possible. Think about keeping a weather eye for any future change on direction on his part.
Once you get involved the more helpless you may be. I might be wrong but there is rarely a good reason for a man to want to exert any type of control beyond choosing 1 topping for pizza. It's so hard but if you can force yourself tolook at his behavior objectively. If you close enough for friends to know this guy ask some of them what they think. You don't need to mention control, if someone else has seen it, they'll likely mention
Did you have any issues with brothers, your father or any imposing male figures who was controlling when you were younger

Hogwheels · Answer

Some women enjoy being possessed. This can be abusive too, but it doesn't have to be. There are perfectly healthy relationships where the man is possessive. Its not for everyone, but it is right for others. Sometimes it's a mutual possession where both the man and woman feel possessive of each other and they both enjoy feeling possessed.

When one doesn't enjoy it and the other insists on it is when it becomes abusive, or when one becomes so possessive that they unilaterally control and monitor everything the other does. Unfortunately, abuse victim can get stuck in these relationships thinking they can't leave for one reason or another.

All that to say, when it's healthy, it can be a beautiful aspect of the relationship, but it's not for everyone and should not exist in a relationship where one is uncomfortable with it. If one can't live with it and the other can't live without it, they're certainly not meant to be.

broken_heart_at_48 · Answer

I think they start off feeling wanted, important, and special because in the beginning they don't see just how bad possessiveness can become and by the time they see how cut off they are to their previous life it's too late. He's already got you away from your friends and family. If he's really good at his trade he manipulated you into doing all the dirty work so you feel like he was on your side and the issues that made you part ways with your previous life had little or nothing to do with him. Possessiveness and jealousy can be serious warning signs. In my opinion you should cut bait at the first sign of either

Jjpayne · Answer

I think for two reasons. One a person that's familiar to them, they are in a relationship simply because they think it's the best that can get, it's a fear yet a false fear

and it helps them to feel safer as they can appear stronger and more protective.

HikerDude · Answer

In my experience, most women want their men to display some level of possession over them. The more feminine the girl, the more she wants her man to be ultra-masculine, with all that entails. And from what they've told me, it's the feeling of being so desired that men want to mark territory on them that turns them on so much. Being desirable is what gets them wet, and that's what drives half the traffic on social media, girls looking for that feeling of being desirable.

RingOfFire · Answer

Who doesn't want to be cherished like that. I love my girl to have a little possessiveness. As long as it isn't psycho possessive it's really nice.

A girl wants to feel special and "owned" to one extent or another. Some may like more of it than others, but without at least some of that feeling, what's the point of a romantic relationship?

DiegoO · Answer

They think possessiveness is an indicator that their partner care for them. Usually those women are also possessive, until things start to get violent, some realize, possesiveness means psychological violence. You can only posses something, never someone. On average possedive people are deeply insecure with who they are as a person, therefore the trust they should have with others, specially their partner, is low, to none existant.

TallAnon · Answer

If we go Freudian, then that's likely because their father was possessive and they grew up with that kind of relationship, they have grown accustomed to it and feel more comfortable with it, otherwise they'd have to be exposed to the unknown and they don't know how to handle that.

hellohruu · Answer

It makes women feel wanted when they’re insecure about themselves and feel embarrassed about themselves for some reason

herthaxx · Answer

I mean some might like it because it shows that men love them and its like a powerful thing to them. Some might not becuase its a turn off or it terrifying i meand as long he doesn't have serial killer traits or criminal record i guess its fine.

Alpha09 · Answer

No idea. Though insecurities tend to play into it a lot of the time I'm finding. There's a difference between being protective and being possessive. Possessiveness can be toxic and dangerous, no thanks.

Mhmmmalreadykno · Answer

It makes them feel loved, wanted, and protected. But if their super possesive it starts to lean towards clingy

AriaSkullz · Answer

Sometimes we don't see it as being possessive... To us your showing that you care and want us. You could be with anyone but you chose us and only want us and for some it's a turn on.

psychoticanimallover · Answer

Underneath it all, we’re barely animals. Some of us are distinctly plant-like without much self-awareness.

CriticalDiscourse · Answer

Because they correlate it with being desirable, when in actuality, it's a toxic mixture of mistrust and a lot of deep-seeded issues.

TeeBar · Answer

It gives them a strong sense of being "wanted", an increased sense of self-worth, and security: quite comforting feeling!

chHaynes · Answer

This may be what I call a very common question women who are more mature I love Paws of men because it makes them feel better about themselves and they are usually fun to hang out with when you get a positive got to hang out with

JSmuve · Answer

Because it pacifies their fear of abandonment and satisfies their need to feel desired.

Kiran_Yagami · Answer

Because women love to be possessed, obviously. The fact that you don't want to be possessed doesn't matter. There are outliers to every rule, but that doesn't change the rule. The simplest answer is usually the correct answer.

Kaneki05 · Answer

I love possessive women... so other-way around for me. And why? comfort of been wanted.

boggboss · Answer

Same reason some men love women that cheat on them or hit them

Dre_808 · Answer

Maybe because it's different at first. Maybe they like it at first because they see it as the guy being protective, but then later it turns into possessive.

Whitemeatchicken · Answer

They only think they do. Once they escape though, they head for the hills.

SavageGirl101 · Answer

I don't know cause it’s hot I wanna have my own little Christian grey

crmoore · Answer

It's typically a dominance thing, with sprinkles of "he must feel so strongly and passionately about me."

Wiredone · Answer

Most likely because the woman has low self esteem. She needs to be told what to do and when to do it.

EaterPeter · Answer

I heard this in one if the Ray Rays / Jen An's movie. Marry him because he is crazy for you and leave him for the same reason.

yagro · Answer

Each man learned to value women differently. That is why it is crucial that the relationship is mature, that both seek the same goals and respect each other. Use the word us more than I do.

motownplayer2000 · Answer

Sense of security in the familiar. And the whole not having to protect yourself

DiscomfortZone · Answer

Daddy issues low self esteem. It's quite pathetic, but is pretty much a victimless crime.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Because its natural for a woman to be a mans property. Girls know this thats why they desire it.

David_Bayer · Answer

Personal preference. Just like some men love possessive women. It's funny that picture is of the opposite :D

AkshiJanjua · Answer

They think that their possessiveness means that they love them. This generally is the result of insecurities of thinking they cannot be loved

Luckycharms12 · Answer

Don't no sounds boring if get your own way all the time

colin77 · Answer

Ask them... but lack of knowledge and bad upbringing plays a big part

bklynbadboy1 · Answer

Cause they want a man that will take charge. Do you like that

the_sinner · Answer

I guess it’s just a fetish for some women. I don’t see any other genuine reason.

Knightoffire · Answer

It is like a constant proof of their love for them.

bdbdjd · Answer

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Asianguy123 · Answer

Oh yeah? I didn't know that. but I guess woman need strong man to hold on to.

SphynxUK · Answer

No idea.  Possessiveness is a red flag.

eileen_ruth · Answer

Because they feel wanted and loved and cared for?

sheikalana · Answer

The enjoy being submissive or controlled by a man.

Sevenpointfive · Answer

because they are too afraid to leave?

Clyde_123 · Answer

It makes me feel wanted

Grond21 · Answer

Because they feel more safe and more significant

R3DthatDude · Answer

They like feeling wanted

chriscdi · Answer

never seen a girl that does

catsandbroadway · Answer

We like to feel loved

legalboxers · Answer

maybe its daddy issues?

michael1469 · Answer

They like thier hair pulled and ass slapped?

Nazgol · Answer

It makes them feel loved

imfreeze95 · Answer

Some do but I imagine they have daddy issues

Deku2009 · Answer

I am not her type not really possessive

H8INCHES · Answer

They probably have confidence issues.

portlandjason · Answer

Because its attractive.

Wowboi · Answer

The they get is worse than drugs

Lostguuy · Answer

Because it makes them feel really needed mabe?

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