Is it silly to get upset when my boyfriend asks for alone time but is online gaming with his friends?

[Anonymous]

My partner (28) often gets into low moods where he asks for some time alone to wind down as he doesn’t want to come across moody with me. I respect this and give him this time, however lately he will go over 10+ hrs not texting me but is online speaking with his friends until early hours. He says it’s nothing to do with us, and he is very much an avid texter so it’s not like he’s one of these people who just don’t text. I know I shouldn’t dictate how he spends his chill time, so do I have any right to feel upset?

[NamerOfStars]

Different people decompress in different ways; this is just how he does it. His relationship with his friends is not the same as the one with you; he gives you more and so it takes more out of him.

Strange as it sounds, this is actually a good sign: he's committed to you, wants to give you his best, has other friends, and uses them as a healthy coping mechanism. It sounds like the problem is that he's indulging it a bit much of late, yes? If he says it's nothing to do with you, he likely has some serious stress he's trying to deal with- or perhaps one of his friends does.

Now, your awareness of and respect for his need for solitude is also a good thing, but if you need more from him than you're getting, it's not unreasonable to ask. I'd be careful in the phrasing, however; "I want you to spend more time with me", while reasonable, can come across as a demand. Something like "I've noticed you've been spending a lot more time alone, gaming with your friends lately. I know you use this to work off stress, and I'm wondering if everything's okay. Is there anything I can do to help?" not only sends the message that his needs are legitimate, it's more likely to be seen as concerned than accusatory. His reaction may also give you some insight into how he sees it and what it means to him- if he thinks of those he's playing with as his friends, he's obviously not doing it alone; if they're just some people he plays with, that's less likely to be a sticking point.

It's not silly to want him to make you a high priority for his time, and it seems like you have a decent understanding that he's a separate person with his own needs and desires (a surprising number of people don't). If you want him to communicate with you more, it's okay to ask- but go in thinking of it is a request, not a demand. Relationships are about give and take, not about conforming to a preconceived ideal.

[hahahmm]

Yes.

It's not really about what he's doing. It's about you feeling like you're not the center of the world. Get over it. Are you his parole agent? Strange you seem to think he has to check in with you every 2-5 hours. Most guys don't need constant contact. Unless they're desperate. Do you want a desperate guy who has to cuddle with you 24/7 ? No, you don't.

Why don't you try closing that mouth and stop nagging him & complaining. Don't be a debbie downer when he's not feeling well. That's the worst thing you could do. You're just adding to his problems. You want to be seen as a good thing? Be a ray of sunshine. Cook him a good meal. Get your own hobby so you don't have so much time to sit around thinking that he should be entertaining you. Or hey, do something crazy like ask him how to show you how to play a game that he likes.

[bananabitvh]

Reading the answers from the guys in this thread just kind of goes to show the thought process your boyfriend probably has behind this whole situation. Whilst I do think he could at least message you ever now and then, it’s probably a case of overthinking and letting it get to you! I would try and busy myself, do FaceTime calls with your friends, if you play games on anything then busy yourself with that! Lockdown is getting to the best of us lovely! X

[Paris13]

He should at Least be Considerate and Text a little when TIME OUT On his Own at Home. Talk to him. xx

[Paris13]

Thanks to Gag. xx

[Tyrael]

As long as he's not neglecting you for the most part then I don't see it being an issue. Gaming online with your friends is very different from hanging with your partner. Don't take it personally when he says "alone time" and ends up online with friends, that's the alone time he's talking about.

[jgokgotit]

Maybe he needs time to himself. The most healthy relationships have it to where there is a balance between couple time and individual time. However, I think you are more upset that he does not straight up tell you he wants to have guy time on the games than you are upset at the amount of time he takes and that he is on the games. If I were you, I would figure out why you are upset and then find a way to talk it out. Maybe he can help you.

[InferiorElegy]

Nope, would you like it if he get mad at how you spend your alone time because it's not with him? Sound like the poster who is complaining about her boyfriend who bought himself a brand new computer and not an engagement ring for a relationship that's only on its 18th month.

[genericname85]

what do you mean "only"? what's wrong with that? it's "HIS" private time. he should be able to do with that what he wants right? guys connect with their friends over videogames. that's not just some stupid waste of time as some may think.

[sheikalana]

Don't get upset. That's his definition of alone time. Be more understandable all of us need our me time.

[JEndigoBleue]

No.

Rather by himself or with friends, it's his time. You need to find your alone time while he's doing his. So, you want worry about him.

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

What is wrong with that?
We are all at home now and he misses his friends.
I am sure he also gives you plenty of attention.

[pleasestopthis]

Yes, it is. He deserves his alone time to spend it with his friends. Gaming won't hurt you and he is entitled to decide if he wants to play or not.

[nailsandhair]

I sometimes do get upset too but I guess you will need to try to communicate this with him. Alone time is always needed. Sometimes you need it too...

[Feruser]

It is stupid to play console games it shouldn't exist. Inestead people should be outside spending time together with people practicing activities with their couple like dance salsa.

[ik9999]

Yeah, because it would be better if he went to clubs and hit on other girls))))))))))

[Juxtapose]

It's pretty much just a guy's night out, I wouldn't think too much on it.

[msc545]

This is trivial compared to some problems you might be having. Let it go.

[Waldoe]

online gaming is not "talking", it is an activity that's done "alone"

[Shellyworld]

You have to learn to respect his hobby. Maybe he beats depression by playing games.

[Luckycharms12]

Nothing wrong with having time to yourself

[Anonymous]

It is very silly to be upset about a guy gaming.

[Anonymous]

How he spends his me time is up to him.

[Silvius]

Yes, it is.

[jahaims]

Yeah