Ladies, how do I tell my girlfriend that I need time to myself?

[snowboarder720]

My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for a little over 3 months. I stay at her place on an average of 48+ hours a week. Text everyday and FaceTime every night.
We both live independently with full time jobs. She has it worse than I because she’s about to graduate with dual masters. She’s constantly stressed about her job and school (understandably so).

My problem is that she ALWAYS wants me to be physically there for her. When I explain to her that I need personal time to myself her feelings get really hurt (I’m happy to text and FaceTime over the evenings).

How do I explain to her that I deserve personal time to myself in a way that will respect her feelings better?

Updates

+1 y

Thanks for the helpful answers everyone!

[rodeschaap]

Don't start with "I need time for myself" as she'll interpret it as a breakup. Start with telling her how much you like/love her and that you like being around her (if you do), but that you need more alone time.

[SphynxUK]

Just be honest. Call it me time and not space, so she doesn’t get the ring idea.
It’s not healthy to be up in each other’s faces all day everyday. You can end up feeling smothered.

[razelove]

Ask for marriage or space. Either both of you give up personal time, and it becomes your time (shared) or both of you agree that having time to yourselves is something you need. I mean, you can still have you time in a marriage, but it takes a lot of effort, and something your spouse has no interest in.

You happen to have more free time, she made choices where she does not, and chooses to spend most of her free time with you. That's admirable, but you aren't sharing resources, a home, or plans for the future. Neither of you is under any obligation to spend your free time with each other. Especially not all of it.

Also, simple reality, how do you handle your problems and ambitions if you're glued to her? I'd really sit down and talk about the future, where you two see things going, and how each of you see that happening. The only realistic way for both of you to spend more time together is if there are no you problems or her problems, and if it isn't heading that way, she might be holding on tight before your lives, careers, whatever, pull you apart.

Only you and her know about the situation y'all have, I can only make assumptions.

[Teaganp]

I think that you should just be honest with her. Say everything you said in this post. Let her know that your feelings for her have not changed and you wanna be with her but you just need a little time to relax and unwind. She should respect you enough to give you that space. She should understand that your whole life shouldn’t revolve around her, you’ve obviously understand that her whole life shouldn’t revolve around her. I went through the same thing with my boyfriend, we’re long distance though so I had to get good at understanding that he couldn’t check his phone every two minutes and he wasn’t going to be doing nothing just because I am. Just let her know that sometimes you need “you” time or time to just hang out with your friends without her around. She should understand that you need a couple hours a day without her. Even if she doesn’t understand, she should respect it. You respect her space and privacy, she should be able to return that favor whether she likes it or not.

[Kha0tiic_xo]

Honestly if her feelings are easy to hurt, then no matter what her feelings will be hurt, just tell her you're not trying to hurt her feelings but, you can't always be physically there for her because like her your extremely busy and your trying to be there for her as much as you possibly can but you need time to yourself to deal with your stress from work and life and that you still want to facetime and text just you can't be there physically 24/7! And if she really cares about you she'll understand!

[Zealashton]

what, the actuall fuck , you need mental help really, like, if you and her bought a house lols, you be off someonewhere far away majority of time, i say you need to break of that relationship asap, you really not ment for it,

like god dam, i hate hearing this type of bs, really, like what you going to do when you buy house to geather, . mostlikly yell and fight and then get divorce, .
buddy. you need to sit down and really think about it, relationships are not a toy. they may be fun, but they are not for kids

[stardust2021]

What’s her love language? Sounds like it’s physical touch and/or quality time. If it is one of these, she might feel hurt or rejected if you don’t want to spend as much time together as she wants. If you can’t give her what she needs, might be time to break up.

[boggboss]

There is no other way past just explaining that too her that u need time for yourself

[snowboarder720]

Her natural response is “do you even care about us anymore?”. Not really sure how to answer this.

[snowboarder720]

I’m willing to bet that when she’s overly stressed (all the time) she takes things overly serious and out of context easily.

[boggboss]

Your response is yes if I didn't care we wouldn't be together wanting your own time has nothing to do with caring about her

[boggboss]

Thats somthing u have to deal with as this level of clingyness can sabotage a relationship

[romeo_and_cats]

Not only can sabotage I believe she's sabotaging him

[romeo_and_cats]

You don't. That's bad thing to do, and woman will feel rejected, instead share with her the specific problem AND HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT IT. She will be more happy to understand ans listen to what you say

[Afalda]

She sounds very insecure and immature. Every woman needs to understand that their partners need some time to themselves. Failing to accept this is a sign of selfishness and entitlement that does not bode well for a long term relationship. Controlling your partner's time is just the beginning of controlling all aspects of a relationship. I suggest she get some counseling to help her deal with her anxiety and insecurity. She will be better off and so will you.

[Anonymous]

She's clingy. I like clingy girls. Go for breakups. I need this type of girl.

[Thedivinechic]

It's only gonna get worse if you try to marry her. Lol Sucks for you.

[BlacklightShade]

Ask her to join you in bible study.

[snowboarder720]

We’re both atheists 😊

[BlacklightShade]

Good. That's why it will work. She won't want to be around and you'll get the time alone you were hoping for.

[Anonymous]

My guess is that you became pretty good with women or dating very young

[Anonymous]

Ya say, back the fuck up bitch. I need my space to see my other ho's.

[Bhavin2184]

Yeah just tell her..

[hello_kitty_man]

Be honest bro.