Why cheat on someone instead of being single?

[deandre09]

I've always wondered why people cheat in relationships instead of just being fwbs or just friends. I've been cheated on so I know how that feels but I never understood why people do it and then try to be sneaky about it. When there caught the cheater acta like your the problem. If that's the case then I feel like if you have enough courage to sneak around on someone them you should be brave enough to tell the truth. Is it to feel empowered? Or is it something to bragg about to your friends

[Tiffany_Taylor_Made]

The primary reason people cheat is because of a lack of communication in a relationship. More often than not, if you're in a relationship, your relationship will have some issues. Many people enter relationships because they want to be loved, cared for, treated kindly, sexually satisfied, and feel protected by their partner. Sometimes, a person in a relationship might feel that some, most, or all of those aspects are missing in their relationship. Instead of talking to their partner about what is missing, they instead secretly seek another person to provide them with what they're missing. This poor communication could be a result of many things such as not wanting to hurt their partner's feelings, safety reasons, still viewing their main partner as "useful," or in some cases, to intentionally hurt their partner. People that don't want to hurt their partner's feelings might still have feelings for him or her, resulting in them cheating secretly and hope that he or she doesn't find out. The solution to this is that, sometimes, you might have to hurt some feelings to repair a relationship. It might not be pleasant, but it helps in the long run. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. As for safety reasons, sometimes, a partner could be mentally unstable and abusive.

Some people threaten to kill their partner or turn abusive if they try to break up. Thus, to protect themselves, they cheat quietly. The solution to this problem is to get out an abusive relationship as quickly and safely as possible. Cheating isn't necessary. As for the main partner still being "useful," unfortunately, some people only enter relationships just to use people. For example, a partner might not be good at sex anymore, but still makes plenty of money. Instead of communicating about the decreased sex quality, a cheater would have sex with another person, but still come around and use the main partner for his or her income. The best solution for that would be to communicate and solve whatever problem it is, whether it's sex or not. In probably the worst cases, some people cheat out of spite specifically to hurt their partner. A good example of this is when one person suspects his or her partner of cheating. Instead of communicating these suspicions, the person might cheat in return to make their partner angry. This isn't wise, especially if the other person wasn't cheating at all. All and all, these issues could be prevented if both parties simply worked together to solve their issues instead of ruining the fabric of their relationship by cheating.

[MommyC16]

There are many, many reasons why a person may cheat. There is definitely not a one size fits all answer. And I don't believe that it really matters on what sex, color, etc. you are. I know many women and men from all different types of backgrounds and ages that cheat or have cheated on in the past. I also don't believe in the saying of "once a cheater, always a cheater". Ok now reasons as you asked.. some people are in sexless marriages.. this can be because of a partners health issues. Say your wife gets cancer and is sick.. sex is just not something that is available. Many people would not want to get divorced in order to satisfy a physical need. Now I'm not talking morals here.. I'm not judging anyone or stating that one way is right or another. I just saw this happen. I wish I could give you a better answer. I will say that I have personally cheated and been cheated on.. not necessarily in that order. It is certainly not something that I wish on anyone. However, I do agree with you that honesty in any relationship is a vital key. Communication is a must.. you must tell your partner if your needs are not being met. Also, society is changing. This is where morals come into play. Things like social media can make staying faithful very difficult. More and more I am learning about couples who agree to have open relationships, where when I was coming up, to the best of my knowledge, that wasn't heard of. I know that children and finances come in to play with decisions regarding divorce. Well, I hope this helped a little. Good luck and best wishes to you.

[Citizenkirk]

He's a relationship dynamic for every type of interest. Monogamous relationships are only one kind of relationship dynamic and yet people keep talking about cheating and being faithful as if many of these people that might be better served in taking me type relationship scenarios or even swingers groups don't have any choice, when in fact, they do.
Some people just aren't suited for monogamous relationships of any kind and would be happier in a different type of relationship scenario one in which you can sleep with many people as you want and not be cheating on your significant other or even your insignificant other or others.
One thing you can say about swingers for the most part is that they don't cheat on each other. The same can be said for the single folk the asker is talking about that would rather be single instead of cheating on someone which is also a better alternative cheating.
a lot of questions on this website that talk about cheating don't even fit that criteria because they don't mention any conditions in which someone's being betrayed by a particular relationship scenario or format and assess circumstances described in a question may not even come close to describing a cheating relationship within that context.
Sexually if the person has a attention span and length of a hummingbird, then monogamous relationships might not even be appropriate to be on the table, at least not until they've been sure of it.
I think you're absolutely right about choosing being signal as an alternative to cheating on someone in a monogamous type relationship. What purpose is served, by breaking someone's ♥️ unnecessarily?

[Qdbrown]

The reasons vary, and not limited to, people simply have the luxury and ability to cheat. If times were harder and people needed each other to survive, cheating would be rare. We live is a relatively peaceful and easy time.

For women, a lot of cheating is around hypergamy. Women are always looking for the bigger and better. They always marry up, even if married. But it also stems from boredom, ego and emotional needs.

For guys, it's simply for respected to have more women. People will shame the married guy, but will admire his ability to be sought. A married man can have many girlfriends and friends with benefits, all most or all know of each other, and don't mind competing for what they perceive as the best man. They won't say they believe that, but they will do it just to see if they can. Thus has been the norm for centuries, as well-do Roman men who were successful to have a wife, some concubines, and a large group of mistresses. It was expected to keep men excited to be successful. Like the needs of a race horse, they must be fed and we'll conditioned. That still plays out today.

Another aspect is a reliable base-station. It feels good to know you have someone always waiting for you, even if you come up short. It's selfish, but people wanting more all ready are. You can't pretend to emphasize with people who don't have a backup plan. It just sucks to be the backup plan, when you believe your number one.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I believe some people cheat because they're addicted/turned on by doing the forbidden... Forbidden fruit thing

[Sam_The_Savage]

It's quit fun... no?

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@Sam_The_Savage no I'm not a cheater and I don't play with other people's feelings... Did you ever stop to think what's fun for you, might not be fun for others... You shouldn't play with other's feelings/lives for "fun"...

[Sam_The_Savage]

Okies ma'am I wouy stop playing for fun now. I promise. Now smile for me. I miss your smile.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@Sam_The_Savage whatever 🙄 don't be a buzz kill

[crazyish]

This is a complex answer. I too used to think the exact way you did. But now I realize that when I was cheated on, I had put the blame on the other person. I never thought what I was doing wrong. It's a hard pill to swallow to admit that I was expecting someone to go without something just because they loved me. That man was in love with me but I wasn't loving him the best that I could by not giving him what he needed. I know to most that it sounds superficial but I'm different now. I now expect a sexual relationship equal to an emotional relationship. And honestly that's exactly how it should be.

[ChocoBrowny]

interesting opinion although im not sure you should blame yourself, it takes two to tango. If the other person isn't able to connect with you emotionally in the beginning and YOU are being patient with them, they should actually try harder and be patient too. Me personally, I've found girls are very reactive creatures. If i push the right buttons i have found some unpredictable never been seen before reactions (both rewarding and unrewarding). I had to learn how and if this matched my personality. The girl also i'd hope would NOT turn crazy, because believe me most girls have never experienced the emotional connection and freak out or become numb/non-reactive because they fear having their heartbroken real bad.
To sleep with someone else whilst in a relationship tells you they have no respect for you and no guts to break up. I lived with a cheater, he expected someone else to 'save' him, he said his best friend decided to sleep with him to give him a reason.

[crazyish]

You are very correct that it takes two. And I completely agree that some are just cowards and do it out of spite. I don't blame either of us. He had made it known to me that our almost non existent of a sex life was a problem for him. So now since my perspective of sex is like how his was, I can see that me not changing or trying to give him what he needed was me in all actuality not having respect for him. We both loved each other but weren't doing right by each other. Im not saying that the two wrongs cancel each other out, I'm saying that we are both human. The problem in this scenario is that cheating is seen more as the negative/issue because most do not perceive how what I did as disrespectful. They don't perceive sex as something that is needed and that love should be enough. But can you elaborate what you mean about most girls having experienced the emotional connection and freak out etc?

[ChocoBrowny]

so you werent having sex with him? Is this because you felt there was no connection? or the sex was bad or boring? or that he wasn't making an effort to have you feel like you wanted to? Women say to me if he wasn't so untrustworthy with my feelings, my vulnerabilities, id open up to him. But because of his negative behaviour i couldnt express myself sexually or emotionally.
For me to want sex i have to develop an emotional connection first it takes a while. I enjoy women this way, i love learning about her personality and how she reacts to situations, i develop trust before anything. If they are not proper, they go crazy because they have not been used to a high-value guy and get angry at me, have tantrums, try to manipulate me to want sex, I've been put in some really scary situations of blackmail. If they aren't capable of being patient and making an effort then i get turned off. So basically what im saying is, a girl who is used to experiencing low value guys expects a high value guy to just act like them and treat her like a piece of meat or they feel rejected and ugly.

[TheSpaceGnome]

If 2 people aren't compatible then it warrants leaving, but not cheating.

There is no excuse that justifies cheating, cheating is lying to someone to keep them and someone else, it's putting people's health at risk, and its wasting their time.

You are so worried that you weren't being the right type of girlfriend for him, but if you have to do things you don't want to do, or be a person you don't want to be, then you are dating the wrong person.

People should not change themselves to please others.

[ChocoBrowny]

@TheSpaceGnome you're right they shouldn't change for others but they should learn about themselves, express themselves and therefore find someone who will enjoy that. Not over-compensate on sex skills which can be learnt with any partner. Many will just find the best looking woman they can give her sex and then get bored because she's not compatible and cheat.

[crazyish]

We met and married young.. and together a total of 15 years.. neither of us had much experience outside of each other. My past also played a part. But yeah I wasn't into the sex, boring and felt like a job. I honestly believe both of us didn't take time to figure ourselves out. I only started doing that at 29😂 we just weren't compatible. And in no way am I condoning cheated, I just know from experience that's it's not always black or white. But I do honestly believe that yes someone should respect their SO and break it off and not cheat. Damn what your describing.. those women are toxic.

@TheSpaceGnome
You are completely right. Cheating shouldn't be an option. I was just saying that I was expecting him to change or be ok with things that he wasn't ok with. I don't hold a grudge against him or put all the blame on him. We honestly should have ended way before we did.

[MommyC16]

We all make mistakes... Learning from them is the key.

[crazyish]

@MommyC16
You are my kind of people😊

[ChurchOfSteel]

That is a view I have not often seen held by a woman. No offense to womankind, but it does seem that there's a distinct lack of personal responsibility among most people: especially of the feminine persuasion. It is a lot easier for most people to simply point a finger. But that never changes anything. They go through life being victims and blaming other people for their lack of success and all that.

Good on you.

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

@crazyish of course it takes two to tango and the person who got cheated on can have some responsibility on the why it happened. But doesn't make it right.

[MommyC16]

I'm so glad that you were able to analyze that relationship and take ownership for your part. I had to do the same with mine. It is only when we admit and learn from our own mistakes that we grow as humans.

[Finchie40]

Because cheaters can’t admit they are wrong cuz they know they are a piece of shit , it’s a selfish act , they only really care about themselves. Cheating occurs for a lot of reasons and I understand people cheat but I never understood why they would want To go back to the person they cheated on considering that should be their answer that they don’t love their partner if they can cheat on them , but like I said it’s a selfish act Me personally if I cheated on a partner my ass is ending the relationship

[TruthBringer]

They want to have their cake and eat it too.

They want all the benefits of a relationship, while still wanting all the benefits of being single. They want all the good without dealing with responsibility. Cheating is cheating. Whether it's physical or emotional. Being drunk is also a poor reason to excuse someoen of cheating. People who put themselves in positions that will increase the odds of cheating are pretty much not to be trusted.

Unforunately, there is a huge double standard in regards to cheating between the sexes. If a guy cheats, he is "a piece of shit" and it's all his fault. If a woman cheats, it's still the fault of the man. Go figure.

[Myrmarach]

The thing is, people don't get into relationships with the intention of cheating on their partner. Okay, some do, but let's talk majority. Sometimes, it's more or less an accident, e. g. when you're drunk. But for the most part it's acting out of despair. You have a partner whom you love very much, but there's something missing in the relationship. It makes you feel unhappy and unloved but you don't want to break up. Also, if there's kids in the relationship, it's not that easy because it's no longer about just the two of you. So it's easier to find someone to fill the void.

[TruthBringer]

Give me a break... Being drunk is not an accident. So you can't use that as an excuse to explain cheating. Nobody forced alcohol in your system and nobody forced you to attend a club or go to a bar. Someone who has cheated while drunk has still cheated and should not be excused. So no, it's not "bad luck" or an "accident".

[Myrmarach]

Dude, I refuse to judge people for their flaws and imperfections. Feel free to hate me if it makes you feel better.

[TruthBringer]

No hate here. I just as many sane people don't see cheating while drunk as a valid excuse. If my girl was drinking at a bar, club or some party and eventually got drunk, she has put herself in a vulnerable position all by herself. Nobody forced her to. She got herself drunk while knowing damn well that she is in a place where dudes are trying to hook up. There is a difference between judging and not believing someone's bullshit. Learn it.

[Myrmarach]

Turn that around. Now you're the one drunk blind, not thinking clearly and hook up with a hot chick. It's not like that could never happen, right?

[TruthBringer]

No, because I don't drink nor do I go to places that are full of people trying to hook up. And let's pretend I did get drunk and hooked up with a chick, it's still my fault and I have cheated. I take full responsibility for my own actions and I don't blame my girl for leaving me if she wants. Unlike you perhaps, I'm not afraid to call a spade a spade and own up to my shit.

[Myrmarach]

That's ok, cheating is still cheating. I'm not trying to find an excuse for such behaviour. The question was, why do people do it so I stated my opinion why do I think people cheat. No need to be rude.

[David92506]

I liked your question and gave it a "thumbs up."
I've been in a relationship where I discovered she cheated on me with her ex-husband. They have two children. I know she cheated on me because he texted me and told me. When I asked her she denied it. But when I pursued it she admitted it and then acted like I was the problem. I was in love with her and she said she was in love with me. So why did she cheat? What's the issue?

When I saw a therapist she said maybe I am the problem. Instead of asking why does she cheat, there could be endless reasons, instead ask why am I in a relationship with a woman who cheats on me? What's the issue with me?

[dtweed1996]

Well people cheat because they sometimes do not see the love in a relationship or dating they just see it as a game, where they are the player and some probably use the expression don't hate the player hate game or they just do it for child's play or they don't know why. Like I met my gir l three months ago when she was living in South Carolina with her grandmother then she randomly traveled to Pennsylvania where she is with her friend far up state, or that is what she said days ago anyway though she shows frequent love I keep meeting new women and some have not really been in a relationship just used for sex and the girl Jackie has not had a relationship or sex.
Anyway though I gave my heart to rose and wittingly agree to socialize with these other girls I feel like I am cheating I just don't know why.

[Gosceewual]

Because some people believe in freedom and that you shod be allowed to do what we want with whoever we want and be free.

The little rule that you must be tied down to one person jus cos your dating then seems like a bullshit rule to me, who made it up?
I will continue to brake this rule jus cos I think it's bullshit, stupid, and I don't agree with itWhy should it matter if you're dating another girl? If a girl gets upset and sad and feels like she is not good enough jus cos you have another, she is stupid and needs to stop being so ridiculous, if she wasn't good enough why would you be dating her? She jus insecure n needs to toughen upI wouldn't care if a girl I was dating for another boyfriend.. it's human nature and we can't help but be sexually attracted to multiple people

[Browneye57]

They don't want to give up what they already have. But they're bored AF and like the attention from a third party.

Cheating is pretty well split 50-50 by gender, but women are better liars so the stats are skewed to men.

Any woman can and will fuck any guy they want, any place they want, any time they want. Just ask them! It is and always has been, all about the FEELZ.

[MommyC16]

God, you really do hate women!

[MommyC16]

Whatever woman or women did you wrong, I am so sorry, sincerely...

[Qdbrown]

@MommyC16 wow, there are still women who believe in using the, "Who hurt you?" as a defense of the poor decisions about half this women in the world make, and when you call them on it... Must be bitter. Facts don't matter.

[TruthBringer]

@MommyC16 Calling a spade a spade doesn't have to mean someone is a woman-hater. I bet you wouldn't say the same thing when he speaks of men and exposing them. But of course, the truth is bitter in the ears of people like yoursef, so you start to rationalize and call it "hating on women". And try to come with a better 'insult' than "who hurt you" comments.

[Browneye57]

@TruthBringer - Yep. Another clueless bimbo. The truth of the matter is that I've been committed and married to more than one woman, for WAY WAY longer than bimbo has been on the planet. In fact, I've had a woman by my side since I was about 16. Let's see... that's nearly fifty years. The truth is, I absolutely love women. I also understand them, absolutely.

Here's what mommyC doesn't get - women love opportunistically. Men love idealistically. She's all in as long as the FEELS she's getting proper benefit from the arrangement. If she changes her mind, she'll shut down sexually, cheat bail or any combination thereof. Men will tend to stay and hang on, just hoping things will change. They rarely do.
And yes, my heart has been broken so many times it's like a shattered tea-cup. And I do loathe my ex, but love my second wife of thirty years. She worships me.

[MommyC16]

I'm a bimbo? U don't even know me.. it's demoralizing comments like that make me feel like maybe you just didn't like women anymore. Like you stated to me.. everyone has an opinion, but when I express mine, whether right or wrong.. you insult my intelligence?

[TruthBringer]

@MommyC16 Even though I'm not going to call you a bimbo, I AM going to say that you should look at your own actions. You're lecturing others about not being judgmental because they don't know you, while you're stitting here calling others "woman-hater" while you don't know them either. It goes both ways you see. When you're puting (false) labels on other people, don't get mad when they do the same to you. It's quite embarrassing to have to tell a grown woman in her 40s this...

[MommyC16]

Not embarrassing, because I take responsibility for my actions.. it was a low blow, I admit. Browneye57.. I apologize that I tried to deal you a low blow.

[Browneye57]

@MommyC16 - I don't care about blows. Every woman is a bimbo, or bitch, or a dame, or whatever you want to call them. It's a term of endearment. The place is loaded with young dumb pink anon bimbos. If you're not one, so be it. I really don't care. And this isn't even your question, you're way off topic - likely butting into everyone else's business. Also entirely typical - women seem to think they have a right to do that. And that whatever pops into their little brain should be verbalized. Yep, also typical.
If you seem like all other women then you get lumped with them. AWALT. Yes, 'all women are like that'. About this time someone comes along and says 'not all women are like that' - NAWALT. Well, yes they are.
I really DGAF.

[MommyC16]

Nice!

[0112358]

When there's marriage and kids involved, I'm not saying it's right, but I can certainly understand "why".

Those who cheat on who they're dating there's usually more going on. High desire for multiple partners while still wanting a relationship or some sort of insecurity.

[Flower7]

Sometimes they're using the person they're in a relationship with as a status symbol, or could want the security of having a constant, reliable supply of sex, or want the experience of having an emotional connection with someone.

[Nazgol]

Some were forced into the marriage and not by choice of their own, some just settle for the first thing that comes around and get too comfortable, not wanting to fix things. Some just would rather suffer and are not up for new beginnings. Some are in abusive relationships and find it hard to leave. Some are in it for benefits. Some are just fulfilling society's expectations of relationships/marriage & not that their heart really wants..

[chihuahua011]

No valid reason for cheating. Idc what she says, if she cheats on me she's immediately a scum and an asshole to me. And Idc what I might did in the relationship, if she has a problem with me then just leave. Plain and simple.

[Cam45795]

Chicks are so turned on by sneaking around. A reliable guy that doesn't suspect shit and the thrill of being pursued on the quiet... c'mon man. Also, they enjoy a touch of suspicion here and there.. Would it shock you to learn that sometimes they want you to find out? Much of the time they dont care at all if you find out because you should stay out of their business if you dont like it.

[nella965]

because when people cheat, there is usually something dysfunctional or missing in the relationship. Sometimes there are people out there who are not meant for monogamy. They are always craving for something exciting

[AnthonyJ01]

I have been cheated on. She adamantly denied, but I had people letting me know where they seen her and with whom. It seems that with her, it was an escape from issues She caused. I had found out that she had cheated on a large number of men with the same guy.

[Coulis]

They are cowards. Plain and simple. Or they just want their cake and eat it too.

[Sam_The_Savage]

What about Girls?

[Purple_Rose]

@Sam_The_Savage Girls are capable of doing that too. I've seen women cheat on their boyfriends and husbands simply because they got into a tiny argument over something as silly as dishes.

Men and Women cheat and hurt others.

[Sam_The_Savage]

Woman cheat a lot I bet.

[Purple_Rose]

Men do too. But I replied to your comment saying it goes both ways. I don't agree with it and have lost friends because I call them out on their bs.

[Sam_The_Savage]

I agree both do.
by the way I love your smile 😘

[Purple_Rose]

Thank you.

[Dontaaa]

Because people want their cake and eat it too.

Cheaters want someone else while still wanting to reap the benefits of the relationship that they're still in.

It can be considered a mixture of greed and lust, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Depends on where you live. I can't blame women who get threated with death and violence -this abuser deserve the worst anyway and by cheating she can find someone who love her and may help her. I mean some people have no other options. In Asian/middleeastern countries homosexual people have to marry the opposite sex and so they have no other options than cheating. So if your life is not threated or you are not abused, i see no reason to cheat. Just fucking leave instead of cheating.

[Anonymous]

I've never understood a cheater's mentality. For me, if I want to be with multiple women at the same point I'll just stay single. I guess some may brag about it, but that's not what drives them to do it. Maybe self validation?