Why Do You Only Find Love When You Stop Looking For It?

Question

From experience I find this to be true.

ohshee · Accepted Answer

I love this picture , when most people are looking for anything most of the time it's right in front of there face but they pass it by be a use they have one thing in mind and they over look things

OddBeMe · Accepted Answer

Just like you find your keys when you stop looking for them. Because our maniac frustration can be blinding.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Perhaps because, as long as you are actively searching for love, you aren't being your true self.

TurboKid · Answer

I think our standards get much higher when we're not eager to jump into a date and even reluctant about it. Also, I think we're more likely to date someone we already know such as a close friend (taking things extra slowly by building a friendship before dating, many dates before love, etc).

TodsShadow · Answer

I’m not sure about you, but sometimes I feel like I’m in the Truman show. Plenty of times I would tell my friends “I like her ima see if I can get her number” and fail, yet when I keep my thoughts to myself and just go for it I almost 100% of the time get a number.

When you put it out there that you want to find love I think it runs. This might be deep but I think it sends off a signal that most people won’t know how to interpret and a fight or flight like scenario occurs. That’s on a spiritual level though.

Bluemax · Answer

I haven't found this to be the case at all.

In my case, I found love when I was looking for it. Moreover, in my friends' cases, most of them found love when they were looking for it.

How likely are you to get a job if you don't look for one? Why should love, or friendships, or virtually all other human interactions be any different?

Azura_88 · Answer

But is it 'true' love or just another wrong person hitting you up? In my case it's true but it's not exactly the right person that I'm looking for.
As soon as I started to focus in my life, my classmate attempted to flirt with me but deep down I knew that he's not right. I never experienced that feeling when finally a right person hits you up or at least anywhere near me so that I can initiate.

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

When looking, if we don’t get something we move in to desperation mode - aka shopping in the sales.

when looking we tend to go off attraction and lust.

when we sit back and relax, yes we get flirted with but we can often respond without that desperation or lust clouding things, we then make a balanced thought out decision.

jmr2191 · Answer

I always believed this, but my experience ended up being the opposite. It's less about not looking for it and more about being ready for it. You need to get yourself together, not need someone but want someone, be mature, have your own income, your own hobbies, goals, ambitions, etc. You also need to make sure your expectations are reasonable. If you're not ready, if you don't work on yourself first... you'll never find it. Ever.

The_Maphio · Answer

Same experience I had. Never looked for anything but sexy fun from the other gender. Then there she came. We clicked even after seeing each other for one week, one month, one year... And now it's 16 long years together.
It just happens. I don't think there's an explanation, unless we go in depth into scientific stuff which I'm not in the mood for right now.

BCRanger10 · Answer

If true, probably because you're not as preoccupied with a certain person and are more open to other possibilities and surprises. Of course, you should still have a set of standards and criteria for someone to meet, but you might be more willing to see other ways that someone might meet them.

MasseurDeMojo · Answer

When one is not looking for something, it allows your mind to settle, and you tend to do the things that you enjoy the most. As you go through your life, you meet people, and you find things in common. You meet one whom you never actually liked, but because of a spark you found doing an activity together, you fall in love. It just happens, because you were able to communicate, and through your conversations, you just felt right for each other.

Katebfun · Answer

I've never believed this false theory. I never found love when not looking. My ex I met years ago on a dating site,. clearly I was "looking" and I fell in love. It happens in my opinion in divine timing/fate and you just have to be painfully patient in the waiting room

kannettava · Answer

I guess trying too hard is just really unattractive and makes people seem desperate and not wanting to be in a relationship for the right reasons.

exitseven · Answer

Yes, sometimes it happens like that. I don't know why either, maybe because you spend your whole day doing random things and get the opportunity to meet lots of people. When you are looking for mate you go to a specific place that is designed to help you meet people of the opposite sex.
The law of averages favors all the random meetups.

Anpu23 · Answer

Because desperation shows. And it's not attractive.

worldscolide · Answer

I honestly dont know.. I know when i met my wife, i was not looking, i had basically given up.

Marhaban-1 · Answer

Love is like house keys when you stop looking for them you find them.
Also it just comes to you because when you actively look for someone you are often looking out for money looks and power until you realise that something that glows isn't always gold when you meet the person you love

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

For me this was not the case, some gfs i found that way, other's while looking, none were real love (at least on their part). And when I stopped looking for years, I spent all my free time on my hobbies, most of which were not social activities, and I became a recluse who, during that time, had zero chance of meeting new people.

joeldalton · Answer

Probably because you lose the 'desperation smell'. People can sense when you're desperate and it's a turnoff.

Avicenna · Answer

Meeting someone is completely random but even then there are so many variables since attraction and compatibility are so multidimensional that to control for all that in favor of one variable is senseless.

jgracem · Answer

I think you find love when you stop looking for it because love is a natural thing. You can not force something to happen that happens naturally. This happens in many other cases other than love, one being conceiving a child.

Xyglo27 · Answer

Life is a sad comedy. We always get the things we want when we don't want them... 🙃

visio9 · Answer

I said it only once. Even that was because the relationship was just friendship and she didn't know I loved her. I had to say it just to forget her and move on. Too bad I said it for a worse type of woman. It was my first love.

After that it was women who said that to me first all the times. Women don't mean it when they say it, they use that word as an identifier of the relationship.

InsanityIncarnate · Answer

I have stopped actively looking but have paid enough attention to know that its not looking for me. It honestly is very lonely but I don't have any stress from an optional source.

kissmysass_ · Answer

I don't think this saying is necessarily true. You can be open to finding someone and actually land yourself in a relationship. It's happened to me and other people in my life. But yes, it is important to have confidence and love your life when you're single before you get into anything serious.

Hakkerskaldyri · Answer

You are looking too hard, you are LOOKING for love, the things you see will all be skin deep and are taken at face value, when you aren't looking for love, people expose themselves more and don't just flaunt their good side to you in hopes of scoring, it's a more natural flow of connection.

Floppy2112 · Answer

Me too. It's not my focus right now. If it were, I probably wouldn't be here in the lonely hearts club with you lot.

Massageman · Answer

You'd presumably stop for two reasons: 1. You thought you've found it with a particular person; 2. You've given up and- through fate/God's will- the real love comes to YOU!

deeks1121 · Answer

I tend to find it's because when you look for it.. you're trying too hard. Once you stop then you let people in

Flower7 · Answer

Don't know, but that's an extremely annoying fact of life.

Siren777 · Answer

That's true as you let go of any attachment to anything, it is easier to attract it into your life.

Leavesbound · Answer

Why do random girls only flirt with me when I'm in a relationship? lol

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

Good things come to those who wait. When you go looking for something you don't have, you get taken advantage of.

najekim · Answer

Because love is a naturally occurring thing. When you actively look for it, it does not come naturally, it's being forced. As far as time is concerned, however long it takes. Nature is in no hurry.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

You just stop putting pressure on relationships that would be better off without pressure.

Iron_Man · Answer

That doesn’t work in lockdown except when I went for a drive the other day we had four hot girls waiving at us

TheBigGuy9 · Answer

I think it’s because you’re not scrutinizing everyone and everything. You’re letting loose. You laugh more. Are Having fun. Enjoying yourself.

Paul09 · Answer

I try, I don't get, I do not try I don't get. Doesn't seem like I can win either way. I'm so lost in the love department.

Nazgol · Answer

Because we're in our natural state and being our normal selves, not trying to be anything or faking it

RickVienna · Answer

I didn't find it yet with searching and without searching

UniverseGrasp · Answer

Because when you look for it you try to hard and are too stressed, love comes when you're chill

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

Not sure but you’re totally right

serious · Answer

I think this is a very tough question to answer.

krin_m · Answer

That is always the case, don't know why TBH.

msc545 · Answer

Karma I guess...

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

I can't find it when I'm looking for it or not

Pterodon · Answer

I don't know but it sucks doesn’t it

monkeynutts · Answer

Love is not based on necessity.

Paulychicago10 · Answer

Because love will always catch you off guard.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

I can't find it in the 2 cases 😏

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Thats a damn good question and its true too

Eric027 · Answer

For me I feel it's one of the irony about life

bulletbob555 · Answer

Probably you were trying too hard when looking

Zygum · Answer

Yes, I am agree with your opinion

Redtop101 · Answer

Kismet. It was meant to be.

Anonymous · Answer

Because... why not?

Why Do You Only Find Love When You Stop Looking For It?

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