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73Opinion
No one can fix it in you miss alyssa rapunzel except a new man who will enter your heart, he's the one who will pull off all your fears and and will fix what's damaged from the past and you will become brand new again 😊
For example i've been hurt in the past and my pain never went away and now it's hard for me to ever believe a girl again... etc
I know one thing that only a new love in my life will be the only one to be able to fix what was damaged through her acts with me and ofc through time...
I dont agree with this.. getting in another relationship doesn't always help its like wearing a mask at some point the mask will come off
Im glad it helped your situation Tony! Wish you all the best!
@PeacefulRainDrop it's not wearing a mask, pretending to be good and feeling good whilenyour feeling bad is wearing a mask and if i met another girl who didn't made me feel good and pretending that i'm happy is wearing a mask too...
If someday i meet a good honest girl who makes me really happy and comfortable than i wouldn't be pretending which means i'll be real and my feelings will be real towards her, at this point i won't be wearing any masks, anyways i don't pretend to feel good if i'm feeling bad!
Thanks for your wishes š
I agree with that Tony! Good point!
Can I ask a question and im not prying just coming from experience. Is there someone before your ex that hurt you very much that this was just another one? A family member or experience from your childhood? What I mean by that is sometimes we are so deeply hurt because its connected to an experience you may have already had. If that makes sense. In therapy if you unravelled this all it would make sense, usually things do go back to our childhood, may not be the case with you.
Yes I had a troubled childhood with some family members, and my ex just brought out all the trauma that was already there :)
Feelings of being replaceable/abandonment/not being good enough..
I'm sorry. I've had my own fair share of abandonment, trauma, bereavement. I definitely recommend therapy if you haven't tried it, I've been there & I know. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I promise š
Thank you! I started out not too long ago and maybe this is something to bring up in my next appointment then
I have been damaged by several different people. I have also had relationships with severely damaged people. You don't ever get over it. Eventually, it just has less and less of an effect on you.
However, it changes your outlook on things, mostly for the worse. Things will always inevitably arise that remind you of that damage and it conjures up more negative emotions. It manifests itself negatively in future relationships. It makes you more cynical and less trusting. In some cases, it can make you resentful, paranoid and even angry.
This all matches what you mentioned how you see the aspects in new relationships. I'm not sure what happened to you and I feel sympathy towards you, but I really hate to say this - it's not going to ever go away. You simply have to learn how to navigate around it and the person (s) you are with are simply going to have to live with it.
I'd wager my mortgage that you weren't damaged by the other "person" so much as you hate that you allowed yourself to accept it. I'm not saying someone is blameless for doing bad things to you, or manipulating you in a harmful way, but at some point you knew what was going on, didn't you? And you should have stopped it or got out? I'm also not saying "it's all your fault", ok? Not saying that at all. Obviously, you trusted someone and they abused it, but again... at some point you knew it was bad?
Maybe you have to forgive yourself more than the other person? I don't know your details, but I've seen this often. I'm just offering you something to think about.
Probably true, but when it happened before you were 6, which is when early wounds happen (even before age 2) it isn't right to blame yourself or beat yourself up for it - you didn't have an option to choose.
Agree on the shame you didn't handle it differently - or perhaps the despair no one taught you you could handle it differently, hurting the most.
But, that is the wound, that no one protected you early, which makes you believe you were just not worth it to them (in my case comete fabrication since I was worth a huge deal to my foster parents but they figured by devaluing me I'd fail to notice and let them get to me to milk me for money, bling/pizzaz/clout, influence, social prestige etc)
@msbrightness OK... this is a very different thing than I was responding to. VERY different, in fact, completely different. I responded as if you were in a relationship that was toxic, not child abuse. What happened to you was unpreventable, and you were unable to protect yourself. The ones who SHOULD have protected you either weren't there, didn't know, or didn't do it. Totally different issue.
This wasn't your fault at all. This was caused by adults who failed at their responsibilities, in a horrible way, leaving you with the aftermath. It's tough to forgive that, or that you were a "commodity" to your foster parents. You're 23 now - do you live on your own? Are you in counseling?
my 1st ex.. from 2002.. and the last ex.. basically destroyed me. I am afraid to love, I am afraid to fall in love. Im afraid to do anything. I can't focus on what I need to do. I can't do a damn thing. I just want to sit in my back yard on a lawn chair and just stare at the clouds. Or sit on the beach.. listen to the waves.. smell the sea air... I dont know anymore..
no tears.. can't cry.. just in pain...
inside we both need a hug real bad..
Hugs to you both
@alyssa11 ty
@alyssa11 thanks
Nature is extremely peaceful soo amazing! Im sorry you went through that! You deserve better!
1. It takes time
2. If you can still meet the person. Thats cool, punch it and fix it, if trouble today is 90% will drastically reduce to 20 or something
3. But if no whereabouts then just try analysing of what didn't go well what the person was thinking and trying to convey and what was your stance. This makes you go clear with the situation and to deal with such incidents in future and be alert.
4. Keep sharing it wherever possible this also solves.
5. Ask views of your closed ones on it.
6. Go to the problems deepest of what is really troubling you if the person has been bad for no reason coming out of you then that shouldn't trouble much i guess.
Yes i have a similar story
Yes, damaged or deeply hurt by the loss of someone when she died unexpectedly. Life moves on... eventually, but it definitely made me more guarded from developing feelings for other girls for years afterwards.
Sorry about your loss... so I take it time healed for you?
Yes and No. Like yes I moved on eventually and a few years later met a girl and gradually dropped my guard, but No in that I am still somewhat guarded, I don't like or crush easily.
For example I'm not a glingy guy, I don't chase after women I like, I just take a more relaxed approach and thus it takes a little longer. However in many ways its good, as I find now that I seem to look for the right things in a partner.
Ahhh, sounds about right :)
People wanted me to suicide my entire adolescence.
Now I can afford therapy, doctors, coaches, etc.
It on my way. I already broke some of their future predictions of myself. Now I'm going for the social ones, I'm going to have a good level of fun when I avchieve them. I have the money, science baked advice
and help to get there.
Me getting fully over it will be seeing I am well over them in all life elements, and having enough power to do whatever I want with them but choose to not do it.
you ok bro
I'm just trying to find a way forward in life in general. Finding another woman is a low priority. I'm in too much pain from the past, from chronic work injuries, from bad joints, and from battling GAD and OCD to be gambling with potentially more drama. If I can't heal, I'm in no shape to take on a woman. And I'd feel embarrassed if one tried to marry out of charity. Which I doubt will ever happen anyway.
What I have learnt is no one is too damaged to be loved.
I don't know maybe it's because of where I was raised but many times I was taught to just work on myself and get over it and tell myself "it be like that sometimes" and keep pushing. Sometimes that depression is a big motivator. That pushed me to get in the gym and to work on myself. You don't have to do the gym exactly but find something that takes your time and can help you in the long run.
Yes very much so, something things you donāt get over ever.
other things you lean to live with and learn to cope.
you then face things like counselling, journals and other stuff.
the bits such as nightmares, keeping dream journals, just become part of your life.
You learn to move on, learn to avoid certain situations
time is not really a great healer, it just lets us learn new ways to cope and manage shit lol.
Yes I have. I have an over-protective mum what turned me into a mum´s boy. It got better over time but at the beginning I really had problem making decisions because there was no need for me to decide because either my mum or sis made the decision.
It´s a kind of "toxic feminity", because caring is considered rather a female characteristic.
It wasn´t abusive don´t get me wrong it made me feel comfortable, it was just too comfortable.
I feel a little confused as two days ago you posted a question you are very confident outgoing woman and you donāt have complexes when saying to a guy you like him out front. Just wondering what was that then that you recover from, especially if you said it deeply traumatised you. Even so, I hope you get better soon as time heals wounds and I can see youāre on the good track.
Thank you. Iām confident on a superficial level but not emotionally. As in I can approach people easily, carry on conversations or even start them. Emotionally Iām quite damaged and I still have inner insecurities like other people. Iām just more extroverted.
Oh ok, i think it gets better with time plus I guess not every guy is the same, there are some many treasure people out there.
Thanks
I don't really know completely, I'm going through the healing process right now... Reflect, get outside in nature to a quiet place to think, cry, scream. Vent, write it all out, go to therapy. Actively find ways to fix whatever it was and check your frame of thinking.
You can still think of what someone did to you but dont go into the next relationship assuming that person will do it to you too. Just be cautious.
Yes and I got over it with time and focusing on myself. It wouldn't make any sense to get into another relationship or start dating up until I completely healed and had my head on straight. It's nothing to be ashamed of by being single for that reason. It's gonna do you a big favor when you no longer have that emotional baggage.
Yes, by a manipulative ex from a long relationship. I intentionally spent a few years on my own (no dating) to recover, learn as much as I could from what happened, and how to avoid that sort of person in the future. Therapy helped, mainly to get a neutral outside perspective.
I don't know if I'd say "damaged", but it left some emotional scar tissue upon learning certain things my ex did while we were dating. I kinda worked through it by carefully laying out a mental account of the 5 W's: WHAT happened, WHY it happened, WHO was involved, WHEN it started and finished etc. And finally, looking inwards to give verbal form to all my feelings about it, no matter how contradictory or confused they might've been.
Yes and I just came to terms with that recently. I got emotionally abused for 4 years and it started with one girl. I ended up dating her best friend and after she moved in with her best friend I started to get emotionally abused from her too. Then her best friendās āfriend groupā were complacent or either laughed at things that happened. Then people who I thought were friends sold me out to side with my abusers and in turn became abusers too. Itās a lot to deal with and Iāve gotten support from some people and then I realized Iām actually stronger than my abusers and last I checked it was about 7-8 of them abusing me
My heart was broken in September of last year. I have worked through it and am okay most days, but sometimes it still haunts me. I want to meet someone new, but somedays I still don't feel completely over my last relationship and that isn't fair to anyone new that I would be with.
Two ex fiancés the first time I got into power lifting and became unreasonably strong. The second I got into boxing and went from 0 experience to beating competing amateurs in my gym. Ended up moving across the country, started building cars and motorcycles, and now Iāve become so isolated from everyone to the extent that the only human interaction I have is the baristas at my coffee shop and the guy I work with.