Unfortunately, when we spend years pushing someone away, they eventually let go. There are consequences to our choices, and sometimes the door is locked when it is finally closed. Look at the reasons you didn't want to get close to him in the past and the reasons you want to get close now. Have any of these reasons changed over time? It will be hard for him to trust that this is anything more than selfish desires. Once you feel in control again, you may lose interest again. You talk about trying a secret relationship. If you keep it a secret, he won't trust that it is real. He'll feel you are embarrassed of him and don't want anyone to know you are connected with him.
The first step in creating any relationship is to start out by learning how the other person sees a relationship, what that person is seeking and what that person brings to the relationship. Open up communication. Define terminology, so you both understand what the other means when specific words are used. Find out what each of you have learned from past experiences and how that influences your choices today. If communication is challenging, find a professional who can teach the two of you how to communicate effectively.
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