Do you think you have to be at a certain level to attract good people?

[jennifer_bloom]

I heard and witnessed through conversation about woman who were abused, some of them are the type who have no self love or self respect or self esteem and choose to depend entirely on others instead of fighting their own battles in life. And I know abused woman who attract abuse by lying all the time and exploiting the people who love them and dishonour them and manipulate those who try to be nice to them.

And I know brain damaged woman who look deformed and talk imprecisely that have millionaire boyfriends who give them rides to their art courses and buy them coffee every week. I do not believe you have to look like a super model to attract a good guy but I believe you have to be good yourself.

[FilmGuy93]

High caliber people tend to attract high caliber people, yes. But that's why you have to be constantly improving yourself and making sure that you are on top of your game.

[In_Trance]

Absolutely

[Anonymous]

I am okay a bit with this statement:
"I do not believe you have to look like a super model to attract a good guy but I believe you have to be good yourself."

I disagree with this other one:
"some of them are the type who have no self love or self respect or self esteem and choose to depend entirely on others instead of fighting their own battles in life"
This women probably don't have the emotional resources to know how to act differently. Be humble and don't judge. Empathy is an important quality we all can practice. This women haven't had healthy relationships and as a result have learned how to have unhealthy connections and that's what they build and what they seek and how they act, because that's what's familiar to them. They have low self esteem because after having unhealthy relationships they might have taken some part of what went wrong as their fault, but to a personal level like believing they are ugly, not intelligent enough or inferior in some way. They might have also created a distorded view of what to expect due to their experiences. Because human brains are not perfect and have irrational thought patterns. Human brains are lazy and create quick interpretations to understand reality. You can Google what I mean by that by searching for irrational patterns and also how to solve them via emotional regulation. This women probably need to go to therapy to solve their problems but they might not realized, so if they are your friends and you know this, please tell them to go to therapy. Don't let other human beings waste their existence having a painful life.

With that said, yes it's important to be optimistic about life, and work on things and try to find ways to solve situations. It's the best attitude and the most useful. Because frankly, being honest lying on the bed depressed is not enjoyable.

Stay positive, keep working and stay humble and empathetic. Be willing to learn from life experiences. Have boundaries and respect the ones others have. Listen actively and above all love yourself and other people. This world needs this.

[Dchrls78104]

The second statement is verifiable in my country.

[_Lynx]

I think what you say is:
(As much as you sre serious, people take you serious).

Plus, providing the condition:
(Beauty is in the eye of the beholder), so that those people can be able to 'sense' and 'appreciate' your seriousness.

Though usually being serious enough is not something a person can be blind about unless there's a serious injury or problem with them.. besides ignorance of course.

Sometimes abusing who are nice to you is due to being ignorant of how to deal with people in general.

I'll give the example of a girl posing in this "cute" pose with this "smile". How cringy and empty that is !

I think the same applies to those who don't know what should be presented and how, in terms of personalities and thoughts. So they end up needing to lie, oppress, and exploit. And I have personally experienced that with a sibling.

She is empty.. has no friends, has no hobbies, no games, no willingness for thinking and deep conversation to learn.. just empty. So what do you think she did when she tried to suddenly find a value for herself?
Bullying; as in belittling others. All who diagree with her whatever the reason is.
And no matter how long we've been supporting her to learn more and get a better personality.

Why? Because we told her she's not good, which to her means not attractive.

So yes being at a certain level of self-respect plus keeping and working on it is what makes you attractive as a person, or not ugly if you like.

Otherwise why would I ever bother being interested in something deteriorating?

Lol unless if I am enjoying some death or depressive metal music or being suicidal 😛

[MrOracle]

If you are a broken person emotionally, spiritually, or morally, it's going to be very difficult to find a mate who is a good person, because few will want to deal with a broken person, and the broken person will probably sabotage the relationship anyway.

If you are broken, it's really no different than if you went skiing and shattered your leg: you'd need professional help, both initially to reconstruct your leg and to prevent infection, but also long-term therapy to help restore function. The same it true with other types of major trauma - you're going to need some immediate care for the immediate symptoms, but you're also going to need long-term therapy to help restore function.

If you skip the therapy, or don't participate when you're there, with a skiing accident, it means you won't be able to walk right, or maybe not at all. If it's emotional/spiritual damage, then it means you won't be able to have healthy relationships, or even love yourself, which is a necessity before others can love you. If you have gone through that kind of heavy drama, and are still damaged, then getting yourself fixed needs to be your top priority, not a relationship. You need to be healthy yourself before you can have a healthy relationship.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

I think you might be asking the wrong question. I don't think being on a certain level necessarily attracts better people. I think being on a certain level puts your mindset in a place that's compatible with better people.

When most people see an abusive relationship, they feel they're above the abuser because of their percieved superior security in themselves and their above the person being abused because of their percieved superior self-esteem.

In other words, it's impossible for most people to relate to. Something like that for example is childishness that we usually grow out of by the time we're about 15. We only see it that way because of our life experience and what we've learned through experience /age.

That's what puts people on a different "level" for sure

But where I feel like you're wrong is that people on different "levels" can definitely work, of course it's much less likely to happen. But just because someone grew up in a bad household (or something) doesn't mean that there aren't good, high quality people who wouldn't love them.

[Alwayreckles93]

In my opinion well , Sometimes woman go more for a man's looks instead of a man's mentality and personality or finding out if the dude and her have things in common. I am a republican my soon to be ex he is a democrat it didn't work out obiousvly different religions I am a devoted Christian he is something else. Some woman we learn from the first time lesson learn and attend to be a lot more careful common sense. Yet there's woman that only care about the guys looks attractiveness and they always go for Jack assess.

[Crazybeeguy]

So, this is an interesting situation.
Do you think that politics was a huge issue? or do you think it was about certain ethics?

The same question for religion, like religious devotion.

Basically do you believe correlation does not imply causation?

[Anonymous]

From experience, when I had very low self-esteem/little love for myself, I attracted very sub-par men. They had little to no interest in doing anything that would improve our relationship, make me happy, or treat me well. They were usually all about them, had eyes for other women and treated me quite disrespectfully. Being how I was back then, I just accepted it and so it was something that continued.


Now that I have more confidence and self love, I attract men who have a desire to have a real relationship with me, men who want to grow with me and build a life with me; these men treat me well, they're kind to others and they're real. They're also better looking.

[es20490446e]

I dated those high status women. To me it was all fake.

I want a woman that truly enjoys her life, and that usually comes with more money and status than usual.

But that is quite different than being motivated by status. One motivation is internal, the other is driven by appearances.

[alleon]

🥂 insightful

[es20490446e]

@alleon Thanks 👍

[Aimée__LJ]

Who we choose to surround ourselves with has a major correlation to how we were raised. If you were raised in an abusive household then you are more likely to put up with abuse in a relationship.

So maybe you should think of it from a different perspective. They have no self love or respect because of their relationships and they don't think they are worthy of anything better.

[exitseven]

I think so as well. I had a particular "type" that I dated. Usually athletic, active girls with healthy lifestyles. Even when the relationships did not last, they were always positive experiences.
Once I dated somebody who was the the opposite of the norm. I think that was the point of it. She was a bartender and her whole life revolved around drinking and partying. It was fun at first but soon I got sick of hanging out in bars and drinking every time we went out.

[Pasiton5]

Have self respect know what you will tolerate and won't and stick to it, no o one should ever have to be abused in a relationship, true some women feel is an expression of love caring when they are mistreated, to attract s good person in your life man or woman, you have to want that, from your heart,

[pjf1958]

From experience I can proclaim with dark certainty my personal experience with self loathing and self deprecation. It wasn't until I was diagnosed with A. D. H. D. that the shadow of despair finally evaporated. In my case knowledge is everything. From an intellectual perspective, I have never had this level of self confidence before. I have attained a level of inner peace that I have never experienced before.

[Máiiréad]

Self-worth is pretty damn important.
There are good people all around. The mind is a very powerful thing and what you put out into the world is what you will get back.

[TwistedTube]

Good people are attracted to other good people as well as shitty people, that's why so many good people end up getting hurt. It's not about looking good or being good

[kamalravi25]

To show boys that you are a good person they have to spend time with you so that they can know you.
They will come to you only if you look attractive.
So you have to look attractive to attract them and when he is near you then you can show your good qualities.

[fred_durst]

hell yeah!
you attract what you are
if you want to attract awesome people , than you need to be awesome person first

[CallmeTheKnight]

Well there is a golden rule:
You are what you attract

[RandomBystander]

And you attract what you are

[Shihab91]

Be yourself, improve yourself and you will attract the right person

[perfectchaos]

Be at a certain level no. Here is the problem is that the odds are not exactly in your favor if you look for too high above. Like I'm a 4/10. Is it possible to get that 9/10? Yes. Is it likely? No.

[RACSKC0B]

Oh no, all men are scumbags, we're all the worst people ever.
I wish that were sarcasm, but it's the truth, and for that im sorry.

[Rok4bakAR]

Those women who were so called abuse? Who pick those men?
Dude that’s how hot young women are.
They go for jerks, as they wanna be treated like crap, and they go and b**ch about it.