Should I tell my boyfriend his attitude towards money pisses me off?

Question

So, he makes more than I do, and pays for a larger share of our dates than I, which is fair, but what pisses me off is, if I ask to borrow $20 or $50 here or there, he ALWAYS makes me pay it back, if it takes weeks, he still expects it.

What do I say to him? Such small amounts should just be let slide IMHO

abc3643 · Accepted Answer

I agree with him but to a point.

As an SO, he should be supportive of you.

However, you also need to learn to live within your budget and his harping on you about paying him back is exactly what creditors are going to do and they will not be as nice about it. He wants you to learn fiscal responsibility. If you don't, you are going to be in trouble - your relationship will devolve into fighting over money which kills many many relationships... and then once he's gone, you'll be on your own and possibly drowning in debt and unable to save yourself.

Learn this:

Men want partners.
They don't want projects or damsels in distress.
================

OK, I am off my soapbox now. My own wife and I are having issues like this and it frustrates the shit out of me that she can't say "No" to spending. Fortunately, we both make decent money, but we should have a lot more saved and we don't because we spend OCEANS of cash on her hobbies and animals. I don't plan on getting divorced, but, if we broke up, she'd be fucked and I could retire as a millionaire... maybe. Right now, I am on a path of working until I die... which is likely soon.

So, it's OK to have to ask for $20 or $50 at times, but not if it is often or if the $20 or $50 is on something unnecessary or not urgent.
>> You need $50 for gas to drive to work? Sure, here's $50.
>> You need $50 to buy a special kitchen appliance that's on-sale and normally $300? Sure.
>> You need $50 to buy a blouse for a job interview? OK.
>> You need $50 to buy 2 pizzas for an all-girls get-together at your place? Annoying.
>> You need $50 to pay the bills on your streaming services? Irresponsible!

MCheetah · Accepted Answer

You sound like a useless gold digger. $50 and he "should just let it slide?" WTF? What does he even get from you? Sex? Comfort? Cooked meals? I'm willing to bet you aren't providing him with anything he can't get from another woman. I know it says you're young and all, but have you ever even had a job before? Have you had to work to earn $50 before? For some people, that's like five hours worth of labor?

You sound like a gold digger/sugar baby, but not even one with self awareness, in fact. You're a stranger to me, and you're telling the story here, and you still look like the asshole, here. And good on him; he's a smart man not to let a woman take advantage of him like that!

Honestly, you two should just break up. He should find someone who values his time and labor better, and you should just go on OF already, or become an e-thot. Everyone would probably be happier.

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

Sure, you can tell him, but if you're asking to "borrow" money, then the expectation is that you "pay it back." If you want him to "give" you money, then ASK him to GIVE you money. Then there is no expectation of payback.

What I don't understand is why YOU expect to use your boyfriend as a free money machine. Why are you asking him for money? Are you not paid enough at your job? If that is the case, then why don't you seek to get a job where you are paid more in line with your value and skills. Then there would be no reason for you to borrow anything from him.

The other thing I find annoying about YOUR attitude is that you expect a man who is not your father or husband to supply you with extra money when you feel you need or want it: As if you deserve an allowance from him for the simple fact that he makes more than you.

I think you're the one with the issue and you need to get your mind right about money.

CookiesAndCream2 · Accepted Answer

Borrow - take / use something that belongs to someone else with intent of returning it.
.
When you borrow or are lent money you're supposed to pay it back. When you get older banks will happily repossess your house & car if you don't pay back what is borrowed.

Stop bitching & prove you're decent. Not someone your boyfriend should dump.

MzAsh · Answer

Girl pay him back! It’s the right to do. It may not be a lot of money but it’s about the principle.
Besides, you don’t want to give him any reason to hold anything over your head or act like you owe him.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

If you don't want to repay it, them why do you use the word "borrow?"

RingOfFire · Answer

If it's such a small amount, it shouldn't bother you to pay it back. Furthermore, he shouldn't have to ask you for it, you should just keep track and pay it back as agreed.

A gift is a gift and a loan is a loan. If you agree it is a loan you have a duty and obligation to pay it back as agreed with no animosity. Instead you should be grateful that he was generous enough to lend you the money.

So should you tell him? No. You should change your attitude because he did nothing wrong.

KittyBites · Answer

Did you ever stop to think that it pisses him off that he always has to lend you money and nag you to return it? A loan is a loan. Stop asking to borrow money if you don't intend to pay it back. Just because he is your partner, doesn't mean he is your personal bank. How would you feel if he was constantly asking you for money and then didn't want to pay it back? I bet you would be single pretty fast.

hahahmm · Answer

You asked to borrow. He believes you're an honest person and not trying to manipulate him into giving you something... OR he knows you have an entitlement attitude and he doesn't want to feed it so it becomes even worse.

What would happen if he gave you a bunch of money and never wanted it paid back? Most likely you would then waste more money and expect even more money from him. You'd be spending outside of your means. If that's not your plan then you wouldn't have a problem paying him back.

And why should he be your ATM? You're not married.

SaoirseS · Answer

Why should he let it slide? If you borrow money, you pay it back. Period. If you’re going to use him as a bank, he has every right to behave like one and dun you until you pay it back. So pay it back, and manage your money so you don’t have to borrow again.

rosemilk · Answer

I would feel terrible if I had to ask for money and never paid it back. You’re not his wife, you are only a girlfriend. I think it’s okay to ask for the money back. It’s the least you can do since he let you borrow it I don’t see your side as a winning argument 🌸

CrotchRot · Answer

Forgive me but if you are borrowing money from your boyfriend, you should be wanting to pay it back anyway.

It's one thing if he buys you a gift but if you are coming to him, saying "hey, I need $50 for this," then that's not really a gift.

I'd just be happy that he loans you money if you need it. A lot of us can't get men to even buy dinner!

ObscuredBeyond · Answer

You're not his wife. And even wives should not abuse the privilege. If you argue it's "fair" because of sex, then congratulations: you're a prostitute.

What do you need all that money for anyway? Groceries? Marry him. And get some work from home position. Consider having a kid or two to eventually help out around the house.

Lottery? Trying to rip someone off to manipulate the government into making you rich with a ticket that isn't worth jack earnings 9 times out of 10? That's a good way to start a pattern that could land you in prison. I hope you don't live in Arkansas. According to Jessica Kent, Arkansas is one of the worst.

Please tell me you at least came here clean, and not after chugging scotch while getting the 305 Menthol ash out of your stringy hair, and cursing at your fishnets coming undone. Because I see that crap almost every day at a Florida gas station.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

See, this type of situation is why I don't do the whole "splitting expenses" thing with women; it always turns into score keeping. I don't like keeping scores. I would rather just pay for everything. I don't have to think about whether or not she's going to pay me, and she doesn't have to worry about me thinking she will.

The word "borrow" implies that you are going to pay him back, and because of the structure of your relationship, you are footing at least some of the expense, so it's not like his expectation is unreasonable. You can tell him that his attitude bothers you if you want, but you'd be better off either changing what you say when you ask for money, or change your relationship dynamic.

Dinklex3 · Answer

I mean.. You're "borrowing" correct?
And what is the definition of that?
Next time when you ask for money make sure to emphasize that you're asking to have it and have no intention on paying him back. Then he can decide if he wants to give it to you or not.
But when you "borrow " something that usually entails paying them back.

Anon621 · Answer

I think you should. I think it's important to share your honest opinions in a relationship even if the opinions sound stupid or the opinions sound rude you never know how someone will react if you never tell them so they will keep assuming nothing is a problem even though you think it's a problem or you think something should be changed. That's actually my entire self concept, if you can make a convincing argument to me why you feel I should change something or why my attitude towards something is wrong in your opinion I will probably make a change instead of constantly trying to argue with you or I will respectfully disagree and give you the reasons why I don't agree.

God_of_Thunder · Answer

How often do you ask him for money? If he's already paying the larger portion, and you're frequently asking to borrow money, then I can understand why it would upset him.

I wouldn't like the idea of dating someone that was always asking to borrow money, either. If we were married, and I knew going into it that I was supporting her, then that would be different.

If I was dating someone who, I'm assuming, has a job, and pays her own bills, then I would be a bit miffed that she was asking to borrow money because she can't afford herself, especially if I was already shouldering the greater financial cost of dating.

I don't know the specifics of your situation, though, so that may not apply. If it's once every six months, for example, then I wouldn't necessarily care.

donkeyde · Answer

Are you sharing a bank account and about to be married? If not then it’s his money that he earned and have every right to expect it back. Now the part of paying more on dates okay I can understand that since it sounds like he trying to be a gentleman but the word borrow literally means take and use (something that belongs to someone else) with the intention of returning it. if you want him to let that money slide then I hope he doesn’t get to the point he let you slide out of his life and find someone else who will treat him with more respect.

TheCunningLinguist · Answer

No. You are the definition of entitled. He owes you nothing and is obviously attempting to teach you some amount of financial responsibility. Many guys would be more than happy to encourage your behavior so that they could use it to control you. I can only hope for your sake that, he is more successful in doing so than your parents were.

TwistedTube · Answer

Is he your boyfriend or your piggybank? If you ask for money, you should expect to have to pay it back. You don't have to pay back when he deliberately say you don't have to, or if he offers you money himself. Also, 20-50 isn't low amounts of money to casually give, <5 bucks is.

JosyJosy · Answer

His attitude is correct. He doesn't want some leech using his money like that. You also used the word BORROW. Borrowing something literally means that you use something from someone and will return that later to that person.

Neko911 · Answer

Yeah no. You're borrowing that implies paying him back. You're just being a shitty girlfriend who wnats to mooch off her man

Hanzyxw · Answer

I would say that is your mistake if you boring you are expected to pay back if you do not want to pay back so you should say “would you mind giving me 50$ please?” Then you do not need to pay back duh

slatyb · Answer

Maybe you shouldn't call it "borrowing". Why do you have to mooch off of him? It sounds like you are spending money you don't have, and expecting him to make up the difference. Where's your self-respect? You are just dating, you aren't married or living together.

DavidHart · Answer

He is a good man.
A discipline man with principle in life.
He is teaching u to be true to your own words..
"Lend me some money."
.. That also mean ".. i am going to pay it back, i promise".
By not paying back, u are not being true your own words.
Meaning u are not a dependable person OR a liar..
u don't what such attitude to be followed by your children (to be) and obviously he don't want it as well.

averageguy4 · Answer

He works hard for his money i imagine and he is already the one spending more in the relationship. It seems fair to return the borrowed money since he is already spending a lit on you. If it really bothers you, instead of asking to borrow money sometimes just ask for cash. Literally say you want some cash and you don't want to have to pay him back. He'll probably just say fine and hive you some cash, as long as it isn't to often.

PuffGirl · Answer

If you ask to borrow money, the expectation is that you pay it back as that is what the word means. Just because your boyfriend makes more money than you doesn't mean that losing $50 near and there means nothing to him. Its still his money which he earns and you have no entitlement to it.

Sounds like you should be asking for the money straight up to keep. Personally, I don't think you should be doing this unless you are in a super tricky financial situation, but if you must, tell him straight up if he can give you money. If he says no, fair enough it's his.

virtue2332 · Answer

You are factoring in your relationship when it comes to borrowing the money instead of treating it like a regular business transaction. It's not a path you want to go down unless you want to actually put a dollar value on the services and time you bring to the relationship. I would hope it's no where near the 20 or 40 dollar range.

magiusX26 · Answer

an easy fix is to stop borrowing. if you want a hand out from him, dont ask to borrow but instead ask him to give/gift it. this is another reason for "say what you mean, mean what you say"

ApplesandCarats443 · Answer

The guys aren't gonna go easy on you lol , you should have appointed this towards only girls answer , but he is your boyfriend. Not your husband or fiance not even your baby daddy. How about you try paying for dates here and there too , and pay him back when he asks because all he is , is a boyfriend now if he was something more that would be another story. Also dont “borrow” his money, thats not okay , better yet you should wanna get your own things and stuff because later on he can just throw it in your face that you owe him a huge sum of money for all the times he let you borrow money.

Everglow5 · Answer

I don't know, I feel like if someone lets you borrow money and they want you to pay it back, you should respect that. At least that's what my parents make me do. Whenever I want something that isn't a necessity or something that is like art supplies or something, I always have to pay for it. I don't know how it is with boyfriends though.

BlueBex · Answer

It’s his money, and you asked to borrow it, borrowing means you will return it. If you are looking for him to just give you money than maybe you should say that? Also, if he asked to borrow like $10 would you expect him to pay jt back?

Account · Answer

He is cheap. I really can't stand such people because I am the complete opposite. I really enjoy giving money to others and I really feel joy when I spend money on others even though I don't make much.

I don't get people who don't and I don't really want them around.

Mangospacho · Answer

This is weird. Why do you keep borrowing money from him if you’re annoyed that he’ll ask you to pay him back? You’re borrowing it, not taking it. Either ask if you can just have the money or just ask someone else for the money.

MTC29 · Answer

I've got the same problem with the folks at American Express... for some odd reason, they want their money back at the end of every month.  Honesty @admles already said all that needed to be said.

ColoradoKid · Answer

I don't know how much he makes so my answer comes from 2 different povs...

If he is making $500 more than you. I would say that a $20 or $50 is a small amount.

If he is making a $150 dollars more than you.. its not that small.

What is small to some is a lot to someone else.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I'm this way if I had a good girlfriend, I wouldn't mind giving her small amounts of money and no I wouldn't expect her to pay me back, I think a girl should come first but now if we had a baby together, of course, our baby would come first then she would come next but I would always come last cause that's the type guy I am

Pasiton5 · Answer

Well you should pay it back, I mean you borrowed it, it's only fair besides you don't want him to think of you as a scammer or worse his girl for hire so I would pay it back send the message that you ain't no lady of the night he can get it for free

Anonymous · Answer

Be pissed off.

You are "borrowing" money with the intention of possibly not having to pay it back i. e. you are looking for free money. Instead of trying to get handouts under the guise of borrowing, ask for the handout directly; that way he can decide whether or not he wants to give you the money for good.

Guanfei · Answer

Your boyfriend isn't your wallet, and his money isn't yours. You're acting like a spoiled kid who wants him to give you everything anytime you ask.
That's what pisses you off, that he doesn't just empty his account anytime you ask.

Quidthonian · Answer

I'm sorry, but I am on his side. When I borrow someone something I expect it back. Your "let it slide" will start off at $20, then slowly creep up to bigger and bigger amounts. Also you should watch your budget if you can't afford to pay off your debt. Adjust your lifestyle to fit your budget.

Dude_777 · Answer

He is right about taking it back, because you are not his wife. He is a sensible person. He knows that if he gives too much, he can never take / claim it back at time of breakup.

If you "borrow", you must return. Period.

douride2 · Answer

When you say borrow that means you pay it back at some point.

Ninani · Answer

If it's a loan, you should pay it back no matter the amount. His attitude seems very reasonable.

SlavBoi · Answer

Go make that money so you don't have to borrow it then wtfBesides, if something so tiny as 20-50$ is nothing for you. Why don't you just give it back if it's such a no big of a deal? You can see a splinter in his eyes but not a log in yours. Wake the fuck up

JackofSpades · Answer

Personally I'd totally just give a friend or a girlfriend $20.

But that's exactly what it is "a gift" they didn't ask for it they didn't expect it. Maybe they asked to borrow money fully expecting to pay it back but I chose to give it as a gift.

Don't ask to borrow anything if you don't plan on giving it back. If he wants to give you something that's his choice. If you want free shit then maybe you should ask for free shit and stop asking for loans.

NoLookingAtSoleil · Answer

What do you do with your free time/what else, or whom else, do you want (to have or to finance, probably for your 'additional sexual needs')?
If he doesn't keep you on a tight string chances are you'd keep saving for a stripper/a male prostitute. Is it not the case? Do you expect him to finance your infidelity, or to help you get more lovers? Female greed for men knows no limits - and women generally defend that as their god given right, disgusting as it is to be that way.

The_Maphio · Answer

If he lets it slide once, twice and thrice, it will become a habit. A bad habit. One of those that makes a man grab his stuff and look elsewhere for a relationship. He's doing well in making you pay back. He's saving your couple by doing it.

admles · Answer

Um, the key word here is BORROW. You ask someone to borrow something because you're going to return it, so his attitude is 100% spot on. You sound like a gold digger, tbh.

Phoenix98 · Answer

I can't even really be pissed at him because I'm the same way.

Also your at fault here because you want to "barrow" money well barrowing money meaning paying it back and you ain't wanting to pay it back.

InferiorElegy · Answer

Sounds like you're slowly but surely becoming a fucking gold digger. Pay for your shit and quit treating him like a ATM. He needs and deserves someone who isn't going to treat him like that.

Birdlegs · Answer

Borrowing means you pay it back. If you want him to give you money then say can you give me money. He’s not in the wrong here tho it’s very valid to expect to be paid back

kitkills · Answer

It's his money. He can manage it how he wants. You act like you want him to just willingly give away money to you because you're dating. You need to get a grip on things and realize you aren't entitled to his cash.

Xaxztjs · Answer

To be honest i think you should have a polite talk with him about it i think small amounts isn't a big deal especially since you guys are dating however if you are asking him all the time then it may be annoying but just have a talk with him and explain how you feel but dont make it sound like you are greedy

NyceGuyFinishingLast · Answer

If he wants to have that attitude then either leave him or you start paying for everything that is just for you. Don't let him pay anything and if he asks why then tell him you don't want him owing him anything. See if that doesn't open his eyes.

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah, no, you just want his  money . You asked to borrow money, not for a gift. You are a minor case of a gold digger. If you want more money, then unleash your inner gold digger spirit and go twerk half naked for gangster rappers music videos.

Kabluie · Answer

borrowing here and there is exactly what it means, borrowing. Which means pay it back.. If it pisses you off so much why don't make more money so you don't have to ask.

snackthatsmilesback · Answer

Just start asking for him to "give" you the small amounts then, if that's what you're wanting. If you ask to "borrow" it, most people would expect it to be paid back. Just simple miscommunication.

Vick2727 · Answer

Look, I give the mother of my kid's money, and there are days I let her keep it, and there are days she pays me back. She does the same too. It's just only fair.

AnggieGirl · Answer

Lmao girl! If you borrow money, you pay it back! There’s no immunity

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

"Borrowing" suggests it will be paid back. Honour your debts, no matter how small.

Anonymous · Answer

Where are all my so called traditional men now? You all hate financially independent modern women so much but now you complain and hate the attitude of the asker? You all want traditional women but now you hate when women expect her man to pay aka provide her aka be traditional? If you dont want to provide, dont expect traditional women idiot.

pleasestopthis · Answer

Because he worked hard for his money. He doesn't owe you anything, just pay him back or just don't ask at all. You got some nerve lmao

HawkPerception · Answer

Your boyfriend seems like a very fair guy. He seems to be much more mature than you and he ain't a simp. No gold diggers up in his house.

Should I tell my boyfriend his attitude towards money pisses me off?

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