Are friends with benefits really as selfish as we picture?

Question

they are still friends, right? I don't know

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Friends With Benefits can be great for the right people. But a lot of people aren't the right people, or don't have the right motivations and boundaries to do friends with benefits successfully.

It's important to start off understanding that friends with benefits is: casual sex for the sake of casual sex. It is NOT a step along the path to a romantic relationship - and a lot of people (most of them female) - tend to treat it exactly that way: "if we become friends with benefits, then maybe it will turn into a romantic relationship." That's a LIE - lying to your partner and lying to yourself - and that's how people get hurt.

The other problem is that most women are unable to have casual sex without bonding to their partner (not their fault - it's just how female biology works for most women), and once they bond and develop feelings, they get hurt when the guy hasn't also developed feelings - even though accepting a friends with benefits relationship MEANS that you agree that no romantic feelings will be involved.

Yes, there ARE exceptions on both sides: women who can have casual sex without developing feelings, and men who don't want sex outside of a romantic relationship - but exceptions are rare, and you should never bet on finding one or being one, because most of the time, you will lose.

If you're a woman who already knows she can do friends with benefits without developing feelings, then obviously this doesn't apply to you.

Anyway, I don't see friends with benefits as being selfish. Both people have to agree to friends with benefits (or, at least, they have to avoid agreeing to some more structured relationship) in order to have it, so if that's not what you want, you need to SAY SO. If you agree to a friends with benefits hoping the other person will change their mind later, then you are a fool, and you're going to end up hurt, and it's your own fault for being naïve and not looking at the evidence all around you.

Kaneki05 · Accepted Answer

Selfish? What's selfish about saying "Hey wanna have sex?" "yeah why not"

Rei02 · Accepted Answer

In the relationship of friends with benefits, both parts have a mutual agreement, they have sex, they experiment the sexual life, but there should be no emotional nor affective parts involved.

Although I haven't experiment it (and I know I can't), it can come a point where one of both sides want something emotionally deeper. The problem is that if the other side doesn't want, because of being afraid or because it is non-reciprocate emotionally, the society breaks or keep it as just friends.

A relationship without investing emotions may sound easy because when emotions are involved, they lead to bitter arguments, discussions, regrets, SELFISHNESS, JEALOUSY, or another negative emotions. However, we are humans, and it is inevitable that in every relationship, no matter how shallow it may be, emotions might be involved, even uncounsciously.

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

It's not selfish, it's utilitarian. It's the pretty name for sexual partnerships with no strings.

And no, they're not really "friends." They are SEX friends. Meaning they're friendly toward each other when they want sex from each other.

Friends talk on the phone, go out together, eat at each other's houses, hang out. friends with benefits is truthfully about sex, not about companionship. Friends spend TIME together. friends with benefits spend time together FOR sex.

coachTanthony · Answer

----------It takes two to tango. If both want to do it then have at it. Most times though it's not as sterile as one might think. Usually one or the other catches feelings or they get jealous and all of a sudden you both have a situationship not a friends with benefits. Not recommended.

~Coach T Anthony @thedatecoach IG

aWes0MeNeSs · Answer

If both people are on the same page about what they want out of the relationship, I don't think so.

HugoThe2nd · Answer

friends with benefits relationships are not (should not be) selfish.
What a friends with benefits is and what the boundaries of the relationship are should be defined from the get go.
One party developing expectations for there to be more is their failure to adhere to the established terms, it's not the selfishness of the other party.

I should say though, If you want more than just sex, then probably just don't do it.
If one is considering having sex with a friend they already have emotional connection with, well that's just a recipe for disaster.
A non-commited sexual relationship really only works if it's just sex and nothing more.

That OR you have to very strictly define the boundary between the friends and the sex part and ensure they do not cross into each other's territory.
A good way to do that is with kink/fetish exploration, for example.
Because such sex is not really about affection, it's about fulfilling certain physical and psychological needs and the other person is really just an instrument in that.

But some people just may not be capable of that, they may not be able to separate sex and affection or emotions, and those people shouldn't have fwbs in general.

TheorionMage · Answer

friends with benefits are secure ENOUGH in their trust and respect for you, believing that YOU will not "shoot the goose whom lays YOUR golden eggs".
That they are WILLING to indulge your carnal appetites & fantasies and You, Their's
and NOT compromise the comradery you BOTH enjoy
as you indulge one another's sex play.

They rightfully expect you keep discretion.
IF BOTH agree to photos,
that they NOT be circulated without your 'playmate's EXPRESS permission.

That You NOT act like a 10 yr old juvenile braggard
"Lookie! See what I GOT...(that your peers DON'T)"
Seeking to inspire Peer envy for YOUR juvenile presiege! >:(

Are friends with benefits really as selfish as we picture?

ohshee · Answer

The ones that I have had were friends and it's kinda crazy but we're the best type of relationship for me because I felt that I could actually be myself. They really don't understand that I'm not really for sure if you had something to do with commitment or if it was allowing them to see me all the way I'm who I am not holding back but for some reason there was more respect or trust a deeper Bond with my friends with benefits then there was with a real relationship and I was kind of strange but it is very cool

Red_Arrow · Answer

There are many different kinds of relationships that people call Friends with Benefits. There are those where two people are close friends but not in a relationship, but they feel their sexual needs and decide to have sex with each other without committing any stronger ties emotionally. Their friendship remains the same as it was, but they have sex when they feel the need for sex, and do not have sex with any others..
There are those who commit to a stronger relationship, but do not want to stop seeing others, also. This can be confusing for both of them and complicate things. Both kinds can become sexual without being selfish.
But there are those who do it for only their own needs and their selfishness can make the relationship worse.
So there are good FWBs and bad FWBs. We cannot say they are all the same.

Ez-Bri-Z · Answer

I thought mine was good for me, but I caught feelings and he kept sending conflicting messages (this was all online only).

He admitted being turned on by women crying but he had also been supportive of me in other places. He said it was ok to escalate but when I did he said that it wasn't going to be like that.

All he really wanted in the end was someone to help him get off and once I realized that and he really wasn't a friend at all, I ended things.

VanillaSalt · Answer

It’s sex without strings. And sex isn’t the only thing they do. Relationships are dangerous, hurtful, risky but this friends with benefits is something that’s known, comfortable, safe… I have a friends with benefits myself. I’ll never get married so if this is the only intimacy I get then I’m okay with that. Even if we are selfish what right do you have to judge us?

Cathy7734 · Answer

It seems to me that "friends with benefits" usually just involves sex with no feelings. In such a case, I would think that both parties are shallow. They could care less what is going on in the other person's life. Have cancer? Don't care! Do you have a lump in your breast? Don't care! Etc.

PBandJ_Nerd · Answer

I think it depends on the people involved. Friends with benefits involves people who might be friends, coworkers, and so on. An actual friendship between two people who are friends with benefits could probably have some benefit to it. But that's because they share more intimacy and affection with each other. As for others I can't really say if there is a benefit, but it is sex-oriented at least.

MaelE · Answer

As long as you define the boundaries, it's not. I had and still have friends with benefits, and it's basically calling each other when we feel down, comforting, not always sexually-related... when it's built with trust, those relationships are only bringing happiness.

xb1345 · Answer

If both want to have the benefits with no other attachment what so ever then I'd say it's fine.

But if one has feelings and the other uses that to continue the benefits then that's very selfish. Not considering the others feelings can be very hurtful...

Finchie40 · Answer

It’s a selfish act but it’s 2 people being selfish at the same time so they are both even , it’s basically a way to have sex while being open to having sex with others , usually one will fall harder for the other and then drama arises unless the other partner decides they want them the same as well , it’s a 50/50 chance

bobalife · Answer

They’re not selfish as it is something two people have agreed on. It only becomes selfish if one is not treating the other right and only cares about one need over both needs. But they’re also definitely not just friends as that’s where the “benefit” comes into play with sexual activity and more than what defines a platonic friendship.

JackSmy · Answer

I don't know what fool made up this idea, but one, and often BOTH, feel much more than friends, with the "benefits" over a length of time.
I have never done it, because I can't! I won't be intimate, sexual, with someone that I don't truly love, and care about. I don't do casual crap! I don't want to be hurt, or hurt her, doing that!!

krin_m · Answer

Not at all. My relationships with the two FWBs is based on friendship and affection. We care for each other and enjoy the physical intimacy because of the mutual sexual attraction. We socialize outside our sexual connection like any other group of friends. There are certain ground rules we have established to ensure that our friendship is not jeopardized.

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

I have a couple friends where over 10 years or so we have mutually supported each other. Yes we are friends, yes we have sex, yes we know what each other expects and desires from the arrangement.

Ninani · Answer

I don't care for selfish sex partners, it should be mutual satisfaction and both should focus on the other's stimulation.

Wise4myage · Answer

If they are both on the same page, than I don't think either is selfish.

Kayla99 · Answer

If they’re real friends it’sa great arrangement. If it’s just sex it won’t work out long term.

loveslongnails · Answer

Wrong. Most of the people who use that term are not "friends", never were and never will be. What they ARE is fuck buddies. Huge difference. As long as the selfishness is mutually agreed upon, everyone knows what they're getting into.

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

Some really are friends. Ideally you give each other really good orgasms then hang out afterward.

Dinklex3 · Answer

I'm sure you know, but that's completely dependent on the individuals involved.  Yes, they are still your friend.

Interstate · Answer

YES IT IS!!! Basically, you are only associating with the other only when you feel they are needed. I refer to it as, "The Spare Tire Treatment". You either want to commit to them and ONLY them, or you don't.

TacosRAwesome · Answer

Only if it's not mutual. Like if you keep hooking up with someone you know is in love with you, then you're selfish.

Tstrbrainer · Answer

No, any sexual act even in a glorified marriage is selfish if one person is not willing to give pleasure to another..

Demanding someone else to live by your moral standards and expectations is selfish

courtney06 · Answer

I avoid those kinds of relationships. They just aren’t for me. I think that works best for people who are comfortable with not getting attached and jealous.

Tunasub · Answer

Well in a sense both parties are selfish for not wanting to be in the relationship with the other person. One of the 2 really would like there to be more but if that's voiced by them then that may end the friends with benefits relationship.

james_d0007 · Answer

Some people can cope while some can't I would say someone who is very emotional and gets attached to someone pretty soon should definitely not go for this life style.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Let's see, you're willing to let someone that you're not in a serious relationship with fuck you pretty much any time they want! Exactly HOW is that selfish?

DJB72 · Answer

I've never heard of anyone going into friends with benefits because they just wanted to make sure the other person was getting properly serviced sexually...

Anuakshay · Answer

No if both are not attached or have no expectations it is healthy I feel

Browneye57 · Answer

There is absolutely zero benefit for the woman. She's just a warm place to put it for the guy. Do not do this.

oliver4love · Answer

It's just like use and throw.. It's only a game of orgasm, orgasm finished game finished..

DaveToo · Answer

Whenever benefits are introduced into a relationship, friends are strained.

Ninjazzed · Answer

Most don’t want to be friends after being FWBs, so in short.. yes—they are selfish because they only want sex from you.

Seinna · Answer

Yes, I personally think it's evil and damaging to society and especially to women.

anylolone · Answer

Depends on the friends. Friends can be very selfish.

Mangospacho · Answer

I guess it could be considered selfish even though you’re both in agreement. You’re both using each other’s bodies just for sex and nothing else.

lycanthrope3 · Answer

the ones i had were always friends first, sex was secondary

feralmermaid · Answer

Yes, how do you continue that friendship when it's over?

rounddablock · Answer

Sometimes it leads into a relationship which is a good thing.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

I don't know about selfish, but it is a bad idea. That ish is not sustainable.

Tonita91996 · Answer

Yes because it is dumb just pretty much wasting one another's time. It doesn't make any sense to sleep with someone you dont care about.

DoubleOSeven · Answer

I don't know why it's selfish. And by the way I think that friendship with benefits isn't only friendship...

Slim57 · Answer

Not a booty call is selfish, friends with benefits it should be mutual

Jayded1 · Answer

I don't think of it as selfish? Why do you picture it like that? I am curious.

Marhaban-1 · Answer

I think that friends with benifits are just a way of justified cheeting (or not)

Still-alive · Answer

i tend to see them as temporary things until one of them inevitably catches feelings for the other

Waldoe · Answer

friends with benefits can be very Hard... someone will "catch feelings" and then there will be Pain...

Jerre · Answer

I have had and still do many friends with benefits. I have never encountered a selfish girl and I am positive I am not selfish.

MountAverage · Answer

If both involved want it that way, I don't see how it would be selfish.

LoveIsFake · Answer

It's selfish because it only focuses on personal needs

Manuel2 · Answer

I would like to know? But sadly most women I know want more than sex for their benefit

OddBeMe · Answer

As long as no one is being lied to or hurt, I don’t see why… hows it selfish?

Nazgol · Answer

Its not the kind of friends that you'd hope. It's breakable and unlasting

Tim-loves-it · Answer

I've never seen my friends with benefits in that way.

baretone · Answer

sounds good, but always leads to someone wanting more

JennieF · Answer

Nah. You're taking care of each other's needs.

SuccessfulHornDog · Answer

You have a point there

Are friends with benefits really as selfish as we picture?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Are friends with benefits really as selfish as we picture?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.