In my experience, solving the most sensitive of relationship issues requires establishing a channel of open and honest communication first. Once that trust and support is established, then you can move past the defensiveness that is usually the initial response for sensitive issues like this.
Once she realizes that she's not being attacked or ridiculed, she may be more likely to open up. Also, keep in mind.. the cause could be any number of things: weight gain could be causing image issues, work/marriage stress could be causing exhaustion, or medication might be causing reduced libido (birth control or anti-depressants, for example).. it could literally be anything. Also, keep in mind that if it's something medical.. she may have no idea why she's no longer interested in sex.. and it may be something that needs to be discussed with her doctor or therapist.
2nd: Listen to and support your wife. She may be going through something mentally or physically that you're completely unaware of. When she does finally open up, listen until she's done speaking. You may be in for some hard/uncomfortable conversations to get to the bottom of what's going on.. so prepare yourself. But it's very important that when she starts communicating that you let her. If the roles were reversed and it was you that was dealing with intimacy, libido, or potency issues... how would you want to be treated? Marriage is supposed to be about support and understanding, right? So just keep that in mind.
3rd: While you're considering her wants/needs and supporting her, don't forget to consider your own. It's totally okay to think about what your needs and expectations are, and to communicate them. While it's not okay to demand sex, I think it's okay to ask yourself what frequency is ideal/acceptable.. and to let your needs be known. Depending on the root cause of the issue, she may never be able to meet that expectation.. but you have to communicate it. Remember, you're not demanding that she meet it.. you're just expressing your needs openly.
If you both get to the bottom of it, and things get solved.. great! If they don't, or she's unable to meet those expectations, you may have to work out a compromise or consider what's next for you. At the end of the day, if you approach this openly and honestly and she's still unwilling to discuss it or consider your needs, too.. then at least you did all you could.
Good luck!
u You had sex until you got married, then she turned off the faucet? That sounds like a calculated move. I assume that she is capable of having sex and simply chooses to not do so. I would tell her that the marriage cannot continue like this and if she is not prepared to resume a sexual relationship, then you need a full explanation, either in private or in the course of couples counselling.
The thing about marriage is that the expectations are different, and isn't that why people do it?
Typically what happens is that a lot of fights get swept under the rug when you're engaged and getting closer and closer to the wedding date. No one wants to fight before the happiest moment of their lives. But since most people are engaged for over 6 months, that's a lot of time for things to change and go unspoken. There's a lot of pressure, a lot of expectations, and a lot of so this is how it's gonna be.
Maybe it's okay for a boyfriend to watch a game a few nights a week in his spare time, and maybe , it's unattractive to watch your new husband sit on his tush instead of taking on projects he said he'd get around to but couldn't fot 6 months because of 'wedding or job stuff'.
Yes nothing has changed, including those light fixtures, undone landscaping, the fact he cooks once a week and has been promising to do it more for the last 6 months dot dot dot.
Honest truth is that parties make sacrifices, but only for so long. When the sex dries up, it's usually not just one person's fault. It's often because something about their partner has become less attractive to them. Maybe communication is down.. maybe date nights are no longer regular.. maybe she's worried about her own job or finances.
Usually it involves sitting down and asking your partner, what I can do to become more attractive, physically, emotionally and sexually.
Communication and counseling. Marriage only works when both people put in the effort if one person or both people isn't trying it's bound to fail.
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Same thing happened to me, I fired (divorced) her ass. I took time to review myself as a man, look in the mirror and ask some real questions at the time.
"What the hell did I want in a woman?"
I set standards and expectations and stuck to them, I promised myself I'd never settle again. it paid off, big time.
I can't tell you how to do it, but I can say, I was nervous the whole time, but the only thing I felt good about was the fact that I could hold my head up knowing that I tried EVERYTHING under the sun to make that marriage work to no avail.
It was either this or start cheating and I didn't want to.
It comes down to that individual, if they aren’t satisfied, best thing to do is communicate with their partner , and tell them their feelings , if the partner doesn’t respond or change their ways then it’s probably best to end that marriage , and get your needs met elsewhere, Just because you are married doesn’t mean you have to stay sexless cuz they aren’t in the mood or make every excuse to why they can’t have sex, without sex in a marriage , that marriage probably won’t last especially if the 1 partner is not satisfied sexually , they will usually go find it elsewhere , happens a lot
She's found her natural level. Not your fault, not really hers either. Women get a boost in sexual interest in a new and exciting relationship, then things find their own level.
They say some women just don't feel sexy so don't want sex. But if they just went and initiated sex anyway, they'd get the idea. But if she's not prepared to entertain sex at all, that's a problem for you. She'll probably blame you for it but really she just deflecting blame.
Abstinence, deal with it yourself, or find a willing helper. What else is there, assuming you want to keep her?
It's weird that marriage is supposed to change anyone in general.. I don't get it... sometimes one or the other gender might have a decrease in sex drive, and it's normal. This is not the other partners fault that wants it. And I don't think it has anything to do with marriage in general.
Some kind of analysis must be possible in terms of what's going on?
Why do you think she doesn't want sex?
There must be going on in the relationship, is what I'd say. No sex is just a symptom, I bet?
Also, people are so exhausted with the day to day. People have poor work/life balances. They eat and sleep poorly, get stressed. They don't have any energy for anything extra. Maybe this is an issue or needs looking into?
Pack up and walk away. The way it is going, something is wrong. Seriously wrong. Is she playing an away match with someone else? Whatever, I cannot see it getting better. Bail out now, so you don't waste any more time.
Kick her out of the house immediately and file for divorce.
If I live in an area where divorce is going to heavily favour her, then just find someone new and have an affair while lining up all your ducks in a row. Hiding financial assets, getting lawyers, etc.. etc..
3 years of refusing to talk about it, means it's not fixable. She married you under false pretences and if marriage was a contract like any contract, you'd file papers suing her for contract fraud.
Well be patient and find the reasons first...
Investigate what is going on... if u have kids then it could be stress problem and if u dont have kids then investigate.
Broken things are repaired not thrown away... keep that in mind.
Many guys spend their entire lives without sex. What does it matter if you are not having it after marriage. If that's why you are married your priorities are messed up. The big problem comes when she refuses to cuddle at night.
She got you by the Balls now. she knows that a divorce will grant her alimoney.
at this point? I assume you tried to make it work but to no avail. End it. Cheat on her with a young and beautiful mistress, that will give you the sweetness of life you've been missing for 3 years 👩 💝
Don't. Get. Married. Or. Cohabitate.
i don't know that is a tough one , think you have to open up with her about this even if its difficult to discuss. not exactly sure what causes this to happen but it does happen
Take her out and treat her the way you did when you first started dating.
Tell her this.. I want sex, if you cannot do that, I will find it elsewhere.. And file for divorce..
Nothing you can do. She won. She won't let you have sex with her but you can't have sex with anyone else. Reason #4,361 not to get married.
She set you up to support her fincinally even if you catch her cheating.
This is a main reason why I don't believe in marriage.
Sexual compatibility is a HUGE part of a successful marriage. You need to discuss it openly with her if you want a chance at a successful marriage.
No , you’ll never be happy, you’re not compatible so you’ll need to get divorced and move on before you get too old since she isn’t willing to work with you
I'm in a similar situation but I know the reason she doesn't want sex. It's not her fault
I will put her in friendzone and start to recover and get ready to let someone new in.
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