Why am I obsessing over a guy I barely know and how do I stop?

[Anonymous]

I met him 3 weeks ago on vacation and we slept together. The sex was amazing and I thought it would end there but we ended up cuddling and hanging out and he kissed me goodbye. He then continued to text me and sometimes FaceTime me to talk every day since we met; however, he lives across the country so I know it’s not realistic that anything will happen. He said he would fly me up to see him for a few days so I’m going next month. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him, he’s so attractive and we just had so much spark and connection. I think about him constantly and sometimes if he leaves me on delivered or read for a few hours I panic and obsess over it until he replies. I dream up scenarios about him. I know this is crazy, it’s not like we’re dating or even close. The crazy thing is, I’ve been kind of obsessing over my ex the last year (we still talk) and as soon as I met this guy I haven’t thought about my ex once. Obviously there’s a different deeper issue because I barely know this guy. How do I stop thinking about him? And why do I keep thinking about him? To be clear I’m an attractive girl and I’ve always been able to get pretty much any guy I want, but I’m pretty picky and reject most guys so when I do find someone I like I tend to obsess (in my head though I never show them I’m crazy or do anything crazy).

[Anonymous]

I've actually been in a similar situation myself. I met a guy through mutual work friends. He started messaging me all the time and hard core flirting. We met in person and everything just seemed so amazing. He seemed genuinely into me as a person. His idea of making the first move was randomly kissing my cheek mid-sentence. Everything about it seemed like a fairytale.

Fast forward a couple weeks. I had sex with him... amazing sex. Probably the best I'd ever had in my life. For a while, on the days I didn't see him, he'd text me all the time, send me cute little gifs or jokes to make me laugh, some nights he'd even call me and we'd talk on the phone for 2 hrs straight.

I fell hard. He was all I could think about, and like you, I didn't even really know him that well. And of the parts I did know about him, a lot of it, I didn't like. For example, he hunts. I'm a huge animal lover, and never in my life would I have considered dating a hunter. But I overlooked it because I was head over heels.

Long story short, my thing crashed and burned. He played me big time, and I was heartbroken. But to answer your question... why do I think you or I was obsessed about this guy we barely know? I think a lot of it has to do with having amazing sex. I think another part of it is that we romanticize the entire situation. We tell ourselves this has never happened to us, we've never felt like this before, etc. etc., and all we're doing is building everything up in our head. The guy obviously plays into this whole thing too. They make us feel special. They seem SO into you. They say all the right things. I learned the hard way that more often than not, that's the mark of a player. I'm not saying your guy is, and I really hope he's not, but just be careful and know that it is a possibility.

[Asker]

That’s a really great answer, thank you! I’ll be careful, I’m already kind of prepared for the worst. I appreciate your thoughtful answer!

[Fadekemi]

You really don't know if he has a girl.. so girl, why not ask him what you guys are, like is he ready to push things forward or you guys are just friends with benefit as they say.. so just ask him.. you don't know if it's "no strings attached" to him

[Asker]

Thanks for not having a mean response. It’s not so much about it he likes me but more about why I’m obsessing about him and now to stop

[Iron_Man]

When you give it up like that you just make yourself look bad with a new body count

[Asker]

I don’t really care how it looks, I’ve literally never done that before but like I said we Instantly clicked. Literally have 3 bodies

[Honesttguy]

Cus you have nothing better to do? What are your hobbies?

[spartan55]

The guy you are obsessing over has a girlfriend.
Learn some humility. Your self assessment of your looks is off putting.

[Asker]

How? I’m being honest, that’s always what I’ve been told.

[Asker]

Like seriously you sound so stupid. What the hell else am I supposed to say? I think I’m attractive and I’ve been told I am, how is having confidence bad? I never said I was better than anyone else or anything rude.

[spartan55]

It's not confidence, it's insecurity and arrogance wrapped in one. Again, learn some humility. Why would you ever have to point out how attractive you think you are? Leave that to others. Stupid eh? Lot of experience talking so do what you want know-it-all.
Why did attraction even need to be brought up? Guess you had to make sure we knew how hot you think you are.

[Asker]

Because I’m trying to explain the situation. It would be an entirely different situation if I was considered unattractive, let’s just be honest. If I had said I was unattractive you would’ve said something different. I don’t know why it even matters so much, what is the point of going around spreading negativity for no reason? I’m an attractive person hence why this guy is talking to me probably. I can point that out if I want and I don’t care if you think it’s arrogant. Not my problem

[Asker]

Also why would I leave that to others when this is literally the internet and you can’t see what i look like? I felt the need to point it out because it would be different to obsess over every guy I meet, but since I am attractive and picky, it’s only certain people. That is worth pointing out to me. If you don’t like it don’t answer my question or comment.

[spartan55]

You're right, you are the one with the problem, and of course you don't see it. Why did attractiveness need to be mention AT ALL. It didn't, as it added nothing. I'll ask a third time... humility... do you know the definition?

[Asker]

I don’t care. I can say whatever I want on MY post. If calling yourself attractive is considered arrogant then fine, guess I am. At least Im not a 49 year old man arguing with a young girl on here. Do you have a wife to go to bed to or something? Probably not. Lmao

[spartan55]

Yeah, guess again you fucking dumbass. Nice try though... 😂
You truly don't know what humility means, do you? No big surprise.
Have fun with that dude who has a girlfriend... 😂 😂 😂

[Asker]

Sounds like I hit a nerve 😂😂😂

[spartan55]

Yeah, it bothers me so much that you are hooked on some piece of shit cheater... keep trying.

[Asker]

Honey I just met the guy. It’s not that deep. I already said I know we aren’t going to date but that doesn’t stop me thinking about him. I don’t think he even has a girlfriend. Doesn’t seem like the type