Girls, my girlfriend thinks I HAVE to help her defend herself? Am I going crazy?

[Anonymous]

So, my girlfriend has been scared recently about being attacked on the street. I won’t go into details, but she got scared and started researching women’s self-defense blogs on the internet. Of course, being a supporting boyfriend, I went along and talked to her about it. Eventually she asked to practice takedowns on me. Like twisting free when you’re grabbed from behind.

It all went downhill when she wanted to practice striking. I told her to be gentle and she said that my request “wasn’t realistic”. So, I said “ok.” And she started trying jabbing my stomach and she was actually not going that hard. Out of nowhere she jabbed my throat, then when I started to protest, she kicked me in my soft spot.

It wasn't hard but obviously… it doesn't need to be. I started tearing up from the pain in my soft spot, and all she did was thanked me and laid on the couch while I was crumpled on the floor.

The next week she asked to do it again and I gave her a hard “NO”. She flipped out on me, accusing me of not helping her feel safe. She also said how I was a crybaby last time because she didn't hit that hard. She kept saying how, as a boyfriend, I should be supportive and how I don’t understand because I’m not a girl. Dont get me wrong, I’m very sympathetic to how girls must feel because they’re smaller and weaker than most guys.

Honestly, I’m not sure what to think anymore. Who’s in the right? I want her to not be scared again and she can’t join any classes right now cuz of COVID. But she has to walk alone for work purposes. So I said okay. Same thing happened again where she practiced throwing kicks at my soft spot. Again, I cried from all the pain down there but I felt good about supporting her. But I’m still not sure what is really true? Do girls think my girlfriend is doing the right thing (as a girl)?

[btbc92]

So you are not a protector, you are just selfish. Why don't you just let her go so she can be with another man? Then you can find a woman who doesn't need you to protect her while she also does everything herself. It would be a relationship of convenience, but I think that may actually work for you. I can see she is too good for you and our just wasting her time because you're that desperate for somebody like her. To give, give and give while you take and take and take. This is not a relationship. You need to learn to grow up, be a man, and grow a pair. Either you go out with her to feel safe, or expect her to use you as a "punching bag". Because I can see it now. Once she gathers the courage, she is going to dump you herself.

[Asker]

I can’t just be her “punching bag”. Do you not understand that she kicked me in my crotch and I cried? That’s why I don’t want to do it. I want to make her feel safe but she says I have to be punching bag like that to do so. But it hurts to much to do so.

[btbc92]

So let her find another man who can and will protect her. Period.

[sunshineglow]

Btbc, you are not realistic. We see he was giving and supporting partner and the girl is selfish. Why use a real human being as a punching bag? Better she buys actual bag and hires a pro to train her when she needs to test on a human what she practised on a bag. This is just stupid and insensitive.

[btbc92]

@sunshineglow No, I am being realistic. She requested that he goes out with her so she won't be alone and feels safe. He didn't want to do that. She tries to learn self-defense because HE won't do that either. Now he won't even help her in that way. That's a man? My point is not for him to be used as a way to be physically abused. My point is if he doesn't want to be that man for her, WHY is he with her? He doesn't love her. A man who loves you wants to protect you. Not have yu be out with ravaging wolves.

[btbc92]

Would YOU want a man who treats you like this? I doubt it.

[sunshineglow]

I would not practice on my significant other. That's horrible. I would care enough hr stays in one piece, because I need /want him to stay in one piece, especially in that area. How don't you think? Also you provided no arguments he cannot protect her, just the girl must walk alone to work probably he's on the work in that time too, so can't be with her 24/7. So, she decided to learn self defence. Okay. But practice on a pro coach, not on a boyfriend.

[btbc92]

Sorry if you disagree with me, but he is a lazy man. He doesn't want to do what a man's got to do, and he wants women in general, women like US to do, his job. THEN gets mad later, listen to this, then gets mad later when we women don't NEED or even WANT a man. And then question later. Where are all the good women at? Why are women not acting like women? You missed the entire point of my comment. And I'm pretty sure he knows he is a coward himself who needs to grow a pair or doesn't have a girlfriend at all who needs a man in her life. I can in a way defend myself, but even I would need and want a man to defend me, I have been sexually harassed and even experienced groping as sexual assault. No man came to my rescue. If he would have done what he needs to do, she wouldn't feel the need to look this up. Because a woman only does that when she feels her man is undependable and unreliable.

[btbc92]

I know men who have taught and even practice self-defense with their wives, daughters, and women in their lives. They do not have issues because they want to keep them safe. He doesn't want to do ANYTHING NOT because he doesn't want to be a punching bag. I would never CONDONE abuse. What I am saying is again, if he doesn't want to do his job, let her find a man who can. THAT'S ALL. It is not personal disrespect to him. But he doesn't want to do anything. If he did, he would have put his pride aside, and make sure she is safe too and from. That is what a man does. I would never have people I love be without some type of protection. And neither would I have a man treat me that way. Now unless he has faith in me that I can defend myself when needed, I respect a man who is there for me even if I say no. That means his ego is not what he is trying to satisfy. It's making sure his loved one is SAFE. And that would make me love that man more because he cherishes me. Cherishing a person is love. I want the Asker, to become a man. He is capable more than he realizes. But he has to believe in himself that he can be that man for her instead of making excuses. All I hear throughout his description is just that: excuses, excuses, excuses. Instead of doing something. Actions speak louder than words. Until I see it, I AM NOT believing a mortal man's words.

[sunshineglow]

Btbc, I get what you say, just I didn't get that kind of vibe from his description. I got a vibe he's on sensitive spectrum of emotions, and that's why takes this exercise personally. Additionally it hurt him.. Maybe he's not built for I don't know something, we can't blame him for not having extremely strong body (I'm for diversity of appearances in this world!).
I get what you say, "make you feel protected", just somehow I think there are more than one way to do this. Also, what's wrong with the idea of hiring a pro to train her? At least they have some very good tips, I have a friend who is a coach of martial art called Sambo. He can make a person go full circle in air and fall on ground without using strength, just some physics trick, plus the person will not be hurt a bit. Another friend was a pro jiu jitsa fighter she was pro competitor girl and medals winner. She told me once it's a myth that one needs martial arts to defend themselves. Attacker is likely much larger and heavier than victim anyway. But martial art fighter of (belt/title) knows more suptile tricks that always work and hurt more than some punch. She demonstrated on me three points that if pressed, cause unbearable pain. One is on neck, one is on arm, one is I forgot exact position but somewhere between side/stomach/backs and only on one side. She said these methods can provide enough pain that he lets go, it's enough to time to run away. Sure every case is individual. But this right here, just perfect example of why is better idea to hire a professional to train you. You can't discover such knowledgable tips on your own.

[btbc92]

@sunshineglow It's not about being STRONG. It is about BEING THERE, for those you LOVE.

[btbc92]

Better to TRY than do nothing. He won't be respected as a man and as a man, men need respect. If a man isn't respected, his sense of self drops. A man is expected to be heard and seen, for a woman, we are expected to be seen, and then maybe heard. As I said, I can tell for her, if he won't step up she may find another man. I can tell what kind of girlfriend he has. A sensitive feminine one. They love and desire a man's protection. Those are the ones traditional men desire because a man who feels wanted and needed is attractive to him. He is a modern man who doesn't see the need to protect a woman. That is the attitude. Not because she started experimenting on him as training. Better for him to learn himself, otherwise, what is the point of the relationship? She needs a protector. Those women want to be submissive to a man. And if so, that means these two, which I kinda figure from the beginning but I curved from saying it. But now. I think I need to just say it if I didn't already hint it: they're not compatible.

[sunshineglow]

She acts like angry on all men and you're perfect punch bag because she knows you're not going to kick bag. Don't be frustration cure. You're partner with equal needs and right on boundaries. And read my other comments which are responses.

[cloudspy]

She's out of order. You do not have to help her any more with this. If she wants to practice self defense tell her to go to a class. And she won't get away with kicking anyone in the balls there.

[Asker]

That’s the problem! There’s no self defense classes open in our area due to fear of COVID contact and such.

[Hangry06]

She's acting unreasonable

[Asker]

Why though? How can I explain to her her thoughts are unreasonable?

[sunshineglow]

"How do you expect bed activities if you continue doing this?"
Enough of an argument.

[Hangry06]

@Asker helping and torturing yourslef are 2 things. She is now guilt tripping you into being her punching bag