Is being eager to please a partner a huge turn off?

[anon1903]

Like, some people aren't really doormats but as soon as they get in a relationship or marriage, they become too partner-oriented. Done in moderation, it's cute.

anyone else feeling me on this?

[AmandaYVR]

I don't think it's healthy for it to feel like a person lives and breathes for another.
But wanting to make another person happy is not inherently unhealthy.
It's different than people who compromise too much and then become bitter.
One shouldn't fully compromise their principles, their most meaningful values, simply to be with another, or have people in their life. Compromise is integral, but there is a point where it becomes too much. (One might call this a sycophant.)

Eagerness is sometimes a general personality trait - the desire to please others, and be liked/loved. But what if it indicates particularly strong feelings towards that one person, in particular?
There are different levels to effort. Effort that is not reciprocated at all, or there is too much disparity between, is not sustainable. That relationship either won't last, or won't live up to what a good, healthy, relationship should be. One person becomes more entrenched, while the other looks for an exit.

In the end, I don't think 'eagerness' is a/the problem. It's the disparity of feelings that sometimes occur, that is the real root. If you really care about someone, you want them to care about you. If you don't care that much, most people would prefer them to back off, taper off their feelings, because in those cases, it can be somewhat suffocating.
On the other hand, when someone does care a lot for you, and you can feel their genuine concern (and love, or other) for you, and you feel the same, only a unhealthy mind would find this consistently off-putting.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Nope.. Isn't the whole point to love and please one another? Become partner orientated? Single=me partner=we

[eagle1951]

that's the way it use to be. not sure these days

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@eagle1951 and maybe that's why there's so many dating issues, single people, divorces🤷

[eagle1951]

you are probably right

[OlderAndWiser]

An eager-to-please partner is great as long as they let me please them, as well. Part of the enjoyment of sex is knowing that I brought great pleasure to my partner and someone who foregoes her own pleasure to please me is inadvertently denying me some of my pleasure.

[Hanrej]

Yes, and The reason why is that if you focus your all into a partner chances are they will soon outgrow you and ironically enough feel like they are burdened by you since you're falling behind.
It takes a bit of a humble ego to realize the aid you've had.

[Juxtapose]

My girlfriend is 100% a kinky bitch who gets turned on being ordered around & serving me. I don't mind it one bit, it makes me feel powerful to dominate her. Sometimes she dominates me though :p

[anon1903]

😝😝😝

[JBlade]

Done in moderation is best like you stated. If they are trying to please me I'd be concerned about their view of relationships. Attachment or abandonment issues are a high possibility.

[Wester1967]

My experience is that whenever I work overtime to cater to a woman and please her that she gets super duper turned off. So much so that she feels motivated to go cheat and end the relationship.


Why this is I still haven’t figured out, but I sure don’t do it anymore.

[DaveToo]

Not for me, it's not. But I want a partner that is willing to share their own intellect in our relationship. I don't consider myself the smartest person.

[JosyJosy]

It can be. Imagine being so eager to please that you're sad when your SO doesn't need your help

[ChiPaPa]

I'm sorry. I really don't know. Maybe they're suffocating to someone when it's too often. As if they are not capable of doing their own thing and need to be protected or coddled.

[HighValue]

It is fine as long as she will still share her opinions with me.

[CasaNorba]

it can be after a while but of course in the first stage of the relationship is something that can be a default

[Renegade_Sailor]

No, I look specifically for women who are eager to please, that find joy in pleasing others.

[Kaneki05]

Nah why would that ever be so?

[roy_ricky09]

Thats life. Priorities change, situations change. Responsibilities come.

[Gwenhwyfar]

No but it’s not always good for the person

[Gwenhwyfar]

They tend to lose their identity

[Wise4myage]

It might me if you overdo it.

[FilmGuy93]

Definitely not a turn off

[shortster]

Nope.

[EaterPeter]

It was.

[Tstrbrainer]

No, not in itself