Do you believe someone who cheats deserves to have their life ruined?

[Anonymous]

Please comment if you've been cheated on or have cheated with your response (feel free to go anonymous) as well as if you said depends, what circumstances would merit it. Such as if the people are married, or how they do it.

Absolutely not!

Why not?

It depends

Updates

+1 y

Someone gave an example of the sort of thing I'd meant. Such as having their career ruined when it is from adultery. Although within dating, that would be far too drastic I would say.

Updates

+1 y

Some states in the USA also have adultery as an illegal act. Stealing and assault are illegal, even though both of those sometimes have understandable causes to people who would never do them. The only people who can be understanding to adulterers are those who live in a culture that normalizes it or those who cheat themselves.
I would not mind more laws that make infedelity illegal once you make your vows.

[Rob70]

I am not sure if their "LIFE" should be ruined? They should not get rewarded though! My ex-wife cheated. When we ended up divorced it made no difference to the judge. It doesn't matter who did what to the other spouse. My ex still ended up with a big chunk of my retirement and even though we split custody of the children she still get's child support. I don't think a man/woman that cheats should get anything from the other partner if the other partner was faithful and non-abusive. So much more could be said but I will stop at that.

[Diodoro]

Makes me think of a local story I heard.

Husband found out his school teacher wife cheated on him with the principle and maintained the affair. He publicized it to the entire school board which had the principle removed for the scandel. His wife fired and blacklisted from teaching anywhere in the county.

Then he filed for divorce. Heavy-handed but I gotta say I didn't hate the tale lol

[Asker]

This is the kinda thing I'm talking about 👏

[Diodoro]

Yea lol. She didn't even know that her husband found out or that he was the one that reported it until he hit her with the divorce papers and told her everything

[Diodoro]

I would say, for me in the same situation I wouldn't have done that. I would have documented the evidence I had of cheating to use in my favor when going through the divorce.

Then if she made the divorce ugly or difficult threaten to go to the school board and get both of them blacklisted from the community if she can't be amicable in the divorce.

I'm relentless, but it takes a lot for me to be that ruthless lol.

[Diodoro]

Thanks girly

[btbc92]

Nobody should have their lives ruined. But there should be heavy consequences for these behaviors that is unGodly. And those consequences are indeed negative. What they have done already ruined their lives and others are gravely impacted. Adultery sadly aren't taken seriously anymore. Divorce was supposed to help mediate that, but now it is not taken seriously either. Nothing is taken seriously anymore. Dating or not, cheating is a serious matter, as should have been premarital sex

[Anonymous]

Not their whole life ruined, but eye for an eye

[PoliteSpeaker]

Two rights don't make a wrong. And two wrongs don't make a right.

[hahahmm]

There's an old saying: don't start any [trouble], there won't be any [trouble]. If you don't want your life ruined then don't cheat. It's like asking if people who jump off cliffs should have their bones shattered. It's not even about what I think while sitting in an armchair. It's about the feelings of the people involved at the time and whatever promises/fake personalities they paraded around in the world. Like if you built a business on the idea that you're trustworthy but then you cheat on your spouse and the public finds out. there will be consequences. Or if you cheat on someone who made it 100% clear that they know how to dig a grave... don't be stupid. Just leave the relationship.

[t-8900]

God knows I've been cheated on so many times by so many women. God knows my heart has been through hell and back. God knows I've been kicked while I was down by women professing to love me. But God knows that my heart can forgive and that He made me strong enough to move past every slight and indignation I've suffered and endured through. I was a troubled youth. I've never cheated on anyone but I'm not innocent either. But I've made changes to my life. I've moved forward, gained perspective, matured. If I can do that then so can anyone else. Because I'm no better than hen you or your neighbor. I am simply a man trying to find his way. God have mercy on me, a sinner. 🙏

[Nomina]

We view things similarly.

[t-8900]

That's awesome! I'm glad I'm not alone out here

[Nomina]

I don't think you're alone in that, no. But even if that were the case, I'd stick to those principles.

[Jessica405]

No, I don't think so. There is a saying, "Revenge is sweet", but sometimes it ain't. Someone, knowing you have ruined their life, may seek even harsher revenge on YOU! It can quickly make a bad situation a whole lot worse.

Sometimes taking, and getting revenge, leaves you dissatisfied. You get uptight, and spend time devising other ways of getting retribution. It can end up with you hurting yourself and not the person intended.

Just put it down to a bad experience, and move on.

[Jessica405]

I should add I have never cheated, never will, and as far as I know my guy, I have never been cheated on.

[Jessica405]

More laws on infidelity would not work. It would make marriage even more undesirable. It would be a self defeating law.

[anniisa97]

I've heard of people who cheat multiple times on every partner. Those people do deserve it.

Honestly though, one thing I've noticed about myself is that I can be a very vengeful person when it comes to people messing with my relationships. If I love someone, and someone knows they're with me and attempts to ruin it, it really would lead me to consider ruining their life.

[loveslongnails]

Though several states still have laws making adultery illegal, it is rarely prosecuted. Why? Because the state has better things to do with their resources than that. I believe the last case to be prosecuted in the USA was in 2003, in Virginia.

I would like to see adultery laws eliminated altogether. As for ruining someone's life, it usually does to some extent once the word gets out. And for a kicker, there's always the rumbling about "why did the person look elsewhere", so even the "victim" gets some sideways attention.

[humpbackjack]

No you should just move on and leave them to their miserable self because he’s already proven he’s not the man you thought he was so he might come after you even worse possibly attack you physically it’s just not worth it yeah it sucks he didn’t end it first but ultimately it just didn’t work out just ghost his ass completely and don’t look back

[Asker]

Most people who cheat aren't miserable, at the least; not for very long.

[Nomina]

No, I don't think it warrants having their lives ruined. Let bygones be bygones and whatnot. Not just that but it would take too much effort to care if it is ruined or work to ruin it when I could move on with my life.

I don't get the desire for revenge to that extent, although I have my petty moments. It just seems to me like it would be simpler to lick your wounds, pick yourself up and move forward.

I've never been cheated on. That I know of lol.

[Nomina]

" The only people who can be understanding to adulterers are those who live in a culture that normalizes it or those who cheat themselves." - your update.

Personally, I've never cheated, I certainly don't live in a culture that normalizes it (hate that word, by the way). There are already plenty of social consequences in place that laws don't need to be added to deal with it. As far as I know in the US if infidelity is proven, in the case of a divorce, it adds more weight in the divorce proceedings in who gets what - more in favor of the one who was cheated on. I would argue that those already are laws when it comes to cheating. I wouldn't support a law that prevents someone from working or something like that. The social rules are in place to handle that, through gossip, ostracization, etc.

Getting the law involved is so overstepping into personal matters... I don't like that. One of the many things that make me glad I don't live in the States; it sounds like an authoritarian hell hole. To be fair, my country isn't great and could be that my view from the outside makes it look way more nightmarish than it actually is.

In my view to let things go and move on, it doesn't make me any better of a person to try to hurt them back, albeit in a different way. And I don't like cheating either. Just a different approach to dealing with it, I suppose.

[FilmGuy93]

It really depends. There are people who cheat because they are abusive, manipulative, shitty people, but then there are others who cheat because they're trapped and trying to stay sane in their horrible marriage, and there are still others who made a mistake because they were bored with their life and just screwed up. There are definitely cheaters who deserve to have their lives ruined, but they aren't very common.

[Nightroads]

I have been cheated on a lot. Every relationship i have had. I've never cheated.

Even my current wife.

I don't wish ill of any exs, nor do i think my wife deserves to have her life ruined.

Guess if someone did it with malicious intent, that would be grounds for a karma check.

[normalice]

No but they probably shouldn't be allowed to date anymore.

[Flower7]

I would love for this to become a rule in society!

[AverageGuy9037]

We all make mistakes day to day. What often matters isn't how bad we fell but from how deep we climbed our way up afterwards

[jasco]

I feel like cheaters just need a wake up call. Eventually it will settle that you can't just hurt people and expect not to get hurt sometime later

[Yahall0]

No I mean you still got a choice it's not like world is running out of good guys

[RebeccaSJ]

There should be consequences, but if they genuinely repent and turn it over to God, then there is no reason for it to ruin the person's life.

[Hangry06]

NO. Monogamy is not human nature. Cheating proves you're a healthy human

[Morgador]

Move on and don't look back. Karma will tak care of it

[KAT247]

They ruin their lives themselves.

[Asker]

I don't believe that's always, or even usually the case. Generally speaking, when the person who cheats is caught, the person they cheated on gives them another chance. Or else they choose to be with the person they've been cheating with.
Its really only the person who was cheated on whose life is usually fucked. They get depressed, and traumatized. They have trust issues for years or even a life time after. They could spiral into the darkness of substance abuse, or even just such a dark space that they lose friends and family. Or they become bitter, and angry. They lose themselves. The cheater has nothing but guilt, and a lot of times not even that.

[KAT247]

The question wasn’t about what happens to the person who was cheated on. But I agree. That would create damage for the person being cheated on.
However, the cheater creates a reputation for themselves. If they aren’t affected by it, their reputation is still damaged in the eyes of others and they ultimately ruin their chances of having a healthy relationship if they keep cheating.

[Asker]

Don't know if a damaged reputation really is nearly on par to what they've done to the person who trusted them most. Definitely not life ruining. And it would only mess up the relationships in their current circle, and only if it was public. Not to mention, a lot of people don't really think much of cheating, especially if they didn't know the person who was cheated on. This is in general, but especially in certain cultures with men specifically. With my ex, by everyone in his area it was expected for men to cheat and if a guy didn't cheat and hit his girl; he was a good guy even if he would take his girls money for ps5s or card games when she had kids and he had baby mommas and all he did was sit around all day.
Or I had a friend group who all grew up in similar cultures and felt the same way. They said that when two people are married, if the girl gets the guy fired from his job after he cheats, she's scum and he's a victim. Like as if getting someone fired is worse than cheating. Even if he hadn't cheated first, I'd say cheating is worse than getting a person fired.

[KAT247]

Cheating is bad. We agree. Cheaters can feel bad for what they’ve done. Some don’t. We agree. Have I had experiences where I’ve witnessed these things too? Yep.
99% of the cheaters I had been around got hurt in some way that made them realize that they made a huge mistake (s). It comes to haunt them eventually. And by eventually, I mean potentially years down the road when they are mature enough to realize what they’ve done or when they get cheated on themselves.
Im not arguing against you. I’m just speaking from what I’ve witnessed and stories I’ve been told by people who cheated before.

[Asker]

Eh, its your experience with it. From everything I've seen in my personal life, in media and from friends; it disagrees. But everybody sees different things.

[KAT247]

Yep. Would be boring if everyone saw everything the same way.

[Woke51]

That's on them. Just let them go.

[serious]

Well karma will eventually get to them.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

No. I believe in 2nd chances.

[t-8900]

He taught His children better. 🙏

[Diodoro]

Would you feel the same way if she was having an ongoing affair for over a year and was continuing it when you found out?

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

@Diodoro: Yes. I just wouldn't be with her anymore.

[Diodoro]

Well that's not a second chance then lol. Even if you forgive her in this context

[Asker]

@Diodoro you can never fully trust somebody again if they ever cheat on you. Staying with them will only cause more pain and resentment. That's not trust you can get back. Its either something they could never do, or something they've done.