Do people cheat because they want variety in their life?

[coachTanthony]

yes

no

Other ( let me explain in the comments below )

see poll ( I would never cheat on you Coach )

A total of 174 votes were cast: 69 girls and 105 guys. See detailed results

Updates

+1 y

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnjEycBo7F4

[bodiesands]

I have this funny theory that sex is not about pleasure, or even power - as people say - as much as it is about acceptance.

The thrilling and relieving thing about sex is that we are accepted by someone, warts and all (metaphorically and literally) - that they take the whole of us as we are, even the bits we don't show or don't tell anyone else.

For someone to see us physically naked, and metaphorically naked (in our abandon, and animality, and vulnerability), saying things and revealing things we never normally would - and then to stick around, and not run away at the sight thereof - is deeply satisfying to the part of us ashamed of both our body and our drives.

So the thing I think people look for when cheating is that acceptance of some part of them which feels neglected, hidden or forgotten, above and beyond the purely physical pleasure.

Because masturbation is physical pleasure, but the thing we get from a partner is validation of that part of us, in a way a screen can never give. And acceptance of the whole of us, in a way we may have forgotten how to feel.

If that's what they look for in cheating, though, that doesn't necessarily mean that's what they find. I imagine there to be much disappointment involved too.

Like anything we hanker after, or are advertised from outside, the moment we get our hands on it we find it never quite fills the hole in the way we expected. And again - yes - metaphorically and literally.

[aintnocandle]

I fully back this and have been thinking the same myself (having recently dealt with a man that is just as described above).
I was with a man who has low self esteem, never felt super wanted by women and felt he didn’t have much to offer. Many women ignored or rejected him, and his heart was broken by a previous girl. He also was behind in his career. He was depressed and felt insecure.
So, when I met him, I caught on to this based on how I observed him. I tried everything and I gave him my all. I kept wondering what was missing with me that made him not want to commit to me. He was still sleeping around with random girls off of dating apps, girls of which I compared myself to relentlessly and left me feeling confused and insufficient. They were girls I wouldn’t ever compare myself to (they were into drugs, smoking and seemed kinda sleazy, didn’t think they had pretty faces or bodies not to be harsh but I always thought people cheated because they found someone “better” and for women, we do compare looks often). But, I am well put together, successful, pretty, I do consider myself a full package and I know my worth (now). I sunk really low because I took his actions to be a reflection of my worth (never will do again). I now know he just needs that validation and acceptance from many other women right now because he never felt it and doesn’t feel accomplished himself (he’s 30 and only just graduated, lived at home, etc). I don’t know if he’ll ever fill the hole you mentioned above. This seems to be deeper for him than I imagined, and although I wished and wished every night he’d see his worth and feel more love for himself, I now know I cannot help him with that as it only takes away from the love I have for myself. Cheating runs deeper than I think most think of it as.

[bodiesands]

Agreed. And if you need validation for that thought process/course of action/decision, then I'm happy to provide it. I myself have been that guy, and although I didn't cheat, my rapacious insecurity almost consumed partners regardless. They were right to leave, and wrong to try to save me. It was bad for them, and may have even been bad for me, to have a wake-up-call delayed by their trying to do the emotional legwork for me.

All this being said, such is the way of things, that I wonder whether this clean-cut intellectual conclusion will be enough to enable you to cleanly break off. We work on the intellectual and the emotional level, and there may be other stuff going on for you, other things which are unconsciously keeping you there.

Deciphering past patterns, especially from childhood, in which you may have felt the need/duty to save someone - especially a male figure, probably your father - might well be worthwhile.

Even if you know intellectually (which you should) that whatever it was back then wasn't your fault (see film Good Will Hunting), you may still hold onto an emotional sense that it was, and failure to forgive yourself drives you to this day to stoop lower than you should and risk your own neck trying to save others who are drowning of their own volition.

[bodiesands]

Properly speaking, where fault really lies can be complicated to work out, and is perhaps an unanswerable question. If he is traumatised from his own childhood etc is it really his fault? If his parents were traumatised themselves from their own, was their treatment of him their fault either? These are vicious cycles, which get passed down. A bird's eye view makes it clear that it's nothing but tragic, in the proper sense, where things are awful but no one can truly be blamed.

As Philip Larkin once wrote:

'They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.'

This is obviously an extreme position, and is useful mainly as a shift in perspective, and a diffuser of anger. Obviously it's not the case that people with bad backgrounds can definitely not have kids. But it does give insight to the gravitas of the situation, and therefore to the importance of breaking the trauma cycle. What trauma is, to my mind, is objectification - all types of abuse, whether sexual, physical, psychological or spiritual - are about using you as if you were a body, not a soul. A sex doll, a punchbag, an emotional punchbag, etc. Even 'pushy parents', who demand excellence and status from their children, are using their children's bodies for their own gratification - whether they're pushing academic, sports, musical or career success.

[bodiesands]

The children often have little choice, or memory of the fact that they have their own likes and dislikes, wants and needs, and both body and soul. Both abused and exploited children then have a tendency to go on abusing and exploring themselves, forcing themselves, pushing themselves, never being enough to live up to their own punitive internalised parent - even when the real ones are gone. Then, worse still, or at least just as bad - they pass this treatment on to their own children, and the cycle begins anew.

For as long as the child/adult feels like they are not lovable, in and of themselves, for the fact that they exist, they will continue to whip themselves in various ways, and continue to whip others around them too. Even neglect in childhood - lack of proper care, interaction and affection - can lead to the child perpetually wondering what's wrong with them, and why they didn't deserve that love, which they assume must be the cause of why they didn't receive it. Constant anxious intellectualisation throughout child and adulthood means they never quite feel they fit in, or belong, or deserve love in the effortless way others do. How small the group is who actually does know how to be loved, is up for debate, and cynics might say almost no one is really 'happy' in that way. But I find cynicism itself to be a symptom of trauma, and distrust - an assumption that everyone is out to get one, and that no-one and nowhere is safe, as was true for some of us in childhood.

[bodiesands]

Lots to think about haha, but it's what I think about a lot. Partly (mostly) because of its applicability to myself. I am traumatised, possibly neglected, and definitely caustically cynical beyond belief. And the journey to the opposite - safety, trust, being able to be loved and therefore able to love - is painful as fuck, and feels like it's levering open my chest. But that vulnerability is more beautiful and fulfilling than any other feeling I've found (and yes, that includes great sex). The state of being does exist in which one feels safe, and settled, and sumptuously able to appreciate the little things and the people one is already with.

At first you get a tiny glimpse of it, perhaps one day under a warm duvet in the morning, and in songs like Nature Boy by Nat King Cole and music like the Hymn of the Cherubim by Tchaikovsky (both on YouTube). And then gradually, you get more and more access to it, in a way money and pleasure and even power could never previously buy. For that brief moment you actually exist - you can breathe, you can be, you don't have anything or anywhere or anyone else you're chasing. Your heart briefly opens up its defences, and you no longer desperately need to fill that hole. And all the work of talk therapy, craniosacral therapy, staying with your feeling etc, which it took to get to that point, you suddenly know to have been worthwhile.

Because you never can escape yourself, and you never can escape your feelings, and you never will find anything external to kill that hunger in yourself. You just have to get back to the state you long, long ago knew - perhaps before all memory - 'be like little children', as it says in the New Testament. That time when you knew you ahd to prove nothing, gain nothing, in order to be ok. In order to be safe. In order to be loved.

[bodiesands]

TL;DR

Yes, he may be unsuccessful and insecure, but do not assume that success will bring him security. Do the most externally successful - Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates, Kanye West, seem happy and secure to you - or instead do they seem driven by that insatiable insecurity itself?

Perhaps security is something one must find internally, and insecurity is simply the sign of a bad background - as the saying goes, 'the mark of good parenting is that your children don't want to be famous'. Perhaps it's also worth reflecting whether you, too, stay around for the wrong reasons - and are driven to save people, as a result of your own childhood.

And finally, it's worth reflecting on whether we've all been fooled by materialism itself, as all the religions have long since warned against - which is not just the idea that physical stuff is good, but that physical stuff is all there is - that we ourselves are the sum of our parts. If women or men feel lovable only in accordance with their qualities, then they will never ever feel like they're beautiful/successful enough to merit acceptance and affection. Hence why we should feel back to before we were self-conscious. Hence why we should remember that we also have a soul.

[hahahmm]

My theory is that if you have lower standards or who you're with reflects lower standards to you, cheating is natural because the person you're with is nowhere near the kind of quality you really want. On the other hand if you have high standards, you would feel that who you're with is enough of a prize that you don't want to risk losing them over something silly like screwing around. That said, I suppose also that people with 007 level ninja skills who are sex addicts might cheat simply because they know they will never get caught, regardless of how much they value their relationship.

[ShaTTeredMasterpeace]

You want variety, they have an entire store full of shit you can choose from. That's just one more dumb excuse for people that cheat. You want a variety pack of coochies? Go for it! But then keep your community dick out of exclusive relationships with single pack kind of people.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Community dick🤣🤣

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

If they want variety why even get in a committed, monogonous relationship in the first place?

[coachTanthony]

Well because it's the right thing to do according to their friends, family and society. If they come out saying they want variety they will be shamed for being a sexual deviant. All I could come up with after one cup of coffee lol

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Well then drink another cup lolol. I think it's more cuz they know they'd get less people to sleep with them if they were honest about sleeping with others as well, so they lie to get their way

[coachTanthony]

Mathematically speaking yes of course. I agree.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Mathematically? You must be on that second cup🤣🤣

[coachTanthony]

Not yet it's brewing... I am boojie... takes some time to steep that shit. LOL

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Do you put that on your dating profile🤔🤣🤣

[coachTanthony]

Have to leave a little bit of mystery lol

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

🤣🤣 If I was writing your profile:
"too boojie for Burger King and regular coffee"🤣🤣

[coachTanthony]

I hear Burger King has a hell of a chicken Sammy so that could change lol

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Aww progress👍👍😂 we'll break you from your boujie ways yet🤣🤣 want a cup of Folgers 🤔🤣🤣

[coachTanthony]

I do enjoy folgers black silk brand... sipped that shit on the beach for a year and a half brewing it up in my 4 cup 10.00 Mr. Coffee... those were the days.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Oh yeah I've had that kind.. Pretty good

[TonyMetal___86]

@Brainsbeforebeauty i'm an angel i never cheat but that's why i turned into a cannibal because i want only one woman but i want her all and there is no way that this sponge escapes from me, i need to bite her forehead so hard 😬😬

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@TonyMetal___86 oh go eat a muffin or some broasted chicken already

[TonyMetal___86]

Not before i bite the spongy forehead and throw her in bed, cover her with blankets and make sure that she fell deep in sleep cause this naughy sasquatch feet will remaining swallowing alcohol as long as she's awake, got to rest her liver 😌

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@TonyMetal___86 I am in bed already lol

[TonyMetal___86]

That's good spongy forehead, cover well and stretch your weak bones 😁
Time to rest miss brains muffins, i'll be watching you from here, which means you have to close your one eye opened 🦌

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@TonyMetal___86 you a stalker? Or just a peeping Tom or Tony🤣

[TonyMetal___86]

I'm a stalker and peeping tony, also a naughty voyeur who have kinks over light bulbs, i'll hide these light bulbs around miss brains muffin's house near the trees...

At least you can sleep safe sponge knowing that i'm the stalker and not someone else 😈 ha ha ha

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@TonyMetal___86 Nah I don't think I'm taking back asleep soon, took my nap already

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Although sitting back outside is out, it's raining😔

[TonyMetal___86]

Is it raining now spongy forehead? 🤓 let's go out fast and take advantage of this rainy night, i'll lay down on the wet road and you will start crying over me and i'll tell you "i can be your hero babe, i can kiss away the pain, i will stand by you forever..." and that's where miss brains tells me "how in the hell can you be my hero and does all these while your dying on the road" 🤨 well let's say that it's a twisted version of enrique's hero music clip, he ain't the only one who can lay down on a wet road while it's raining, i can do it too 😁

Someone told me that it won't work cause i don't have a mole on my cheek 😒

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@TonyMetal___86 🤣🤣🤣 You lay down in the road here, they'll run you over and keep going the way these idiots be driving they probably wouldn't realize or care they ran someone over

[TonyMetal___86]

It has to be a deserted road...
Also we will close the other end of the road with miss brain's ice cream mini van 🤣

No one will run over the immortal enrique iglesias 😁

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@TonyMetal___86 I don't sell ice cream😤 but did eat some today lol

[TonyMetal___86]

You don't sell but you eat some eyyy 🤨 and now i know why all these kids came crying to me and told that miss sponge haven't sold them any ice cream today, she was angry and threatened to whip the kids with a belt and they all ran away crying, in the end the spongy forehead was seen eating the ice cream cones like a beast 🤪

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@TonyMetal___86 nah had mine in a bowl sprinkled with nuts😄

[TonyMetal___86]

Sprinkled with nuts eyyyy, instead of dicksee you got the nutsee sprinkled over your ice cream and i wonder what kind of ice cream was the sponge eating 🤣🤣

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@TonyMetal___86 Peanut Butter Park... Chocolate with peanut butter cups

[markayd]

@coachTanthony

I've met a lot of married guys online who are looking to cheat with their wives. 95% of them are usually in very dysfunctional relationships and are looking for someone to fill their wife's role in their life. Trust me, if a man was happy in his marriage, he would have no reason to cheat.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@markayd If they're that unhappy then why stay. And too, you realize you're only hearing one side of the story, not the wife's side.. And also some men will make any excuse to cheat.. Accept there is no excuse or justification..

[markayd]

@Brainsbeforebeauty

they cheat because even though they are unhappy, they are unwilling to completely give up on their relationship. they still want their relationship to work out or hope that one day it will.

I can tell you that 95% of the time when people cheat, these cheaters are usually in dysfunctional relationships or very lacking relationships. In other words, there's something wrong with the relationship.

[markayd]

@Brainsbeforebeauty

its either they are in a dysfunctional relationship or they are with someone who doesn't fulfill them. Trust me, if you were with someone who fulfilled you in every way 100%, you wouldn't need someone else. There might be exceptions. Some people still do cheat even if they are fulfilled. But these are the minority.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@markayd
"they cheat because even though they are unhappy, they are unwilling to completely give up on their relationship. they still want their relationship to work out or hope that one day it will.".
The minute someone cheats, they already gave up on the relationship... Anyone who REALLY wants to work on their relationship wouldn't cheat on their partner.

[markayd]

@Brainsbeforebeauty

If he wanted to leave you, he would have left you. If he really wanted a divorce , he would have filed for divorce already without asking you.

You’re just speaking from your perspective, I’m telling you what his perspective looks like

[markayd]

@Brainsbeforebeauty

You talk about “working on things”. Reality most of these wives aren’t willing to work on things or bring solutions to the table. They stay angry at their husbands and put in little effort. Often times these wives aren’t aware there is something wrong with their marriage because they are so preoccupied with how she feels rather than how Her husband feels. If your husband is chronically lacking in affection or intimacy , you need to be aware of that. Do you always shove your husband Away when he wants to cuddle? Do you frequently say no to sex? Do you say things that make your husband not feel appreciated around the house?

Sure Cheating is never the right thing to do. But you’re also in the wrong too for neglecting your spouse. some self awareness really goes a long way. All relationships need care and maintenance. If you don’t take the time to maintain your relationship, it will just fall apart. Not a surprise

[markayd]

Online is a dumping ground for married guys looking to cheat. Unfortunately I had the bad luck of meeting a lot of these people over the years. I can tell you that 9 out of 10 times , these men come from chronically dysfunctional marriages.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@markayd And how the heck do you know what these wives do? Unless you're physically there, you don't know the real dynamics of a person's relationship, you only know hearsay... And don't believe everything you hear, especially if it's coming out of the mouth of a cheater, cheaters are liars too

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@markayd Of and my husband is deceased but yeah he never cheated on me in the twenty years before he died, so🤷

[markayd]

These husbands tell me their perspective of the story. You are here telling me YOUR perspective of the story. Why does it offend you so much to hear his perspective? Do you think your perspective is the only thing that matters in the world? Cheating is wrong so that means You’re right for making your husband feel unappreciated?

Being angry at your spouse for cheating Won’t solve any problems. Being self aware , Considerate, treating your spouse fairly, communicate with your spouse if you notice Them feeling off, not brushing your spouse away from cuddling / sex. Are all very important parts of respecting your spouse

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@markayd Ummm do you hear anything anyone other then yourself says? I'm widowed, my husband never cheated, and again you're heading their "perspective". What makes you so sure what you're hearing is the TRUTH? oh I guess it's because married men would never lie to an internet stranger, and again you know nothing about the wife's perspective.. If you want to feel sorry for men or women who cheat, go ahead, hey give them sympathy sex. Go for it🤣

[markayd]

@Brainsbeforebeauty

A lot of cheating actually goes unnoticed. Just because you never spotted your husband cheating on you , it doesn’t necessarily mean he never cheated on you.

They may be lying but i would believe them more than not to believe them. Because I’m a firm believer that A happily married man would have no reason to cheat.

Looking for reasons to dodge responsibility for your own marriage and entirely Put all blame it on your husband Is a very typical for people who don’t take responsibility for their actions

[markayd]

When your husband cheats on you, it’s not because he wants his mistress more. It’s just that he’s craving something his mistress gives him that you no longer want to give him. If he truly didn’t want you, he would have left you in a heart Beat without a thought. He would have filed for divorce without your permission.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@markayd Really? You know how many times men cheated on their pregnant girlfriends/wives? I don't know why you keep jumping on my thread or trying to make this about my marriage.. And I do know, because my husband wasn't a liar or a cheater... This question wasn't about my marriage, wasn't even my question... You're the one that keeps making excuses for cheaters, just remember that when it's you that gets cheated on😊

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@markayd Omg.. Are you deaf, my husband died 8 years ago... I'm not responding to anymore of your replies cuz obviously your comprehension skills are lacking.. My husband didn't have a mistress, in fact he got too sick to have sex and spent a lot of time in and out of the hospital.. But hey keep acting like you know everything, to which you obviously don't... But done here,✌️

[Cathy7734]

I've read that handsome men and pretty women love the attention of the opposite sex and are unwilling to give it up, even if they are in a committed relationship. It seems to me for a lot of people it isn't about variety it's just that it's too hard not to fall into temptation.

A girlfriend of Charlie Sheen said that when women find out where he lives beautiful young women

line up outside of his door. She says, "How can I compete with that?"

[friendlypixie]

There are many factors. I've noticed people that who cheat tend to be narcissists. I believe people do it for attention and affirmation, but excitement seems likely too. New relationships are exciting...

Also, they might be unhappy in their relationship (they should just leave in that case). They might want to hurt their partner or incite jealousy. if you don’t like someone, tell them. Do not subject them to this I literally watched my dad and my sibling's lives fall apart when my mum cheated on my dad.

However, It really does shine a light on someone's character and principles. She cheated on my dad like a few months after they married... I'm always wondering why she did it. The rationale can be profound, or it can be superficial. I just think she's a phony who just got bored of being a housewife. She didn't really give a fvck about the sanctity of marriage and all that shit.

[zeitgeist057]

People cheat when they haven’t realized that cheating means breaking the rules, and when it’s your life, do you have the right to make up your own rules. But you don’t have the right to make up rules for other people, and it’s not right to play with other people unless everyone is playing by the same rules.

[Anonymous]

I am thinking of leaving my husband because so far zero orgasm during sex


He does finish w mouth or hands which thankfuly but still a girl needs orgasm through an actual intercourse


We will go to gyn and see if he or I can take something that could make it happen or else it’s done.




Another reason why people cheat is probably because the other spouse never reassures her that he loves her.


It is just self sabotaging, depression and not giving a fuck until life hits hard and humbles you

[Nft_739]

People cheat because they’re straight up pieces of shit. That’s it. End of story.

[coachTanthony]

Well that is for damn sure lol

[ZackBan]

I suppose aside from those who cheat after having multiple fights you could argue the variety thing but I think it's got more to do with the self destructive nature of some people who feel like their relationship is going too well and they might be in it for good which eliminates their options so they panic and cheat.

Personally I belive people shouldn't get into relationships very lightly, have all the sex you want casually but if you commit to someone it's no longer about sex it's about having eachother's backs

[markayd]

people cheat mainly because they are in dysfunctional or lacking relationships. Rarely is the reason for cheating ever the desire for a wider variety. If someone fulfilled you happy enough, you wouldn't need variety.

[coachTanthony]

I love Cheerios but not every day. Men especially are biologically created to spread their seed. So you are correct. Cheerios can be spiced up with different kinds of milk, fruit, etc if the cheerios is willing.

[markayd]

If all men cheated or were incapable of fidelity , marriage wouldn’t have lasted for thousands and thousands of years

[coachTanthony]

Nobody said all men cheat.

[mobiusforniner]

I wouldn't say "variety" because that implies boredom in the marriage ir relationship. I ended up falling in love with a friend if mine because she embodied everything that was lacking in ny marriage. And I kept convincing myself she was just a friend. But there's no such thing as friendship between a guy and girl. I cut it off because I realized a physical relationship was very possible and it was damaging my marriage. It hurt everyone. Which is also why i think a man and woman cannot be friends

[AnggieGirl]

Many reasons are why someone cheats.
I cheated to make my abuser hate me. I tried to just leave but he came back scary and meaner and even more controlling. Cheating made my abuser not want to abuse me, he ended up hating me and didn’t have the motive to attack me because I disgusted him.
Oddly it worked! When ur being abused and you want it to stop, u will do whatever it takes to get out

[pickedcrisps]

Cool photo unless Gag added it.

Hmm. Let's see. In brief. I voted Yes. And I voted Yes because often what happens is some people aren't awful or bad people but what happens is merely: they met the wrong person. Or external pressures are what force even the cutest couple apart. In-laws, bad company, work or life balances out of whack

It's sad all around 😒

[pickedcrisps]

@Asker what about you?

[Browneye57]

The primary reason is some dissatisfaction in the primary relationship which leads them to be susceptible to connecting with a third party. Sometimes this is just an emotional affair, or it can be a fully physical or sexual affair.

Cheating is pretty well split 50-50 by gender, but women are better liars so the stats are skewed to men.

The bottom line is that happy couples in love don't cheat. And while you cannot blame the victim of cheating, there is nearly always culpability for failures in the relationship.

I would say over 'variety', is the yearning for NRE - that 'new relationship energy' or emotion. Some people thrive on that, and when it wanes in their primary relationship they look for it in a new one. Most would tend to think this is rather shallow. For after NRE there better be something that binds the couple - and that is what is commonly known as 'true love'.

[mobiusforniner]

As usual, spot on man

[VDrago14]

There's a lot of factors that go into why someone cheats. Some people for example have attachment issues so they are unable to stay with someone for any length of time. In other cases a person's sexual needs aren't being met, a lot of times because ones sex drive dries up. It's not that they don't love their partner, but when their needs aren't met they seek it elsewhere. Then there are those that simply are unable to be monogamous, because their baser instincts won't allow them too. Monogamy is an unnatural function to man, one that is programed into us through society and culture. Some are simply more connected to their basic instincts.

[Gwenhwyfar]

I think a lot of guys cheat for that reason. Girls usually cheat because they’re emotionally unsatisfied.

[t-8900]

I'm an emotional roller coaster. I got plenty of emotions for ya lol. >.>

[Gwenhwyfar]

@t-8900 lol me too

[NathanDavis]

maybe this is also why some mass murderers target people from any age, race, gender... etcétera... they also like variety

[coachTanthony]

Lol maybe

[Ninani]

People cheat for so many reasons, but variery is rarely one of them.

[coachTanthony]

Wanting something new is the biggest reason.

[Ninani]

That's not variety, though.

[Ninani]

Also, there's a reason behind wanting something else. It's a symptom, not a cause.

[coachTanthony]

I think wanting something new over and over again is wanting variety. Agree to disagree.

[dustybiker]

People cheat because they give themselves permission to do so.

[TonyMetal___86]

Well said!

[dustybiker]

@TonyMetal___86 Thank you. I notice a cheater disagreed with me. lol

[TonyMetal___86]

That's because he's a cheater 😄
They are just cheap and will end up lonely and hated by everyone...

[Finchie40]

People cheat because they really don’t love and value their partner , they are afraid to admit to themselves that they are a piece of shit and living a lie if they go back to their partner like nothing happened , Cheating on someone is a selfish act period , Best thing for the cheater to do is end it with their partner immediately considering they already proved to themselves that they don’t love and value their partner so why waste their time just end the relationship.

[Interstate]

In a matter of speaking, yes. They want to have their cake and eat it, too. They want as much as they can get, and they don't want to have to choose one over the other. The more they can get, the happier they are. And as long as it keeps a-comin' the more they will keep soaking it in.

[Highcountry]

My ex wife wanted to have it both ways. She had the advantage of being single by having multiple sex partners. The advantage of being married with me being home and faithful to her. She was cold to me as I was just another man standing in line to her bedroom. I thankfully found out and was able to get divorced from her.

[shadowarrior99]

It's because the relationship is missing something. Is the partner giving a dissatisfying sex life (or worse, no sexy at all)? If the partner is not getting any physical affection and the other partner recognizes this and makes no attempts to fix it, then obviously the partner is going to want to find someone else who can satisfy that.

[Floppy2112]

I have seen a lot of people cheat and actually downgrade if you are considering physical appearance as a value proposition. Hell, look at the Prince Charles guy. He had a pretty wife and he was banging a troll on the side.
I don't know why people cheat. I reckon it's a pathological need to get acceptance, no matter how superficial, from the most possible amount of people most of the time, everyone else be damned.

[aprilscott]

people cheat for many reasons, but they are all excuses. The reason they are able to cheat is they are completely selfish and self centered otherwise they wouldn't be able to hurt someone just for their own self gratification They're just narcissist in my opinion.

[midnightmoon05]

Not the above reasons.

they cheat because they no longer care about the other person. They are too coward to communicate/to leave. They are immature.

[coachTanthony]

Most times they do care about the person and don't want to leave them over some sex.

[TheorionMage]

Most who cheat feel in some way, 'un-appreciated' or taken for granted.
They acutely feel the passing of their youth and attractiveness. And, a diminished
rate-of-return for their companionship... a mis-spent youth.

[AnthonyJ01]

My ex cheated to get away from what she caused. It was with someone she dated several years before, but what I found out is that she cheated on everyone with the same person. She even cheated on him when she was dating him. What is bad is that he is a county deputy.

[infamous7100]

Cheating probably has a biological basis, we're not designed to be monogamous, but we overcome this instinct through sheer will power. No one here can claim they haven't thought about being someone other than their partner, if they do, they are lying.

And yes, thinking and doing are two separate things, but ultimately it comes back to mental fortitude over basic instinct - and some people lose that battle.

[Pumpkinspice009]

I believe he’s, I cheated once as I wanted to be someone new

[Pumpkinspice009]

It is*

[JessieBellll]

For men definitely, but for women I think it's more due to emotional issues unless she has abnormal desires

[TonyMetal___86]

What is definitely for men? I'm a real man and i never cheat, let's see how many loyal women there are like me!

[JessieBellll]

@TonyMetal___86 I never said that, I am saying the reason why many men cheat

[TonyMetal___86]

Because they simply aren't real men...

[JessieBellll]

@TonyMetal___86 no, I think it's fine

[TonyMetal___86]

Fine for what? Cheating!
Cheating ain't fine at all...

[JessieBellll]

@TonyMetal___86 it's more acceptable for men

[TonyMetal___86]

If i was married, i'll never cheat on my housewife cause it ain't acceptable at all...
She will be more than enough for me...

[Vikkrram]

Coach in my opinion if you want to try variety of people then be single don't date.

[Wester1967]

Variety in this case being cooked alive by bad karma. To each their own. Cheaters are disgusting human failures who automatically get cut out of legitimate business networks.

[imfreeze95]

People cheat because they are scumbags. I’m a GUY and I would never do that I was born out of wedlock and I still want to kick my birth fathers A$$

[lonelyguyintheworld]

They cheat because there idiots. I did it once to a wonderful woman and I still regret it to this day

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Definitely. We humans just can't be satisfied. Everything with time deteriorates and gets dull so you tend to look for or try to experience something fresh and new.

Moreover cheating on your man or woman is definitely a wicked thing to do.

[exitseven]

Most guys cheat not for the sex but for the thrill of getting away with something.

[TonyMetal___86]

There is no excuse for cheating, a cheater is a cheater...

I cannot explain why a person cheats because i never cheat!

[TheSpaceGnome]

People cheat because they are either idiots, or sociopaths, any further reasoning would be a subcontext to one of those.

[RolandCuthbert]

I never cheated because of variety. I cheated because I just could not resist temptation.

[Diodoro]

People want variety
Also some people cheat

One doesn't necessarily follow the other tho

[jshm2]

No. Some people are just dicks, others think they are comedians...

[JamesRandiDebates]

Bitches cheat because they are looking to monkey vine onto a bigger better deal, or to prove to themselves that they are still hot enough to catch a dick. Men cheat because their primary bitch isn't fulfilling her sexual obligations.

[Anonymous]

i've cheated cuz of issues in a past relationship. i was upset at how he was treating me. i guess there are other reasons why someone could cheat.

[Anonymous]

If the opportunity presents itself, I have never turn down another guy

[coachTanthony]

[aintnocandle]

Lmaoo

[attractminds44]

Yes because we are narcissist we don’t care

[coachTanthony]

That is true for some for sure.

[Snakesarecool]

They chose to cheat.. for thrilled. or they just asshole

[ChiPaPa]

People that cheat are narcissistic assholes. Fucking scum.

[DiegoO]

The reasons are numerous. From feeling misserable in the relationship, to just don't giving a AF, regardless of the relation.

[Starwitch23]

Yes, people cheat to feel alive. They want to explore different sides of their personality.

[rienna888]

Unable to trust and worry that your partner isn't the right one for you so you wanna explore

[tatianamay]

Nope. They're just assholes

[whosnumber1]

there are a number of factors. people may not be getting the emotional and physical connection they need even though they love their partners.

[hhhffg7889]

I think it varies. Sometimes they just can't say no. Sometimes they look for it. Some need that variety.

[TheBigGuy9]

That’s part of why I did. And the inability to have feelings. I didn’t even love myself at the time.

[Iron_Man]

No because they’re having Marriage difficulties and they’re lonely

[Wise4myage]

I do think that can play a role, and not being able to say no to temptation.

[Vivaldi]

I will never even have one single girlfriend. How can I even cheat my non-existent girlfriend? I can't even find one person let alone 2.

[EnglishEuropean]

I think it's less about variety, more about being with the wrong person.

[OddBeMe]

Is it just me or does that chick in the photo got great boobs?

[ThatNoUVAtYourEyes]

Surely you can delve into the topic of their motivations mentally and report the results?

[Alessia1993]

I think they want you to be exclusive to them while they go out to play around the double standard. I let them go a soon as I find out.

[madgoat]

Yes for some. No for others.