I have this funny theory that sex is not about pleasure, or even power - as people say - as much as it is about acceptance.
The thrilling and relieving thing about sex is that we are accepted by someone, warts and all (metaphorically and literally) - that they take the whole of us as we are, even the bits we don't show or don't tell anyone else.
For someone to see us physically naked, and metaphorically naked (in our abandon, and animality, and vulnerability), saying things and revealing things we never normally would - and then to stick around, and not run away at the sight thereof - is deeply satisfying to the part of us ashamed of both our body and our drives.
So the thing I think people look for when cheating is that acceptance of some part of them which feels neglected, hidden or forgotten, above and beyond the purely physical pleasure.
Because masturbation is physical pleasure, but the thing we get from a partner is validation of that part of us, in a way a screen can never give. And acceptance of the whole of us, in a way we may have forgotten how to feel.
If that's what they look for in cheating, though, that doesn't necessarily mean that's what they find. I imagine there to be much disappointment involved too.
Like anything we hanker after, or are advertised from outside, the moment we get our hands on it we find it never quite fills the hole in the way we expected. And again - yes - metaphorically and literally.
Most Helpful Opinions
My theory is that if you have lower standards or who you're with reflects lower standards to you, cheating is natural because the person you're with is nowhere near the kind of quality you really want. On the other hand if you have high standards, you would feel that who you're with is enough of a prize that you don't want to risk losing them over something silly like screwing around. That said, I suppose also that people with 007 level ninja skills who are sex addicts might cheat simply because they know they will never get caught, regardless of how much they value their relationship.
You want variety, they have an entire store full of shit you can choose from. That's just one more dumb excuse for people that cheat. You want a variety pack of coochies? Go for it! But then keep your community dick out of exclusive relationships with single pack kind of people.
If they want variety why even get in a committed, monogonous relationship in the first place?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
61Opinion
I've read that handsome men and pretty women love the attention of the opposite sex and are unwilling to give it up, even if they are in a committed relationship. It seems to me for a lot of people it isn't about variety it's just that it's too hard not to fall into temptation.
A girlfriend of Charlie Sheen said that when women find out where he lives beautiful young womenline up outside of his door. She says, "How can I compete with that?"
There are many factors. I've noticed people that who cheat tend to be narcissists. I believe people do it for attention and affirmation, but excitement seems likely too. New relationships are exciting...
Also, they might be unhappy in their relationship (they should just leave in that case). They might want to hurt their partner or incite jealousy. if you don’t like someone, tell them. Do not subject them to this I literally watched my dad and my sibling's lives fall apart when my mum cheated on my dad.
However, It really does shine a light on someone's character and principles. She cheated on my dad like a few months after they married... I'm always wondering why she did it. The rationale can be profound, or it can be superficial. I just think she's a phony who just got bored of being a housewife. She didn't really give a fvck about the sanctity of marriage and all that shit.People cheat when they haven’t realized that cheating means breaking the rules, and when it’s your life, do you have the right to make up your own rules. But you don’t have the right to make up rules for other people, and it’s not right to play with other people unless everyone is playing by the same rules.
I am thinking of leaving my husband because so far zero orgasm during sex
He does finish w mouth or hands which thankfuly but still a girl needs orgasm through an actual intercourse
We will go to gyn and see if he or I can take something that could make it happen or else it’s done.
Another reason why people cheat is probably because the other spouse never reassures her that he loves her.
It is just self sabotaging, depression and not giving a fuck until life hits hard and humbles youPeople cheat because they’re straight up pieces of shit. That’s it. End of story.
I suppose aside from those who cheat after having multiple fights you could argue the variety thing but I think it's got more to do with the self destructive nature of some people who feel like their relationship is going too well and they might be in it for good which eliminates their options so they panic and cheat.
Personally I belive people shouldn't get into relationships very lightly, have all the sex you want casually but if you commit to someone it's no longer about sex it's about having eachother's backspeople cheat mainly because they are in dysfunctional or lacking relationships. Rarely is the reason for cheating ever the desire for a wider variety. If someone fulfilled you happy enough, you wouldn't need variety.
I wouldn't say "variety" because that implies boredom in the marriage ir relationship. I ended up falling in love with a friend if mine because she embodied everything that was lacking in ny marriage. And I kept convincing myself she was just a friend. But there's no such thing as friendship between a guy and girl. I cut it off because I realized a physical relationship was very possible and it was damaging my marriage. It hurt everyone. Which is also why i think a man and woman cannot be friends
Many reasons are why someone cheats.
I cheated to make my abuser hate me. I tried to just leave but he came back scary and meaner and even more controlling. Cheating made my abuser not want to abuse me, he ended up hating me and didn’t have the motive to attack me because I disgusted him.
Oddly it worked! When ur being abused and you want it to stop, u will do whatever it takes to get outCool photo unless Gag added it.
Hmm. Let's see. In brief. I voted Yes. And I voted Yes because often what happens is some people aren't awful or bad people but what happens is merely: they met the wrong person. Or external pressures are what force even the cutest couple apart. In-laws, bad company, work or life balances out of whack
It's sad all around 😒The primary reason is some dissatisfaction in the primary relationship which leads them to be susceptible to connecting with a third party. Sometimes this is just an emotional affair, or it can be a fully physical or sexual affair.
Cheating is pretty well split 50-50 by gender, but women are better liars so the stats are skewed to men.
The bottom line is that happy couples in love don't cheat. And while you cannot blame the victim of cheating, there is nearly always culpability for failures in the relationship.
I would say over 'variety', is the yearning for NRE - that 'new relationship energy' or emotion. Some people thrive on that, and when it wanes in their primary relationship they look for it in a new one. Most would tend to think this is rather shallow. For after NRE there better be something that binds the couple - and that is what is commonly known as 'true love'.There's a lot of factors that go into why someone cheats. Some people for example have attachment issues so they are unable to stay with someone for any length of time. In other cases a person's sexual needs aren't being met, a lot of times because ones sex drive dries up. It's not that they don't love their partner, but when their needs aren't met they seek it elsewhere. Then there are those that simply are unable to be monogamous, because their baser instincts won't allow them too. Monogamy is an unnatural function to man, one that is programed into us through society and culture. Some are simply more connected to their basic instincts.
I think a lot of guys cheat for that reason. Girls usually cheat because they’re emotionally unsatisfied.
- u
maybe this is also why some mass murderers target people from any age, race, gender... etcétera... they also like variety
People cheat for so many reasons, but variery is rarely one of them.
People cheat because they give themselves permission to do so.
In a matter of speaking, yes. They want to have their cake and eat it, too. They want as much as they can get, and they don't want to have to choose one over the other. The more they can get, the happier they are. And as long as it keeps a-comin' the more they will keep soaking it in.
People cheat because they really don’t love and value their partner , they are afraid to admit to themselves that they are a piece of shit and living a lie if they go back to their partner like nothing happened , Cheating on someone is a selfish act period , Best thing for the cheater to do is end it with their partner immediately considering they already proved to themselves that they don’t love and value their partner so why waste their time just end the relationship.
My ex wife wanted to have it both ways. She had the advantage of being single by having multiple sex partners. The advantage of being married with me being home and faithful to her. She was cold to me as I was just another man standing in line to her bedroom. I thankfully found out and was able to get divorced from her.
It's because the relationship is missing something. Is the partner giving a dissatisfying sex life (or worse, no sexy at all)? If the partner is not getting any physical affection and the other partner recognizes this and makes no attempts to fix it, then obviously the partner is going to want to find someone else who can satisfy that.
Learn more
We're glad to see you liked this post.
You can also add your opinion below!