There is this guy I met in my postgrads. We met each other on the first day of college. Then again on first party then on a camping trip. Slowly we built a bond. We started enjoying each other's company. We started flirting. He told me he loved me once. Even kissed right before the lockdown. He asked me out for a date. But then I went home and he stayed in campus in lockdown because his parents lived in Germany. We talked on video calls. Blowed flying kisses to each other. Then college reopened and we met again. We spent time watching sunsets. But his parents were not keeping well and a few of his relatives had corona and died too so intimacy between us also took a backseat. I understood and tried to be there to the best of my capacity and there were times it led to fights too. He told me that he was leaving to study further in Germany. Also to live with his parents because their stay in Germany got extended. He said that had he stayed in India and his parents come back, he wanted to take this further. I was flattered but hurt too. We argued. Then after a date where he was still grieving the loss of his family members (one he was in regular contact with) we fought again. Because he used to pull me in his arms and kiss me all the time. But we just ended up talking about random things. It took me 3 months to get over our fight. He went to another city because he wanted to meet all his family and his grandma was not well. We didn't talk the entire time. He then suddenly left without telling me to Germany. I saw on Insta. He told me that he was not ready with relationship with anyone right now. But yesterday after I pleaded him for a video call, he told me that he had been talking to a girl for a while since June (we went on a date in July) and he met her and lost his virginity to her. I always thought we would be each other's first. He said things on that call contradicting things he had said before. I don't know what to believe anymore and live my life. pls be kind.
How do I make peace with myself?
