I asked him if he could ever love me how he loved his ex?

[Anonymous]

Been with my boyfriend 5months and last month we confessed to being in love with eachother. I said it first and a few weeks later he said it back. He's really nice and wants to spend all his time with me and we get on so well. So lastnight I asked him about his past and about his only serious girlfriend whom he had been with over 7 years. She had really messed with him and cheated on him. He told me he's never felt like that before and that's what scared him about getting into another relationship. They have been split up 5yrs. I asked him lastnight If he would ever love me the way he loved his ex. He said we are on quickly on the way there. This hurt me to hear and I'm not sure why. It gave me stabbing pains in my heart. I asked him today what he meant and he could see I was fighting back tears and he said he didn't mean it and of course he loves me more. Which I'm not niave enough to believe. I'm happy with what we have but I'm feeling like I'll never amount to how much she meant to him even though in this half a year I've treated him better

[Danny_dan92]

I feel for him, truly. The trauma from heartbreak is very real, for both men and women.


But you need to stop comparing yourself to his ex. That’s not a good mindset to have, just educate yourself on what she did to him. And do not make those same mistakes, that’s it

[Asker]

Yeah it was a stupid question and I got an answer that worries me. I've been in an abusive relationship so I think the pair of us can understand pain. I just can't seem to forget about the " you are quickly on the road to meaning as much as my ex did to me when we were together " yet he's talking about marriage in the future and kids. It's got me on edge and is making me question everything

[Danny_dan92]

Mmm… I don't know. You could be overthinking it or completely taking the context in another direction.

Cause you say he was with her for 7 years right? That’s a stupid long time. So if you two have only been together for a couple years then what he meant by that is that you are proving to him very early on that you’re a keeper.

It’s basically a compliment by bringing up a real part of his life if that makes any sense

[Anonymous]

How you love someone after spending years together can be and is often very different than in the first period where you are very much in love. Maybe that is what he meant.
Also I have to say I don't think it makes much sense to compare love. Love is a feeling, and it varies and just because one has loved someone before doesn't mean one can't love again.
I hope you don't doubt his love for you since you asked that question?

[Asker]

Yeah I've been doubting it. I'm worried that I'm filling a void that his ex made. I suppose it's somewhat immature to measure. I just wanted to know if what we have overides anything than she made him feel because she was pretty much his first for everything. I guess I wanted some comfort and reassurance that he actually wants this as much as I do.

[Asker]

I've been doubting his words when he says I want to marry you one day and you're my everything.

[Opinion Owner]

I get how one can feel like that, but it is five years ago they split. They had much time to get back together if that was actually an option, and it is really most likely that he is over her.
Why does it need to be overridden? is it not ok to have good memories from your past? An old love is just that. Nostalgia and a nice feeling of reminiscing when you think about it.
Maybe there is something else that can show that he wants you, which you are lacking. More commitment, planning your future or something.

[Opinion Owner]

those are also big words, maybe it needs more time to sink in.. and when I meant planning your future, I am mainly thinking of a near future, something within reach, like vacation together or something

[Asker]

What I don't understand is why he is saying he wants us to work and wants to marry me and he's so happy but then on the next breathe saying I'm on the way there to being in the same league of feelings he had for his ex. I mean idearly if I was to be asked the same thing I would of said I don't even think about my ex Nor feel enough when I think back to even compare. But he went with it and said I'm on this journey towards meaning as much to him as she did to him
It scared me
And now he thinks it's all fixed just because we made love and have been extra bonding

[Opinion Owner]

well, sounds like he is being honest about it. As I started by saying: How you love someone after spending years together can be and is often very different than in the first period where you are very much in love.
Maybe he is more in touch with nostalgic feelings than you are. people are very different this way I guess, I remember old feelings very well if I want to. I don't forget everything even though it is years ago. And there must be a lot of memories from seven years with his ex
I am sorry, I think you have to accept how he is with this. He can't just forget because you don't like it.
You should really talk about how it makes you feel, and that what he is doing now is not making it go away.

[driven159]

first off, he is with you not her by choice, so he wants you not her you don't ask questions like that it's in the past and is not now you live in now and love completely that all you need to do, and love grows very soon you will be his life and soul

[Playboy2424]

Honey you don't deserve this..
You deserve better. 😘

[In_Trance]

that's worth ending it over.