I'm heartbroken over the first girl I ever loved?

[MacAttack93]

I'm 16 and in high school. I met this girl from a sports team last fall. The common link of being on the team lead to us spending lunch together every other day (when we had the same lunch period). I was really getting to know her, and she really started to come out to me. Every relationship I had in the past was out of lust, but this was different. She was pretty, but I liked her as a person even more. And every time I touched her it was like a jolt of electricity was sent through me. I really enjoyed being around her and looked forward to it. Judging by how she was around me, she really liked me too. Well, I asked for her number on Facebook, and she said her boyfriend wouldn't let her. I told her she shouldn't let him tell her what to do. She took that the wrong way (I just wanted to give her honest advice, I don't like being pushed around either). Things went downhill fast. Even though she "forgave" me, she was very tense around me and things weren't the same. By staying around her, I only made things worse. I ended up trying to tell her how I felt in a last ditch effort. I failed miserably and she's been avoiding me for two months.

Is there anything I can do? I've tried to put her out of my head, but the thought of what could have been if I kept my dang mouth shut, keeps coming back. Even distracting myself just numbs the pain, it keeps coming back. What's harder is that I never even got a chance to be with her. Every day I wish I had a time machine to go back & fix it. Really all I wanted was to make her happy and be there for her. Please don't say I shouldn't have done such and such, I already feel horrible as it is.

[overthetop67]

First love and loss; how bittersweet the tasting sip; how vile the afterbite; yet still we yearn for more?

There's very little you can do, and this isn't gonna be fun, but I'll try and help.

First, you could try and stop worrying; Stop thinking back to the key moments where you went "wrong". You didn't go wrong, you were doing what you thought was best at the time, with the knowledge you had. You cannot go back and change it, go and do it over again. You need to move on; You need to let yourself move forward. I know how difficult this can be.

Love can be a difficult feeling, particularly when it goes unreturned. You don't need to keep beating yourself up; Should have done this, could have done that, shouldn't have said that; What you need to do is accept what happened and move forward. It HAS happened, and pretending it didn't or wishing it didn't happen the way it did is exactly that: Wishful thinking. You might hate it, it might feel like you have no reason to do anything, you might feel horrible; That's fine, but you can't stay hung up on this.

"...keeps coming back. Even distracting myself just numbs the pain, it keeps coming back..."

Don't try and hide from it, burying your emotions isn't good for you, let the hurt come. Let it out, let it go, it's tying you here. You need to let go, to move on.

"What's harder is that I never even got a chance to be with her."

I know what you mean, exactly what you mean.

It might be hard to let go, love can be complex and tough, but if you cannot be with her (i'm sorry for making you contemplate that but it needs to be faced) then the best, and really only, thing you can do is to let yourself go. Don't tie yourself to what might have been, bring yourself here, to what is, even if it hurts. Let go of what wasn't, embrace what is, pain, unreturned love and all, and move forward. Make the best of what you have right now.

Sorry for the sappy poetry at the beginning. And, from one guy to another, I feel, your pain.

[wanacot]

It doesn't matter what you did or what you would change if you could do things differently... she has a boyfriend. Sorry to be blunt, but that's what it boils down to.

All I can suggest is you talk to other girls and build other relationships, that will help you forget this girl.