Do you think the father should have a say in a situation where the mother wants to abort but he wants to keep the baby?

Question

This is one specific scenario out of an infinite amount of ways this can go down. What I am asking is if a mother wants to abort after making plans with the father to have his child then the mother cancels and wants an abortion for whatever reason but the father is still committed and wants to keep the baby. What happens then?

Brainsbeforebeauty · Accepted Answer

I'm honestly so sick of the her body/ her choice bullshit. It's not her body that's being decided on, it's the life of a child that she didn't get in "her" body by herself. Anybody saying "my body, my choice" why the hell didn't you choose to protect "your body" from pregnancy if you didn't/ don't want a child... People really need to stop using abortion as birth control...
While I believe a man should have equal say, I don't think men who refuse to wear condoms should think they can force a woman to abort or walk away with no repercussions... Both men and women need to be more proactive in protecting themselves or learn to deal with the consequences if they don't.. And I don't really give a shit who downvotes this... Truth hurts and truthfully, too many men and women are being far too casual, careless about sex and protected sex... How about if you can't have sex responsibly or gave the consequences like an adult, just don't have sex, problem solved!

annabananna · Accepted Answer

It’s not only your body. It’s the body of another living being as well.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I do not believe that abortion should be legal as a form of birth control for careless people.

WhatTheHeckkkk · Answer

I think the father should have a say.

Anonymous · Answer

Ideally, yes but again, this isn't something that happens a lot. Most of the time, the guy doesn't want anything to do with the baby or mother after this happens. The "father" runs off and abandon both.

The life of the child is now in the hands of the one person who will decide if she will born/ not born the child. If she borns the child, she's accepted the responsibility to become a mother and raise her child, but others will view her not as a savior but someone who was irresponsible. If she aborts the child, she is viewed as a murderer and not a savior but also someone who was irresponsible. No one knows who the father is and he's not penalized or recognized to have created this with the "mother".

In the case that the "father" wants the baby but the "mother" does not is less likely to happen as this is rarely the case. In this situation, the father is assuming responsibility and other will view him for being brave to accept the baby and mother (if he so accepts as well). On the other hand, the "mother" is perceived to be worser than the father for wanting to abort the child and wanting to leave him. Now, if he wanted the baby but the lady already decided to abort it, he can't really make her give birth to the baby unless he seeks other ways to keep it. I don't believe I need to go into steps for those.

Men will say this and women will say that. At the end of the day, you can't really blame one more than the other, but both. Both are at fault, but the women will always carry the bigger burden. The women has more to loose during both situations because birth and abortion is not easy. It's not something anyone can just accept and do.

Does he have a say in this situation? Of course. But we can't force the women to go through with it if that's not something she wants. Some will disagree and say a life is a life, but no one can really decide the fate of the baby except the two that conceived the child.

WonderBell99 · Answer

I’m pro-choice. I’m NOT pro-abortion. I just believe both the father and the mother should do what would be best for THEM. The fetus cannot feel pain until it’s around 24 weeks old.

“Before week 24 nerves aren’t typically developed enough to carry information to the spinal cord, and eventually, the brain’s cortex. The cortex that people perceive the feeling of pain.“

Im pro-life for MYSELF. I knew what I was getting into when I had sex. I take full responsibility for my actions.. and I would love kids of my own when I grow up anyway. I won’t be having sex until I’m 21.. I’ll start earning when I’m around 22 and i will NOT be having casual sex. Life doesn’t always go according to plan and it’s ok. However, if i were to get pregnant, I would consult my parents on this matter if I was not financially independent because they would be the ones ultimately helping me out with the baby if I choose to carry the baby up to term.

BOTH the father and the mother contribute EQUAL genetic material to the offspring. The father SHOULD have a say in this matter, PROVIDED he is ready to give financial assistance to help raise the kid. If he is NOT ready to get inconvenient in the child’s life, he should have NO say in that matter.

Screenwriter · Answer

Wow. This sounds like a messy situation.

Here's the thing: The problem is: the mother is the incubator. AND there is this giant caveat. The mother always has more responsibility for child care, education, home life, nutrition, clothing than the father does.

Until the day comes when babies are grown in fish tanks and one parent can legally give up all parental rights and responsibilities, this dilemma remains. Plus, I don't know of many cases where this happens on EITHER side.

People who have no children cannot imagine how a child alters every aspect of your life for your ENTIRE LIFETIME. You will always be concerned about your kid: are they doing well? Is their job, home, partner, children, life going well? What can you do to help them without bankrupting yourself. What if your child has a permanent disability? How do you save and prepare for that? What if your child develops drug or alcohol addiction? How can you help? Not support their addiction, but help them recover. How much can you afford for their higher education? This might be junior college or a trade.

You have to love and care for a child's basic needs to start, but with each year these needs become more complex and there are pitfalls for your child AND you along the way.

Before people plunge into parenthood, there needs to be a solid base of preparation. If one person doesn't want parenthood, look for a partner who DOES and let it go. It will save a world of hurtful co--parenting.

hahahmm · Answer

Like Dave Chappelle said... if she has the right to kill the child, the man should have the right not to spend money on that child if he chooses. I'd go beyond that and say that the government should not be giving a dime to any single parent. Period. If you can't afford to care for your child then your relatives or an orphanage should.

But more to your question: This is the problem when people go making babies with people they didn't bother to make sure were the right ONE for a permanent relationship. Would you sign a contract promising to spend every day of the next 18 years doing work/feeding/caring for a random person's relative/kid just because you get 1 hour of sex? Or a month? Or whatever? It's insanity.

Of course those who lack responsibility & delight in not caring about how their choices impact others & society, don't get that it's good to think before we do things, instead of after.

To me your question is like asking: Should I get brain surgery after I jump out of a 3rd story window on purpose tomorrow? A lot of the people doing this stuff don't listen to reason. They are just winging it after they make stupid decisions. Okay, some tried to make the right decisions but then got screwed over... I guess there's a reason why our ancestors knew it was a good idea to get married. Sure, not everybody did but the overwhelming vast majority did & the culture was geared up for that. People didn't get rewarded or patted on the back for going outside the norm.

Anonymous · Answer

I love the "her body her choice" mentality because if it were reversed, would women still feel that way? lol I'd guarantee it would be a completely different mind set then. And to me it's completely selfish thinking because it's about the person/baby, not her body! Yes that can be a consideration, but not the sole reason for her decision.

I believe it should be 50/50 as far as the other person taking into account what the other wants (or "a say"). Remember, it's a child! A HUMAN BEING, and you're both parents to it. Just because a woman carries it, it's not "hers" and only hers. Now, there's also more to the decision as well, circumstances matter a lot (the relationship, financial etc), but the bottom line to me is this, it's BOTH of yours, and both should have an equal "say". Just like you're BOTH responsible for the child if you do have it. Which brings up the scenario of "her body her choice", so she has it, and then expects him to be responsible for it when she didn't consider his "say" at all probably lol. It's mind blowing to me how selfish and one sided it is sometimes with some people.

honeynut-scenarios · Answer

This is a tough question. I think a lot should be considered- Is it suspected that the mother will suffer serious illness, or possible death if she proceeded to carry life? Is the father willing to take complete responsibility, assuming he’s financially available to care for it? How will this effect their relationship moving forward? I wouldn’t force a child into a world with no one to nurture it, however if the dad or whoever is willing to step up to the plate, I think they absolutely should have that say!

SinceYouAsked · Answer

This is a tough one. On the one hand, the woman is the one who has to carry the child and go through the trials and effects of childbirth. That's a huge burden to carry if she does not want the child. On the other, it is his child too. And, as such, should have some say. I think this is something they have to work through together.
I should note that I am not a pro-lifer. I don't think anyone has a right to tell a woman that she must bear, deliver and care for a child unless they're willing to adopt and/or care for said child. As far as I'm concerned, the only people who get a say are the woman, the father (as noted), her doctor and her God, whatever she perceives him/her to be. On the other hand, I don't think a woman should abort a child that could be viable outside the womb.

Screamsgutter · Answer

@Anonymous
"Someone said here once the man gave up that choice when he choose not to wear a condom I tend to agree with that much." (couldn't find the original post, but you agreed, so...)

In case you forgot, you have your own choice and that can be to refuse his choice, or doesn't 'your body, your choice' not apply here somehow? So the guy choosing not to use BC is the extent of your responsibility in this situation, eh? You basically just reduced women to an opinionless husk apparently without the motor function to close your legs, roll off the bed or tell him to get lost.

It's like your own responsibility doesn't even occur to you.

molonski2 · Answer

It takes 2 to make a child , and the father is vital , its CERTAINLY not just up to the pregnant female to decide to murder a child just because its growing inside her body , plus there should be no abortion on demand anyhow , it always remains a process.

The father must have at least 50 % of the say / input , and possibly more , murder because " it doesn't suit my time frame " is NEVER okey , no matter how you fell pregnant , its not the childs fault , you must act in the interests of the unborn.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Father, should have a say so, these are precious lives how can a mother alone, have an abortion cause she simply doesn't want the baby, hey my cousin had abortions cause she didn't want the baby plus she has a long drug abuse history, I see someday my cousin will answer to a man above for what she's done. Now if I get a girl pregnant
I would rather she come out and ask me to raise the baby instead of abortion or
adoption trust me that is my baby girl or baby boy that is heart touching for sure

PhenomenalQueen · Answer

I think the father should have a say when he’s already expressed that he doesn’t want a kid… I don’t believe he should have a choice in abortion, adoption, keeping the kid, per say but I believe strongly that he should be able to remove his responsibilities legally… why? Because he’s already stated he doesn’t want a kid… You cannot force someone to be a parent… So, any decision after this has been stated is solely on the mother, that’s my honest opinion.. When it comes to morals or religious views, there should be some sort of thing that can be done.. But then there’s gonna be people who say, she decided to be that religion blah blah, it’s not the government’s responsibility.. or something along those lines..

The_Shadow_Dweller · Answer

See, having a baby is not like a contract paper.
If you want to have the contract then you sign, but then if you do not feel like obliging to the contract and breaking the contract, then also you can void the contract. A normal contract. But a baby is not like that.

Emotional attachments are at stake here. And a baby is definitely not only mother's. A male and a female are required to make a baby right? So both have a right on that child equally.

In the case you mentioned, the mother should have made a really firm decision regarding the baby and then carried on with the process. Changing mind after that for some or the other reason is taking the child and pregnancy and to an extent your body for granted. You did not think of all the possible situations during pregnancy and most definitely not leave any grey area for anything unpredictable, it means.

That is what I think.

Cherry234 · Answer

I hope instances like this are rare. The father should definitely have a say, but in the end the woman has the final say. However, rapists do not deserve a say. A woman should not be forced to go through a procedure she doesn't want to go through. I'm also sick and tired of some people saying abortion is murder. Abortion is NOT murder. It's fine to disagree with abortion.

Just don't get an abortion or find someone who's pro-life if you're against it. But if you're not the one who is pregnant or you're not involved with getting a woman impregnated, then what a woman chooses to do with her body is none of your business. Downvote me all you want, but I am pro-choice and I don't believe in denying abortion to women.

Luopio27 · Answer

If it's a rape, then the father should not have a say so in the matter if the woman wants to keep the child, that is part of her as well.

If it is an accidental pregnancy, both are at fault because modern anti-pregnancy technology is advanced enough to be reliable, like capsules in the arm of a woman, condoms, and pills. All 3 should be 100% effective.

Really both should have counseling till both agree. If a line has to be drawn, I say, my body my choice. I mean womens choice.

sunflower00 · Answer

I definitely think the man should have a say and his opinion should be listened to and considered, but when it comes down to it the final choice is the woman’s as she would be the one who has to go through 9 months of being pregnant, probably having horrible symptoms and also putting herself at risk of lots of health problems and potentially even death in some cases too.

Apulu_3 · Answer

Men also have a say! the baby contains his genes too! Honestly actually every child should be saved. Because it's the child who is loosing his/her life not their parents. It depends on the kid but yes we can't ask them. They also have right to life.

Anonymous · Answer

In my opinion, no. Forcing a woman to carry a child to term and to give birth would show that she has no say so over her body. Her body has become under his control. Can you name when a woman has the control over a man to make him do what she wants with his body?
It is messed up to plan a pregnancy and then change your mind after you're pregnant but personally I think this is a rare scenario. However, the guy can go on and make the same pact with another woman.

Midnight_Kiss · Answer

I do believe he should have the option to raise the child and the mother sign all parental rights away as long as the woman is in good health to carry to full term.

But I also believe a man should have the right to sign his parental rights away when a woman chooses to have a child and the man doesn't want or isn't ready for children, rather than being forced to pay for a child that a lot of the time he doesn't have access to.

Anonymous · Answer

This is something pro choice advocates conveniently leave out of their debates: the psychological impact on the fathers.

Yes I know the woman has to go through the inconvenience of carrying the child to term. She also has to endure the pain of child birth. It can be 9 months of hell for some women (some handle pregnancies better than others). But after the child is delivered there are viable options if she doesn’t want to be a mother.

I have no grudges against a woman who puts her kid up for adoption or let’s the father take full custody vs. just aborting. At least she gave her a child a chance at life.

Seinna · Answer

Ultimately it is her choice, but if they were planning it together and then she wants to abort then it's really not fair. It's disgusting to play with a human life like that and I am in general against abortion except in some very specific circumstances. That being said, if they are not married then the father really has no protection here and he can't force her to give birth. That's why sex should be reserved for marriage.

Daniela1982 · Answer

I think if he wants to pay the hospital bills for the pregnancy and delivery he should indeed have a say. It is his kid too. I don't see him getting out of child support if he doesn't want it but she does. Sure, it is her body which she used for sex. If a baby results she is half at fault and should face consequences for her choice because they guy does for 18 years. Fair is fair.

IMuser · Answer

Unless both the parents say a fucking yes on keeping the child, the child should be aborted. Why are you bringing an innocent soul into the world for your selfish reasons (that i want to be a mother/father). Unless both of you want to be parent and are ready to sacrifice a lot of time, the child should not be brought into this world.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

That's never black and white. Are the couple still together? Are they happy or having problems? There are so many factors to consider before answering.
I suppose if I was to be pinned down for an answer i would say this:-
The guy should have a say in the decision but the ultimate decision should be the woman's

LaureenVO · Answer

I do think that the men should be able to express his thought. But in the end it is the body of the woman. The woman has to carry the baby for 9 MONTHS. The woman has to be in pain, feel sick and bring the baby on earth. A woman could literally die or get hurt badly. So in the end it is the woman's decision

SlightlyEccentric · Answer

It takes two to tango. Women can't asexually reproduce. They need a man's help to make a baby. They make the baby together, they get equal say together. That baby is a combination of her and him and therefore the father's say is just as valid as the mother's. End of discussion.

"Fathers are not second class citizens."

- Judge Judy -

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

We had a chat about abortion and this was a scenario that was mentioned.

the bit settled on was on the day of the birth the guy collects the baby, he is not allowed to be in for the birth.

he then arranges with the hospital separately to care for the baby until ready to release, he then goes with it.

The woman gets discharged as normal with zero contact with baby from day one.

Anonymous · Answer

The "her body, her choice" argument is ONLY valid when she wants to have an abortion and he wants to keep the child. In that case, he should not have the right to tell her she has to carry a child in her body when she doesn't want to.

But when she wants to keep the child and he doesn't, the "her body, her choice" is irrelevant. In that case it becomes a matter of "his money, his choice", and that should be HIS choice. Until it is, legally, I will never support abortion rights.

Heartache0405 · Answer

Im not interested in sex and don't want to have children so this doesn't apply to me. But sense I am a strong advocate for men's rights men should have just as much of a say as the woman. Men don't have any reproductive rights and I believe they should

andreasderjuengere · Answer

From a social point of view I'd say that fathers do have a right to have wishes.
However - as it is the woman who carries the baby, it is perhaps too intrusive to force her doing something she does not want.
Better talk about it BEFORE a baby is made?

Agape93 · Answer

He has every right to his opinion, his beliefs and to voice them. But he has no say over another person's reproductive organs, their medical choices or their desires. That's not his place nor his right.

Petermorgan3434 · Answer

Duh, Yes! He doesn't get a choice if he doesn't want it its a double standard her body her choice, his wallet his choice! If thats wrong maybe your wrong. Although abandoning a child is morally in-reprehensible (under normal circumstances barring a baby trap) as is aborting one (under reasonable circumstances), can't be one sided. Parenthood is a right, and privilege, not a choice

RationalMale · Answer

The laws should be changed. Either the father should have some rights, or he should have no responsibilities.

So if he has no say on whether she aborts the child or not, he should have no legal responsibilities on supporting the child if she keeps it.

dogsteeves · Answer

Only two times I would agree to an abortion

1. If she was rapped and it's still early on hasn't been chosen a gender yet as all embryo start off as female that why guys have nipples.

2. Matter of life and death it's either the mother lives or the baby lives.

Darine123 · Answer

I pregnant when I was 17, I’m not ready to have kids and he’s not ready to have kids so we go to do abortion together. I think it’s up to father and the mother of the child but I think mother has sth to say more cuz she has the baby in her belly so I think abortion is should be legal so we can have choice and I’m glad I did abortion cuz if I didn’t I probably not graduated from my high school and I wouldn’t move on to another relationship with another guy

whosnumber1 · Answer

she should at least be sympathetic to his feelings. if the two people weren't capable to use protection during sex and got pregnant the discussion around the pregnancy should be sympathetic to both sides. maybe the man is in a good financial place to care for the baby and really wants to make it happen.

unsureatp · Answer

I might possibly be pregnant, if I am I will have a conversation with the 'farther' and let him know, if he wishes we can discuss it but either way I'd make it known from the start I was and would be having an abortion but I make that known whenever I sleep with someone, so they can't say they're surprised if it happens.

Anonymous · Answer

That would at least be equality, although honestly the real question is do you think anyone should have the right to kill anther person because their own personal choices made said person temporarily depended upon them?

If so then we should think about legalizing a great many other areas of killing.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

If she originally said she wanted to have the baby, and he came inside of her under that understanding, then she should honor her promise. Because otherwise he might not have done it, if he thought that she was going to kill the baby that they made together.

Still, this is why you get married before having sex. Because people can't be trusted.

Anonymous · Answer

It's her choice, but it's also his choice to leave her in the dust..

Let me put it another way, if my wife chose that path. Chose to abort, I would see to it she was homeless, she would be kicked out in the streets. And I would call an emergency session with my lawyer, and a judge and file for divorce immediately.

Sour-rose · Answer

Now hold on now... I don't give shi about a kid because if one dies today, another one pops up tomorrow. But if the couple is in this together, I think he should at least have something to say. No argument if he doesn't. <3

TallAnon · Answer

If there's minimal health risks for the mother, I would let the man sign a document that makes him the sole parent and that the mother is not involved.
Or better yet, don't fuck a guy without protection if you don't want a kiddo.

melanieeeB · Answer

Nope, sure he can say his opinion but yeah that's about it.

Teresa435435454 · Answer

No not his body that cooks the baby to be a baby. Her body. 9 months where her body becomes enomormous and she needs to birth out of her vagina. Guy has no say

Lyndsielee666 · Answer

Lmfao because It’s the man that goes through the risk of child birth, post parting depression and everything else that happens. 🙄🙄

nice-girl · Answer

He might have rights but in the end it’s one decision: abort or not. So the woman has to decide it. I mean if they have different decisions they can’t be both happy.

supercutebutt · Answer

It's up to her. He has the right to talk to her about the situation but ultimately, she decides. :)

Anonymous · Answer

Even if they could take the fetus out of the mother and incubate it elsewhere for the father, women would not want men to have the ability to do so.
It has nothing to do with “her body” it has everything to do with “her choice”.
Women want 100% say over keeping the child or killing it.

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

Her body her choice. This is the current state of the law and will probably remain so.

integrale77 · Answer

I think the father has the right to air his opinion but it's her body so she has the final say so

AndrésC64 · Answer

Her body, her choice. As soon as men start getting pregnant and having babies, then we can decide for ourselves. To think that a guy has any right to tell a girl what she can or cannot do with her body is ridiculous.

Anonymous · Answer

Even if she doesn't want the child someone else does. Give the child a chance to LIVE! And give him the chance to be a dad.

Anonymous · Answer

Someone said here once the man gave up that choice when he choose not to wear a condom I tend to agree with that much.

Phoenix98 · Answer

Yes I think he should. It takes two to make a kid. I personally don’t agree with abortion.

Kaamraj · Answer

Her body, her choice, his wallet his choice. Likewise, if a woman wants to have a baby and the father isn't prepared, he should have the option to do a financial abortion.

Redstang88 · Answer

We should get to voice our opinion at least, but ultimately it’s not our call.  I also don’t believe we should be forced into child support if we make it clear we don’t want to keep it

Juxtapose · Answer

So what is he going to do? Magically teleport the baby inside of him and have it in her place? No, absolutely fucking not. You cannot force women to carry out a pregnancy.

Massageman · Answer

Sad that she wants to commit murder. Deliver the baby, and put him or her up for adoption if they won't care for the new baby in which they both shared creating.

sirderpsalot123 · Answer

What he wants should be taken into consideration and we should stop acting like a man who wants to be a father to a kid he helped make is some kind of monster. But ofc the women gets final say. She should 100% have to tell the father though.

Do you think the father should have a say in a situation where the mother wants to abort but he wants to keep the baby?

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