Am I good enough for her? What does she see in me?

[Anonymous]

Hey everyone,

So recently just got into a relationship with this really nice girl (21) who goes to Yale. She's graduating this spring and getting her master's next year, so she'll be at Yale for another year. I (22) graduated college last year, got an entry-level job, and am in the military part-time.

Everything feels great. We go on dates, I make her laugh, and we're really happy right now. It might be because we just started our relationship, and that's what I'm a little afraid of.

I don't really make enough money to support us, let alone myself, on my current salary, and it was a real wake-up call when she asked me if "we could go to your place" or "what's your living situation." I'm still living at home, so it really lit a fire under me when she asked me those questions. She's very mature for her age, and has already experienced living on her own for a period of time. She also has a very bright future ahead of her, and will easily be making more than me once she starts her career. I guess my concern is: Does she really need me?

Apart from trying to be really sweet to her and be a good boyfriend (driving her to class, getting her coffee, opening doors for her, take her out on dates, giving her compliments, etc.), I feel like the only things I have going for me are that I make her laugh, drive a sports car, go to the gym often, and have pretty ambitious goals.

What do you think she sees in me? Is this happiness going to be short-lived (honeymoon phase)? Am I overthinking?

Thanks!

[Phoenix-gb]

Remove the thought of needing you from the equation, in this day and age men aren't necessarily "needed" in the ways they once were, the question you should be asking is does she "want" to be with you.

From what you've described, the signs all point to yes. Will it last, no-one can say with any degree of certainty, but as long as you put the work in to maintain the relationship and she does the same, there's no reason why it couldn't. She's picked you for a reason and it doesn't sound like it's for what you can materially provide, which is a much better foundation all around.

[Asker]

Very well said, thank you for your reply🙏🏼

[Valiqueen]

Oh wow. The thing is you can't be too sure.
She might actually love for who you are and actually pictures seeing both of you together. And on the other hand she might not. Probably wondering if she can really stay with and all.

The thing that may ruin this from your side might be that she actually likes you but because you're so scared of the unknown your attitude changes and puts a bridge between both of you.


(I'm not inside her head or anything just my humble opinion)

But she might be seeing someone so beautiful, so smart, super funny, kind, affectionate with great ambitions and working so hard to make them be.

I wish you the very best!!

[Shy80sgirl]

I married my husband because he loved me and was kind I make a significant amount of money, far more than he does. I haven’t regretted the decision in nearly 20 years :-). It just depends on what she wants. My husband isn’t lazy and he’s bright and he’s very good at his occupation and wonderful with our children. There’s more to happiness than equal salaries

[Asker]

Love this! Thanks so much for your reply

[Shy80sgirl]

You need to know the world 🌍 is not as cruel as it seems. Love is generally blind to money🙂

[Shy80sgirl]

Thank you for the MHO

[exitseven]

You seem like a good guy. The fact that you have these doubts mean that you are thoughtful and kind. I do not know your personal situation. Are you a college grad? Do you have a career plan? Your girlfriend sounds like she does so if you are just drifting through life it could be a problem later on.
You can be successful without making a lot of money. I work in higher Education. Nobody ever got rich in education but I consider myself successful.

[Asker]

Thanks for your reply! Yes, I am a college grad with a business degree. I currently have a job in my field of study (maritime), and the salary isn't as great as I'd like, but okay for a college grad. I'm also in the military. I guess my concern would be if I'm good enough for her since I didn't go to a school like hers or would be making as much when she starts her career, and that she'd realize that one day.

[exitseven]

You sound like a real good catch to me. There are so many losers out there your girlfriend knows she has a winner.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[Avicenna]

You must be doing something right/ don’t overthink things

[Raphaëlle]

Be honest from the start otherwise it's not going to work out. Money should be a openly discussed topic. If she only cares about money, she isn't the one for you.

[Juxtapose]

For now? Probably. In the long-term? Good fucking luck.

[Iron_Man]

Maybe you’re kind