Picking bad boys over good ones?

[Anonymous]

I don't go for "bad" guys over "good" guys, but I just don't connect as well or am attracted to "good" ones.

My definition of bad guys being , brooding, untrusting, emotionally unavailable, not keen on sharing and having a low rate of keeping permanent relationships. My definition of good guys being the opposite, kind, trusting , wanting a long term commitment and actually sharing their issues with me.

In the long term I have no future with "bad" guys but the kinder, more genuine and less issues they have the less mystery there is and we just have nothing deep to share. I just want someone to connect with that contrasts my own personality.

Is this there something wrong with me or do other people share this?

[MrOracle]

It's a common thing that many women do, but it literally sabotages their futures. It's kind of an extension of the Disney fairytale: that once you find your "handsome prince" that you "will live happily ever after" and that every day will be exciting and fun. No one lives that way. No one.

Yes, a "good guy" may be "boring" or "predicable" and not "exciting" the way a bad boy is, but that excitement comes at a very high price: it usually means temporary relationships, often being just used for sex, and sometimes it means violence or being stolen from or being associated with criminal activities that can send YOU to prison even if you aren't directly involved. It also often means abandoned, fatherless children and no support. It could even mean STDs, including incurable, deadly ones.

The idea that a relationship is supposed to be a form of entertainment for you, or that it exists to raise your lifestyle, is a common troupe in pop culture, but it's a lie. A relationship is supposed to give you a partner - a teammate - to help you get through the hard times in life and to share your good times with, but there was never any expectation that you'd never be sad or bored or frustrated or whatever. All of those things are normal and to be expected.

Your unrealistic expectations of what a relationship is supposed to be will result in you being used as long as you are young and attractive, and then being abandoned and ignored to live the rest of your life alone - except if a bad boy needs something from you, whether that's sex, food, money, or a place to live for a while.

It's your life, and you can do what you want, but understand that your choices have serious consequences, and the bills may not come due right away, but they WILL come due, and you WILL pay them.

[caring__1]

Identify what draws you to "bad" boys. It could be you aren't ready for a long-term commitment, so you see them as safe. Sometimes, due to past trauma and low self-esteem, we don't feel we deserve a healthy relationship. My main concern is when women believe the strength of these "bad" boys will be used to protect them. Unfortunately, I've seen too many situations where that strength was used against the women rather than to protect them. No one has the right to tell you what type of guy to pick, but make sure whatever you choose will help you progress toward your long-term objectives.

[Flower_Power]

Me too. This is why I'm no longer dating anyone. I always fall for the unobtainable jerks, or simply the unobtainable. I've heard that girls try to go after guys like their fathers. Based on this, my pattern in men makes perfect sense.

My father always treated me like rubbish. He called me dumb@ss my whole childhood. He also would drink too much. Because of him I now have trust issues.

I'm used to being treated like poorly, and when someone doesn't treat me like that it's weird.

[whereismyjohnny]

Why did I immediately start singing Boyz by Jesy Nelson after reading this 😅

Personally, I prefer good guys and don't see bad boys attractive (unless the ones in the movies, jk lol), but I guess we all are different, and different things attract us. I'm leaving you a link to the article, that maybe could help you understand?

https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/relationships/a32314885/dating-bad-boys/

[Arc-V]

In other words, you are seeking connections that are not serious. Problem is, you can seek a 'rebellious' personality without the toxic elements. If the toxic elements are exactly what you're attracted to more because of 'mystery' or excitement then you defintely show signs of toxicity yourself if that's the case.

You need to get this sorted out because this goes beyond friendships, connections or relationships but it has to do more with your connection with yourself otherwise you'll land a path of destruction or self destruction.

[Helpagirlout123]

Hiya, I had the same problem/situations. I kept going for men that weren’t shit. After some self evaluating and looking into why I am the way I am, I discovered that after a bit of a traumatic childhood I find peace in the chaos, that maybe I didn’t deserve more than that. I had been broken down to accept that I wasn’t going to get any better. I then had to learn that I was, and I have found it. I felt uncomfortable I felt on edge, I’m with someone who respects me, doesn’t hurt me, and wouldn’t betray me and for a while and still sometimes now I can’t comprehend it. It doesn’t feel real and sometimes I feel like maybe I am being naive, but it is real and they’re are guys out there that know how to treat woman you just need to change your mind set and look for it and hold onto it until you realise that it’s right. It’s a long self growth process but I wish you all the best x

[Msmeshell]

Wow simultaneously feel same

[UniquelyBasic]

I feel women are attracted to the confidence and the danger of a bad boy, not actually being disrespected by them. As for the good guy, women see him as someone with no backbone or can't take charge. Women obviously want someone who is good to them and doesn't treat them like trash.

[VikingWarLord]

Just admit it, you love us dominant, alpha bad boy pricks, we are better in the sack and usually have a big D. Even if we do tend to cheat, it's much better than settling for The goodie nice guy betas who kiss your azz with lame compliments. The betas will never get your panties wet. You're still young, so you have some time to think hard about it and realize that what I said is RIGHT.

[Anonymous]

Majority of women. Ya’ll want to fix things or be the “special” girl that got us to change… until you’re ready to settle down have fun.

by the way the bad boys calm down 30-35, till then it’s also just about fun…. Simple stuff.

[one1wild00]

Sounds like deep down your psyche is self sabotaging your future. Might want to work on figuring out why.

[Msmeshell]

Catagorizing is a personality disorder to begin with. If any person passed judgement in the first place becomes the bad.

[Anonymous]

Not everybody is into commitment, casual sex isn't illegal at least not here

[Jamie05rhs]

Lol I guess I'm a bad boy, then.

[DaddyDiablo]

I'm a bad boy or what's up then?

[KrakenAttackin]

So you are into F boys.