Is waiting till marriage the only way to not be a man's ''forever, childless girlfriend''?

[Anonymous]

I know I'm just 19 at this moment but seems like that's the only way to avoid men taking all their sweet time, thinking only about themselves and not caring about our limited years to form a family, to have healthy children. I don't want to end up being a 30+ year-old, childless woman. I don't want to find myself in the ''We're been together for 5 years, why won't he propose'' situation either. They have all the time they want to. WE DON'T.

Is going old-fashion and waiting till marriage the only way to not land in one of those ''You're the love of my life'' 4+ year-old relationship (the guy wins there.. while we lose if we can't get him to commit and give us kids) heading nowhere?

Updates

+1 y

Analyzing this from a biological view, there is no benefit for us if we date around for years and have sex with random men. NONE.
From biological evolution... that's not really the purpose of a woman. She has to find a provider that will be there for her and the child... that will commit and not leave.

[Anonymous]

"only thinking about themselves" - honestly that's what you're doing also because that's what YOU want, not what he wants necessarily. I could go into detail, but the bottom line hear is communication! Making sure early in the relationship or dating that you BOTH have the same relationship goals. And yes, often men and women's (especially at your age) are very different, as women tend to want this MUCH earlier in life than guys do. Not always, but generally. Also, everyone and every relationship is different and develops at different speeds. Many experts say (and I completely agree) that you should even think about marriage and a family until you're 25! So many things are changing in your life before that, and by then, you're both pretty established on where your life is going, etc. And you also have to be very careful about your desire to have a family, and especially "by 30" or giving yourself a timeline like that. Why? Because many women will pick the wrong guy for this very reason. Enter in a relationship that isn't a good one for them, or necessarily one they truly want, because he meets some other "goal" they want. That's a HUGE mistake many make. Ultimately it will not end well, not to mention, cause many problems for you likely. So bottom line from all this, communication! Make sure you both want the same things.

[ObscuredBeyond]

If he insists on sex before the wedding, and won't respect your desire to the contrary, he won't be serious about the marriage either. He's not in it for you, let alone for God. He's in it for whatever goods and bragging rights he can secure from you.

[Asker]

It's sad how so more women are giving it all away (not thinking wisely) for just a boyfriend; idolizing men that will never propose. If they've been 6 years into a relationship then he isn't gonna marry her. While they are busy looking for ''a boyfriend to date and move in with'' and let him have the freedom to leave at anytime while getting their good years wasted... I'm busy saving it for a husband.

[Asker]

Those girls don't understand it... any guy can give you lust and pleasure. So what, big deal... I'm not impressed at all. Any man can promise you the moon and the star, promise you to be with you forever, be affectionate, listen to you... but will he actually be the one turning words into actions, take the plunge and make her his wife? NOPE, very few will do that.
This might sound cold but my father actually thinks more women should do what I'm doing. He even said it himself once ''While there is no ring, you're nothing to him. You lose''.

[ObscuredBeyond]

True. But I remember a gal once scolding me that she wasn't interested in dating, when all I said was I'd be willing to help her shovel her truck out of a snowbank.

I also wanted to get a gig by shooting some commercial -grade photos for a Mexican restaurant, only for some gal from church that I didn't know even worked there to get in the way, because she thought I was doing it to hit on her. When she didn't believe me when I told her on Facebook that I didn't know that, and she should perish the thought, she spread rumors anyway, until I cancelled my offer to help the place out. Never spoke to her after that.

Has put a damper on me ever wanting to do a nice thing for anyone. They all seem to be obsessed with this idea that all I ever do is look for sex. I literally have a blog full of evidence to the contrary!

[Asker]

Yeah those are extremists and somewhat jaded girls. I'm guessing she probably had bad experiences and thinks all men are the same.

[KelleyNice]

You should at least wait until you are engaged or practically engaged and discussing marriage. Guys that don't want marriage or else don't see you as marriage material will not hang around. If after 4 or 5 guys, no one hangs around, you need to reevalueate the type guys you are choosing to date and or your standards.

GAG will not allow me to post the link to the study; but, for a one-night-stand or a short fling, guys are not choosy, but they marry equals. Therefore, if you are a 7, you can date 9s, but they are not going to marry a 7. It is possible, so maybe you can marry an 8 but the odds are so low that probably when you are 25, you will still be trying to marry an 8. After that, you will not be a 7. Instead you will be 6 and dropping.

[just_a_potato]

I actually thought just like you literally a year ago. I'm currently with someone who will actually wait as long as I need even if that means till marriage. He doesn't know this but I don't mind doing it during engagement even, it's mostly to see how far he'll go to have me. Makes me feel like he actually wants a life with me. 😌

[IMuser]

I am glad that you realised the biological reality (your updates). You are 100% correct: utilising time in dating and relationships is not the most beneficial thing for women.

What you can do is to build a proper foundation: physical fitness and career. Once these are done, marriage seems the next step. Makes sense?

[Asker]

True. I'm studying culinary arts. I like playing around with different ingredients and try cooking other things. That's something I'll never get bored with. As for physical fitness, I think jogging in the park for 30 minutes seems ok.

[IMuser]

I believe there are some workouts which are helpful in "developing the strength for childbirth" so if you are keen on being a mom, you can look up on these (I am not a fitness advisor or something)

Culinary arts sound interesting 👀 (each day, something new to taste. Ah yes)

[LazerBean]

I'm sure there are exceptions, but as someone who got married at 19 to someone who is perfectly compatible with me - we do not even slightly regret waiting for marriage.

[Asker]

Glad to hear you found him. I'm waiting till marriage because I feel that's the only way I'm not wasting my time.

[Anonymous]

It's true a lot of men these days are not interested in marrying a woman, and it should be no mystery to you why that is.

But there are also plenty of guys who are genuinely interested in finding a good woman who will convince a man to look beyond all the risks and downsides to men and take the leap of marrying them. But it has to be a special woman. The question is, are you that woman?

[Asker]

I've heard of it (I know exactly what you're referring to) so it's no surprising more men aren't giving out commitment anymore; taking their gatekeeping role serious. You guys are the gatekeepers of commitment/marriage. The relationship will progress only if he decides it otherwise it's not going anymore without his proposal.
Ironically less women are taking their gatekeeping role serious. We're the gatekeepers of sex. We're the only ones that gets to decide who to have sex with and when. Without our consent, it ain't happening. More women should be taking their role serious, as serious as men are taking their role.

[Opinion Owner]

I agree with all of that. Best of luck to you.

[bamesjond0069]

You're right. Its the only sure way. Finally one smart girl on gag.

[Asker]

Exactly. While many girls are busy looking for bfs to move in together (cohabitation... which promises NOTHING), idolizing bfs and doing wifey things, I'm waiting for a husband.

[Chiarac2003]

The right guy will be able to work all that out with you. You shouldn’t feel alone in that thinking. 🎀

[one1wild00]

No, I'm at the point where if I find a compatible gal I'd like to start having kids first, to make sure she can then marry. I've been in to many relationships where the gal couldn't have kids

[Anonymous]

I actually got pregnant while we were engaged (we weren't trying, it was unplanned). So no, you don't have to wait until marriage.

[Anonymous]

I think so. Most guys agree with the motto "Why buy the cow; when you get the milk for free?" Plus future boyfriends will be less interested in marrying you the higher your body count is.

[Asker]

I find it sad that more of us aren't taking their gatekeeping role (giving out sex) serious like before. All these ''living together with a boyfriend'', cooking for him, washing his clothes IDOLIZING HIM and going out of your way of doing wifey things... all for nothing but an eventual break-up and time wasted.

[Asker]

I'm saving myself for marriage, for the husband of my kids... not for a boyfriend.

[Opinion Owner]

Good for you, I hope you find someone who is equally committed to marriage.

[sheikalana]

Not really.

[Asker]

The only way a man gets a forever, childless girlfriend is if we move in together with him, give free sex, free meals and do all the work a wife does... all for nothing.
If I don't do any of that and instead wait till marriage, how is he going to get all the goodies if I'm giving NOTHING but telling him straight forward that I'm not looking for a boyfriend but a husband?

[sheikalana]

I didn’t wait until marriage and I married the love of my life one year ago.

[Asker]

Well that's an exception. Every rule has exception. I'm waiting till marriage.

[sheikalana]

Good for you.

[SnakeBoop]

XD XD

[Jamie05rhs]

Probably.