Serious rift with my boyfriend who wants me quitting my job and relocating with him after the wedding. Who should back down, please?

[Gloree]

Everything was going on fine but now he got a high paying job at another state that needs him to relocate, so he is suggesting that I prepare to quit my job and join him after the wedding as he doesn't like a long distance relationship and his pay can handle everything. None of us saw this coming so I'm confused. I feel more confident with my job even though my salary is small and insignificant compared to his. We are starting to argue about it & it's causing a rift. Please what's your advice on this? Thanks in advance.

[AviatorTom]

This is a discussion you should have had when it was known he might be getting a job someplace else. Since you didn't, now is the time... before the wedding. You need to work out what the two of you are going to do.

It's not about someone backing down, it's about the two of you reaching a mutually-agreeable solution.

You should probably investigate if you could get a desirable job at the new location, and he should investigate having a desirable job and staying where you are. Then, you two can have a meaningful discussion and agree on a solution. Best of luck.

[AviatorTom]

Thanks for the mho

[Fireguy17]

That's a tough one, it rarely is a win win, you have an established career, he is going on to something new, that could possibly not work out.
No clue what I would do, I see both points, but I would lean towards staying and find something new here.

[Gloree]

As in moving with him?

[DermalPunch]

You should quit your job and relocate.

[Gloree]

But why?

[DermalPunch]

Okay, so first of all you got a man to commit to marry and you when half of them are all trying to go away from commitment. Then he goes the extra step of looking for a balling job so he can presumably take care of you which is what a man should do. Forget all this feminist blah blah blah. So he did that. You have a job that you have described as having an insignificant salary and you have an issue with moving with this person who you love. If you truly love each other like who cares where you live with him. Maybe you don't love him as much as you think. Maybe you have to reconsider this commitment. If I truly love someone I wouldn't care where I go with them because it's them who makes it good and worth doing. He isn't trying to deprive you of something. He is thinking in a very logical way. You are afraid to go out of your comfort zone. Well that's where all the fun starts. It's really up to you.

[Gloree]

Thanks so much. You hit a point of me being afraid of leaving my comfort zone. That is admittedly one of my major cause of worry as well as the independence thing.

[DermalPunch]

Thisnis a great opportunity for you to introspect and see if your fears are about him or within yourself. Better a failed engagement than a divorce. He sounds like he wants to do right by you but I really don't have all the info.

[NathanDavis]

if you never ever discussed and didn't even considered this possibility... then the two of you should not marry at all

both of you should reconsider your entire relationship first... before you end up married

[exitseven]

There are more things to consider besides money. If the new place has a very high cost of living compared with where you are now will not improve your situation. This is a very long discussion that needs to be settled before you get married.

[Staximus]

Is your low paying job more important to you than him? It sounds like your bullshit job is not the real problem here.

[Staximus]

But just a bullshit excuse to not move or make a commitment

[Gloree]

You don't have to talk down on my job. It buys me toiletries and stuff and cannot cover rent cause I live with my parents but it does something. And no, the job is not more important than him. Gosh.

[Gloree]

Imagine how rash you are. How can you say the job is not the problem? Have you considered how jobless I will be just sitting at home and doing nothing?

[Staximus]

Are you as dumb as a bag of hammers? It sounds like he wants to get a better job to not only improve his own life but to allow him to provide a future for the both of you. You think your low paying bullshit job is worth giving that up? You won't need your job if you move with him, but you can still get another low paying bullshit job after you move! Time to grow up, move out of mommy and daddy's house, and move forward in life.

[Staximus]

The guy is trying to improve his and your life and you are too dumb to realize it

[woman_2004]

@Staximus is telling you the truth in the nicest way possible bc if it was me I’ll find him myself and tell him im ready to go whatever you go fr lol 😂

[kinggeorge007]

Why not trying to find a similar job for you from the new location? I think it's a good opportunity to start fresh and new.

[EdwinLivingston_]

If his new job is high paying and your current job is average, you could stay with him and find better or similar job

[Intothevoid666]

I kinda see his side moreso tbh ngl but use the whole story

[Gloree]

I get why you're leaning towards his side, but when you say "use the whole story" I don't understand.

[Intothevoid666]

I meant to say but I don’t know the whole story

[Gloree]

Okay, a little more insight might be here, cos I really don't want to make a mistake in my marriage choice;
Should a woman quit her job if her husband is wealthy and doesn't want her working? ↗

[Intothevoid666]

Did he say he doesn’t want u working tho? Aren’t there other jobs u can get when u move?

[Gloree]

Yeah. He said he would prefer that I don't work. although jobs don't come easy but they are there.