Scared my boyfriend will leave me for another woman. am I thinking rationally?

[Anonymous]

I have been dating my boyfriend for a little bit now. Before I started dating him, when we were just friends, he had a crush on a girl like 1 or 2 years younger than him. He's liked her for many years, but never bothered to turn it into anything serious. We'll call her Melissa. A little insight on me is that I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Severe Anxiety.

I've been super upset and dealing with super obnoxious intrusive thoughts in regards to the two of them. They don't hang out in person much (only on occasion) and I have no idea if they actually talk everyday anymore, maybe they do. I'm away for University so we're doing Long Distance at the moment. I'm just worried because what if he ends up falling in love with her if they hang out again? what if he truly does not love me? what if he still has feelings for her that he's choosing to surpress? he follows 3 of her accounts on Instagram (private, fun page and a main page) and likes her pictures. I know I have jealousy issues but I've been working on overcoming those. I want him to basically remove her off of everything, but I think that'd make him leave me. I want to trust the two of them together and remain a supportive girlfriend of the idea they're just friends.. but he loved her for so long, before he met me and when we were friends I tried to convince him to be with her but he chickened out. I love him, and I don't want to lose him. Am I irrationally thinking or do you think you'd want Melissa removed from his life as well if you were in my shoes?
*serious answers only please*

[Nawlins34]

If I were a woman and it were me, I'd want Melissa removed from his life to the point that I wouldn't have dated him because I know he isn't over Melissa.

And if I somehow managed to get into a relationship with him still, I'd have ended it before going to college for the same reason.

There's a difference between being over someone and not having an opportunity.

You never mention if Melissa likes him or is misleading him or feeding the flames, we don't have that info. But here's what we know.

"He's liked her for many years, but never bothered to turn it into anything serious."
" I tried to convince him to be with her but he chickened out".

- neither of these mean he's over her.
They ONLY mean at the time, he wouldn't make it happen. People grow/change. Maybe he's bolder 2-3yrs from now.

But what if Melissa made a move? Based on what you've described, he'd pounce. This man follows three Instagram accounts? He can't miss one post?

"I know I have jealousy issues but I've been working on overcoming those." - I appreciate your ability to look in the mirror and self-assess, but ma'am... you started a relationship with a man who isn't over another woman.

You know this, because... "I want him to basically remove her off of everything, but I think that'd make him leave me."

He didn't have to "pay" anything to get you. Meaning he didn't have to reduce his interactions with Melissa to start dating you; why would he do it now?

Even if he chose you over her, he was forced to by you; So the relationship will not be the same afterwards.

You're rational in your assessment of the situation.
You're irrational in making the decision to date him after your assessment.

You know you have jealous issues. Most people can't admit that.
You know your boyfriend's history with Melissa. You're very much aware.

His actions very much say, he's not over Melissa.

I know you love him, but do you love yourself enough not invite pain into your heart? If the answer is yes, then you know what you need to do.

I hope I've helped and at least gave you something to think about. Please be safe and good luck.

[Pyrofox]

My guess he's just trying to find a way not to be bored while you are at school. If he's commited you don't really have to worry. He probably keeps a lot more girls in his friendzone than just her your best hope is FINISH school and then just tackle hug him and tell him if he needs you so badly just to give you the attention XD.

[Shamalien]

How is this irrational thinking? You’re long distance and he texts this girl everyday follows all her shit and used to love her? You’re deffs not being irrational don’t let these goofy commenters gaslight you. Don’t demand he stop talking to her, just accept that shit could happen… ldr is always risky

[TenkRealist]

Yes you are being irrational but you can make it clear with him that this is how you feel

[In_Trance]

No you're not thinking rationally