Why is my boyfriend so paranoid that I'm going to go off with another man?

[Anonymous]

He's got his heart set on it that I'm going to go off with some new man. I keep telling/reassuring him that I'm not and how much I love him and would never dream of going off with someone else, now I'm worried he's going to go and cheat on me because he's drilled it into his head that I will. He's a dj and sees a lot of stuff happen during the night also he's had previous ex gf's cheat on him. Every time I tell him I'm not like that and wouldn't do that to him he comes back with he trust's me but not other people. How can he trust me but have his heart set on me cheating on him?

[alexis2009]

Unfortunately, when a man accuses his girlfriend of cheating without cause, it usually means that he is cheating himself or that he is severely insecure.

I think what happens is that they begin to feel guilty and need to take some of the spotlight off of themselves and place it onto the girlfriend. That, and its easy to believe that someone is doing to you what you have already done to them. Its Karma.

I have been cheated on by exes and if I think back on it, I could probably pinpoint when it was happening by how paranoid they were about MY activities when they had no reason to believe I was cheating.

I hope I am wrong about you and your man, and he is just so smitten with you and insecure about himself that he doesn't know what to do... but only you can know that.

As far as what you should do... I think its important that you let him know that all his suspicions are making you question him and your relationship. I would tell him that you have no intention of cheating but make it clear that if he is, he needs to stop projecting it onto you. See how he reacts and be HONEST with YOURSELF about what you see. You will know. Trust. You will know, if he is lying or if he has something to hide. Women's intuition is real... just don't talk yourself out of what you know after you confront him and you can resolve this.

Good Luck!

[Asker]

Thanks a lot that makes a lot of sense more than the first, I think me and my man need a long talk see what's really going on with him.

[Anonymous]

What was his relationship like with his parents? Did he experience a separation when he was young? Is he used to having people leave him?

I doubt this is about you. I think it is about a deep-seated fear he has of abandonment. I knew someone once who was always expecting people to leave him because he had so much disruption in his school years, not from his parents, but from being at different schools and just never having a solid group of friends. He pretty much sets himself up for people not sticking it out with him. He expects it so he brings it on himself by remaining distant and holding back.

Also, the advice about cheaters thinking you will cheat does happen too. Not always what is going on, but it can happen.

[Jeanw]

He is trying to learn to trust you but it's difficult for him because of what he's surrounded by. It's going to take time. Maybe have small periods where you are around other attractive guys while he is there with you, but you keep your attention on him. Let him mee other men and women who are faithful to their partner. People can find it hard to believe something is possible unless they see it done by others.

[Marshall33]

Words are NOT enough. They are needed but NOT always. Hug him and tell him what you would do if you met the greatest , most handsome man in the world and how you would remind yourself that you were committed to him and would leave immediately and come immediately tell him about it rather than act on impulse with the stranger. Verbal role play the worst case scenario with him and redirect his focus on what to expect from you rather than what to trust in your words. Tell him you know he wa hurt before and that you realize he is into you and that means the world to you more than another's seductive attempts to get you into bed. Tell him what you would do and thus what you also expect he would do then in same way and then tell him you understand women are as much to blame or cheating as men are as they do so at same time together when it occurs but that in both your cases you have come to realize that being with the right one is better than having a one night stand thrill. Emphasize the beauty of maintaining attraction in a monogamous relationship and how that is more thrilling to you then the charms of a would be suitor - even if he were your celebrity crush. Trust me it will help even if it sounds ridiculous ! :)

[giovanniazael]

He has a lot of doubts. I may not mean that he is cheating, instead, it may just mean he holds the past on his back which can be a negative for a relationship. On the other hand, He might be afraid of you doing the same thing he might be doing. These are just possibilities. It's hard to pin point the problem when you don't know anything about someone. Unfortunately, whatever it is, it isn't healthy for a relationship and can even cause it to end.

[Anonymous]

Guys accuse/worry about their women cheating on them for different reasons. First and foremost, it's because they've cheated or are currently cheating and feel bad about it so they accuse you to take the heat off. Secondly, it's because they are really in love with you and don't feel they are good enough for you. I understand the part about not trusting others, but if you two are in a loving relationship and you show it, he needs to stop being a vagina about the situation.

[Asker]

That makes sense. I don't think he is cheating on me, iv asked him and he says he'd never do that he loves me far too much, your a guy and I'm just wondering now have you ever thought any of your gf's would cheat on you so instead you done the cheating?

[Opinion Owner]

I cheated on every girl I ever dated in my life. I met a girl freshman year of college, she was amazing and I fell in love. I cheated in the beginning and the pain I felt internally for it made me promise myself I'd never do it again. I never cheated because I "thought" someone was cheating. I don't take any sh*t and if a girlfriend ever did cheat.. I dumped them, and kicked the guys ass.

[spideypool]

he just sounds insecure-maybeits because def the sluts he dated b4 you- or maybe your a huge flirt. I don't know hey I see it all the time 2 girls "pretend" they love there bf's and always cheat on them. I don't trust girls at all

[xokiimiieox]

he's insecure from his past. just be forward with him about quit saying that BS and that it makes you feel untrustworthy. and how since he feels like your gonna cheat on him it makes you feel like he's gonna cheat on you. communication and trust is the key my friend ;]

[cjtheo]

hes just really insecure, you need to tell him its really unattractive.