He has stopped dating me because I'm not a virgin!! :-(?

[Anonymous]

As the title states, I am 41 and he is 42, gorgeous ( blue eyes, dark hair) I was surprised he was single! Met on a religious dating site. I was raised in the church as was he and we both will only date/marry into our faith, I have, however had sex with only 2 men in my life ( both boyfriends/relationships) the reason being that really, I was raised to not have sex before marriage, it is something I struggle with, feel guilty about doing it however hard not too. I have been celibate for 2 years now since my last relationship ended.

Basically we have been talking/messaging/following on social media and video calling for around 3 week now and last night during a video call we got onto the subject of our sexual pasts. I told him I had been sexual with my past 2 boyfriends and his face dropped, he looked down and said something along the lines of... oh, right, I really liked you as well, I'm quite shocked and dissapointed to hear that. He then told me he was a virgin and waiting for marriage and it's an absolute deal breaker his wife has waited and is also a virgin too. it didn't matter that I hadn't been with a man for 2 years the fact I have been with a man he won't take things further. We ended the call and I heard nothing from him the rest of the night or today, so I messaged him. He has basically said he doesn't want to waste his or my time going a any further as I'm not a virgin and he wants to marry a virgin, and wished me well. I'm HEARTBROKEN! We are in our 40's not 20's!! What do you make of his deal breaker? :-( :-(

[Anonymous]

Oh God , there are some other people out there who think same as me but why did you done so then? Premarital sex is forbidden as you know in our religion. I have been waiting , since I was born , for marriage for experiencing any kind of sexuality even holding hands for my wife. Anyway , I am really surprised reading this cuz u r 41 . And as you know , nowadays , the age for the first sexual to be experienced downed to even 12-13 as the same age of puberty in other words and teens have so many sexual partners , disgusting. It is unhealty firstly , and those kind of acts spreads sexual diseases such as HIV , AIDS or etc. In short , it is good for you to know that you have done sth wrong , anyway. 41 years old person who had just two person to have sexual intercourse even this is interesting and worth to be appreciated for the person in those ages , for God. by the way , it is really normal for a person even not to date someone who is not virgin cuz he or she keeps herself/himself for marriage and also , as natural , expects the same thing from the one who will have a relationship with him/her. To me , yes it is a deal breaker since I am completely virgin guy , but I would think the same again if I was born as a female and expect my future husband has to be virgin in all the way. But , if the one who admits that he is a sinner after doing that thing , and promises himself that he will not make the same mistake once more again , it would be fine cuz we r not the God so cannot judge the people more that he does ;) But those kind of things are real sensitive to be a dealbreaker who is a real beliver , do not get me wrong cuz he or she does this on purpose not accidentaly ;) Just confess your sins and ask for forgive from God from the middle of your heart. Remember , lust is one of the dealy sins in our religion. I hope you will find your true love someday , be positive and make your way through it. Wish you all the best.

Sincerely.

[ScoobyNECBir]

Well , people sin. People make mistakes it is part of being human. You now regret it , you can not change the clocks back. You are not a virgin. It is not the end of the world. It is perfectly natural thing to do , to have sex with the opposite sex.

I think if he can’t see past it then maybe you are better off without him.

[Whatever2929292]

Look if you have repented of it then God has forgiven you. You can't control other people but maybe get off the dating site and find someone in real life.

Not having sex does not mean they have not looked upon women with lust, watched porn, or even outright lied about their virginity.

[Staximus]

That idiot is not living in reality. You want to be in a relationship with someone that stupid? Tell him to wake the fuck up, it's too late for that fairy tale bullshit, the virgins are long gone, and he's 42 and not in high school anymore. Stop feeling bad about having sex before marriage. It's not fucking 1492 anymore.

[Levin]

Indeed, it might sound harsh, but it might be the dose of reality he needs.

[Rockstarrrrr]

Well you can't hate on him for sticking up to what his standards and preference... Plus he wants someone with a similar history he's not asking you to compromise while he doesn't... but I think he should rethink about it because it's super hard to find someone at the age with no history at all..

[Rockstarrrrr]

* to his

[Anonymous]

'We are in our 40's not 20's!!'

What difference does that make? If you have a serious boundary based on your faith and are expecting your wife to meet them, then that is all you would accept. Are you making light of his requirements due to the age? It makes absolute zero sense for him to relax those requirements.

With such requirements, men are willing to be alone for the rest of their life if they don't find a wife that meets them.

[Levin]

I mean, on the surface of it, the guy appears to be an idiot, who is going to end up being lonely.

Like you say, you're in your 40s, not in your early 20s. If he wants a virgin, he might end up having to date teenagers...

[Anonymous]

He clearly has wildly unrealistic expectations and requirements but that is also entirely his choice to make.

It doesn't matter what you or anyone else might think about it, it is his choice to make and he made it.

[one1wild00]

At 40's one should expect their partner not to be pristine no matter how much one would rather that. If he wanted a virgin he should have looked at the college gals. And not gotten you so far along into the relationship.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I don't like to judge people without meeting them, but those views do seem ludicrous to me!

[RHK36]

You met on a religious dating site, but aren't happy about his crazy standards? Shocking...

[Anonymous]

your husband was in your youth
not now

Proverbs 2:17

who has left the partner of her youth
and ignored the covenant she made before God.

[SuckItNow19]

U are 41, not 11
isn't it ok that u are not virgin?

[Anonymous]

If he is a virgin waiting for marriage it is only reasonable to expect the same from his partner.

[Berethor]

He wants a pure wife, I understand him.

[dustybiker]

Dodged a bullet there. He sounds odd to me.

[spartan55]

What country is this?