I can't lean on my man when I need him to be strong for me, instead he crumbles along side me. What do I do when he can't handle anything?

[Evolinz]

In sensitive moments and life's turmoil times or moments when you need your better half to be your voice my boyfriend is of no help. Instead I usually end up having to step up and also console him. I get so mad that I can't rely on him for support that I have no choice but to take action. For example my Cat of 22 years gets run over in front of me. I ran to her and grabbed her, sitting in a muddy puddle holding her as she cried in pain and me screaming in despair my boyfriend runs over and has his hand on his head frozen and crying. I'm crying stuck on the ground afraid to move her because she is undoubtedly broken and he's not doing anything. He doesn't reach to help me up with her he doesn't say get in the car.( to get her to a vet)... nothing! So I we gotta go we gotta get a vet right now... i can't get up still by this time my neighbor hears me screaming n runs over sees what's happened and holds both hands out to grab me off the ground then opens the truck door for me assists me inside. I tell my boyfriend let's go and finally he gets in to drive and is so distraught he is barely driving so I need to scream at him drive the F'in truck what are waiting for. Go gawd dammit! In the end I had to put her down but this I knew as she was 22years old but she didn't need to go that way... like in pain and he was prolonging her pain. He loved her like crazy and called her his daughter but he needed to step up for me and instead was worse off than me in every way! I really just needed him to take care of this whole situation for me. Is it wrong of me to feel that he should have?

[dynamicyandere]

You want him to be strong and calm in the midst of chaos. That takes time to develop. For anyone to achieve that kind of resilience, it takes character growth—it takes going through a lot of situations in life that are stressful and learning how to remain calm.


You can’t expect him to change himself for you and you can’t be mad at him for being who he is at this moment in time. Changing is something he needs to decide to do himself. But, even if this is a change he wants to make, you can’t expect him to change overnight.


You can communicate how you felt and how you’d like to be able to lean on him during times like that. Even though you can’t expect, perhaps you can request something like: “Next time something like that happens, can you try to be strong for me? Please? I know it’s a lot to ask but, it would mean the world to me if I could lean on your strength in times of crisis.”

[Guy13]

That's the problem with this "be like a woman" man garbage... It is not what women really want but what Media tells you is true.

[Emiliamazing]

It sounds like he might be conflicted between trying to feel bad in the moment with you and thereby not be a strong shoulder to cry on. Talk to him about your expectations and roles you want him to fulfill. It’ll only get easier moving forward

[LazerBean]

And that's why you date, to figure out if someone is compatible with you or not. Clearly that's a no for you. Dump.

[behnam1999]

Not enough information to make a judgement.

[In_Trance]

You need to ask yourself what you're even doing