I don't see emotions as useful in discussions?

[Tomsta]

I was just having a rather heated discussion with someone in a whatsapp group chat and she was saying my view points were quite rude and left her with her feelings hurt. Now i don't understand this

I was explaining my viewpoint in the way i believe is the best way, using logic, facts and free of emotion, she seems to take that as me attacking her viewpoint (Which i kind of was but that's how we grow)

My reaction to see when she said i was rude and hurt her feelings was "Well maybe you should control your emotions better then and not be ruled by them, learn to compartmentalise". However i knew that would just piss her off more so what i said was

"My response to that would be quite callous so i'm not going to say anything"

Now i don't understand why she was letting emotions dictate her messages, sure i might have be directly challenging her viewpoint (And maybe saying she was wrong) but she was also doing the same to be and although frustrated i didn't let that dictate what i say. I put it to one side

She was saying i don't listen, but actually i am. I'm just not allowing my emotions to dictate my words, otherwise nothing constructive actually comes out of the conversation

[Anonymous]

It's pretty obvious that the disagreement was over core values/fundamental beliefs. You challenging her caught her by surprise, shattering the fantasy she already created in her head. I'm willing to bet she assumed you'd be of the same mind based on your capability on other topics to this point. Otherwise, she would not have been so emotional in her response to your opposition. You may see it as discussion/stating one's case, despite differing points of view, but she's on a different page.

What it boils down to is if it's a deal breaker for either of you. You can have opposing opinions and still be together if you're willing to accept that you'll never see eye-to-eye on this, but also respect the other's opinion no matter how much you disagree.

By the way, saying you don't want to say something because you know it'll upset her is just as bad as saying it. The intent remains and the message is received. If you want to take the high road, tell her you respect her point of view even if you see things differently. It's not always about winning an argument.

[elly91]

We're all different. Not everyone can compartmentalize and push aside emotions. Some people are simply extremely sensitive and take things personally.

[CloudMassacre]

Humans have emotions, so I don’t discount them. I think just trying to cut all emotions out ignores a large chunk of human thought and behavior

[Tomsta]

When trying to have a constructive conversation though emotions get in the way of improvement