Why Are Self-Proclaimed Dominant Men Such A Disappointment?

[Anonymous]

Author's Opinion: 💭
"Honestly, every self-proclaimed 'dominant' male that I've befriended and gotten extremely close to (talking on the phone, video chatting, hanging out in person, etc), has been nothing more than a disappointment.

They claim to want to be "just friends" and as soon as they get close then they start trying to take advantage of my submissive side. My submissive side is buried deep just for that reason. It does nothing but make me weak and easier to control by alpha/dominant males. My desperate need to please everyone around me, makes me more susceptible to getting hurt.

In my experience, dominant males don't respect the boundaries of a friendship with a female and always try to become something more. They want to dominate the friendship and then try to control me and everything I do. Then when that backfires, the friendship inevitably dissolves.

Then guess who is left to pick up the pieces and stuck with trying to undo whatever "training" and "grooming" they felt was necessary to give me?

The answer is me.

So "IF" you're an alpha male with a hidden agenda or cruel intentions...

LEAVE ME THE F*CK ALONE... I'm not a toy" 🧸

[dynamicyandere]

I’m a dominant with a female friend who’s a submissive and we’ve had a wholesome platonic friendship over the last 7 years. We’ve kept in touch and have had lots of talks. We’re both taken and she’s happy for me and I’m happy for her.


The thing is that I view her as a friend first, and a submissive second. I’d still be friends with her whether or not she was a submissive. I don’t have an agenda with her because genuine friendships don’t have agendas.


You’ve probably run into a lot of bad men because so many men call themselves a dominant just to try attracting women—using it as an attractive label to draw girls in, using that label not as a genuine expression of identity, but as a seduction tactic. If seduction is their reason for wearing that label, then from the very start, any friendship they start is likely going to be disingenuous, because they want something out of you from the start.


Meanwhile, genuine friendships are altruistic and can be formed without requiring either person to be a dominant or submissive. Genuine friendships aren’t manipulative—they’re supportive.


It’s difficult already finding a M/F friendship without ulterior motives, let alone a D/s & M/F friendship.

[Asker]

Thank you sooooo much for taking the time to write this out and explain your answer.

This makes it a lot easier for me to understand the dynamic and potential motives in a d/s friendship.

So hopefully I can maintain my boundaries better going forward. I just think when a "friend" starts asking for pussy pics, I have to draw the line.

[dynamicyandere]

You’re very welcome. ☺️

Yes, other than a shared interest, lifestyle, and relationship philosophy, a friendship between two people in the D/s lifestyle shouldn’t be any different from a normal friendship.

Boundaries are respected, consent always matters, and you genuinely look out for each other’s best interests.

They shouldn’t be saying or doing anything with you that would be weird to say or do with one of their siblings.

[Asker]

And I think that's the red flag that I keep ignoring.

At some point, in all my friendships with dominant males, they eventually want to take ownership of me. They want to control me. Tell me how to dress, what questions I can ask on GAG, who I can spend time with etc.

Then eventually it turns sexual and/or romantic and then they want pictures of my p*ssy and other lingerie pics that's just for them.

Then I get uncomfortable and then try to find a way to get the friendship back to a platonic place, when I attempt this, they eventually come up with reasons why they're "too busy" to chat or engage me.

It's a really shitty feeling honestly. Like I just want friends.

Why is it so hard for my dominant guy friends to be "just my friends" without expecting something more?

I just give up. It's such a waste of time and energy.

[dynamicyandere]

I don’t blame you for feeling like that. If you had too many bad experiences repeated like that, it would be very easy to adopt a cynical standpoint and just want to give up.

It’s one thing to catch feelings for a friend, it’s another thing to force a friendship into a sexual direction when the attraction isn’t reciprocated.

They should have the social and emotional intelligence to sense and know whether or not you are attracted to them in a romantic way and back off if you aren’t interested.

Romance is mutual and it’s found—not forced.

[Asker]

Absolutely LOVE your opinion.

This really helped me and I just wanted to say thank you for your help and insight.

[dynamicyandere]

You’re very welcome. I’m glad you found my answers helpful. 😊

[Dargil]

Those of us who actually dominate do it by our conduct. I dominate her by changing her tire in a cold, driving rain storm at night. And I dominate her by giving her a session of dish rattling oral sex. Real dominant men do it and she doesn't even notice. You don't have to proclaim anything. You just do it.

[Asker]

I absolutely LOVE and ADORE your answer.

It makes so much sense. I think a true dominant male is exactly what you described.

A true alpha doesn't need to self proclaim it.

[Red-Blaze]

It may be only me but I think its some what a dispration, its pepole that got into it without really understanding the entire thing at all and doing what they think they shuld without really understanding it at all

I try all type of stuff and had all type of pepole to try it with (Mostly virtual) and a lot of them when it got down to it reeeeally did not understand what they said there where into, and it really hurts everytime to find out it was in the end a waste of time

I think there shuld be some way to test someone to see if they know what this type of realshinship is and what its not so they them self can better define them self and seekers be able to more easily find who they sick and not a miaguided image of it

[Red-Blaze]

Thanks for MHO

[aialex]

Self-proclaimed itself is a red flag. For example, self-proclaimed nice guy, self-proclaimed expert, self-proclaimed [insert whatever possible].

Just be prepared to get disappointed

[crossdressingrihno]

Those aren't dominant men those are just assholes. Don't know how you're getting a bunch of assholes but they ain't the only men out there. I'm not saying that's what you're saying I'm just saying don't give up on Hope though good on you for playing it safe.

[crossdressingrihno]

Think of trying to get good quality men being like catching fish with a net.
The size and shape of the holes in the net determine what type of fish get filtered through. If you change the whole shape and size you're going to catch a different type of fish. Naturally other types of fish are still going to get caught in it but they will be less likely to get caught in it. If you're not catching the right type of fish sometimes you just need to change the net. In this case not meaning your appearance but instead you're approach

[crossdressingrihno]

Saying certain things are going to attract certain types of people. If you cast the wrong net you might try to catch a catfish but instead catch a great white shark.

[Asker]

I completely understand what you're saying. And I am not trying to shame *all* dominant men.

But it really sucks when you think you have a best friend and they are constantly letting you down, taking advantage of you, and using you.

Then by the time I realize that I've been taken advantage of, the damage is already done. I think I'm just going to take a break trying to make friends.

It's been so difficult and whenever I let someone get close they always hurt and disappoint me. I'm not a toy and my feelings matter too.

[crossdressingrihno]

Yeah people sucl

[crossdressingrihno]

Suck

[krin_m]

In any relationship (Even in a D/s relationship) early consent is essential. So is the physical and emotional safety.
Men who do not understand it are not true Dominant men.
Being a Dominant means there is tremendous responsibility for the submissive's wellness. Comes with the territory. People who do not understand it are just plain abusive people.

[Asker]

Agree 1000%! 👏👏😂

[Asker]

That smilie face was supposed to be another hand clap lol. Finger slipped.

[krin_m]

No worries. I'll take all the beautiful smiles you can share! :-)

[dynamicyandere]

This. 💯

[Deepinthought345]

The problem with most "Dominant" men is they don't know what to control or when to control. There is an arc. One has to establish domination and know the difference between controlling, possessive and dominating. Most men don't know the difference between them.

[Asker]

Oh WOW! 😲 I actually didn't know that. In my past friendships, they never seem to respect my boundaries. Even after reinforcing them.

It's like my feelings don't matter and me being comfortable is a non factor.

So I'm just over it honestly. Making friends and maintaining friendships really shouldn't be this difficult.

[Deepinthought345]

True. Domination should be about pleasure. It's a thin line

[24jack]

Hi
Don't try to pick up whatever is left of the relationship. at least what I'm able to find out is that you are a self confident sexy woman. That will not change whatever your relationships are. I hope you reaoize you being submissive doesn't mean you should follow all of their commands

[Asker]

I understand.

But sometimes I struggle with resisting the urge to be completely submissive and following commands of those who I respect and trust.

I just enjoy making people happy and that's not necessarily a good thing.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Well let's be honest look at you if you was a guy wouldn't you want something more and all men that are dominant won't be a disappointment disappointment cause I'm pretty sure I'm not a disappointment but your guard is up so high you won't even allow a friendship to come about

[Asker]

I've definitely allowed for friendship and I've constantly reinforced boundaries and it does absolutely nothing.

It's just extremely disappointing. I just want friends. I don't understand why that's so hard.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Well I am you friend so we good right

[pastuser]

self proclaimed dominant men are just fake assholes
don't change yourself for anyman.

all you should care about secrect is making yourself happy

i never treated you as a toy i think of you as a online friend not all men are the same just most are

[Asker]

Thank you so much for the awesome feedback!

I appreciate your help.

[pastuser]

@Secret6620 your sweet as pie

great profile pic amazing legs

[Losalt]

Take good care of her.

[Losalt]

And thank you for being there for her.

[Asker]

@Losalt he's not my friend. But an online acquaintance. And he doesn't take care of me. I take care of myself.

[pastuser]

@Secret6620 goo moring?

[pastuser]

good moring i meant how did you sleep

[Losalt]

May I reply?
I wrote a rather long reply but I don't want to impose if you don't want me to, so I've cut it out and wrote this instead.
I'll paste it into the replies afterwards if you want.

[Asker]

Sure

[Losalt]

Apparently messages had to be between 4 and 2 000 characters...

[Losalt]

Unfortunately this one probably applies to me.
And I hate that I made you feel that way.
Just woke up after falling asleep exhausted.
Regarding the things you said in private.
I believe that you're being too hard on yourself.
But I appreciate that you expressed what you felt about me.
I couldn't really get back to you on here before since I couldn't pm since you're no longer following me.
And I didn't want to message you on any of your questions and ruin your fun in here till I got somewhere where I could give you the time that you deserve.
And unfortunately when I got back to the hotel I was exhausted after today's events in my life and fell asleep before I got around to doing what I was planning on doing (uploading all the pictures and videos from today to show you).

Anyway, for what it's worth I don't like burning bridges.
And if you ever change your mind about me or need a ear, or just want to give me a earful, I'll be here.
You know more than one way to get hold of me.

Alternatively if you ever decide that you feel this is worth working through I'm also here.

I know that you feel like I was bad for you.
And I'm sorry..

[Losalt]

But I'm writing this here, and with my nick not in private because I want to show you how much I do value our conversations.

And I'm sorry if I get things wrong sometimes.

For any subs on here.
Please give her some support.

She needs a reminder that being submissive isn't a weakness but a strength.
That she *is* hard working and beautiful no matter what her mind says.

Just please be kind to her.

As for the question.
I think it's partially because people are flawed and make mistakes.
Partially because communication can be damned hard.
And yeah, guys like to be in charge.
To be active, in control, have agency.
And sometimes we take up more space then we should.
And sometimes we *are* assholes.
I *try* not to be.
But sometimes it's easier said then done.
And you feeling this way obviously shows that I failed this time.

Ps. Feel free to delete this when you've seen it, if you wish to. Or leave it up if you want.

[Losalt]

That was what I was planning on writing as a reply earlier.

[Asker]

I'll pm you.

[Losalt]

But then I thought that you're probably here for support from people on here and the last thing you need is me taking up space in here, away from that support.

[naraku]

If you have to give yourself a proclamation then that should tell you enough about that person. Maybe they hope it's a selling point or maybe it's an attempt to cover up other points of weakness or failures, so they dominate in the bedroom? Fuck knows...

[Adronicus]

Dominant men show themselves through their actions & not their words. If they feel the need to talk about that all the time they're projecting their weakness in reality. Overcompensating.

[Asker]

Thank you for the insightful feedback!

I really appreciate your help

[driven159]

many people men and women are then Wanta bees they think because they say it then it must be they have no clue of the years of learning and training that goes into it and how most of it is mental physical is only 10% being Dominant in not a license to abuse it's a way of life 24/7 almost as deep and intense and pure anything different is not it

[RavVid]

Hmmh. I once had a girl throw herself into my arms saying "Protect Meeee!".

From whom I asked?

"From Youuuu!" she replied.

Clever girl. She hit my protect button and molest button at the same time as hard as she could. Which was delightfully hard I might add.

I'm a sucker for ultra femmes so I know were you are coming from.

[Waldoe]

Nothing makes me happier than making "her" smile... some call guys like me "simps" I couldn't care less... Her smile "Lights up" my entire life... when she is unhappy, I want to FIX it... I am a "guy"

[Asker]

I really like your answer

[lancecantee]

The modern "Alpha male" is just a self ascribed title for being "manly" but really just giving themselves entitlement issues and being assholes, or as I call them "alpha sigma sigmas".

[Asker]

Well said! And extremely well put.

Excellent feedback. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I really appreciate it.

[Likes2drive]

Have no idea, I’m not an alpha, I’m more like the friend type that gets taken advantage of, I can be dominant in bed but not extreme. Some guys just like to see how far they can go I guess

[Asker]

I'm also that kind of friend that ALWAYS gets taken advantage of.

It sucks.

[SharonH4272]

Because they simply believe they are all that and a bag of chips, I have to say it goes for some women too! LOL

[SharonH4272]

thanks

[Asker]

That's literally soooo true! The narcissism is the worst part. Both for male and females.

[Neilbud]

I think you know this already, but everything about these guys as you describe them is a red flag that screams run.

[Asker]

Yes. I tend to ignore red flags and try to give others the benefit of the doubt.

But that hasn't really been working out for me. So I will definitely need to change things up and be more aware going forward.

Thank you for the reassurance! I appreciate it.

[madetostroke]

hun?

you girls like to be fucked and used like whores
thats what you girls want

look if you women wanted something else
you would look for it

[Asker]

That's not true but okay rudeness.

[Losalt]

Even *if* there's a element of truth to that there's a time and a place.
Can't you see that she's hurting?

[Xrynx]

Its a fake sense of a enflated ego to bring themselves attention, though in reality they are not actually like that.

[Blaine999]

Sadly this describes the majority of guys today; self-diagnosing themselves as macho and dominant. They're anything but and honestly it's pretty pathetic.

[hafinjun]

I hear youin my life I've been owned by 3women, I have yet to find a dominant male that relates to me. Seems like it's always got to go a bridge to far