Am I the asshole for cutting ties with my boyfriends family and wanting absolutely nothing to do with them?

[Anonymous]

I have been dating my boyfriend for close to 2.5 years and things with his family have always been rocky. My boyfriend’s relationship with his parents and siblings have always been rocky or so I’m told.

They expect him to always be a doormat, they speak to him however they please, and have consistently walked all over him. They have come to realize that I am quick to stand up for myself and don’t tolerate any kind of disrespect from them. Their favorite word used to describe me is “rude.”

They have gone as far as telling my boyfriend that “it’s only family” for certain events but allowing his other siblings to have their significant others present, only speaking to me through my boyfriend, not fully acknowledging me when in person and more so blowing me off. I have cried many nights knowing that I have stuck by all of them through all the heartbreaking and crappy moments in life to only get left out of all the happy and exciting moments, and worse, them not “allowing” (for lack of a better word) me to be apart of the family.

It has gotten to the point where they have fully embraced a new significant other who found out they were expecting a baby a week after meeting the parents. Since then she has become apart of the family, which is wonderful for her and her experience in the family, but also crappy for me since they have not been so welcoming to me in the last 2.5 years. If I’m being honest that was my tipping point for wanting them out of my life. They don’t want me apart of their family so I have just fully given up the fight to be apart of it. It wasn’t until that moment that I saw things for what they were. If I’m being honest I have no desire to ever want to attempt to build any relationship with them. Sooooo am I the asshole?

[20yearsolder]

You are not the asshole, I'm trying to figure out why you want to date a pussy that won't stand up to his family for treating his girlfriend like shit and for treating him like shit. I would suggest you go find a real man

[Asker]

He does stand up to them, the backlash is just absolutely brutal. He’s big on family and has created his own family out of friends but he’s hopeful that his family will evolve and they can have a better relationship. I admire that him, but it’s also a little hard.

[20yearsolder]

If his family hasn't evolved by now it's never going to happen, he needs to stop putting up with their bullshit. Hang out with his friends that he has turned into family and fuck the other fools

[slatyb]

Sounds reasonable to me. I'm guessing they don't like you because they feel inferior in some way and this is how they cope How does your boyfriend feel about you refusing to see them?

[Asker]

He is very supportive about it and is not bothered by it. I know that the way they treat me bothers him a lot, so much so he moved out of the house and has seen them maybe a handful of times within the last year of it.

[slatyb]

That sounds totally reasonable to me.

[LazerBean]

No you're not, but honestly I wouldn't even be with someone who has a family like that and doesn't do anything about it.

[Asker]

He speak up and stand up to me, but his family is not use to him doing that. So when he does they all make it a point to verbally gang up on him. I mean he’s moved out of the house because of it and barely sees them. When he does see them it’s for a very short period of time.

[Asker]

Sorry lots of errors in that, he speaks up and stands up to them**

[Guy13]

You may feel justified but that’s who birthed and raised him. It’s a difficult relationship when spouse and family does not get along 🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️

[Asker]

Yes, but it’s also difficult when he is the escape goat for them and he’ll say that himself. He’s starting to realize that his family is toxic by the way they have treated me and it has opened his eyes to the way they treat him. So the setting of the boundaries have begun, but that’s difficult for him when he was raised to believe he’s not allowed to have boundaries with them and only the outside world.

[Guy13]

I suppose it is fair to say you are a brave. Hopefully, he can pull away too. It is a little immature on his part... at same time admirable but sad. I think he'll grow to appreciate you.. if he's got any sense at all Best with it :)