Boyfriend keeps having dreams of me cheating on him, what can I do to reassure him?

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone!

So my boyfriend keeps having dreams of me cheating on him, he wouldn’t get mad at me but he’ll be in a bad mood all day bc of the dreams. I’ve been loyal to him, and I never did anything that I feel like would make him question my loyalty… plus we live together. I think it might just be his fear or paranoia but do you guys have tips on what else I can do to help reassure him?

I would usually just reassure him that it’s all just a dream and that I love him, I would never act like that irl but he still keeps on having these dreams. He told me that all his past exes cheated on him so that might explain his paranoia but I want to reassure him that I won’t intentionally hurt him - what can I do to prove that?

[VistasV2]

Right so I’ve had these dreams before, what it stems from in my own personal experience is some form of an insecurity in inadequacy, this isn’t limited to past experiences either.

Understand we men are usually looked down upon in many aspects of life. From Finances, to tool member size, to looks, to health and more. There was either something said or he heard something or an action that is causing or did cause this. We generally are constantly competing for the love of our woman or other women. What I mean by this is:

In the Modern Age, women of the west, are more likely to leave for any reason which causes a lot of men to opt out or over compete for affection. A lot of us who generally want a deep loving relationship find ourself worried about keeping that woman. I’m a big guy 6’3 extremely athletic, and confident in my looks/body, albeit humble (joke is in there), yet I still find myself worried about any potential partner I have because of past experiences.

So my advice to you, is talk to him about it, he loves you or else he wouldn’t be worried about losing you. Reassurance is great but sometimes it’s fleeting because of past experiences, so that com is key. I hope I helped, I can elaborate more if needed.

[Asker]

Wow thanks so much for this, it’s nice to be able to see it from his perspective (kinda lol). I think I understand where you’re coming from, my boyfriend is also super athletic, he runs his own business and is just a very amazing guy overall but he’s always been scared about not being able to make me happy. I guess he doesn’t feel like he’s “enough”. I know I’ve been loyal to him and only him, I never entertained any other guys but I think that’s still not enough “evidence” for him.

What kind of things do you usually want to hear when you’re feeling this way?

[VistasV2]

Personally it differs, think about it like this and it can even be better to do something intimate (not sexual) but show your vulnerability to him, this can also be in word too.

However, without sounding selfish or awful, it puts me in a more secure state of mind when I’m told of my value to her. For example say I have this dream and I tell ger (this is a mans vulnerability by the way), it would be intimate and reassuring to know that she wouldn’t want to lose me in any way and points out why I have value to her.

That way you are both showing that vulnerability as well as sharing an intimate moment. For me personally I’d hold her tight and tell her after how much I truly love her, make a little playful joke to lighten the mood and hope I get to hear her laugh and sit there for a minute in that embrace.

[Asker]

That’s very great advice, especially the one about showing vulnerability! I do have problems expressing my emotions sometimes, so I guess some words of affirmation would do wonders for him. I’ll try to be more vocal with him about my appreciation and my love for him (I feel awkward about it sometimes lol). Thank you so much for the amazing advice, you’re awesome!

[VistasV2]

I’m glad I can help, I hope it brings you 2 closer together!

[Asker]

Thank you, you’ve been very helpful. Best of luck with everything!

[DirkCoenen]

He is insecure and he needs to deal with that. You can reassure him but he is going to need to get rid of that past trauma because he'll never feel secure otherwise.
Whenever he is down, be there with him and for him. Put up with him when he is in a paranoid moment. Show him what true love looks like, and maybe he can have someone to talk to about his past relationships (not with you but with a pastor or therapist or something).

[Asker]

That makes perfect sense, I think he was indeed traumatized and the effects still linger. I’m trying my best to always be there for him but he’s very closed off so it’s difficult sometimes.

[DirkCoenen]

It's always difficult for people like you who are loyal and honest to date someone who has never experienced that properly. Men can get rather cynical about women after they have had their heart broken one too many times. But he did try again with you, despite his fears. He needs to find someone to talk to but I think that you could also let him know you're proud of him for choosing to date you despite his fears. (Only if you are genuinely proud that is.) It may encourage him a little bit.

[Asker]

That’s an awesome way to be reassuring, I think he would appreciate me telling him that. Thank you! I do feel proud that he loved me enough to try to open his heart to me, I will be patient and wait for him to feel comfortable to fully let me in. In the meantime I will just show him that I’m loyal and I mean no harm. I have also been cheated on in the past and I will never let him feel that pain again.

[DirkCoenen]

I have a great deal of respect for you and your boyfriend. I wish the two of you the best! And you are very welcome of course!

[Asker]

Thank you, I wish you all the best - you’re awesome!!

[Th3ft]

Just keep loving him. Maybe forfeit on some hangouts out and about so you can just be with him. I dont know…

[Asker]

The thing is since we live together we’ve been spending almost every single day together lol I will try to be more transparent with him in general tho

[Th3ft]

I mean I really wouldn’t worry too much at that point then! You could stress yourself out over his insecurities and make an issues by simply being over stressed. It is something he will need to come to learn and practice knowing. Really all you can do is show him. But if you are already spending all of your time together then there is t much more to be done.

[Asker]

That’s very true! I’ve been stressing out trying to prove him wrong (that I’m loyal and have always been loyal) over something that I never did bc it’s all in his dreams. I will continue showing him that I won’t entertain anyone else other than him so that he can feel more secure with me.

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond with some great advice, very much appreciated!!

[Th3ft]

You are very welcome! I hope you can show him how much you care!! He seems like a lucky guy!

[Asker]

I’m pretty lucky myself. It just gets tough sometimes when he shuts down, I feel like I have to handle him with kid gloves sometimes bc he gets triggered easily 😆 but thank you so much for dropping by and sharing your wisdom - you’re the best!!

[Th3ft]

Thank you! And yeah I’m glad that you mostly think of yourself as lucky!!

[exitseven]

He is insecure. It is his problem and he needs to deal with it before he screws the whole thing up/

[Asker]

I think it’s definitely his insecurities that are subconsciously messing with his head and it’s manifesting in the form of dreams/nightmares. At least now I know what’s going on and it’s mostly all just an issue in his head caused by past traumas.

[MountAverage]

You don't need to reassure him, you didn't do anything wrong.

[Asker]

I agree, but I do still apologize on behalf of the dream version of me lol. I guess I just don’t know how to react when he tells me about his nightmares…

[MountAverage]

I assume your apologies are meant as a joke though. If he seriously worries about you because of HIS dreams, he has issues.

[Asker]

Yeah we would usually laugh it off but then he’ll be in a mood for the rest of the day lol

[MountAverage]

He needs to work on that.

[Asker]

True he does but I will also be there by his side to help him, thank you for your input. Much appreciated!

[MountAverage]

Yes of course, partners need to support each other.

[Asker]

Couldn’t agree more, you say it best. Thanks and I wish you have an awesome week ahead!!

[MountAverage]

Same to you!

[Guy13]

Have relations in middle of night ⁉️

[Asker]

Good idea! That way he’ll only dream of pleasures lol

[Guy13]

And after twice.. cut him off for three days so his hardon wakes him up and knows you’re there. And don’t forget to put your period panties own when you know he’s hotly…3 night without 🙃