Will she ever get over the abuse?

[Anonymous]

I was very abusive towards my ex, It never got physical, but I was very possessive, violent and scary towards her. I completely regret my behaviour and after she broke up with me I realized what an asshole I’d been and now I’m completely changed. I was determined not to lose her so for a whole year I called her and sent her texts until she finally begun talking to me again and eventually we started hanging out. I know she still has feelings for me but she’s been acting very mean and can’t seem to get over the abuse. I’ve been proving my changed behaviour to her for more than a year now and she even seems angry about that as well, she’s acting very immature. I love her very much and can’t live without her but I don’t how much pettiness and resentment I can take. I feel like she wants me to be abusive again so she can feel validated on her preconceived idea that I couldn’t possibly have changed and gotten better. I just wish she’d trust me again. I offered to go to therapy together and she doesn’t want to. What should I do? I’m desperate.

[PrettyPriya]

I think your suggestion of therapy together is excellent. I also applaud you for at least recognizing your toxic behaviour and doing something about it. Of course, she was right to break up with you after being abused, whether physical or not.

I think all you can do at this point is to work on yourself, improve and continue to show her you can and have changed your ways. That is the most important thing. That is, of course, if she allows you to show this over time.

Maybe after a while she will start to believe and trust again and then feel like it would be worth discussing with a therapist. I think that is why she doesn’t want to. She needs to know for sure before “wastes” time going to counseling. Now, how long is that? No clue. That could be different for anyone.

Just be thankful she is even giving you the opportunity. I wouldn’t be so lenient, but that is just me. I wouldn’t put up with any sort of abuse so just be glad she is giving you the opportunity and take that as a blessing.

[Vesuvius87]

Why would she need to go to therapy with you? You need to leave her alone and let her find happiness; that's how you'll show her love.

Begging for another chance, hoping for her to take you back and only going to therapy if she agrees to go with you is another manipulation attempt abusers do. Go to therapy with nothing in return, if that means losing her for good.

[Vesuvius87]

Like someone else mentioned as long as you're still part of her life and still in contact with her, nope she'll never get over the abuse. That may even limit her to grow self-esteem and confidence. Work on yourself first. Get yourself help.

[Guy13]

She will not trust you again until you place both of you in a formal counseling environment and work through these things. Then, she will know you have changed and assign her great Value !!!

[Avicenna]

She will never recover as long as you, the abuser, are part of her life. If you want to help her, you can do it by leaving her alone. And don't act that way with another woman.

[Shamalien]

You’ve said your piece, now in my opinion time to back away and see if she meets you in the middle